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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SAIBAL Question by SAIBAL on Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, Off late i got in touch with my ex girlfriend. We planned to get married but it did not happen. We both are suffering from abusive spouses and underwent a lot of turmoil for last three decades. We both find solace in chatting and talking to each other. Should we continue to remain as friends?

Ans: Dear Saibal,
Your question has been answered here:
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/off-late-mate-ex-flame-mind-due-reason-other-did/5146672

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I'm 58 now, since he age of 18 I was in love with a neighborhood girl. She was Hindu but I a christian. Her family was comparatively well to do . This prompted me to keep myself from expressing my feelings, I got myself a job and waited to have some financial independence. In the meanwhile she fell in love with someone else and also moved to the US, I was too late in expressing my feelings to her, and I told her under the condition we remain friends. After she moved we kept in touch thro' letters or an occasional phone call in the late 1980's. In the begining of the 1990's both of us got married to different partners , but continued to keep in touch as friends, which both our partners were aware. We used to meet personally whenever she would come to India, which was once in a year or sometimes even 2/3 years. We both have 2 boys each and the boys are now in their 20's. A couple of years ago she got divorced as her partner was in a physical relationship with someone else. In the meanwhile I continued with my wife even though we were totally incompatible and we literally hate each other. We didn't think of divorce coz of social pressures and in my case I've gifted her a major chunk of my immoveable assets but I earn rent on these properties which helps me meet y daily expenses. Over the last 2 years I had 2 heart attacks. the second one brought us both very close as she was concerned about my health, she came down to India and spent a few days motivating me to lead a healthier life, which co incidentally my wife never does, instead blames and nags me on my lifestyle. We have never had a physical relationship, at the most when we meet it's a warm peck on the cheek or just holding hands. Now I am getting back to my teenage years, I'm madly in love with her and want her. I know for sure if I do that my children would disown me and I'll lose a large part of my property which gives me a earning. I want her. I'm right now confused, illogical and very emotional.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I do realize that you have had to wait for this long for your love to be recognized and reciprocated as well. But that's the Nature of Time, If something does not yield a result at that moment, even if it fruitions later in time, it may not be very conducive to the people involved as everyone has grown in that particular relationship to form situational bonds. Meaning, you and she have become parents and your wife is still part of this equation.

It's not wrong to feel what you are feeling; but do not compare both the women. If your friend never existed, you would have had a different opinion on your wife altogether. Marriage is about accepting your partner at the core for who he/she is.

Now, let's take your situation and break it down. Suddenly, your friend who was married and because of which you respected boundaries is suddenly no longer in a marriage. So, that has given you an opportunity to think of how your life could have been with her and is tempting you to think of it. I understand that your health conditions would also have urged you to live life to the fullest. But, you are still married and you have a lot of financial tie-ups with your wife. Your friend possibly might not even want what you want. Plus, the children...it's one huge complication...

Should you not live your life? Yes, you must and should BUT do weigh what you might lose for what you want to gain. Are willing to risk it for the sake of love? It's the only logical way to approach this situation.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am Jose. I have a very complicated relationship issue. I loved a girl when I was about 18, she was from a financially better off family. This was a major reason that I hesitated to tell her about my love, instead remained a friend. She was better qualified too. I started working and wanted to be in a financially better situation before I confessed my love for her. In the meanwhile she got herself admitted in a college in the US, I decided to tell her, but was too late, she had already committed herself to her senior in college. We made a promise to each other that we will remain friends. We kept in touch through letters. Then I decided to get married as per the family wishes. Shortly she too got married to her boyfriend . We told our partners about each other. We continued to keep in touch thro email and phone calls once/twice in a year. We would meet once or twice every time she would visit from the US. We never had any physical relationship at the most it would be a peck on the cheek or just holding hands. We immersed ourselves in our personal / professional lives. We had 2 sons with our partners. Now the boys are in their 20's. In the meanwhile she found out her husband was having a relationship with some other woman, in the ensuing arguments it led to their divorce a couple of years back. Since 2021 I had 2 heart attacks, and survived. All these years I never had a happy life , we stayed together due to societal pressures and in the last 2 years we never had a physical relation too. She always had a hatred towards physical relationship. I hate forcing myself on her, so we have remained seperate in the last few years. After my 2nd attack, my friend helped me stop my smoking and somehow our chats on whatsapp or personal meets when she comes here have started becoming very mushy and with a lots of deeply loving words. I know I cannot divorce my wife as I would lose a lot of my immovable properties on which i depend for my rental income as I have actually gifted my wife a lot of my properties. Nowadays I am getting drawn towards my friend again and very strongly. Confused, and not knowing how to proceed. I am no longer working and depend on rentals for my earnings.
Ans: My dear friend,

It sounds like you're in a very complicated situation, and it's understandable that you feel confused and unsure about how to proceed. It's important to take some time to really think about what you want and what's best for you, as well as consider the impact of your actions on those around you.

