Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SAIBAL Question by SAIBAL on Dec 04, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Off late i mate ex flame of mind. Due to some reason or other, we did not get married. Both of us have abusive partners. We are suffering a lot in our respective marriages. Shall we continue our friendship? We find lot of peace in talking with each other.

Ans: Dear Saibal,
Obviously after meeting after ages, the spark will be rekindled and your existing lives with your spouses are not going to look any great.
Ask yourself:
What will I risk by indulging into a connection outside of marriage?
How much of a connection do I want to have with my ex-flame?
Will I be able to keep to only a friendship?
Will my ex-flame also be able to draw the line where and when necessary?
Are we both going to be able to be mature about this and strictly maintain a connection that is healthy?

Also, it's okay to find peace by talking to one another; but don't get dependent on it. Find a way to seek that within relationships that are for keeps...otherwise, the focus will shift to maintaining the relationship outside of marriage and there will be less attention on the marriage. Then sooner than later, you will both find your marriage even more dull and boring.
I do not understand what you mean by 'abusive' partners as you have not provided enough data for me on this to use in my response to you...
Also, I am unaware if there are children involved in this equation on both sides...If YES, tread carefully as you do not want to be rocking the boat on that one...Children getting impacted at whatever age can be very tedious on them!

Bottom line: if both of you are mature about this friendship and not use each other as emotional crutches, then you know you are in the right place. Growing in any relationship and providing the space for the other to grow is a pillar that you should work on. Now you know, what you are looking at, right?

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, I am a married 27 yr old girl pursuing my medical PG degree in a college and my husband is also fellow doctor residing in another city. I stay in a hostel and I was in a relationship with a guy during my UG days. Actually he used to be my best friend. We are a gang of 4 and no one knows about my relationship except us both. We moved on due to caste issues and foreseeing the problems after marriage in our families. We are in touch with each other. He got PG degree in my college and seeing him is haunting my memories though we talk casually and not on regular basis. My husband knows about us and asked me to avoid him. But I can't give up on my friendship. Can a friendship aged in love not be reverted to friendship?
Ans:

Dear DR,

Feelings aren’t something that can be set aside that easily.

To lead a different relationship than the one that you were in with the same person requires a lot of emotional maturity from both of you to make this real and honest.

If you look at it from the point of view of your husband, he might either be insecure about this, or he can foresee a situation up ahead which might not be very pleasant.

You have mentioned that seeing him is bringing back memories.

Are you really ready to maintain a friendship without the feelings coming in the way? Are you ready to manage what this might do to your husband?

If you are ready and be objective about all of this, then first sit your husband down and talk to him and his fears.

Reassure him but like any relationship, all this requires a lot of work and then it’s also time to ask yourself, is this all worth it and do I really need to do this?

Also, is the other person from your past, also willing to understand that this requires him to put your marriage above his needs?

So, check with yourself what and how much you can handle and whether you are ready for this new challenge?

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, I am a married 27 yr old girl pursuing my medical PG degree in a college and my husband is also fellow doctor residing in another city. I stay in a hostel and I was in a relationship with a guy during my UG days. Actually he used to be my best friend. We are a gang of 4 and no one knows about my relationship except us both. We moved on due to caste issues and foreseeing the problems after marriage in our families. We are in touch with each other. He got PG degree in my college and seeing him is haunting my memories though we talk casually and not on regular basis. My husband knows about us and asked me to avoid him. But I can't give up on my friendship. Can a friendship aged in love not be reverted to friendship?
Ans:

Dear DR,

Feelings aren’t something that can be set aside that easily.

To lead a different relationship than the one that you were in with the same person requires a lot of emotional maturity from both of you to make this real and honest.

If you look at it from the point of view of your husband, he might either be insecure about this, or he can foresee a situation up ahead which might not be very pleasant.

You have mentioned that seeing him is bringing back memories.

Are you really ready to maintain a friendship without the feelings coming in the way? Are you ready to manage what this might do to your husband?

If you are ready and be objective about all of this, then first sit your husband down and talk to him and his fears.

Reassure him but like any relationship, all this requires a lot of work and then it’s also time to ask yourself, is this all worth it and do I really need to do this?

Also, is the other person from your past, also willing to understand that this requires him to put your marriage above his needs?

So, check with yourself what and how much you can handle and whether you are ready for this new challenge?

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Madam I had a relationship with my childhood friend until last year. We both got married to different people. Due to some misunderstanding, he is not talking to me right now. I tried to contact him through social media but there has been no response from his side. My intention is to continue with our friendship. His thoughts are torturing me badly and I am suffering with depression these days. I am trying to get out of this. But I'm unable to do so. Help me out, what should I do now?
Ans:

Dear LM,

There is a reason for him ‘ghosting’ you.

Was your ‘relationship’ one sided?

Was he clear that he was not in any sort of commitment with you?

Did you at any point think that this might be a long haul one?

