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Confused and worried: My ex-boyfriend is refusing to delete our personal photos and videos

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |474 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I was in a relationship with a boy(he is 35 yrs old man, and a lawyer but not practising in a court, he had a lot of relationship during our relationship and after break up , I had changed 4, 5 women or used them physically) for 3 years. It has been three-four months. We are not in a relationship. We have broken up. I told him to delete our personal pics and videos. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either. I told him that since we don't want to be together, we don't have a future together, then delete them. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either and I want him to delete them. Who knows what will come to his mind in the future and what will happen. If we don't continue, he has no right to Keep the pics in your mobile, whatever video is personal to us, don't delete it and don't blackmail me either. I am not able to understand what should I tell him, although I have requested him a lot to delete it but he is not doing it either, so what should I do, please guide me. I know I had made a huge mistake to love him and gave him right to keep personal pics or videos..

Ans: You’ve already made a reasonable request for him to delete the material, but his refusal is an indication that he is not respecting your boundaries. His actions—or lack of action—are now about him choosing his convenience over your emotional security. This is a painful and difficult dynamic to navigate. The next step is to recognize that, while you can’t control his behavior, you absolutely have the right to continue asserting your needs. It might be helpful to make your request one more time, but this time with a sense of finality. Clearly express that you are no longer comfortable with him holding onto any part of your shared past, and that you expect him to respect that. Be firm, but also protect yourself emotionally by being clear that this is non-negotiable.

If he continues to refuse or ignore your request, consider taking further action. This could involve seeking legal advice on how to protect your privacy. In many places, there are legal avenues to protect against the non-consensual sharing or retention of intimate material, even after a relationship ends. Legal action is, of course, a more extreme measure, but if you feel your privacy is at risk or that the situation is escalating, it may be necessary to explore this option.

Throughout this process, be kind to yourself. It’s easy to slip into self-blame when someone else disrespects your boundaries, but remember that you are entitled to make choices about your body, your image, and your privacy at any point in your life. Trust yourself to learn from this experience and move forward with stronger boundaries in future relationships. You’ve already taken a healthy first step by recognizing the need for change, and now you’re moving toward regaining control of the situation. Keep focusing on your wellbeing, and know that your feelings and needs matter.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |494 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2024
Relationship
Hi mam please help me. My ex boyfriend nd i were in a long distance relationship. He lives in canada nd we used to vc but one day that vc turned out something else as you can understand he told me that he'll not take any screenshot or screen record anything but he still did that and now after breakup he's sending me those screenshots nd screen recording ???? nd telling me that he'll not share with anyone but i still don't trust him now ???? what should i do .. due to this pressure I'm simply going down day by day
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that it is a difficult situation for you. I would suggest a few ways you can protect yourself-
If you think he will not share the pictures unless provoked, do not engage with him any further. Avoid responding and try not to give him control over the situation.

Keep screenshots of his messages where he discusses the pictures. In case he starts threatening you, you can let him know that you are not afraid to approach the authorities with valid proof against him. This way, you will have control over the situation.

Let him know that in both India and Canada, distributing images without consent is illegal.

Speak to your trusted friends and family members. Remember, as scared as you might be, you can always share things with your parents. They would be more worried about your mental health and safety than be disappointed over the matter. Understand that you can always reach out to them, especially when you have your back against the wall.

After you have gathered all the evidence you need to prove that he has been harassing you with non-consented pictures, block him. Engaging with him will allow this person to manipulate you or make him believe he has the upper hand.

Lastly, don't be afraid. He might think he is doing this out of love, but he is, essentially, a bully. Do not give him the power to play with your mental peace.