First, it's important to acknowledge that your friend is currently in a vulnerable position after going through a divorce. While it's natural to feel drawn towards her, it's important to make sure that any actions you take are respectful and considerate of her feelings and needs.

At the same time, it's also important to consider your own needs and desires. You mentioned feeling unhappy in your current relationship and feeling drawn towards your friend again. It's important to really examine those feelings and think about what it is that you want in your life and your relationships.

However, it's also important to consider the potential consequences of your actions. You mentioned that you cannot divorce your wife without losing a significant amount of your income, and that you've already gifted her a lot of your properties. It's important to consider the financial and emotional impact that divorce could have on both you and your wife, as well as any children or other family members who may be affected.

One possible option could be to explore couples therapy or marriage counseling to see if there are ways to improve your current relationship and address the issues that have been causing unhappiness. It's also important to communicate openly and honestly with your friend about your feelings, but to do so in a way that is respectful and considerate of her feelings and needs as well.

Ultimately, the decision about how to proceed is up to you, but it's important to take the time to really think things through and consider all the potential consequences of your actions.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

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Relationship
Off late i mate ex flame of mind. Due to some reason or other, we did not get married. Both of us have abusive partners. We are suffering a lot in our respective marriages. Shall we continue our friendship? We find lot of peace in talking with each other.
Ans: Dear Saibal,
Obviously after meeting after ages, the spark will be rekindled and your existing lives with your spouses are not going to look any great.
Ask yourself:
What will I risk by indulging into a connection outside of marriage?
How much of a connection do I want to have with my ex-flame?
Will I be able to keep to only a friendship?
Will my ex-flame also be able to draw the line where and when necessary?
Are we both going to be able to be mature about this and strictly maintain a connection that is healthy?

Also, it's okay to find peace by talking to one another; but don't get dependent on it. Find a way to seek that within relationships that are for keeps...otherwise, the focus will shift to maintaining the relationship outside of marriage and there will be less attention on the marriage. Then sooner than later, you will both find your marriage even more dull and boring.
I do not understand what you mean by 'abusive' partners as you have not provided enough data for me on this to use in my response to you...
Also, I am unaware if there are children involved in this equation on both sides...If YES, tread carefully as you do not want to be rocking the boat on that one...Children getting impacted at whatever age can be very tedious on them!

Bottom line: if both of you are mature about this friendship and not use each other as emotional crutches, then you know you are in the right place. Growing in any relationship and providing the space for the other to grow is a pillar that you should work on. Now you know, what you are looking at, right?

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |296 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, I am 42 male , met a woman 33 for a marriage discussion through parents arranged marriage set up. We started talking and after talking though there were some aspects we admired about each other and found that both of were totally complementary to each other - strengths of one was the weakness of the other. But we both have different life perspectives as well. However, she seems to have been hurt deeply from the previous marriage and has animosity and anger towards certain people type and towards certain situations. She goes into extreme uncontrolled anger when those topics are discussed, her trust on people seem to be too low. after 1 month she said this relationship cannot be taken to marriage citing my past medical history as a high risk factor. I said fine and was happy to move on.. she says though it is a NO, she has invested emotionally and needs time to move on , so until then I should continue to talk to her as a friend. So i continued talking ( over phone only) ..after few months when I got scolded during her regular outbursts.. i decided to stop and move on.. but she pleaded and told me that i should help her by being her friend and motivate her until she finds back a job, which she has resigned 6 months back to heal from depression. I am in dilemma if i should continue to support her or it is best to move on with no contact though it may be painful to her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's amazing that you are supporting her through the breakup, but aren't we forgetting that you broke up too? I'm sure it must have been hard on you too. It is not your job to help her move on from a relationship that she chose to break. It's unfortunate that people have hurt her in the past, but again, the onus is not on you to fix it. You tried fixing something you did not break and that's awesome but don't break yourself in the process. If there were unresolved issues, the best course of action would have been to work on them first and get into a relationship later.

