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Anu

Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
AP Question by AP on Sep 12, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hello mam!
Let me get straight into my story... I have 3 best friends. We were very close.
One of them, say A, was in a relationship with a girl named B. We kind of set it up in 2019 but soon he lost interest. But she was into him. She begged him but he didn't respect her feelings. This went on for a year then she slowly began to move on.
Meanwhile, the girl and I got close. When he didn’t respond to her, she would cry to me and I pacified her. We became good friends but it escalated and we got into a relationship. I didn't discuss it with my friends. I informed them only after we became serious. It broke our friendship. I had asked my friend A many times about her and he’d said it’s all over so I never thought of discussing. I wasn’t aware that he was thinking about patching up with her. Now none of my close friends talk to me. Since most of my other friends are common to both of us, my entire school friends’ circle is lost. I feel very lonely. I know it’s my mistake. I shouldn't have done it. I never expected him to consider reuniting with her. Now I feel guilty for cheating my best friend. I feel like I abducted his girlfriend from him. What should I do now?
Should I break up my relationship? I know this won’t change anything now. But at least after a few years I can hope my friends will accept me. At the same time, I am into her so much and so is she but I feel terribly guilty and miss my friends. I am totally confused.
Would like to know your thoughts on my situation!!

Ans: Dear AP,

I don’t know how old you are, but it seems to me that you have broken some unwritten Bro Code.

But honestly, from your story all I can fathom is that you are choosing to feel guilty simply because your ‘close’ friends as you call them, ignore you.

Isn’t it immature of you to actually not be able to make a decision in life that involves you and your relationships, or do you need the blessings of your so-called friends for it?

As far as you are concerned, things were over between your friend and the girl.

So, did you need to take their permission to date her?

Also, what about your other friends? Did they not bother to even hear from you once and choose to see things your way and patch thing between you and your friend?

Instead, they decided to play the judge and pronounce you guilty for an act that doesn’t seem to need that verdict.

So, do you still want to swim in the sea of guilt and see your relationship with the girl wash away with time OR do you want to go surf that tide and take charge of your decision? Get the drift here?

Step Up; all the best!

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Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2022

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Hello, I had a question for Anu ma'am. I have been in a relationship with a guy since 2021. He is a very sweet, loving, caring guy, is always patient with me, tries to understand me, puts in more effort than I do, loves me more than any guy ever would. I love him too but I have been sleeping with my best friend. She has a boyfriend too. We both feel that we've never experienced this kind of love before with any guy. We want to be together but also do not want to hurt these two guys. They've done a lot for us. Sometimes we think of running away but we know that no one's family would support us since we're of the same gender. I feel very helpless and stuck. Neither can I let my guy go, nor can I let my best friend go. I love them both. Could you please help me out?
Ans:

Dear A,

Before you confuse yourselves and others, seek professional help from someone who specialises in sexual orientation and challenges from it.

It can be very confusing to deal with this alone especially in a society that can scoff at same gender relationships.

Surround yourself with a lot of love and people who value you for who you are.

You need an independent view who can ask you questions that will put things into perspective and help you negotiate better with your confusions.

Remember confusions precede clarity, so never stop and keep moving.

Love yourself and your best friend even more as that’s what is going to help the two of you sail through this challenging time.

Sexual orientation moving away from what’s ‘normal’ can be scary and can throw us off balance as we have suddenly cut off the oxygen supply of support: which is society, family and friends who may or may not understand this.

Whatever this is, the confusion needs to be handled, so bring a third person’s expertise to move ahead. It definitely helps!

All the best!

..Read more

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Hi Anu,I am a 16 year old teenage girl who just a couple of months ago realised that she was a bisexual. When I was in seventh grade I made a friend, let's call her A. I started having feelings for her but just pushed them away because then I thought it was wrong to feel that way for the same sex. I started crushing on guys too but in 10th grade I realised that I was actually in love with my best friend A. I started accepting this and I have finally come to terms with who I am. I haven't come out yet because my family doesn't support this. Coming to the point, towards the end of 10th grade I confessed to A and she told me that she saw me only as her best friend and did not feel the same way despite the fact that she was bi too. I was broken. I started ignoring her completely. When I saw her hugging her friends I felt jealous. I think I really love her but when I talked about this with our common friend she told me that it was just a phase and stuff but I know that it isn't. I really love her. So recently A told me that she felt that something was up with me and that I was not behaving in the way I used to. I told her that I was fine but she thinks that I'll break this friendship of 4 and half years. I assured her that I won't and she is fine now. But the thing is that in the future when she gets a bf or gf, I don’t know how will I face them, meet them and see her with them. I feel awful. I can't move on. I am not able to study well at all. I have started daydreaming to just escape the truth that she doesn't love me the way I do. My dreams are beautiful but this reality sucks. And this is affecting our relationship. I feel that I don't want to be just a friend anymore. I also think that I don't matter to her a lot. Recently she asked me out for a movie. I told her that I wasn't interested and that she and our common best friend could go and watch it. Since I didn't wish to come she decided to invite one of her friends whom I find extremely repulsive due to her closeness with A. Now they are all going together. This is my birthday month, I feel like the surprises have just started. I don't know what damage these surprises would have done to me by my birthday. I really need your help. What am I supposed to do?
Ans:

Dear E,

Usual periods of confusions start just before puberty and goes on for a few years thereon. And it’s also normal to feel confused and question your sexual orientation.

