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Stuck in Love Triangle: Should I Marry My Long-Term Boyfriend or Follow My Parents' Wishes?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |694 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, i am in a relationship with a guy since last 14 years but due to some ups-downs in his life he denied to marry me two years ago so i remain single in that period and searching for suitable guy in a arrange marriage setup. Now, in this year he came back and said he want to marry me, since i did not able to find any match till then so i said yes, i tried to convince my parents for him but they did not got convinced and started forcing me for arrange marriage for the sake of community and their pride, i dont know what should i do, because whatever they are bringing are good matches and i would have consider or marry them if i am not committed to him.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have really decided that you will only marry him, then you should continue trying to convince your parents. Both of you are consenting adults and I am sure you both love each other since you have been together for so many years. Highlight these and any other positive points in your partner to your parents; let them know he is a nice person and he has been committed to you for so long.

I am not sure whether you two broke up for a while or just weren't sure about marriage, but either way, it looks like there was a break in the relationship. So this time around, if you want to rethink the relationship, there is no harm. And if you are not sure what you want, you should take some time to think about it. Don't rush.

Moreover, consider your parent's point of view. Why are they not convinced? Are they seeing something in your partner that you are overlooking because of love? You can ask them for the reason directly and evaluate how reasonable they are.
Hope these suggestions help

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1765 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello mam, glad to find you here. Mam, I'm a female, 27 yrs, I have been in a relationship with my partner since 9yrs, but he is from different caste. We both were immature when we started our relationship but our relationship grew stronger as time passed.We have gone through ups and downs of our relationship and are still intact. When I was into 3yrs of our relationship he was doing some odd job, at that time I told my mom about us and she said 'NO' because of caste issue irrespective of his job. Another reason is that my father is an impulsive person who thinks to harm himself whenever something happens, so mom said my father might harm himself if I go forward. At the same time there were some issues in boys family and my brother met them and he said no to it.But I couldn't get away from him, so I stayed. Later I talked to my partner about his family environment and I said that I couldn't stay with them because of the negative impact. He talked to his family and confirmed that after marriage we will lead our life under different roof but maintain the sufficient relationship with his family. We both are now settled in jobs but he earns a bit less than me but we earn a handsome salary combining our both salaries. Now, it's time for my marriage and I want to marry him and he have changed alot for me without leaving his family and he understands me very well. I feel safe with him. Now the problem is my parents wants to get me married and I also want to get married to the whom I loved but my mom and brother are not yet all giving me the chance to convince them. They are trying to convince me for marriage with others but I couldn't do that, that will kill me all my life. They are saying that if I go for intercaste then they have to suffer all their life and my father might do something to himself if he finds out. I love my family dearly and that's why I have been waiting all these years for their approval. I do not want anyone to lose their life because of me. My partner have left the decision to me because of my situation at home and he is supportive of me. My transfer is nearing where I have two options, one is to opt for my home town(not Village), where I can bring my parents to town with me to stay( now my posting is in another city). Second is to opt for different city( where I have to stay with my brother who doesn't approve of my love and blames me for his career). In order for me to convince them for my marriage should stay with my family or away from them and how can I convince them? Sorry' for the long story and I hope I hear from you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Be clear about what you want and in this process/journey, there will be a lot of highs and lows...
Also, you may not be able to have the cake and eat it too which is why you are struggling at making a decision. You want to marry the man of your dreams that your parents and brother disapprove of BUT you don't want to disappoint them by going against them...You can't have one foot in two different paths...it will tear you apart; literally...
So, decide what you want, the pros and cons of going against the family...of course there are situations where over time, parents have accepted the boy/girl but there's a lot of patient waiting.
If you are in haste, they are not going to relent and you will be left feeling disappointed...
Decide and then do whatever it takes to make that decision right...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |182 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Aug 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 18, 2024Hindi
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I have been in a relationship with a guy since 10th grade its been 11 years now so we decided to tell our parents his family had no issues and he is currently in canada as a music student he has even started his own event management company but its still just beginning. My parents reacted in a healthy manner but the moment they came to know about inter caste and his financial status( not upto the mark) they had straight forwardly said no with alotbof drama and foul words even. Its been 9 months now im still waiting for them to agree but they are insisting me to move on and go for arrange marriage. I on the other hand belong to business family and has never done any job. But all this while i have cane to know i cant live without my parents or my bf and definitely not get marriaed to someone else. Please help me out what to do!
Ans: First, acknowledge that this situation requires careful navigation. Your relationship has stood the test of time, and clearly, you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, especially given that you've been together for 11 years. His dedication to pursuing his dreams in Canada and building his career in music and event management is admirable, even if his financial situation isn't yet stable. What you need to assess is whether you're willing to stand by him as he grows and whether you share the same vision for the future.

