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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SAIBAL Question by SAIBAL on Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, Off late i got in touch with my ex girlfriend. We planned to get married but it did not happen. We both are suffering from abusive spouses and underwent a lot of turmoil for last three decades. We both find solace in chatting and talking to each other. Should we continue to remain as friends?

Ans: Dear Saibal,
Your question has been answered here:
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/off-late-mate-ex-flame-mind-due-reason-other-did/5146672

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

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Relationship
Off late i mate ex flame of mind. Due to some reason or other, we did not get married. Both of us have abusive partners. We are suffering a lot in our respective marriages. Shall we continue our friendship? We find lot of peace in talking with each other.
Ans: Dear Saibal,
Obviously after meeting after ages, the spark will be rekindled and your existing lives with your spouses are not going to look any great.
Ask yourself:
What will I risk by indulging into a connection outside of marriage?
How much of a connection do I want to have with my ex-flame?
Will I be able to keep to only a friendship?
Will my ex-flame also be able to draw the line where and when necessary?
Are we both going to be able to be mature about this and strictly maintain a connection that is healthy?

Also, it's okay to find peace by talking to one another; but don't get dependent on it. Find a way to seek that within relationships that are for keeps...otherwise, the focus will shift to maintaining the relationship outside of marriage and there will be less attention on the marriage. Then sooner than later, you will both find your marriage even more dull and boring.
I do not understand what you mean by 'abusive' partners as you have not provided enough data for me on this to use in my response to you...
Also, I am unaware if there are children involved in this equation on both sides...If YES, tread carefully as you do not want to be rocking the boat on that one...Children getting impacted at whatever age can be very tedious on them!

Bottom line: if both of you are mature about this friendship and not use each other as emotional crutches, then you know you are in the right place. Growing in any relationship and providing the space for the other to grow is a pillar that you should work on. Now you know, what you are looking at, right?

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |459 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |459 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, I am 42 male , met a woman 33 for a marriage discussion through parents arranged marriage set up. We started talking and after talking though there were some aspects we admired about each other and found that both of were totally complementary to each other - strengths of one was the weakness of the other. But we both have different life perspectives as well. However, she seems to have been hurt deeply from the previous marriage and has animosity and anger towards certain people type and towards certain situations. She goes into extreme uncontrolled anger when those topics are discussed, her trust on people seem to be too low. after 1 month she said this relationship cannot be taken to marriage citing my past medical history as a high risk factor. I said fine and was happy to move on.. she says though it is a NO, she has invested emotionally and needs time to move on , so until then I should continue to talk to her as a friend. So i continued talking ( over phone only) ..after few months when I got scolded during her regular outbursts.. i decided to stop and move on.. but she pleaded and told me that i should help her by being her friend and motivate her until she finds back a job, which she has resigned 6 months back to heal from depression. I am in dilemma if i should continue to support her or it is best to move on with no contact though it may be painful to her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's amazing that you are supporting her through the breakup, but aren't we forgetting that you broke up too? I'm sure it must have been hard on you too. It is not your job to help her move on from a relationship that she chose to break. It's unfortunate that people have hurt her in the past, but again, the onus is not on you to fix it. You tried fixing something you did not break and that's awesome but don't break yourself in the process. If there were unresolved issues, the best course of action would have been to work on them first and get into a relationship later.

You have done as much as you can, but if it is too much for you, or you simply don't want to continue talking her through the breakup, you can stop right away. You don't owe your ex-partner your unconditional support. Please understand that.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am 50 yrs male married for last 20 yrs, facing domestic abuse mentally, physically from my wife, she is extremely aggressive and use foul language in front of our 13 yrs daughter, family members, friends, maid, driver... she is keep blaming me if anything went wrong be it is financial, Social and economical . She always blame my parents with very abusive language.. she always say negative things in front of my family members for all the things which went wrong due to her extraordinary aggressive and abusive behavior, she always make issues out of normal conversation.. she is also working. She doesn't talk and whenever i try to ignore her, she physically abusive and use foul language with me.. i am trying to adjust with her for the sake of my daughter future. She is very negative, if i try to help her, she will start shouting and use abusive language and start physically abusive towards me I don't know how deal with strange behavior... I am confused and worried, but due family, daughter and society i am tolerating her. Pls help and suggest best possible solutions
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Has this started more recently or has it been going on for a while now? This is a good indicator to know if things were most;y like this or if any recent event has triggered this.
If it is a recent thing, I guess you could try and find out what exactly could have caused this. But if it is something that has been happening for a long time, the reasons could be any and many. Since there is also some physical abuse as you mentioned, kindly make an appointment with a professional who will be able to guide your wife through this challenging time. It possibly involves some unresolved things from the past which is making life currently difficult for all of you.
Work as a family unit together for her and not against her. It's going to make matters worse. She may refuse to go to a professional, then the only option left is for you to develop a lot of patience and deal with this adult to adult with her. No fights, quarrels with her but a lot of quiet conversations which she will initially resist but someday she will give in...So if you want the family to get back together in a healthy way, a lot also depends on how you are going to deal with the situation.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7255 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

