Home > User

Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

LM
LM
Anu

Anu Krishna789 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2022

Asked on - Nov 08, 2022Hindi

Listen
Relationship
Dear Madam
I had a relationship with my childhood friend till last year. We both got married to different people.
Due to some misunderstanding he is not talking to me right now.
I tried lot from my end to contact him through social media but no response from his side.
My intention is why can’t we be friends at least now. His thoughts are torturing me badly and I am suffering with depression now a days.
I am trying to get out of this, but I'm unable to do so. Help me out, what should I do now.

Pls reply through email only. It should be confidential.

Ans:

Dear LM,

Things have moved for him, and he has clearly decided to move on.

Why choose to pine so much? If it is some misunderstanding, give him time to sort it in his mind and get back to you.

Trying and not getting the expected result will cause you more pain and anguish over the fact that he is not responding because of this and that.

Your mind will search for all reasons to justify your pain and the action that you have taken to reach out to him.

Give this a break. Respect his decision as hard as it maybe for you, but if he somewhere in the future decides to be a friend, let him approach you.

The more you are chasing him, the more it is hitting your self-esteem with the rejection and soon it will start to make you feel bitter. So, Pause and take that break.

And to defocus on this, make sure you spend more time with your existing set of friends, go deeper into work (if you are a working professional), spend more time with your family, develop new hobbies and more…

What all this does is, give the mind an alternate path to focus on…slowly, the pain starts to ease as your focus on him eases…and this is possible only if you willfully choose to ease the pain for yourself.

Your life, your choice…so, be kind on yourself and choose what’s best for your mind and you.

Best wishes!

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna789 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

Asked on - Oct 14, 2022Hindi

Listen
Relationship
Dear Madam
I had a relationship with my childhood friend until last year. We both got married to different people.
Due to some misunderstanding, he is not talking to me right now.
I tried to contact him through social media but there has been no response from his side.
My intention is to continue with our friendship.
His thoughts are torturing me badly and I am suffering with depression these days. I am trying to get out of this. But I'm unable to do so.
Help me out, what should I do now?

Ans:

Dear LM,

There is a reason for him ‘ghosting’ you.

Was your ‘relationship’ one sided?

Was he clear that he was not in any sort of commitment with you?

Did you at any point think that this might be a long haul one?

Sometimes, people believe relationships are meant to last forever.

Nice fairy tales they fool themselves with and then build expectations up and then drive into a well of foolish decisions only to realise that they have led themselves to self-pity to play a victim.

This is what you are doing to yourself.

Rise above and know that he isn’t interested anymore. Who are you crying over? Who are you waiting for? And is he worth spoiling your state of mind?

Start by de-focusing…

  • Put away all stuff that holds his memories
  • Be with your friends who can support you
  • Eat and sleep well and on time
  • Pick up a new hobby or learn a new language to divert the attention

And you don’t have depression unless clinically diagnosed.

You are just feeling low and sad, and it will slowly fade away. Have faith but take the first step to make yourself feel better.

All the best!

(more)
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x