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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |185 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2025

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 30, 2025Hindi
Relationship

My partner gets angry over very small things. Last time, I didn't respond to his call for 15 minutes and he kept calling to check what happened. Earlier, I thought it was out of concern, but even if I meet my friends without telling him, he gets upset. We fight over little, trivial things, and he would later say he didn’t mean it. I am scared to speak my mind. I don't know what will make him angry. How do I know if this is a toxic relationship?

Ans: I am scared to speak my mind. you said this. This will end up becoming a relationship you will not wish to be in.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |703 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 24, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
What are the warning signs that your partner is a toxic one?
Ans: A- Dear Anonymous,

It is tricky to identify if your partner is toxic, or to recognize toxic traits but here are some behaviors that are considered toxic in most cases, but these too depend on the context.

• Jealousy- If your partner seems jealous every time you speak to the opposite sex or even of your success, it is ideally considered a toxic trait.
• Controlling- Trying to control how you carry yourself, whom you meet or even your social circle is a clear red flag. In every possible scenario, this is toxic.
• Keeping score- Yesterday you fought, so today your partner feels they are entitled to start a fight, or last week they sorted a fight so this week you should or the ball is in their court. If this is how your partner handles every situation and brings in a sense of competition in your relationship, it can be easily defined as an unhealthy relationship.
• Drama- Does your partner thrive on drama? No amount of love is worth it.
• Cheating- It goes without saying that cheating is a red flag. Not only if your partner has been physically involved with someone else but also if they are building a romantic emotional connection with someone.
• Trust issues- It can happen to the best of us, but if someone is suffering from trust issues, the onus is on them to sort it out instead of doubting their partner's every move.

If your partner exhibits one or all of these traits, it is best you have a clear discussion and point out the habits that are bothering you. But remember, some of these can be harmless based on the situation.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1769 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 24, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, how to know if I'm in Toxic relation? Problem is my wife gets angry for reasons only known to her. When she got angry she locks the door and stay there until you kept banging it. Even left unattended she will stay inside the room for day (last time she stayed for 4days without food- I believe so) or she leaves the house without information and I need go out and search for her. Even if she opens the door by anychance I should beg like anything for her to eat/drink. There's no communication whatsoever. I tried to convey it many times, if you got angry take sometime and should respond saying what mistake I did either by a message or a note or something she is comfortable with. But all the efforts were in vain. Its been almost 1.5years but still we did consumate, I took her to a gynecologist but even after getting some consultation she didn't change. Sometimes she showcases too much affection and also the anger side. I feel like I'm fearing to talk to take even small decisions like spending time with my family/friends/going out alone. Even she gets possessive if I talk to my cousin/neiece which I don't understand. Informed her father/brother on few things but still there is no improvement. I just feel I'm lost and donno about the future (kids/house/bring parents to stay with me/ etc..). Plz help
Ans: Dear Sandeep,
What you are facing is called 'Emotional Blackmail' which is toxic. It's like when a child who cannot speak does not get what he/she wants, there's a tantrum thrown around just to get your attention.
As an adult, your wife is displaying something similar as she protests by locking herself up to get your attention and make you do or undo certain things that has caused her displeasure or sadness.
She must train herself to communicate what she wants and not, what exactly she does not like...instead if she throws a tantrum, ignore her...even if it's a child, instead of giving into the tantrum, if you ignore, the child calms down and then learns how to convey through communication...
When she is hungry or thirsty, eventually she will open the door and eat...don't worry. But the more you accept this behavior, the more she will continue to gain your attention. So help her learn how to communicate.
(By the way, how does a gynaecologist fit in here? I don't understand the relevance!)
But it be good if you did do a blood check to rule out any vitamin deficiencies which can trigger a lot of low states of mind. Talk to your GP who can advice you on this...till then help her learn a new behavior of communication.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11045 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 27, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2026Hindi
Money
I am a corporate IT employee working as a senior development lead in an MNC with 17 years of experience. I am 40 years old with 6 years old son. My current portfolio includes the following. 1. PF balance is 26 lakhs 2. company shares worth 19lakhs. 3. mutual funds worth 1.4 crores. 4. I have life insurance policy worth 20 lakhs as asset 5. NPS corpus 14 lakhs 6. Home worth 1 crores I have a home loan outstanding of rupees 63 lakhs for 12 years and EMI of which is 68000 rupees with 8.5 percent ROI. My gross salary is 3.75 lakhs and in-hand salary is Rs 221000. I get a bonus of 15 percent of my gross salary and a annual raise of 7 percent. My basic salary is Rs. 128000. I do mutual fund SIP of 1 lakh a month. Other savings in each month includes or deducted are Pf 31k, NPS 17k and company share 16k. . I want to retire in 3/5 years. Also keep in mind that : 1. My current Monthly expenses of 50k is excluding loan emi. 2. I will keep SIP 1 lakhs and will not prepay home loan till I retire or suggest should I prepay or grow my Mutual fund instead. 3. The retirement expenses should rise as per inflation and a bit more for lifestyle upgrade. 4.Also I have a term insurance of 50lakhs which I will continue post retirement aswell. 5. I am planning to settle my home loan outstanding with my gratuity, company share and full and final settlement when I leave company. Assuming my monthly current expenses as 50k and can be increased with inflation and lifestyle upgrade and having own home, Suggest if I can retire in 3 or 5 years taking into consideration of my loan outstanding liability and 1 kid of 6 years old's future expenses like study and marriage and my retirement expenses ?
Ans: You have built a very strong financial base at 40. Your savings rate is excellent. Your discipline in SIP, PF, NPS and equity exposure shows maturity. Very few people at your age reach this level of corpus. That is a big positive.