On the other hand, your parents’ concerns seem to stem from their desire for you to have a secure future, especially given your family's business background. They are likely looking for someone who fits into their worldview of stability, and this has led to their reaction when they learned about the inter-caste relationship and your boyfriend’s current financial situation. Their opposition is likely based on their love for you, but the drama and foul words, while hurtful, might reflect their frustration at feeling like they're losing control over your future.

You’ve expressed that you don’t want to lose either your parents or your boyfriend, and that’s where the conflict lies. In this case, the solution isn’t simple, but it can start with communication. It might be helpful to have an open, calm conversation with your parents—not to argue or change their minds immediately, but to help them understand your feelings. Let them know how much you value their opinion, but also explain why you love your boyfriend and why you believe in his potential. Sometimes parents need time to understand that relationships aren't only about caste or financial standing, but also about trust, love, and shared dreams.

At the same time, you might need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your future together, especially given that he's still in the early stages of his career. Be honest about the pressure you're feeling from your family and make sure you're both on the same page about your long-term goals, including how you might handle financial challenges.

It's also important to remember that this decision is yours to make. You are in a unique position, being part of a business family, which means that you've likely been sheltered from certain financial realities. If you do choose to marry your boyfriend, the lifestyle may not immediately match what you’re used to. But if you're confident in his ambition and in the strength of your relationship, then that’s something worth considering as part of your future.

Lastly, while it’s painful to feel like you have to choose between two important parts of your life, it’s possible to work towards a solution that doesn’t leave you with regrets. Give your parents time to see your perspective, but also recognize that their acceptance might take longer than you’d like. In the meantime, staying true to what you value most in life—whether that’s love, security, or family harmony—will guide your decision-making process.

You might also benefit from seeking guidance from a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, who can help you navigate these conversations with both your parents and your boyfriend. This way, you can approach the situation with emotional clarity and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11014 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2026

Money
I am investing in UTI flexi cap fund since2021 @3000INR/month. Now the accumulated amount is 2,09,000/- . the yield is only 6%. Please advise if i have to switch fund? .if so, please advise fund
Ans: Appreciate you for continuing your SIP with discipline since 2021. Staying invested for more than three years itself shows commitment and patience, which are very important for long-term wealth creation.

» Understanding the Current Return Experience
– A 6% return over this period can feel disappointing, especially when expectations from equity are higher
– Equity-oriented funds do not move in a straight line; different market phases impact returns differently
– The last few years included sharp rallies, corrections, and sector rotations, which affected diversified strategies unevenly
– Short- to medium-term returns alone should not be the only reason for an immediate decision

» Time Horizon vs Fund Behaviour
– Such funds are designed to perform well over a full market cycle, usually 7 years or more
– Performance between 3 to 4 years can remain muted even if the long-term potential is intact
– Your SIP amount is modest, which means consistency and time will play a bigger role than switching frequently

» Should You Switch Based Only on 6% Return
– Switching only because of recent low returns may lock in underperformance
– It is important to check whether the fund still follows its stated strategy and risk control
– If the fund has become inconsistent, or your overall portfolio lacks balance, then a change can be considered
– Any switch should be part of a broader portfolio improvement, not an isolated action

» Portfolio-Level Assessment Is More Important
– One fund should not be judged in isolation
– A 360-degree view should include:

Overall equity exposure

Allocation between growth-oriented and stability-oriented strategies

Your age, income stability, and future goals
– If your portfolio is dependent on only one equity style, returns may appear slow during certain phases

» What to Do Going Forward
– Instead of fully stopping, you may:

Continue the existing SIP for long-term compounding

Gradually add another actively managed equity strategy with a different approach
– Actively managed funds offer flexibility to shift sectors and reduce downside risk, which is not possible in index-based options
– Active management helps manage volatility better during uncertain markets

» Tax and Cost Awareness
– Any switch in equity funds may trigger capital gains tax
– If held for more than one year, gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%
– Short-term exits attract 20% tax, which can reduce effective returns
– Hence, switching should be value-driven, not emotion-driven