You have done as much as you can, but if it is too much for you, or you simply don't want to continue talking her through the breakup, you can stop right away. You don't owe your ex-partner your unconditional support. Please understand that.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Dr Karthiyayini

Dr Karthiyayini Mahadevan  |1065 Answers  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 13, 2024Hindi
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Health
I am 75 + ....Around two months back I was diagnosed as dengue positive with platelet count at 75,000. with proper medication, platelet counts were increased to 2,05,000 and fever was subsided.However swellings on both arms and legs persisted.. Off late on my both solders i am suffering severe pain and enable to make any movement, i feel like inner vain of my both hands are getting stretched/pulled (right from my solder to the finger tips and swelling on both hands and legs are still there. My doctor says that it may continue for another two three months and proscribed me only pain killer tablets.Doctor says that there is no specific medicine for Dengue. I got thorough blood and urine test along with other test like scanning, x-ray etc. All the test reports are normal except slightly blood sugar (PP) on higher side and enlargement of prostate gland (which is there since last 10 years and i am on regular medicine (silodosin 8-mg, one tab a day) Kindly advise me with your good suggestions that what could be the cause of this problem and which expert doctor I should consult since it is very difficult situation for carrying out my routine activities and also I can't sleep properly due to severe pain. Thank you
Ans: Post viral illness can trigger different chain of immune reactions
They are mostly self limiting if your lifestyle is well disciplined.
Here are the points towards a healthy lifestyle
1.Early dinner by 6 pm and avoid animal protein and fat at dinner meal
2.Sleeping time to be regulated. Fix a specific time around 9/9.30 pm and unwind from the world particularly off media from 7 pm
3.Regular brisk walking 30 mts a day five days a week
4.Balanaced nutrition and avoid highly refined carbohydrates

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |132 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

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Money
I am going to turn 34 years old this year. Me and my wife earn 3.7 Lakh Per Month In Hand (Post all deductions: Tax, EPF), above included salary and rental. 3 Lakh per month i can invest. How do you suggest i should invest for achieving my goals. In my family i have my Wife, Son 4 YO and my parents. Live with my parents in my own house so i do not plan to buy house. My wife and my own current savings: - 80 lakhs in Equity (PMS and Mutual Funds). - 45 Lakh in Crypto Currency (Invested 5 lakh very early and i want to stay invested). - Commercial Real Estate Office Worth 1 Cr. yielding rental of 47 thousand per month. - 15 Lakh Provident Fund - 20 Lakh Bank FD & Arbitrage Fund (Emergency Fund) - 5 Lakh Savings Account (Day today expenses) Expenses: - 70k per Month including everything (Daily expense, Vacation, mobile etc). - Our monthly expense is low as my father is also working and many other expenses (around 50k) are taken care by him only. I have health insurance cover from my company of 6.5 lakh. Personal medical insurance of 10 lakh. Term insurance from my company of around 1.7 crore. Personal Term Insurance of 4 crore. Zero loans. Goals: - 1.5 crore in today's terms 10-12 years later to reconstruct the house. - 40 lakh, 6 years later for new car. - 3-4 crore at age of around 55 (For my personal goal). - 2 crore for my son higher education. - 30 crore for my retirement.
Ans: Thanks for candidly sharing your goals, current income and savings/investments.

You have adequate term life cover but recommend to cover family and parents with healthcare cover of 50 L as a minimum considering increasing cost of medical treatments and rise in illnesses with age.

Your existing investments are considered as 95 L (Ignoring Emergency fund and saving account balance)

Crypto holdings are considered 0 since they are highly volatile, unregulated and not backed by any tangible asset.