Now let us evaluate this calmly and practically.

» Your Current Financial Position

– Mutual Funds: Rs 1.4 crore
– PF: Rs 26 lakhs
– NPS: Rs 14 lakhs
– Company Shares: Rs 19 lakhs
– Home Value: Rs 1 crore
– Outstanding Loan: Rs 63 lakhs
– Monthly Expense (excluding EMI): Rs 50,000
– EMI: Rs 68,000

Your total financial assets are strong. But retirement decision depends on cash flow sustainability, not just asset size.

» Retirement in 3 Years – Is It Practical?

If you retire at 43:

– Your son will be only 9 years old.
– You will have at least 40+ years of post-retirement life.
– Education costs will rise sharply after 5–10 years.
– Inflation will steadily increase your lifestyle expenses.

Today expense is Rs 50k. In 10–12 years it can easily double or more. Also lifestyle upgrade is expected, as you rightly mentioned.

Even if you clear the home loan using gratuity, shares and settlement:

– Your investible corpus will reduce.
– You will depend fully on investments for income.
– No salary cushion.
– Child education peak years not yet started.

Retiring in 3 years looks aggressive and financially tight.

» Retirement in 5 Years – More Realistic?

If you work till 45:

– Your MF corpus may grow significantly with continued Rs 1 lakh SIP.
– PF and NPS will also grow.
– Bonus and annual increment will add strength.
– You will reduce risk of sequence of return shock.

By 45, if your corpus grows meaningfully and loan is closed, early retirement becomes more realistic.

Even then, you must evaluate whether corpus can generate inflation-adjusted income for 40+ years without erosion.

» Home Loan – Prepay or Continue?

Current loan rate: 8.5%

You are investing heavily in equity mutual funds.

Long-term equity returns historically beat 8.5%. So from a pure mathematical view, continuing SIP instead of prepaying makes sense.

But retirement planning is not only maths. It is about risk comfort.

If your plan is to close loan using:

– Gratuity
– Company shares
– Final settlement

That is a reasonable strategy. It preserves compounding now and gives mental freedom at retirement.

I would not suggest aggressive prepayment now if retirement corpus growth is priority.

» Child Education & Marriage Planning

Your son is 6.

– Higher education likely in 12 years.
– Marriage maybe 20+ years later.

Education cost inflation is higher than normal inflation.

You must mentally earmark a separate corpus within your mutual funds for:

– Graduation
– Post graduation (if abroad, very high cost)

This amount should not be mixed with retirement corpus.

If this segregation is not done, early retirement becomes risky.

» Risk in Company Shares

You have Rs 19 lakhs in company shares.

– This is concentration risk.
– Your salary and wealth both depend on same company.

Before retirement, gradually reduce this exposure and diversify into professionally managed mutual funds.

» Term Insurance

You mentioned:

– Rs 50 lakh term cover
– Rs 20 lakh life policy (investment type)

At 40 with dependent child and non-working spouse, Rs 50 lakh term cover is on the lower side.

If you retire early, income stops. But responsibility remains.

You may need to review total risk cover adequacy before retirement decision.

» Retirement Income Sustainability

Today expense Rs 50k.

After loan closure and lifestyle upgrade, assume:

– Rs 70k–80k in near future
– With inflation, it may cross Rs 1.5–2 lakh per month in 20–25 years.

Retirement corpus must survive:

– Market volatility
– Inflation
– Child education withdrawal
– Medical inflation
– 40+ years longevity risk

Early retirement at 43 needs a very large cushion. At present, it appears borderline unless markets perform very strongly.

» What I Would Suggest

– Target retirement at 45 instead of 43.
– Continue Rs 1 lakh SIP strictly.
– Do not prepay loan now.
– Close loan fully at exit using settlement and shares.
– Reduce company stock concentration slowly.
– Separate child education corpus mentally and structurally.
– Review term cover adequacy.
– Keep 2 years expenses in safe instruments before retirement to manage market volatility.