I feel you can surprise yourself by accepting your confusions.

Rather than obsessing over what your friend will do or should do, can you instead focus on exploring your mind and clearing your confusions.

You can seek the help of an expert to help you figure out your sexual orientation which will help you channelise your energies more meaningfully.

So instead of jealousies and insecurities, try to move into confidence and happiness.

This gap can be filled by focusing on easing the confusions in the mind. So, the birthday month can be a gift to yourself rather in a very useful way.

At 16, turn your friends’ circle into something more as a powerful tool rather than weaken your resolve.

Utilise your strengths to better yourself and move towards clarity to create the best life as yet!

All the best!

..Read more

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I am a 41-year-old consultant working for an IT firm for the past 16 years. Lately, my job has been very demanding. I have been working 14 to 16 hours at work, with no weekends or holidays. The work pressure is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I was unwell for two weeks and have been advised by doctors to consider taking up a less stressful job. I have a masters in finance. Do you have any suggestions on what alternate career options I could consider?
Ans: Absolutely, it sounds like you've been burning the midnight oil for quite some time! It's crucial to prioritize your health and well-being, especially when the demands of your job start to affect you physically and mentally. Let's explore some alternative career avenues where you can still leverage your expertise and experience in finance without the overwhelming stress:

1. Financial Technology (FinTech) Specialist:

Step into the world of FinTech, where your expertise in IT and finance can revolutionize traditional banking and financial services. By developing innovative solutions that streamline processes and enhance user experiences, you'll contribute to a more efficient and accessible financial ecosystem, all while enjoying a less stressful work environment compared to client-facing roles.

2. Cybersecurity Analyst in Finance:

Protecting sensitive financial data is paramount in today's digital landscape. As a cybersecurity analyst specializing in finance, your dual proficiency in IT and finance equips you to safeguard financial institutions from cyber threats with precision and expertise, all while enjoying the stability of a role focused on risk mitigation rather than high-pressure client interactions.

3. Quantitative Analyst (Quant) in Finance:

Dive into the world of quantitative analysis, where your technical prowess and financial insight can drive data-driven decisions in portfolio management, risk assessment, and trading strategies. By leveraging your combined knowledge, you'll excel in roles that prioritize analytical rigor and strategic thinking, offering a more predictable and structured work environment compared to consultancy roles.

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Moneywize

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Financial Planner - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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I have submitted my Form 15 to my bank in April 2023. My income falls under the non-taxable category against interest received from bank FDs. Bank has not deducted any TDS up to September 2023 but from October 2023 they have started deducting TDS on FD interest earned by me saying that interest earned on my FDs have crossed the limit of Rs 5 lakh. Is the bank right in deducting tax citing this reason? Please enlighten me.
Ans: No, the bank is likely not right in this case. Here's why:

• Form 15G validity: A valid Form 15G submitted before April 1, 2023 is applicable for the entire financial year 2023-24 (assessment year 2024-25). This means if your income falls under the non-taxable category, the bank shouldn't deduct TDS on your FD interest for the entire year.
• TDS exemption limit: The current exemption limit for TDS on FD interest is Rs 40,000 for individuals below 60 years old, and Rs 50,000 for senior citizens (above 60 years old). There's no limit of Rs 5 lakh for TDS deduction on FD interest.

Here's what you can do:

• Reach out to your bank: Inform them that you submitted a valid Form 15G and your income falls under the non-taxable category. You can clarify the exemption limit and point out the mistake.
• Request rectification: Ask the bank to rectify the error and reverse the TDS deducted on your FD interest from October 2023 onwards.
• Seek professional help: If the bank doesn't resolve the issue, consider seeking help from a tax consultant or financial advisor. They can guide you further on how to claim a refund for the deducted TDS.

Additional points to consider:

• Ensure you have a copy of the Form 15G submission acknowledgement for your records.
• Keep a record of any communication with the bank regarding the TDS deduction.

By following these steps, you should be able to resolve the issue with the bank and avoid unnecessary TDS deduction on your FD interest.

...Read more

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