1.5 Cr house reconstruction expenses 12 years hence translates into around 3 Cr considering 6% inflation.

So start a SIP of 90K for 12 years into Nippon India Multicap Fund & HDFC top 100 Fund(50:50)which may yield a corpus of 3.12 Cr(Considering modest return of 13%)

Next goal is car purchase after 6 years so initiate a SIP of 40K in HDFC balanced advantage fund which will yield a corpus of 40L considering modest return of 10.5%

Next goal is a corpus of 3-5 Cr when you will be 55 so you can do a SIP of 50K in PPFAS flexicap fund which will yield a corpus of 5.73 Cr assuming conservative return of 13%

Further important goal is corpus for child education so considering timeframe of 14 years recommend to do a SIP of 50K in HDFC Children's Gift Fund which will yield a corpus of 2Cr+ assuming modest return of 12%

Finally retirement goal of 30Cr assumed to be 25 years from now so you may start a SIP of 70K in ICICI Pru Retirement Fund Pure Equity Plan which yield you a corpus of 15.9 Cr considering modest growth of 13%.
Plus your corpus of 95 L at a modest return of 9.5% will yield a value of 9.18Cr after 25 years
So your total retirement corpus is now 15.9+9.18=25.08 Cr
Further the amount getting released after achievement of all other goals apart from retirement can be redeployed in a value based BAF(HDFC; 10% return) for residual span towards retirement goal.
i.e. 90K for 13 years --2.89 Cr
40K for 19 years--2.73 Cr
50K for 5 years----0.39 Cr
50K for 11 years---1.2 Cr
Total_-----------------------7.21 Cr

Adding this to our earlier calculated retirement corpus gives us comprehensive retirement corpus of 7.21+25.08= 32.21 Cr

Anything you get from Crypto is bonus!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates

Happy Investing!!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6292 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 27 years old studying 3rd year MD, have the following monthly SIPs. 1.PPF 12500 2. PLI 5300 3. Jeevan Umang 5400 4. RD 4500 5. ICICI equity and debt fund 5000 6. ICICI india oppertunity fund 2000 7. Kotak multi cap fund 2000 8. Sundaram service fund 2000 9. Nippon small cap fund 2000 10. HDFC multi cap fund 2000 11. Canara robaco blue chip equity fund 2000 12. Motilal Oswal large and mid cap 5000 Please evaluate my portfolio and advice Do I need to cancel any of the above Or should I go for alternatives than above mentioned Kindly suggest
Ans: At the age of 27, with a long-term investment horizon, you have built a diverse portfolio. However, a review of your portfolio is necessary to ensure optimal returns and financial security. Let’s assess each of your existing investments while providing insights on potential improvements.

1. PPF (Public Provident Fund)

The PPF is a solid choice for risk-free, tax-efficient, long-term savings.

It offers guaranteed returns and tax benefits under Section 80C.
It should be continued as part of your debt allocation.
However, you may want to limit over-reliance on low-return instruments like PPF, as it has a lock-in period of 15 years and a lower growth potential compared to equities.
2. Postal Life Insurance (PLI)

PLI is one of the oldest and most reliable life insurance products in India.

It offers low premiums with high returns.
However, if you are purely looking for life cover, term insurance may offer a higher sum assured at a lower cost.
For wealth accumulation, this may not be the most optimal choice due to its moderate returns. It is advisable to review whether you need both PLI and Jeevan Umang (discussed below).
3. Jeevan Umang

Jeevan Umang is a combination of life insurance and investment, providing regular payouts.

Such investment-cum-insurance plans generally offer lower returns compared to mutual funds.
You might want to re-evaluate keeping this plan since standalone life insurance (term insurance) combined with mutual fund investments may provide better growth and flexibility.
Cancelling or surrendering this policy should be considered after evaluating its surrender value and whether it's feasible based on your financial goals.
4. Recurring Deposit (RD)

RDs are low-risk instruments but have relatively lower returns.

While RDs ensure capital safety, they might not be ideal for wealth creation, especially for long-term goals.
Since you're still young with a long investment horizon, it might be better to channel more funds into equities for higher growth potential.
Consider reducing or stopping this RD and redirecting the funds into equity-based investments.
5. ICICI Equity and Debt Fund

This hybrid fund is a balanced option offering exposure to both equity and debt.

It provides the potential for growth through equities while managing volatility with debt.
As you are young and have a long-term horizon, a higher allocation towards pure equity funds might yield better long-term results.
Evaluate whether you need a hybrid fund in your portfolio, as your other debt investments (PPF, RD) already provide stability.
6. ICICI India Opportunity Fund

This is a thematic fund, focused on certain sectors or market opportunities.