Sometimes, people believe relationships are meant to last forever.

Nice fairy tales they fool themselves with and then build expectations up and then drive into a well of foolish decisions only to realise that they have led themselves to self-pity to play a victim.

This is what you are doing to yourself.

Rise above and know that he isn’t interested anymore. Who are you crying over? Who are you waiting for? And is he worth spoiling your state of mind?

Start by de-focusing…

  • Put away all stuff that holds his memories
  • Be with your friends who can support you
  • Eat and sleep well and on time
  • Pick up a new hobby or learn a new language to divert the attention

And you don’t have depression unless clinically diagnosed.

You are just feeling low and sad, and it will slowly fade away. Have faith but take the first step to make yourself feel better.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Madam I had a relationship with my childhood friend till last year. We both got married to different people. Due to some misunderstanding he is not talking to me right now. I tried lot from my end to contact him through social media but no response from his side. My intention is why can’t we be friends at least now. His thoughts are torturing me badly and I am suffering with depression now a days. I am trying to get out of this, but I'm unable to do so. Help me out, what should I do now.Pls reply through email only. It should be confidential.
Ans:

Dear LM,

Things have moved for him, and he has clearly decided to move on.

Why choose to pine so much? If it is some misunderstanding, give him time to sort it in his mind and get back to you.

Trying and not getting the expected result will cause you more pain and anguish over the fact that he is not responding because of this and that.

Your mind will search for all reasons to justify your pain and the action that you have taken to reach out to him.

Give this a break. Respect his decision as hard as it maybe for you, but if he somewhere in the future decides to be a friend, let him approach you.

The more you are chasing him, the more it is hitting your self-esteem with the rejection and soon it will start to make you feel bitter. So, Pause and take that break.

And to defocus on this, make sure you spend more time with your existing set of friends, go deeper into work (if you are a working professional), spend more time with your family, develop new hobbies and more…

What all this does is, give the mind an alternate path to focus on…slowly, the pain starts to ease as your focus on him eases…and this is possible only if you willfully choose to ease the pain for yourself.

Your life, your choice…so, be kind on yourself and choose what’s best for your mind and you.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11060 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

Money
Hi Sir, This is my second question after one and half years. I am running 37 years old. My inhand salary after all deductions is 77k. I have loan emi 32k which is going to end in feb 2027. I don't have any savings and mutual fund. How do i start financial planning and investment? I have my wife,6 years old son and 4 years old daughter. No other dependents. I would like to plan investment for house building after 7 years( my own plot around 1500 sq ft). Kindly advise.
Ans: You are asking this question at the right time. At 37, you still have many earning years ahead. Taking responsibility for your wife and two young children while planning for a future house shows strong commitment towards your family.

Even though you have no savings today, your situation can improve with a structured approach.

» Understanding Your Present Financial Position

Your monthly income and commitments are:

– Monthly income: Rs 77k
– Loan EMI: Rs 32k (till Feb 2027)
– Family of four with two young children

Currently your loan EMI is consuming a large portion of income. So the first phase of planning should focus on stability and protection.

» Build Emergency Fund First

Before investing, you must create an emergency fund.

This fund protects your family if:

– Job loss happens
– Medical emergency occurs
– Unexpected expenses arise

Try to accumulate at least 6 months of expenses.

Start small.

– Save around Rs 5k to Rs 8k monthly
– Keep this in a liquid fund or safe savings instrument

Do not use this money for any other purpose.

» Protect Your Family with Insurance

Since you are the only earning member, protection is critical.

You should have:

– Pure term insurance of at least Rs 1 crore
– Family health insurance cover for wife and children

Without these protections, one unexpected event can destroy financial plans.

Insurance is the foundation of financial planning.

» Begin Investment Through SIP

Once the emergency fund starts building, begin systematic investment.

Mutual funds are suitable for long-term goals like children education and house construction.

Prefer actively managed diversified equity funds.

Benefits of actively managed funds:

– Professional fund managers select quality companies
– Portfolio changes based on market conditions
– Aim to generate returns higher than market average

Start with small SIP.

Even Rs 5k to Rs 10k per month is a good beginning.

Over time you can increase it.

» House Construction Goal After 7 Years

You already own the plot. That is a big advantage.

Construction cost after 7 years may be substantial.

So your strategy should be:

– Continue SIP in equity funds for growth
– Increase investment once EMI ends in Feb 2027

When your EMI of Rs 32k stops, that amount becomes your biggest opportunity.

If you redirect that EMI into investments:

– Wealth can grow much faster
– House construction fund can accumulate steadily

» Planning for Children Education

Your children are 6 and 4 years old.

Higher education will come after 10 to 15 years.

This long time horizon is perfect for equity mutual funds.

Start small SIPs now in diversified funds and gradually increase contributions every year.

The power of compounding will work strongly over this time.

» Keep Investments Simple

Avoid spreading money across too many instruments.