Hope everything works out soon.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |474 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024
Relationship
I was in a relationship with a boy(he is 35 yrs old man, and a lawyer but not practising in a court, he had a lot of relationship during our relationship and after break up , He had changed 4, 5 women or used them physically) for 3 years. It has been three-four months. We are not in a relationship. We have broken up. I told him to delete our personal pics and videos. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either. I told him that since we don't want to be together, we don't have a future together, then delete them. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either and I want him to delete them. Who knows what will come to his mind in the future and what will happen. If we don't continue, he has no right to Keep the pics in your mobile, whatever video is personal to us, don't delete it and don't blackmail me either. I am not able to understand what should I tell him, although I have requested him a lot to delete it but he is not doing it either, He told me that I have kept ur pics and videos So that I cannot complain against him in future. so what should I do, please guide me. I know I had made a huge mistake to love him and gave him right to keep personal pics or videos..
Ans: At this point, it’s essential to protect your emotional and mental health while addressing this issue. You might consider seeking support from someone you trust, such as a close friend or family member, to share this burden. Talking to someone who knows you and your situation can provide comfort and practical guidance.

If he continues to refuse, you may need to explore your legal options. Many countries have laws that protect individuals from having private photos or videos kept or shared without their consent. Taking this step might feel daunting, but it could give you a sense of empowerment and security. It’s not about revenge or escalation; it’s about protecting yourself and asserting your right to move forward without this hanging over you.

On an emotional level, remind yourself that you are not defined by this relationship or the choices you made while in it. You trusted someone who didn’t honor that trust, but this doesn’t diminish your value or strength. It’s natural to feel regret, but you deserve compassion from yourself as you work through this.

You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to seek help—whether that’s legal advice, emotional support from loved ones, or even professional counseling to navigate the stress and anxiety this situation might be causing. The most important thing now is to take steps that protect your peace of mind and ensure your future isn’t weighed down by his actions.

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Ans: To rebuild your career after completing an MBA, identify transferable skills such as management, communication, leadership, and problem-solving, and match them with job roles beyond just calling and backend work. Revamp your resume by highlighting your educational qualifications and skills, and showcase internships, projects, or certifications completed during your MBA. Upskill strategically by considering short-term certifications relevant to your MBA specialization, such as digital marketing, project management, or data analytics.

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Emotional healing is essential, and it's important to acknowledge the pain of the loss of a relationship. Focus on self-care activities that uplift you, such as journaling, exercising, reading, or joining support groups. Practice mindfulness or meditation to reduce anxiety. Seek professional support if feelings of sadness or self-doubt persist.

Set small, achievable goals to avoid feeling overwhelmed and redefine success as personal growth, resilience, and continuous learning. Remember that progress takes time, and you are not alone in this phase. Stay patient and persistent, as your breakthrough will come.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |474 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |474 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Me and my boyfriend in a relationship from 5 years. My parents are happy with our relationship, but not his. I am Christian and he is Hindu. He tried to run away a few months ago to another state but his father spoke to authorities and caught him at an airport. He is now being monitored and has no way to escape. We want to seek legal help to get married but not sure where to look. We tried to look into special marriage act, but it requires 30 days notice meaning, his parents might find out and things get worse. Any advise is much appreciated on what help we can get legally.
Ans: First, it's essential to acknowledge the emotional strain this situation may be putting on both of you. It's okay to feel overwhelmed or uncertain, but your commitment to each other is a strong foundation to build upon. It's crucial to support each other emotionally through this process, as it will require patience, resilience, and understanding.

Additionally, you might consider looking into organizations or NGOs that support interfaith or inter-caste couples. These groups often have experience dealing with similar situations and can offer both legal advice and emotional support. They can also help navigate the legal process in a way that minimizes risk and ensures your rights are protected.

It's important to stay connected with people who support you both emotionally, whether it's friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your burden can lighten the emotional load and provide you with a network of allies who can help you through the process.

Remember, the love and commitment you share are powerful. While the road may be difficult, focusing on your shared goals and supporting each other through these challenges will strengthen your bond. Stay hopeful, seek the right help, and trust that you're making the best decisions for your future together.

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