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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |182 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2025

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 30, 2025Hindi
Relationship

My partner gets angry over very small things. Last time, I didn't respond to his call for 15 minutes and he kept calling to check what happened. Earlier, I thought it was out of concern, but even if I meet my friends without telling him, he gets upset. We fight over little, trivial things, and he would later say he didn’t mean it. I am scared to speak my mind. I don't know what will make him angry. How do I know if this is a toxic relationship?

Ans: I am scared to speak my mind. you said this. This will end up becoming a relationship you will not wish to be in.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |694 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 24, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
What are the warning signs that your partner is a toxic one?
Ans: A- Dear Anonymous,

It is tricky to identify if your partner is toxic, or to recognize toxic traits but here are some behaviors that are considered toxic in most cases, but these too depend on the context.

• Jealousy- If your partner seems jealous every time you speak to the opposite sex or even of your success, it is ideally considered a toxic trait.
• Controlling- Trying to control how you carry yourself, whom you meet or even your social circle is a clear red flag. In every possible scenario, this is toxic.
• Keeping score- Yesterday you fought, so today your partner feels they are entitled to start a fight, or last week they sorted a fight so this week you should or the ball is in their court. If this is how your partner handles every situation and brings in a sense of competition in your relationship, it can be easily defined as an unhealthy relationship.
• Drama- Does your partner thrive on drama? No amount of love is worth it.
• Cheating- It goes without saying that cheating is a red flag. Not only if your partner has been physically involved with someone else but also if they are building a romantic emotional connection with someone.
• Trust issues- It can happen to the best of us, but if someone is suffering from trust issues, the onus is on them to sort it out instead of doubting their partner's every move.

If your partner exhibits one or all of these traits, it is best you have a clear discussion and point out the habits that are bothering you. But remember, some of these can be harmless based on the situation.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 24, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, how to know if I'm in Toxic relation? Problem is my wife gets angry for reasons only known to her. When she got angry she locks the door and stay there until you kept banging it. Even left unattended she will stay inside the room for day (last time she stayed for 4days without food- I believe so) or she leaves the house without information and I need go out and search for her. Even if she opens the door by anychance I should beg like anything for her to eat/drink. There's no communication whatsoever. I tried to convey it many times, if you got angry take sometime and should respond saying what mistake I did either by a message or a note or something she is comfortable with. But all the efforts were in vain. Its been almost 1.5years but still we did consumate, I took her to a gynecologist but even after getting some consultation she didn't change. Sometimes she showcases too much affection and also the anger side. I feel like I'm fearing to talk to take even small decisions like spending time with my family/friends/going out alone. Even she gets possessive if I talk to my cousin/neiece which I don't understand. Informed her father/brother on few things but still there is no improvement. I just feel I'm lost and donno about the future (kids/house/bring parents to stay with me/ etc..). Plz help
Ans: Dear Sandeep,
What you are facing is called 'Emotional Blackmail' which is toxic. It's like when a child who cannot speak does not get what he/she wants, there's a tantrum thrown around just to get your attention.
As an adult, your wife is displaying something similar as she protests by locking herself up to get your attention and make you do or undo certain things that has caused her displeasure or sadness.
She must train herself to communicate what she wants and not, what exactly she does not like...instead if she throws a tantrum, ignore her...even if it's a child, instead of giving into the tantrum, if you ignore, the child calms down and then learns how to convey through communication...
When she is hungry or thirsty, eventually she will open the door and eat...don't worry. But the more you accept this behavior, the more she will continue to gain your attention. So help her learn how to communicate.
(By the way, how does a gynaecologist fit in here? I don't understand the relevance!)
But it be good if you did do a blood check to rule out any vitamin deficiencies which can trigger a lot of low states of mind. Talk to your GP who can advice you on this...till then help her learn a new behavior of communication.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10999 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 30, 2026

Money
I have invested Rs. 50000 in Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund and another Rs. 50000 in HDFC Flexicap Fund in July 2025 and while the former is always in red the latter is giving around 4- 5% return. Should I continue to remain invested in them or would you suggest switching to a a different fund.
Ans: First, I appreciate your discipline in investing and reviewing your funds soon after you started. That habit itself is a strong pillar of long-term financial success.

» Understanding your current investment situation
– You invested Rs. 50,000 in an actively managed mid-cap fund (Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund) in July 2025
– You also invested Rs. 50,000 in a flexi-cap equity fund (HDFC Flexicap Fund) at the same time
– The mid-cap fund is currently showing negative returns
– The flexi-cap fund is showing around 4–5 percent return

» Why performance can differ between funds
– Mid-cap funds tend to be more volatile, especially over short periods
– Early investment performance is not a reliable signal of future outcomes in equity funds
– Actively managed funds can differ significantly based on stock picks, sector bets and market cycles
– Equity funds need time (typically 5+ years) to smooth out ups and downs

» What to assess before deciding to continue or switch
– Time horizon: How long can you stay invested? Equity should ideally be for medium to long term (5 years or more)
– Risk appetite: Mid-cap funds swing more than diversified equity funds and need higher risk tolerance
– Fund objectives and style: Does the fund’s approach match your goals and conviction?
– Consistency of performance: Compare returns over multiple periods (1 year, 3 years, 5 years) relative to peers, not just since inception
– Fund manager experience: Long-term funds often benefit from stable and experienced management

» Should you remain invested or switch? (Practical assessment)
– For the mid-cap fund showing negative returns early:

Equity markets can move up and down in the short term. A few months of red should not be the sole reason to exit if your time horizon is 5 years or more.

If your comfort with volatility is low, consider shifting part or all of the amount to a less volatile equity category or balanced equity oriented option.
– For the flexi-cap fund with modest positive return:

Flexi-cap funds dynamically adjust allocation across market caps and help moderate volatility.

If the fund continues to align with your risk and goals, holding it makes sense.
– Do not make decisions based on short-term returns alone. Give equity adequate time to perform.

» Why actively managed funds serve you better in your case
– Market benchmarks (like index funds) simply mirror market movements without risk management choices. In falling phases, index funds have no active decision to protect capital.
– Actively managed funds can take defensive steps when markets weaken, and reallocate to sectors or stocks with better risk-reward prospects.
– For individual investors, this active oversight brings discipline and better behavioral support, especially in turbulent markets.

» How to decide if switching is needed (Step by step)
– Re-evaluate the mid-cap fund’s long-term prospects rather than recent performance
– Compare its performance with similar actively managed mid-cap peers, not the index
– If you find its strategy, risk profile or management lacking, consider a more diversified actively managed equity option suitable for your horizon
– Avoid switching too frequently, as this can erode returns and incur costs

» Final Insights
– Stay invested if your time horizon is 5 years or more and you can accept volatility
– Early red in mid-cap is not a reason by itself to exit, but do assess comfort level
– Actively managed equity funds offer better risk management than passive index approaches
– Periodic review every 12–18 months, not monthly, should guide your decisions

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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