» Finally
– Your investment journey is still on track, and this phase does not define long-term success
– With the right diversification, patience, and periodic review, equity investing rewards discipline
– A structured review with a Certified Financial Planner can help align your SIPs with goals and market realities
– Focus on process, not just recent performance

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11014 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 04, 2026Hindi
Money
Dear Sir, I am a medico currently working overseas. My present income is relatively high, but I expect my earnings to reduce over the next 1–2 years due to career transitions and further examinations. Also, I may be starting a family of my own in the near future. I have recently started investing and would like your opinion on whether my overall strategy is sound and how I should prepare for lower-income years ahead. Current situation (approximate): Monthly investment capacity: ₹3 lakh (at present) Expected future investment capacity: ₹1-1.25 lakh per month Existing expenditure: No debts at present, ~approx 1 lakh per month to support parents, 1.5 L per year in their insurance, 50-55k per month on rent, food, and miscellaneous Emergency fund: being built separately, started SBI life during my postgrad years and invested 7.5 L over 5 years, and expected to mature by 2028. Current investment approach: Equity-oriented mutual funds via SIP and lump sum Allocation across flexi-cap, multi-cap, large & mid-cap, mid-cap, small-cap funds Small allocation to liquid funds for short-term needs Investment horizon: long term (10+ years) Fund Allocation % Share Parag Parikh Flexi Cap ₹75,000 25% Kotak Multicap Fund ₹60,000 20% Kotak Large & Mid Cap ₹60,000 20% Axis Midcap ₹45,000 15% Axis Small Cap ₹30,000 10% ICICI Liquid Fund ₹30,000 10% My primary goals are: Long-term wealth creation Financial stability during periods of reduced income Maintaining flexibility for career-related expenses and exams I would be grateful for your views on: Whether this equity-heavy approach is appropriate given future income uncertainty How I should gradually adjust asset allocation as income reduces Any mistakes you commonly see investors like me make at this stage Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: Appreciate the clarity with which you have shared your income pattern, responsibilities, and future plans. Starting early, investing seriously, and thinking ahead about income reduction already puts you in a strong position.

» Overall View of Your Current Strategy
– Your present high savings rate is a big advantage and should be used wisely
– Long-term orientation of more than 10 years suits equity-oriented investing
– Supporting parents, planning exams, and future family needs show mature financial thinking
– Your strategy is growth-focused, but it needs better protection for the income transition phase

» Suitability of an Equity-Heavy Approach
– High equity exposure is suitable when income is strong and stable
– Future income uncertainty means volatility tolerance may reduce emotionally, even if risk capacity is high
– Equity-heavy portfolios can show sharp short-term falls, which may be stressful during exam or career pressure periods
– The approach is directionally right, but timing and balance need fine-tuning

» Managing the Next 1–2 Years of Income Reduction
– Use the current high-income phase to build strong safety layers
– Increase allocation to low-volatility and short-term holding options meant only for stability
– Create a clear separation between:

Long-term wealth money (do not touch)

Career transition and exam-related money (capital protection focus)
– As income reduces, SIP amounts can be lowered without stopping investments fully

» Asset Allocation Adjustments Over Time
– Gradually reduce exposure to higher volatility segments as income visibility reduces
– Maintain core equity exposure for long-term goals, but avoid over-dependence on aggressive segments
– Avoid frequent switching based on short-term market movement
– Asset allocation discipline matters more than chasing higher returns

» Liquidity and Flexibility Planning
– Ensure emergency and opportunity money is fully ready before income reduces
– Liquid and low-risk options should cover at least all non-negotiable expenses
– This gives confidence to stay invested in equity during market corrections
– Flexibility reduces the risk of forced withdrawals at the wrong time

» Insurance and Protection Review
– Review the existing investment-cum-insurance policy started during postgraduation
– Such policies are usually low on returns and high on cost
– If surrender conditions are reasonable, consider exiting and redirecting money into more efficient options
– Keep pure insurance and investments separate for better clarity and control

» Common Mistakes Seen at This Stage
– Investing aggressively without enough liquidity buffer
– Reducing investments fully instead of adjusting amounts during income dips
– Overexposure to similar equity styles leading to hidden concentration risk
– Ignoring future life changes like marriage, children, and relocation costs

» Tax and Exit Awareness
– Equity fund exits within one year attract 20% tax on gains
– Long-term equity gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%
– This makes planned withdrawals and phased rebalancing more efficient than sudden exits

» Finally
– Your financial foundation is strong and well thought out
– With better balance between growth and stability, you can manage income changes smoothly
– Focus on structure, liquidity, and discipline rather than only return numbers
– A periodic review with a Certified Financial Planner will help you stay aligned as life evolves