Thematic funds can be more volatile and risky compared to diversified equity funds.
Consider whether you need exposure to such a niche strategy. These funds can work well in a bull market but may not be ideal for consistent long-term growth.
It might be wiser to replace this fund with a more diversified equity mutual fund for better stability.
7. Kotak Multi Cap Fund

Multi-cap funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks.

Multi-cap funds are suitable for long-term growth as they provide diversification across different market capitalisations.
This is a good choice to hold as it balances risk and returns by spreading investments across different categories.
No change is required here.
8. Sundaram Service Fund

Thematic funds like this one tend to focus on specific industries or sectors.

Sector-focused funds are prone to higher volatility due to limited diversification.
While such funds can provide high returns in specific cycles, they may not be ideal for consistent long-term growth.
You could consider switching to a diversified equity fund to reduce concentration risk.
9. Nippon Small Cap Fund

Small-cap funds have high growth potential but are also volatile.

Given your long-term horizon, small-cap funds can offer excellent growth opportunities.
However, small-cap funds should be a part of your portfolio, but with a smaller allocation due to higher risks.
Keep an eye on the fund’s performance and market conditions but maintain some exposure to small caps for aggressive growth.
10. HDFC Multi Cap Fund

Similar to the Kotak Multi Cap Fund, this fund offers broad exposure across different types of companies.

Multi-cap funds are an important component of a well-diversified portfolio.
Holding multiple multi-cap funds may lead to overlapping stock investments, so it may be beneficial to consolidate into one multi-cap fund for simplicity and efficiency.
No immediate need for cancellation, but consider streamlining your investments.
11. Canara Robeco Blue Chip Equity Fund

Blue chip equity funds invest in well-established companies with strong track records.

Blue chip funds are a stable option for long-term wealth creation with moderate risk.
These funds tend to perform well in the long term, providing stable growth.
Continue investing in blue-chip equity for consistent, lower-risk returns.
12. Motilal Oswal Large and Mid Cap Fund

This fund invests in a mix of large and mid-cap companies.

Large and mid-cap funds offer a balance of stability from large caps and growth potential from mid caps.
It’s a good choice to keep, given your long-term investment horizon.
Continue your SIP in this fund as it provides a diversified exposure to both stable and high-growth companies.
Portfolio Insights

Your portfolio is a mix of both equity and debt instruments. There are areas where you could improve efficiency and focus more on growth. Since you are young, your portfolio should focus more on equity investments rather than debt or conservative instruments.

Here are some points for improvement:

Consider reducing or stopping PLI, Jeevan Umang, and RD. They offer lower returns and are not ideal for wealth accumulation.
Consolidate your multi-cap funds to avoid redundancy and improve efficiency.
Consider moving away from thematic funds (ICICI India Opportunity, Sundaram Service) and replace them with more diversified options for better risk management.
Maintain small exposure to small-cap funds but don’t over-allocate due to volatility.
Large-cap and blue-chip funds should continue, as they provide stability to your portfolio.
Investment Strategy Moving Forward

Since you are currently pursuing your MD, you might want to focus on building a strong long-term growth portfolio. The following strategy could help you optimise your investments:

Increase Equity Exposure: Given your young age and long-term goals, you could increase your equity exposure to maximise returns. Equity mutual funds have historically outperformed other asset classes over long periods.

Reduce Debt Instruments: PPF is a good debt instrument, but the RD and life insurance policies may not be ideal for wealth creation. Consider directing those funds into more growth-oriented investments.

Review Insurance Needs: If your current life insurance policies are not providing adequate coverage, switch to a term plan that offers high coverage at a lower premium. This will allow you to free up more funds for investment purposes.

Consolidate and Simplify: You have multiple schemes in similar categories, which might lead to unnecessary overlap. Streamlining your portfolio by focusing on a few high-quality funds can make it easier to track performance.

Continue SIPs: SIPs are a great way to invest systematically. Increase your SIPs in funds with strong performance records and reduce exposure to underperforming or high-risk funds.

Monitor Portfolio Regularly: Keep track of your fund performance, rebalance annually, and make adjustments as needed to align with your goals.

Final Insights

Your portfolio is already in a good shape for someone at the start of their professional career. However, there are some areas where you could optimise for better returns. By focusing more on equity and less on conservative products like life insurance and RDs, you can enhance your wealth creation potential.

This shift in strategy will allow you to focus on long-term growth, ensuring a solid financial foundation for the future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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