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Money
Sir, I am a female private company employee would like to invest Rs 10,00,000 other than in FD's. Considering liquidity and risk pls advise me how to proceed with.
Ans: Your decision to explore alternatives to fixed deposits is commendable. It reflects a balanced approach to achieving better returns while maintaining liquidity and managing risk. Below is a detailed analysis and suggestions on how to proceed with your investment:

Diversified Mutual Fund Portfolio
Mutual funds are ideal for liquidity, risk management, and diversification.

Allocate funds to different mutual fund categories based on your risk appetite and investment goals.

Equity mutual funds: Invest 40% for high returns in the long term. They suit moderate to high-risk tolerance.

Hybrid funds: Allocate 30% to balance equity and debt exposure for stability. These are less volatile.

Debt mutual funds: Invest 30% to preserve capital and ensure liquidity. These offer lower risk.

Actively managed funds are better for growth as they outperform passive options.

Regular plans through an MFD with a CFP offer expert guidance and better fund selection.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Use SWP for a steady cash flow if needed later.

Withdraw systematically without disturbing the principal.

This strategy maintains liquidity and provides tax efficiency.

Corporate Fixed Deposits and Bonds
Invest 20% in AAA-rated corporate FDs or bonds for better returns than bank FDs.

Ensure the issuer has a strong credit rating for safety.

These options provide fixed income and moderate liquidity.

Gold Investment for Diversification
Allocate 10% to gold through Sovereign Gold Bonds or Gold ETFs.

Sovereign Gold Bonds offer an additional annual interest of 2.5%.

Gold acts as a hedge during economic uncertainties.

Liquid Funds for Emergency Needs
Keep 10% in liquid mutual funds for emergencies or short-term goals.

These provide easy access to funds within 24 hours.

Returns are higher than savings accounts, ensuring better cash management.

Tax Efficiency
Equity mutual funds offer long-term tax benefits if held for over one year.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab, but indexation reduces long-term taxes.

Plan withdrawals to optimise tax liability and maximise post-tax returns.

Insurance and Contingency Fund
Before investing, ensure adequate health and life insurance coverage.

Maintain a contingency fund covering at least 6 months of expenses.

This step ensures financial stability during emergencies.

Regular Monitoring
Review your investments quarterly with the help of a Certified Financial Planner.

Rebalance the portfolio based on market conditions and financial goals.

Regular tracking helps mitigate risks and ensures alignment with your objectives.

Avoid Common Investment Mistakes
Avoid direct funds due to the absence of expert advice and monitoring.

Stay away from speculative investments promising quick returns.

Avoid underestimating the importance of professional guidance in fund selection.

Align Investments with Goals
Define short-term, medium-term, and long-term financial goals.

Match investments with respective timelines for effective planning.

Ensure liquidity aligns with your specific needs, avoiding over-commitment to illiquid options.