A simple structure works best:

– Emergency fund for safety
– Equity mutual funds for long-term goals
– Limited exposure to other assets

Simplicity helps you stay disciplined.

» Tax Awareness

When you redeem equity mutual funds:

– Long term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%
– Short term gains taxed at 20%

Holding investments for longer periods reduces tax burden.

» Finally

Your financial journey should start step by step.

Focus on these priorities:

– Build emergency fund first
– Take term insurance and health insurance
– Start small SIP in actively managed equity funds
– After Feb 2027, redirect EMI amount into investments
– Gradually build corpus for house construction and children education

Consistency is more important than starting with big amounts.

If you remain disciplined, your financial situation can change significantly in the next 7 to 10 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |599 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2026Hindi
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11060 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

Money
I am 36 years old and now I am getting in hand 60k staying at Bangalore .I have 18.5 lakhs in my bank account. Room rent 10k household expenses 12 k invested 10k in sip. Please guide me how to and where to invest this amount..layoff also going on in my it company. Please suggest for my safe future . I have a 3 year boy his health also not good .
Ans: Your situation shows responsibility and awareness. At age 36, earning Rs.60,000 per month, maintaining savings of Rs.18.5 lakhs, and already investing through SIP shows good financial discipline. Also, your concern about job stability and your child’s health shows that you are thinking about your family’s long-term security. With a few structured steps, you can strengthen your financial safety and future stability.

» Your Current Financial Position

– Monthly in-hand income: around Rs.60,000
– Rent: Rs.10,000
– Household expenses: Rs.12,000
– SIP investment: Rs.10,000
– Savings in bank: Rs.18.5 lakhs

This means you are living within your income and also saving regularly. That is a very positive starting point.

However, because there are layoffs in the IT sector and you also have family responsibilities, the focus should be on safety, stability, and long-term growth.

» Build a Strong Emergency Fund First

Job uncertainty and your child’s health condition make an emergency reserve very important.

– Keep around 9 to 12 months of expenses as emergency fund
– Your monthly expenses are roughly Rs.22,000 to Rs.25,000
– So maintaining around Rs.3 to 4 lakhs as emergency reserve is sensible

This money should stay in safe and liquid options so that you can access it immediately during job loss or medical needs.

Do not invest this emergency money in risky assets.

» Health Protection for Your Family

Since your child already has health concerns, health insurance becomes very important.

– Take a good family health insurance plan that covers you, your spouse, and your child
– Choose a policy with adequate coverage because medical costs in cities like Bangalore are high
– If your company provides health insurance, do not depend only on that because it stops when you leave the job

Medical protection protects your savings from getting wiped out.

» Use Your Rs.18.5 Lakhs Carefully

You do not need to invest the full amount immediately.

A balanced approach works better.

– Keep around Rs.3 to 4 lakhs as emergency fund
– Keep some amount in safe instruments for short-term needs
– Gradually deploy the remaining money into diversified mutual funds through a systematic transfer approach

This helps you avoid investing a large amount at the wrong market timing.

» Continue and Slowly Increase SIP Investments

You are already investing Rs.10,000 per month in SIP. That is a very good habit.

Over time, you can improve it.

– Increase SIP whenever salary increases
– Focus on diversified equity mutual funds for long-term wealth creation
– Keep your investment horizon at least 10 to 15 years

Equity mutual funds help beat inflation and build long-term wealth for goals like your child’s education.

Actively managed funds are helpful because professional fund managers analyse companies, manage risks, and adjust portfolios based on market conditions. This active management helps investors during uncertain markets.

» Create Separate Goals for Your Child

Your child is only 3 years old. This gives you a long time horizon.

You can create separate investments for:

– Child education
– Child health security
– Long-term family wealth

Starting early helps you accumulate wealth gradually without putting pressure on your monthly budget.

» Improve Career Security

Financial planning is not only about investments. Income stability is equally important.

– Upgrade your skills within the IT industry
– Maintain a secondary emergency skill or certification
– Build professional connections in your industry

This increases your chances of faster recovery even if layoffs happen.

» Avoid Risky Decisions Now

Because your income is moderate and job stability is uncertain, avoid:

– High-risk stock trading
– Investing entire savings in one asset class
– Sudden large investments without planning
– Borrowing money to invest

Your focus should be stability and disciplined growth.

» Work With a Structured Financial Plan

A proper financial plan helps align:

– emergency planning
– insurance protection
– goal-based investments
– tax planning
– retirement planning

A Certified Financial Planner can help structure these elements together so that every rupee you save works toward your long-term financial security.

» Finally

You are already on the right track. Many people at age 36 do not have Rs.18.5 lakhs in savings or a disciplined SIP habit. Your awareness about risk, family needs, and future planning is a strong foundation.

With a balanced approach of emergency protection, proper insurance, disciplined mutual fund investing, and career stability, you can build a safe and strong financial future for your family and your child.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10940 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x