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Stuck in Love Triangle: Should I Marry My Long-Term Boyfriend or Follow My Parents' Wishes?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |578 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, i am in a relationship with a guy since last 14 years but due to some ups-downs in his life he denied to marry me two years ago so i remain single in that period and searching for suitable guy in a arrange marriage setup. Now, in this year he came back and said he want to marry me, since i did not able to find any match till then so i said yes, i tried to convince my parents for him but they did not got convinced and started forcing me for arrange marriage for the sake of community and their pride, i dont know what should i do, because whatever they are bringing are good matches and i would have consider or marry them if i am not committed to him.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have really decided that you will only marry him, then you should continue trying to convince your parents. Both of you are consenting adults and I am sure you both love each other since you have been together for so many years. Highlight these and any other positive points in your partner to your parents; let them know he is a nice person and he has been committed to you for so long.

I am not sure whether you two broke up for a while or just weren't sure about marriage, but either way, it looks like there was a break in the relationship. So this time around, if you want to rethink the relationship, there is no harm. And if you are not sure what you want, you should take some time to think about it. Don't rush.

Moreover, consider your parent's point of view. Why are they not convinced? Are they seeing something in your partner that you are overlooking because of love? You can ask them for the reason directly and evaluate how reasonable they are.
Hope these suggestions help

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
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I have been in a relationship with a guy since 10th grade its been 11 years now so we decided to tell our parents his family had no issues and he is currently in canada as a music student he has even started his own event management company but its still just beginning. My parents reacted in a healthy manner but the moment they came to know about inter caste and his financial status( not upto the mark) they had straight forwardly said no with alotbof drama and foul words even. Its been 9 months now im still waiting for them to agree but they are insisting me to move on and go for arrange marriage. I on the other hand belong to business family and has never done any job. But all this while i have cane to know i cant live without my parents or my bf and definitely not get marriaed to someone else. Please help me out what to do!
Ans: First, acknowledge that this situation requires careful navigation. Your relationship has stood the test of time, and clearly, you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, especially given that you've been together for 11 years. His dedication to pursuing his dreams in Canada and building his career in music and event management is admirable, even if his financial situation isn't yet stable. What you need to assess is whether you're willing to stand by him as he grows and whether you share the same vision for the future.

On the other hand, your parents’ concerns seem to stem from their desire for you to have a secure future, especially given your family's business background. They are likely looking for someone who fits into their worldview of stability, and this has led to their reaction when they learned about the inter-caste relationship and your boyfriend’s current financial situation. Their opposition is likely based on their love for you, but the drama and foul words, while hurtful, might reflect their frustration at feeling like they're losing control over your future.

You’ve expressed that you don’t want to lose either your parents or your boyfriend, and that’s where the conflict lies. In this case, the solution isn’t simple, but it can start with communication. It might be helpful to have an open, calm conversation with your parents—not to argue or change their minds immediately, but to help them understand your feelings. Let them know how much you value their opinion, but also explain why you love your boyfriend and why you believe in his potential. Sometimes parents need time to understand that relationships aren't only about caste or financial standing, but also about trust, love, and shared dreams.

At the same time, you might need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your future together, especially given that he's still in the early stages of his career. Be honest about the pressure you're feeling from your family and make sure you're both on the same page about your long-term goals, including how you might handle financial challenges.

It's also important to remember that this decision is yours to make. You are in a unique position, being part of a business family, which means that you've likely been sheltered from certain financial realities. If you do choose to marry your boyfriend, the lifestyle may not immediately match what you’re used to. But if you're confident in his ambition and in the strength of your relationship, then that’s something worth considering as part of your future.

Lastly, while it’s painful to feel like you have to choose between two important parts of your life, it’s possible to work towards a solution that doesn’t leave you with regrets. Give your parents time to see your perspective, but also recognize that their acceptance might take longer than you’d like. In the meantime, staying true to what you value most in life—whether that’s love, security, or family harmony—will guide your decision-making process.