Final Insights
Your investment should be a mix of growth and safety. Keep funds accessible when required while optimising returns. Diversify wisely and seek professional guidance for fund selection and periodic review. Stay focused on aligning investments with your goals and risk profile.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2024
Relationship
Hi doctor, I am 40 yrs old and my wife is 38 married for 14 yrs and have 1 kid who is 11 yrs old. We both are working and we only get to spend time on weekend and during weekdays we hardly get time to talk and see each other due to our shift timings. During weekend I do get urge to be intimate with her but she has lost interest and she doesn't have that urge to be intimate, we spoke about this multiple times and she agrees about this fact as we hardly get intimate once in 6 months or may be more than that. I do have that strong urge and don't want to cheat on my wife or go somewhere else to fullfill my sexual needs, but not sure if there can be any medication which will arouse her so that she can participate willingly in having sex. Even if we happen to get in to action she will just lie on the bed like dead with no emotions and she is constantly thinking of something else in her mind like what I need to cook for tomorrow, or did she do that work in office she will ask me to remind about something tomorrow as she has to do certain task, her mind is all over the place except in the act in the present moment, which really turns me off. Please need your help to save our relationship.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Intimacy for a man and women are very different and varied as well.
You cannot NOT connect during the week at an emotional level and then expect your wife to be excited to jump in bed. That's not how it works!
Both of you work which means weekends do get busy with household chores, children and more...there's very little time and energy left for intimate moments.
On your wife's part, she has not learned as yet to leave office work at the office but certainly what to cook for the next day is a huge task if this depends only on her. Why don't the two of you pitch in to distribute the household work between you? That way she does not feel burdened (if she does feel that way)...this also goes a long way in letting her know that you care and you want to help her...
You could also talk about how you can steal some moments after office and before you reach home by meeting at a cafe and sharing time over a cup of coffee. This definitely will make your wife feel more connected and emotionally secure which is a start point to easing of your sexual relationship.
Basically, get back to the dating scene and make your relationship a priority. A great sexual life is a product of the connection that a couple share outside the bedroom and the willingness on the part of the couple to make that happen.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7255 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

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Money
I have 20 lakhs in my account and a house in my name. At present I am not earning. I have taken SBI Life smart wealth builder with installment of 1Lakh, for 12 years and premium payment term of 7 years. Applicable tax rate is 18%. I also invested in MF and taken a health insurance. I am thinking if it would be wise to continue with the SBI life. If I close SBI life and invest that in MF will it be beneficial for me? I have taken a break from my career due to health issues, and planning to continue with my job soon with an expected income of 40-50k. I am 50 years old. I need to take care of my son's (18 years) higher studies and plan for my retirement.
Ans: You are in a transitional phase with important financial goals. Let’s assess your options to make informed decisions.

Assessing SBI Life Smart Wealth Builder Policy
High Cost of Policy: The policy includes administration charges, fund management fees, and taxes of 18%.

Limited Returns: ULIPs often provide lower returns compared to actively managed mutual funds.

Lock-in Period: Your policy locks funds, restricting liquidity for immediate goals.

Surrender Value: Check the surrender value. Early surrender might lead to penalties and reduced returns.

Potential Benefits of Investing in Mutual Funds
Higher Returns: Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, often outperform ULIPs over time.

Flexibility: You can withdraw funds based on your needs, offering better liquidity.

Diversification: Mutual funds provide exposure to different asset classes, reducing risk.

Cost Efficiency: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner minimises hidden charges and optimises returns.

Managing Your Rs. 20 Lakh Corpus
Emergency Fund: Set aside Rs. 5-6 lakhs in liquid funds or fixed deposits for emergencies.

Education Planning: Allocate funds in short-term debt mutual funds or recurring deposits for your son’s higher studies.

Retirement Corpus: Invest the remaining amount in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for long-term growth.

Health Insurance Adequacy: Review your existing health insurance to ensure sufficient coverage.

Planning Your Income Resumption
Once you resume work, save at least 20-30% of your income.

Prioritise retirement contributions alongside education planning.

Use surplus income to reduce financial dependency on investments.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual Funds: Equity mutual funds provide tax benefits but watch for LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh (taxed at 12.5%).

Surrendering ULIP: Check tax implications on surrender proceeds. ULIPs offer tax exemption if premiums don't exceed 10% of the sum assured.

Health Insurance: Claim Section 80D deductions for premiums paid.

Strategic Steps Forward
Review the policy surrender value. If penalties are high, consider continuing till break-even.

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for a detailed portfolio review.

Set realistic timelines for education and retirement goals.

Maintain separate funds for short-term needs and long-term growth.

Finally
Your proactive approach will create a strong financial foundation. By reallocating your resources wisely, you can secure your son’s education and your retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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