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11014 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2026Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I'm 38 years old. Currently doing an SIP of 55000 in these funds in 2 separate portfolios (mine and wife's). My risk profile is moderate to high. I'm targeting to keep investing for next 9 years. Currently my mutual fund portfolio corpus is 24 lac. Target corpus is 1.75 Cr to 2 Cr in 2035. Is this achievable? Do I need any step-ups yearly? Portfolio 1: parag parikh flexicap - 12000 hdfc mid cap - 5500 mirae asset large & mid cap - 8000 sbi gold fund - 5000 sbi multi asset fund - 5500 Portfolio 2: invesco midcap - 5500 ICICI multi asset allocation - 2000 hdfc flexicap - 4500 icici pru nasdaq 100 - 6000 axis silver FOF - 1000 Please review and suggest any changes needed.
Ans: You have done very well to start early, invest regularly, and build a sizeable corpus of around Rs.24 lakh by age 38. Investing as a couple, keeping a long-term view, and accepting moderate-to-high risk clearly show discipline and maturity. This itself puts you ahead of many investors.

» Target Feasibility and Time Horizon
– A 9-year horizon is reasonably good for equity-oriented investing, especially when SIP amount is strong and discipline is visible.
– With a monthly SIP of around Rs.55,000 and an existing corpus already in place, the target range of Rs.1.75 Cr to Rs.2 Cr by 2035 is achievable, but it will not happen by default.
– Market returns will not be even every year. Some years will test patience. Staying invested matters more than timing.
– To improve certainty and reduce pressure in later years, annual step-up is strongly advisable.

» Need for SIP Step-Up
– Without increasing SIP, the gap between effort and target may widen, especially if markets give average returns.
– A yearly step-up of even 8% to 10% can make a big difference over 9 years.
– Step-up should ideally match salary growth, bonuses, or business income rise.
– This keeps lifestyle stable while wealth grows silently in the background.

» Portfolio Structure Assessment
– Overall, your asset mix shows good balance across growth-oriented equity, stability-oriented allocation, and some global exposure.
– Splitting investments between spouses is sensible for long-term planning and tax efficiency.
– Exposure to mid-sized companies adds growth, but it also adds volatility. Your risk profile supports this, but allocation must be controlled.
– Flexibility-oriented funds give stability during market cycles and help reduce sharp drawdowns.
– Multi-asset exposure helps in volatile phases, but too many similar allocations can reduce clarity.

» Observations on Equity Allocation
– There is overlap in categories across both portfolios, especially in flexi and mid-cap styles.
– Too many funds in similar categories do not always improve returns; they often dilute conviction.
– A slightly more streamlined structure can improve monitoring and discipline.
– Growth funds should remain the core, but risk concentration must be watched as the goal year approaches.

» Gold, Silver, and Overseas Exposure
– Limited allocation to precious metals is fine as a stabiliser, not as a return driver.
– Keeping this allocation capped avoids drag on long-term growth.
– Overseas equity exposure adds diversification and currency hedge, but it should not dominate the portfolio.
– Periodic review is important as regulations and valuations change.

» What Changes Can Be Considered
– Reduce duplication across similar equity styles between both portfolios.
– Keep one clear growth-oriented core and one stability-oriented support structure.
– Gradually increase allocation to relatively stable equity styles after age 42–43 to protect accumulated corpus.
– Ensure each fund has a clear role; if the role is unclear, the fund may not be needed.

» Risk Management and Goal Alignment
– As the corpus grows, protecting gains becomes as important as chasing returns.
– Around the last 3 years, volatility management should take priority over aggressive growth.
– Periodic rebalancing is essential, especially after sharp market rallies.
– Emergency fund, health cover, and term protection should be adequate so investments are never disturbed mid-way.

» Tax Awareness While Investing
– Equity mutual fund gains held long term are taxed only beyond the exempt threshold, which supports long-term discipline.
– Short-term exits are costly from a tax point of view and should be avoided unless absolutely necessary.
– Asset allocation discipline reduces unnecessary churn and tax leakage.

» Finally
– Your goal is realistic, your discipline is strong, and your starting point is solid.
– Annual SIP step-up is not optional; it is the key enabler for reaching the upper end of your target.
– Simplification, role clarity of funds, and periodic review will improve outcomes without increasing stress.
– Staying invested with patience will matter more than reacting to short-term market noise.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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