You might also benefit from seeking guidance from a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, who can help you navigate these conversations with both your parents and your boyfriend. This way, you can approach the situation with emotional clarity and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8271 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2025

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Money
Hello sir. I have invested Rs.1.00 lac in SBI Magnum Children's Benefit Fund- Investment Plan- Direct Plan - Growth. Actually I was planning to invest this amount in gold. However, after an intense inquiry and research from the Internet I decided to invest in SbI plan. Please let me know whether I did the best thing not opting for gold investment and investing in SBI Plan.
Ans: First of all, congratulations on taking the time to research and make an informed investment decision. That’s always the first step toward wealth creation. You’ve taken a thoughtful approach, and that is something to truly appreciate.

Let’s now evaluate your decision with a 360-degree view.

Why Choosing Mutual Funds Over Gold Can Be a Wise Decision

Gold is often used for preserving wealth, not creating it.

Over the long term, gold gives moderate returns.

Gold does not produce income or dividends.

It only grows based on price appreciation.

Mutual funds, especially equity-based ones, are better wealth creators.

They compound your money with professional fund management.

Equity funds outperform gold over long durations like 10–15 years.

Mutual funds are more aligned with long-term goals like child’s education or marriage.

Equity funds, though volatile in the short term, deliver better inflation-beating returns.

So yes, not choosing gold and opting for a fund is a better long-term move.

About SBI Magnum Children’s Benefit Fund – Investment Plan

This fund is not a typical diversified equity fund.

It is a hybrid fund meant for child-centric goals.

It has exposure to equity and debt.

Its goal is to provide long-term capital appreciation with some safety.

It’s structured with a lock-in for a few years.

This prevents premature withdrawal and keeps investments stable.

Suitable if your time horizon is long (8 to 10 years or more).

Also ideal if this money is for your child’s future education or marriage.

What This Fund Does Well

Offers equity upside with controlled risk.

Invests in equity (for growth) and debt (for safety).

Encourages long-term goal-based investing.

Limits withdrawal temptation with lock-in.

What You Should Be Aware Of

It may not perform as strongly as aggressive equity funds.

Returns may be moderate compared to pure equity funds.

Fund performance can vary depending on fund manager's strategy.

Lock-in means you can’t redeem early if needed.

Did You Make the Right Choice?

Yes, considering:

You had Rs 1 lakh and considered gold.

You switched to a goal-based mutual fund for children.

You moved from wealth preservation to wealth creation.

That’s a good decision for long-term financial planning.

You are now in a product with better potential and strategy.

Few Suggestions Going Forward

Don’t stop at just one-time investment.

Plan a monthly SIP if the goal is 5 years or more away.

Align it with a long-term goal like education or marriage.

Don’t redeem mid-way due to market dips.

Review this fund every year.

Check if it continues to match your goal and risk appetite.

Better Than Gold – Here’s Why

Gold gives no compounding; mutual funds do.

Gold is volatile during uncertain times.

It has storage issues and taxation headaches in physical form.

Mutual funds are digitally held and easy to manage.

Long-term gains in equity mutual funds are tax efficient.

For child goals, equity funds offer the best mix of returns and growth.

Final Insights

You’ve made a smart choice by avoiding gold and choosing a goal-based mutual fund.

Gold is emotional and traditional. Mutual funds are logical and long-term focused.

For children’s goals, equity-based hybrid funds are more aligned.

Just make sure you review it once every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

If you’re serious about this goal, continue investing more in small steps.

SIP is the best tool for building big wealth slowly and safely.

This one-time investment is a good start. But do plan further contributions.

Your money now has a higher chance of growing meaningfully.

And most importantly, it’s aligned with a real life goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8271 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2025

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Sir, I am 45 years old and want to invest in equity mutual funds. I have time horizon of 10 years . Can you suggest me some good funds in large cap category, IT sector theme fund, 1 or 2 small/midcap funds or any other fund you think would be good for long term. I want to start SIP of Rs 40000/- across 4 mutual funds.
Ans: Your intent to invest Rs 40,000 per month in equity mutual funds for 10 years is a strong move.

Your fund choices across large-cap, IT sector, and mid/small-cap categories are sensible.

Let’s look at how to structure this investment efficiently.

Investment Objective Assessment

You have a long-term vision.

Ten years is a healthy horizon for equity.

SIP is the right approach.

Rs 40,000 monthly is a good contribution.

Your Ideal Asset Allocation Strategy

Diversify across categories.

Blend large-cap, sectoral, and mid/small-cap funds.

Avoid putting too much in one theme.

This lowers risk and boosts consistency.

Large-Cap Mutual Fund (Rs 14,000/month)

These funds invest in stable, top companies.

Ideal for long-term wealth growth.

Less volatile than mid/small-cap funds.

Good for capital preservation with growth.

IT Sector Fund (Rs 6,000/month)

IT sector can give high returns.

But it’s highly cyclical and sector-dependent.

Limit allocation to protect from volatility.

Use as a return booster, not a core.

Mid and Small-Cap Funds (Rs 14,000/month)

These funds carry high growth potential.

But they are more volatile and risky.

Suitable for your long-term horizon.

Split the allocation between mid and small caps.

Keep an eye on market trends regularly.

Flexi Cap or Multi Cap Fund (Rs 6,000/month)

This gives you market-wide exposure.

Fund manager picks across market segments.

Offers balance and flexibility in returns.

Helps when market cycles shift.

Avoid Direct Mutual Funds for Long-Term SIPs

Direct funds miss advisor insights.

You might make emotional, untimely exits.

They lack personalisation and professional guidance.

Regular plans via a CFP-MFD give strategy support.

Expert monitoring helps long-term discipline.

Stay Away from Index Funds

Index funds don’t beat the market.

They lack fund manager expertise.

No downside protection in falling markets.

Actively managed funds aim to outperform indices.

They adapt during market changes.

Review Your Plan Regularly

Review performance every year.

Rebalance based on life changes.

Switch underperforming funds if needed.

A Certified Financial Planner will guide you.

Monitoring is as important as starting.

Taxation Aspects You Must Know

Equity mutual funds have two tax rules.

Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh: taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains: taxed at 20%.

Holding for 10 years is tax efficient.

Stay invested to maximise post-tax returns.

Emergency Fund Planning Before SIPs

Keep at least 6 months of expenses saved.

Don’t invest this in mutual funds.

Use liquid funds or bank deposits.

This protects your SIPs during emergencies.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan Later

After 10 years, use SWP for income.

It gives tax-efficient regular withdrawals.

Avoid lump sum exits.

Plan withdrawal strategy 1-2 years before maturity.

Should You Include Sectoral Funds Beyond IT?

Sectoral funds are risky.

Don’t add too many of them.

You already plan IT sector exposure.

Focus more on diversified equity.

This improves overall stability.

Insurance and Health Coverage Are Essential

Review your term plan now.

Make sure it covers all your liabilities.

Have health cover for your family.

Don’t rely only on employer policy.

Your SIP Distribution Suggestion (Rs 40,000)

Large Cap Fund: Rs 14,000

IT Sector Fund: Rs 6,000

Mid Cap Fund: Rs 7,000

Small Cap Fund: Rs 7,000

Flexi or Multi Cap Fund: Rs 6,000

Strategy to Add More SIPs Yearly

Increase SIP by 10% annually.

This boosts compounding significantly.

You’ll reach bigger goals faster.

Link SIP increase to your salary hike.

Final Insights

Your investment plan is smart and timely.

Your SIP amount and time horizon are ideal.

Diversify smartly across fund types.

Avoid direct plans; take regular funds via CFP.

Stay away from index funds and too many sector bets.

Review your plan yearly with your Certified Financial Planner.

Tax efficiency and goal focus are key to success.

Your long-term wealth is built step by step.

A clear path and steady discipline will help you achieve it.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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