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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
AP Question by AP on Sep 12, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hello mam!
Let me get straight into my story... I have 3 best friends. We were very close.
One of them, say A, was in a relationship with a girl named B. We kind of set it up in 2019 but soon he lost interest. But she was into him. She begged him but he didn't respect her feelings. This went on for a year then she slowly began to move on.
Meanwhile, the girl and I got close. When he didn’t respond to her, she would cry to me and I pacified her. We became good friends but it escalated and we got into a relationship. I didn't discuss it with my friends. I informed them only after we became serious. It broke our friendship. I had asked my friend A many times about her and he’d said it’s all over so I never thought of discussing. I wasn’t aware that he was thinking about patching up with her. Now none of my close friends talk to me. Since most of my other friends are common to both of us, my entire school friends’ circle is lost. I feel very lonely. I know it’s my mistake. I shouldn't have done it. I never expected him to consider reuniting with her. Now I feel guilty for cheating my best friend. I feel like I abducted his girlfriend from him. What should I do now?
Should I break up my relationship? I know this won’t change anything now. But at least after a few years I can hope my friends will accept me. At the same time, I am into her so much and so is she but I feel terribly guilty and miss my friends. I am totally confused.
Would like to know your thoughts on my situation!!

Ans: Dear AP,

I don’t know how old you are, but it seems to me that you have broken some unwritten Bro Code.

But honestly, from your story all I can fathom is that you are choosing to feel guilty simply because your ‘close’ friends as you call them, ignore you.

Isn’t it immature of you to actually not be able to make a decision in life that involves you and your relationships, or do you need the blessings of your so-called friends for it?

As far as you are concerned, things were over between your friend and the girl.

So, did you need to take their permission to date her?

Also, what about your other friends? Did they not bother to even hear from you once and choose to see things your way and patch thing between you and your friend?

Instead, they decided to play the judge and pronounce you guilty for an act that doesn’t seem to need that verdict.

So, do you still want to swim in the sea of guilt and see your relationship with the girl wash away with time OR do you want to go surf that tide and take charge of your decision? Get the drift here?

Step Up; all the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

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Relationship
Hello mam! Let me get straight into my story... I have 3 best friends. We were very close.One of them, say A, was in a relationship with a girl named B. We kind of set it up in 2019 but soon he lost interest. But she was into him. She begged him but he didn't respect her feelings. This went on for a year then she slowly began to move on.Meanwhile, the girl and I got close. When he didn’t respond to her, she would cry to me and I pacified her. We became good friends but it escalated and we got into a relationship. I didn't discuss it with my friends. I informed them only after we became serious. It broke our friendship. I had asked my friend A many times about her and he’d said it’s all over so I never thought of discussing. I wasn’t aware that he was thinking about patching up with her. Now none of my close friends talk to me. Since most of my other friends are common to both of us, my entire school friends’ circle is lost. I feel very lonely. I know it’s my mistake. I shouldn't have done it. I never expected him to consider reuniting with her. Now I feel guilty for cheating my best friend. I feel like I abducted his girlfriend from him. What should I do now? Should I break up my relationship? I know this won’t change anything now. But at least after a few years I can hope my friends will accept me. At the same time, I am into her so much and so is she but I feel terribly guilty and miss my friends. I am totally confused.Would like to know your thoughts on my situation!!
Ans: Dear AP,

I don’t know how old you are, but it seems to me that you have broken some unwritten Bro Code.

But honestly, from your story all I can fathom is that you are choosing to feel guilty simply because your ‘close’ friends as you call them, ignore you.

Isn’t it immature of you to actually not be able to make a decision in life that involves you and your relationships, or do you need the blessings of your so-called friends for it?

As far as you are concerned, things were over between your friend and the girl.

So, did you need to take their permission to date her?

Also, what about your other friends? Did they not bother to even hear from you once and choose to see things your way and patch thing between you and your friend?

Instead, they decided to play the judge and pronounce you guilty for an act that doesn’t seem to need that verdict.

So, do you still want to swim in the sea of guilt and see your relationship with the girl wash away with time OR do you want to go surf that tide and take charge of your decision? Get the drift here?

