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Stuck in Love Triangle: Should I Marry My Long-Term Boyfriend or Follow My Parents' Wishes?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |593 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, i am in a relationship with a guy since last 14 years but due to some ups-downs in his life he denied to marry me two years ago so i remain single in that period and searching for suitable guy in a arrange marriage setup. Now, in this year he came back and said he want to marry me, since i did not able to find any match till then so i said yes, i tried to convince my parents for him but they did not got convinced and started forcing me for arrange marriage for the sake of community and their pride, i dont know what should i do, because whatever they are bringing are good matches and i would have consider or marry them if i am not committed to him.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have really decided that you will only marry him, then you should continue trying to convince your parents. Both of you are consenting adults and I am sure you both love each other since you have been together for so many years. Highlight these and any other positive points in your partner to your parents; let them know he is a nice person and he has been committed to you for so long.

I am not sure whether you two broke up for a while or just weren't sure about marriage, but either way, it looks like there was a break in the relationship. So this time around, if you want to rethink the relationship, there is no harm. And if you are not sure what you want, you should take some time to think about it. Don't rush.

Moreover, consider your parent's point of view. Why are they not convinced? Are they seeing something in your partner that you are overlooking because of love? You can ask them for the reason directly and evaluate how reasonable they are.
Hope these suggestions help

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello mam, glad to find you here. Mam, I'm a female, 27 yrs, I have been in a relationship with my partner since 9yrs, but he is from different caste. We both were immature when we started our relationship but our relationship grew stronger as time passed.We have gone through ups and downs of our relationship and are still intact. When I was into 3yrs of our relationship he was doing some odd job, at that time I told my mom about us and she said 'NO' because of caste issue irrespective of his job. Another reason is that my father is an impulsive person who thinks to harm himself whenever something happens, so mom said my father might harm himself if I go forward. At the same time there were some issues in boys family and my brother met them and he said no to it.But I couldn't get away from him, so I stayed. Later I talked to my partner about his family environment and I said that I couldn't stay with them because of the negative impact. He talked to his family and confirmed that after marriage we will lead our life under different roof but maintain the sufficient relationship with his family. We both are now settled in jobs but he earns a bit less than me but we earn a handsome salary combining our both salaries. Now, it's time for my marriage and I want to marry him and he have changed alot for me without leaving his family and he understands me very well. I feel safe with him. Now the problem is my parents wants to get me married and I also want to get married to the whom I loved but my mom and brother are not yet all giving me the chance to convince them. They are trying to convince me for marriage with others but I couldn't do that, that will kill me all my life. They are saying that if I go for intercaste then they have to suffer all their life and my father might do something to himself if he finds out. I love my family dearly and that's why I have been waiting all these years for their approval. I do not want anyone to lose their life because of me. My partner have left the decision to me because of my situation at home and he is supportive of me. My transfer is nearing where I have two options, one is to opt for my home town(not Village), where I can bring my parents to town with me to stay( now my posting is in another city). Second is to opt for different city( where I have to stay with my brother who doesn't approve of my love and blames me for his career). In order for me to convince them for my marriage should stay with my family or away from them and how can I convince them? Sorry' for the long story and I hope I hear from you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Be clear about what you want and in this process/journey, there will be a lot of highs and lows...
Also, you may not be able to have the cake and eat it too which is why you are struggling at making a decision. You want to marry the man of your dreams that your parents and brother disapprove of BUT you don't want to disappoint them by going against them...You can't have one foot in two different paths...it will tear you apart; literally...
So, decide what you want, the pros and cons of going against the family...of course there are situations where over time, parents have accepted the boy/girl but there's a lot of patient waiting.
If you are in haste, they are not going to relent and you will be left feeling disappointed...
Decide and then do whatever it takes to make that decision right...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |160 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Aug 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 18, 2024Hindi
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I have been in a relationship with a guy since 10th grade its been 11 years now so we decided to tell our parents his family had no issues and he is currently in canada as a music student he has even started his own event management company but its still just beginning. My parents reacted in a healthy manner but the moment they came to know about inter caste and his financial status( not upto the mark) they had straight forwardly said no with alotbof drama and foul words even. Its been 9 months now im still waiting for them to agree but they are insisting me to move on and go for arrange marriage. I on the other hand belong to business family and has never done any job. But all this while i have cane to know i cant live without my parents or my bf and definitely not get marriaed to someone else. Please help me out what to do!
Ans: First, acknowledge that this situation requires careful navigation. Your relationship has stood the test of time, and clearly, you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, especially given that you've been together for 11 years. His dedication to pursuing his dreams in Canada and building his career in music and event management is admirable, even if his financial situation isn't yet stable. What you need to assess is whether you're willing to stand by him as he grows and whether you share the same vision for the future.

