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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
DR Question by DR on Aug 11, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu, I am a married 27 yr old girl pursuing my medical PG degree in a college and my husband is also fellow doctor residing in another city.
I stay in a hostel and I was in a relationship with a guy during my UG days.
Actually he used to be my best friend.
We are a gang of 4 and no one knows about my relationship except us both.
We moved on due to caste issues and foreseeing the problems after marriage in our families.
We are in touch with each other. He got PG degree in my college and seeing him is haunting my memories though we talk casually and not on regular basis.
My husband knows about us and asked me to avoid him. But I can't give up on my friendship.
Can a friendship aged in love not be reverted to friendship?

Ans:

Dear DR,

Feelings aren’t something that can be set aside that easily.

To lead a different relationship than the one that you were in with the same person requires a lot of emotional maturity from both of you to make this real and honest.

If you look at it from the point of view of your husband, he might either be insecure about this, or he can foresee a situation up ahead which might not be very pleasant.

You have mentioned that seeing him is bringing back memories.

Are you really ready to maintain a friendship without the feelings coming in the way? Are you ready to manage what this might do to your husband?

If you are ready and be objective about all of this, then first sit your husband down and talk to him and his fears.

Reassure him but like any relationship, all this requires a lot of work and then it’s also time to ask yourself, is this all worth it and do I really need to do this?

Also, is the other person from your past, also willing to understand that this requires him to put your marriage above his needs?

So, check with yourself what and how much you can handle and whether you are ready for this new challenge?

Best wishes!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

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Relationship
I am very stressed these days. I am in love with a married man. He happens to be my colleague whom I met in 2020.Initially it was just a senior junior relation where he would help me in official matters. At the same time, I was recovering from a break up followed by severe health complications. Slowly, I started spending time with him, in the office only talking about office issues then my personal life. He too shared some of his and eventually I started developing feelings for him. But since I knew he was married I would always maintain that distance. I just wanted a healthy friendship but may be my personal turmoil was to the extent that I needed an emotional support and so I confided in him. He too would understand me, give me support and I could feel that he likes me. One day I confessed my feelings and he too reciprocated. He had told me earlier that he is living a compromised married life where there is no emotional connection. However, he will continue with it as his wife is dependent on him and I said I don’t want to break a family. But I have fallen in love with him. His presence has given me such solace I cannot describe. I don’t want to break a home. So, I have started maintaining distance as well but I really miss him. I feel I lost a friend in the process.
Ans:

Dear SJ,

This is something that I have been seeing lately with a lot of people.

Something lacks within your current relationship and to fulfil that you look for it elsewhere only to realise that things have gotten out of hands.

In your case, love has blossomed in and suddenly now you have realized that it might cause a flutter within two relationships.

He has made it clear that he wants to be with his wife which should give you an idea not to make any more emotional investment. You will end up getting hurt even more if you do.

Time for you to start feeling solace and gaining better self-esteem by valuing yourself more. You don’t need anyone for you to love yourself, do you?

So, stop giving this so much importance. He was there when you needed him and vice-versa. Now, that things are getting a little complicated, time to revise the way you think and act.

You don’t need to lose a friend if the feelings that you have for him can be healthier and not draining on either of you.

If not, maybe you need to think how you can handle this agony better. Be your own friend first and then you start making better choices on who to let into your life.

Possible? