My partner gets angry over very small things. Last time, I didn't respond to his call for 15 minutes and he kept calling to check what happened. Earlier, I thought it was out of concern, but even if I meet my friends without telling him, he gets upset. We fight over little, trivial things, and he would later say he didn’t mean it. I am scared to speak my mind. I don't know what will make him angry. How do I know if this is a toxic relationship?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is great that you have been spoiling your girlfriend with gifts, outings, etc. I am sure she appreciates them. But in a healthy relationship, the material things matter less than the effort and thought you are putting behind them. If you are in a solid relationship, your partner won't mind even if you are not giving her expensive gifts or taking her out to expensive restaurants. Moreover, what you are feeling right now is a healthy realization. Couples often confuse the initial bonding as something that needs constant spending of money. That does make your partner happy, but that is not exactly what makes her fall in love with you.

Now realistically, the biggest sign that your approach needs adjustment is that it's getting heavy on your pockets and you are borrowing money to keep up the experience. This is where it needs to be checked because this approach is not sustainable. Relationships are about emotional safety and comfort, not a financial performance. Too many expensive gestures can lead a couple to lose sight of the actual connection. Here's a healthier balance: cut down on the luxury; instead of an expensive restaurant, go for a cup of tea, maybe. See how she responds to the scaling down. If it really affects your relationship, it was never strong to last. Ideally, it should not matter. Don't build romance on financial stress. Moreover, if she ever mentions that you don't do the grand things you once did, it doesn't immediately mean she is materialistic. Sudden cutdown can feel like losing attention. Just communicate the financial aspect of it honestly. Let her know that as much as you loved doing them for her, it was really difficult to maintain, but are still doing everything but maybe in a smaller scale that fits your budget. There's nothing wrong in that, please remember that.

Hope this helps.