» Important Behavioural Question

Ask yourself:

Do you want complete retirement?
Or financial independence with option to consult, freelance, part-time?

At 45, shifting to lower stress income option may be wiser than full retirement.

That reduces pressure on corpus.

» Final Insights

– You are financially disciplined and ahead of many peers.
– Retirement in 3 years looks risky.
– Retirement in 5 years can be possible if markets support and corpus grows strongly.
– Child education and longevity are the biggest risk factors.
– Loan closure at retirement is a good psychological move.
– Focus on building bigger margin of safety.

Early retirement is possible for you. But it should be done with strength, not stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1856 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Feb 26, 2026

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11045 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 26, 2026

Money
Hi Ramalingam Sir, Very fond of your guidance. I`ve invested in ICICI Prudential Guranteed Income Plan with PPT of 10 Years & Policy Term is 11 Years. The Yearly Premium is 5 lakhs with Guaranteed Early Income i.e which started from 2nd year onwards is 1.19 Lacs. After 11th year Guaranteed Yearly Income will be 6.38 Lacs. I started this Policy in 2022. Very soon I realized that this is not worth of investing my money. I decided to stop Premium after 2 years which made my Policy as Paid up status which means all benefits are reduced but Policy is Active. I changed myself as I did mistakes in Past (by taking this policy) and now I read each clause very carefully. Now in this case If i surrender, the Surrender value is calculated based on Guaranteed factor X Total premium paid - Income already Paid. Now currently Surrender value is 2.9 Lacs as GV factor is 50%. This factor will improve Gradually with time and by 9th year it will went to 90%. I want to Surrender but now will incur heavy loss (approx. 4.8 lacs) ( to me while in 9th year at least I`ll get 90% of my Premiums back. So pl. advice what is right approach as when should i think for Surrender. As of now by God grace I`m not in any financial emergency. Further is my understanding correct that SV will rise with time. Thanks in advance for your guidance.
Ans: It is very good that you have started reading your policy papers so closely now. Most people do not take the time to understand the fine print, but you have already taken a big step by identifying that this plan does not match your long-term goals. Your ability to stop the premium early shows you are now in control of your money.

» Understanding your paid-up policy and surrender value

Your understanding of how the Surrender Value (SV) works is mostly right. In these types of plans, the Guaranteed Surrender Value factor does go up as the years pass. However, there is a catch. While the percentage factor increases, the insurance company also deducts the income they have already paid out to you from the final amount. Even if you wait until the 9th year to get 90% of your premiums back, you are losing out on the "time value" of that money. Money sitting in a low-yield environment for nine years loses its buying power because of inflation.

» The math behind surrendering now versus later

If you surrender today, you take a big loss of Rs. 4.8 lakhs. This feels painful. But if you keep the money locked in just to avoid the loss, you are essentially letting the company hold your remaining Rs. 2.9 lakhs for several more years at a very low return. A 360-degree view suggests that if you take the money out now and put it into a productive asset like a diversified portfolio of actively managed mutual funds, that money can work much harder for you. Actively managed funds are great because a professional fund manager chooses the best stocks to beat the market, unlike other options that just follow a fixed list.

» Why regular funds and expert guidance matter

Since you mentioned you want to be careful now, it is better to invest through regular plans with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. Many people think direct funds are better because of lower fees, but they often end up making emotional mistakes or picking the wrong funds without a guide. A regular plan gives you access to professional advice and periodic reviews, which ensures you stay on track. This expert support is worth much more than the small cost difference, especially when you are trying to recover from a past investment mistake.

» Opportunity cost and your next steps

Since you do not have a financial emergency, you have a great chance to build wealth. Instead of waiting years just to get your original 5 lakhs back, you can take what is left and start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP). Over the next seven to eight years, a well-managed equity fund could potentially grow that small amount into something much larger than what the insurance policy would ever pay. The loss you take today is the "fees" for a valuable lesson, but staying in the plan is a continuous cost.

» Tax rules to keep in mind

When you move your money to equity mutual funds, remember the tax rules. If you hold your investment for more than a year, it is called Long Term Capital Gain (LTCG). Any profit above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. If you sell before one year, the profit is taxed at 20%. This is still very efficient compared to many other products.

» Finally

The best approach is usually to exit such low-yield insurance-cum-investment plans as soon as possible. Since your policy is already paid-up, it is not eating new money, but it is wasting your old money. Surrendering now and moving the funds into actively managed mutual funds through a regular plan will likely put you in a much stronger position by the 11th year compared to waiting for the policy to mature.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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