On the other hand, your parents’ concerns seem to stem from their desire for you to have a secure future, especially given your family's business background. They are likely looking for someone who fits into their worldview of stability, and this has led to their reaction when they learned about the inter-caste relationship and your boyfriend’s current financial situation. Their opposition is likely based on their love for you, but the drama and foul words, while hurtful, might reflect their frustration at feeling like they're losing control over your future.

You’ve expressed that you don’t want to lose either your parents or your boyfriend, and that’s where the conflict lies. In this case, the solution isn’t simple, but it can start with communication. It might be helpful to have an open, calm conversation with your parents—not to argue or change their minds immediately, but to help them understand your feelings. Let them know how much you value their opinion, but also explain why you love your boyfriend and why you believe in his potential. Sometimes parents need time to understand that relationships aren't only about caste or financial standing, but also about trust, love, and shared dreams.

At the same time, you might need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your future together, especially given that he's still in the early stages of his career. Be honest about the pressure you're feeling from your family and make sure you're both on the same page about your long-term goals, including how you might handle financial challenges.

It's also important to remember that this decision is yours to make. You are in a unique position, being part of a business family, which means that you've likely been sheltered from certain financial realities. If you do choose to marry your boyfriend, the lifestyle may not immediately match what you’re used to. But if you're confident in his ambition and in the strength of your relationship, then that’s something worth considering as part of your future.

Lastly, while it’s painful to feel like you have to choose between two important parts of your life, it’s possible to work towards a solution that doesn’t leave you with regrets. Give your parents time to see your perspective, but also recognize that their acceptance might take longer than you’d like. In the meantime, staying true to what you value most in life—whether that’s love, security, or family harmony—will guide your decision-making process.

You might also benefit from seeking guidance from a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, who can help you navigate these conversations with both your parents and your boyfriend. This way, you can approach the situation with emotional clarity and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8600 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2025
Money
Hello Sir I am 46 years age working in central govt my current salary is 88k in hand with nps corpus of 30 lacs .i have wasted about 15 years of job period in which my only investment was lic of amount 8 lacs which will mature on 2027. I have married lately in my 40s and now i have 3 years old son.i have tried to become disciplined now and in these 2020 to till date purchased gold ornaments of Rs 25 lacs. Sir i have a question whether i should go for UPS or stay in NPS and i have no other investments. I live in my ancestral house with my family. Please suggest.
Ans: You’ve shown real commitment by becoming disciplined in recent years.
Let’s now create a 360-degree plan to secure your financial future.

Your Current Financial Profile
Age: 46 years

Employment: Central Government

Monthly in-hand salary: Rs. 88,000

NPS corpus: Rs. 30 lakhs

LIC investment: Rs. 8 lakhs (matures in 2027)

Gold bought from 2020 till now: Rs. 25 lakhs

Owns ancestral home; no housing rent or EMI burden

Married late; has 3-year-old son

No other investments currently

You have built a strong NPS corpus.
You also have gold and an LIC policy.
But your asset allocation is unbalanced.
It needs more diversification for stability and growth.

Understanding NPS and the New UPS Option
Government employees now have the choice to move from NPS to UPS.
This switch is optional and available for a limited time.

Let’s compare them carefully before any decision.

NPS – National Pension System
Pension is based on market performance

No assured income in retirement

Allows investment choice in equity and debt

Gives tax benefits under multiple sections

Offers flexibility but comes with market risk

NPS is good for growth but lacks guaranteed pension.
Returns depend on fund performance.
Pension amount at retirement is not fixed.
You will need to buy annuity at the end.
But annuity returns are generally low.
Also, annuity income is taxable.