Step Up; all the best!

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |149 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, me and my bestfriend were in a relation for 2 years. everything was going smooth until he asked me to send video of my chest. When i denied he became emotional and asked- we are going to marry right? then whats the problem in sharing those. everyone does that. I'm not that kind of a girl. whenever i said no he used every ways to make me do that despite my discomfort. I told him many times I am uncomfortable but he chose to ignore them. he was the one who promised me that he will never make me uncomfortable. Since then I started to not like his touches. I loved him truly and he was there with me during my dark times . when i was at hostel which allowed phone only 2 days a week because I was planning to write CLAT that year, i seriously felt distant from him. he said he would wait just to hear my voice. i was allowed phone for only 30 minutes and he wanted me to talk to him more than my parents when i needed them most. I gradually started losing hope and i didnt want to create a scene which will affect my exam. But the thing is after gradually losing trust in him i developed a crush at my centre. i never knew his name, never talked , nothing. My mental health was completely messed up. I passed my CLAT exam last year and i never acted upon the crush i had, i broke up with my bf right after the exam because I couldnt handle that relation anymore. to be clear i never broke up with him because i had a crush, even though i was guilty. i broke up because of how he forced me into things he liked and how he never valued my opinions and how i lost trust eventually when he said he had photos of me with him. I broke up for my peace but why do i feel like I've cheated on my ex because i had a crush even though i never acted upon it. Please help me
Ans: You were uncomfortable and moved away from the individual - more power to you. It takes time to come to terms or get over such situations - when breakups happen we all go through self doubt, anger, sadness- this is a phase - they come and pass. Focus on your emotional and mental wellbeing - take care

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |149 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, me and my bestfriend were in a relation for 2 years. everything was going smooth until he asked me to send video of my chest. When i denied he became emotional and asked- we are going to marry right? then whats the problem in sharing those. everyone does that. I'm not that kind of a girl. whenever i said no he used every ways to make me do that despite my discomfort. I told him many times I am uncomfortable but he chose to ignore them. he was the one who promised me that he will never make me uncomfortable. Since then I started to not like his touches. I loved him truly and he was there with me during my dark times . when i was at hostel which allowed phone only 2 days a week because I was planning to write CLAT that year, i seriously felt distant from him. he said he would wait just to hear my voice. i was allowed phone for only 30 minutes and he wanted me to talk to him more than my parents when i needed them most. I gradually started losing hope and i didnt want to create a scene which will affect my exam. But the thing is after gradually losing trust in him i developed a crush at my centre. i never knew his name, never talked , nothing. My mental health was completely messed up. I passed my CLAT exam last year and i never acted upon the crush i had, i broke up with my bf right after the exam because I couldnt handle that relation anymore. to be clear i never broke up with him because i had a crush, even though i was guilty. i broke up because of how he forced me into things he liked and how he never valued my opinions and how i lost trust eventually when he said he had photos of me with him. I broke up for my peace but why do i feel like I've cheated on my ex because i had a crush even though i never acted upon it. Please help me. Was I cheating on him. When we broke up he said I'm like other girls always playing the victim card, he called me names and said he lost respect and felt petty about me when I said I had nothing else to talk on this matter.
Ans: this has been responded to

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I was in a relationship with my bestfriend for 1 and half years. Eventually I got to know that he liked physical intimacy more than emotional connection which is opposite to my concept. My feelings started to fade but I couldn't muster up courage to break up with him. While all this was going on I started to develop a crush on someone else but I never knew his name or never approached him in any ways and always kept my distance. Now it's been months since I broke up with my bf and about the crush I had I still hadn't approached it and I'm never planning to. I'm feeling that as I had a crush while being in a relation I cheated on my bf even though I hadn't approached or talked to the other person. Please clear it out. Have I cheated. I have never intended to hurt anyone but now I think I'm a cheater and I'm not able to sleep. I had to undergo therapy sessions right after break up due to the guilty and I've been diagnosed with depression too. Please tell me was I a cheater. I need a clear cut answer otherwise I won't able to live peacefully. Please help me
Ans: let me assure you that you're not a cheater. Having a crush or being attracted to someone else, especially when you're in a relationship where your emotional needs aren't fully met, is a natural human experience. What defines cheating is action—whether you pursued or acted on those feelings in a way that would break the trust and commitment of the relationship.