UPS – Unified Pension Scheme (New Option)
Offers guaranteed pension after retirement

Pension amount is fixed at 50% of average last salary

Needs at least 25 years of service

Government will contribute more than under NPS

Gives peace of mind with predictable income

UPS gives financial stability in retirement.
It is not linked to market returns.
But you lose the flexibility and market growth of NPS.
You also don’t have control over your retirement corpus.
It may fall short of inflation-adjusted needs.

Which is Better for You?
You are 46 now.
So, you may have already completed more than 20 years of service.
If your qualifying service is 25 years, you can choose UPS.

Choose UPS if:

You want assured income in retirement

You are uncomfortable with market risks

You don’t want to manage investments post-retirement

Stay with NPS if:

You want growth potential with flexibility

You are okay with variable pension income

You are willing to plan annuity and withdrawals

Since you are already in NPS with Rs. 30 lakh corpus,
you should weigh the impact of switching carefully.
You can’t reverse it once opted.
Compare estimated pension under UPS
with possible pension from NPS corpus.

About the LIC Policy
You mentioned LIC worth Rs. 8 lakhs maturing in 2027.
You didn’t specify if it is term or endowment.

If it is an endowment plan, returns will be very low.

Consider surrendering the policy post-maturity.
Reinvest the maturity amount into mutual funds
through a Certified Financial Planner and MFD.

Avoid mixing insurance and investment.

Over-Exposure to Gold: A Concern
You’ve accumulated Rs. 25 lakhs worth of gold.

That’s a very high allocation to a single asset.

Gold does not give regular income.
It doesn’t beat inflation in the long term.
Also, jewellery has making charges and low resale value.
Liquidity is also limited compared to financial assets.

You may retain some portion as family reserve.
But avoid fresh investment in gold.
Avoid considering gold as your core long-term asset.

Create an Emergency Fund
You have a dependent child and only one income.
Maintain an emergency fund of 6 months’ expenses.

Keep it in a liquid fund or savings account.
This will help during medical or job emergencies.

Plan for Child’s Education
Your son is only 3 years old.
You have 15 years before his higher education.

Start a SIP now for his future.
Use a diversified mutual fund with long-term potential.

As he grows, reduce equity exposure gradually.

Create a dedicated portfolio only for education.
Don’t mix it with other goals.

Start SIP in Mutual Funds for Growth
Mutual funds offer good diversification and professional management.
Avoid direct funds, especially if you lack expertise.

Regular funds with support of CFP and MFD
offer hand-holding, periodic review, and behavioural support.

Direct funds lack personal guidance.
You may end up choosing unsuitable schemes.

Investing through an MFD with CFP credential
brings strategy, discipline, and peace of mind.

Avoid index funds.
They just follow the market blindly.
They don’t protect during market fall.

Actively managed mutual funds are better.
They aim for alpha returns and are guided by research.

Retirement Planning Must Start Now
You have only around 14 years left before retirement.

Depending only on UPS/NPS will not be enough.

You need an additional retirement corpus
to handle inflation and rising medical costs.

Start a separate SIP only for retirement.

This will help supplement your pension.

If you retire at 60 and live till 85,
your retirement will last 25 years.

Plan well in advance to avoid dependence later.

Do a Monthly Budgeting Exercise
Your current in-hand salary is Rs. 88,000.
You can still start small SIPs with Rs. 5,000 to Rs. 10,000.

Track expenses.
Avoid unnecessary purchases.
Gold buying can be stopped.

Assign money towards education, retirement, and emergency fund.

Check for Existing Insurance
Check if you have life cover.
If not, take a pure term insurance plan.

This will secure your son’s future.
Also take family health insurance.

Medical bills can wipe out savings.

Do Not Depend on Physical Assets Only
Gold is not income-producing.
House is for living, not for income.

You need financial assets for retirement cash flows.

Create a financial asset base now
through mutual funds and NPS.

Final Insights
You have taken a step in the right direction.
Your gold assets and NPS corpus give a base.

But you need to balance and grow wisely.
Don’t depend only on government pension.
Start SIPs for retirement and child’s future.

Don’t lock money in low-return products.
Seek professional support for fund selection and goal tracking.

Make every rupee count from now on.
That’s how you can create financial freedom in retirement.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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