From what you described, you never approached or engaged with this person, and your feelings of guilt stem from the internal conflict of having a crush while still with your partner. It’s important to recognize that you didn’t cross any boundaries of betrayal. Emotional distance from your boyfriend due to differing needs is something that naturally can cause feelings to shift. Your realization that the relationship wasn’t aligned with your values speaks more to your integrity and self-awareness than to any notion of cheating.

The fact that you're struggling with these feelings shows how much you value honesty and loyalty. Sometimes, our minds create unnecessary guilt because we hold ourselves to very high standards. What you’re going through emotionally is tough, but it's important to differentiate between unintentional thoughts and intentional actions. You haven't betrayed anyone, and I hope this understanding helps you find some peace as you continue working on healing and your well-being.

It's clear you care deeply about not wanting to hurt others, but you also deserve self-compassion

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8204 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 08, 2025

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Money
I am 51 years want to park 10 L recieved from LIC. I have Nippon liquid and Axis Short term funds. Where should I keep this,in these debt fund or some other for max return and least risk . Or some balanced advantage funds?
Ans: Since you're 51 years old and the Rs. 10L is from an LIC maturity, I’ll assess this from a 360-degree perspective with low risk and reasonable return focus.

Let us structure this under simple and clear headings:

Understand the Nature of the Rs. 10L
This is a one-time amount, not a regular income.

So, capital protection is important.

Also, some growth is expected, but not with high risk.

Evaluate Your Existing Funds
Nippon Liquid Fund is very low risk.

Good for short-term parking, like few months.

Returns are around 5.5% to 6% yearly.

You can use it if you need money anytime soon.

Axis Short Term Fund is slightly better return.

Slightly higher risk than liquid fund, but still low.

Returns can be around 6% to 7% yearly.

Suitable if you are okay to stay invested for 2-3 years.

Should You Switch to a Balanced Advantage Fund?
These funds invest in both equity and debt.

They adjust the mix based on market conditions.

They give better return than debt if held for 3-5 years.

But, they carry moderate market risk.

Return range can be 8% to 10% per annum.

Not guaranteed, but historically stable.

Suitable if your risk tolerance is moderate.

Also, you must stay invested for at least 3 years.

What You Can Do Now (Allocation Suggestion)
Here is a simple, low-risk and flexible suggestion:

Rs. 2L in Nippon Liquid Fund: For immediate needs.

Rs. 4L in Axis Short Term Fund: Safe with better return.

Rs. 4L in Balanced Advantage Fund (via MFD with CFP): For better growth.

Choose an actively managed regular plan.

Avoid direct plan. They lack support and monitoring.

Regular plans offer advisor support and rebalancing guidance.

Why Not Direct Plan?
Direct plans look cheaper.

But they don’t guide you during market falls.

Many investors panic and exit early.

This leads to poor returns.

With MFD + CFP support, you stay invested longer.

Long-term behaviour matters more than cost.

Why Not Index Funds?
Index funds blindly follow the market.

No protection during market fall.

No fund manager to adjust strategy.

Active large-cap or balanced funds adapt better.

At your age, protection is more important than chasing index.

Important Tax Point
Debt funds and balanced advantage funds are taxed as per income tax slab.

If you hold for 3+ years, tax is less due to indexation benefit in earlier rules.

But now, for debt funds, tax is same as your slab.

So, choose based on your tax slab also.

But do not let tax alone decide. Safety is first.

Final Insights
Your Rs. 10L should grow slowly and stay safe.

Split into 3 buckets: short-term, mid-term, and medium-risk.

Liquid fund for liquidity.

Short-term debt for capital stability.

Balanced advantage for gentle growth.

This mix gives you flexibility, return and low risk.

Please review once a year with a Certified Financial Planner.

He/she will help you shift the mix if your goal or market changes.

No need to chase high returns. Protect capital, grow steadily.

You already took a right step by asking before investing.

That clarity helps avoid mistakes.

With this structure, your money can stay safe and still grow.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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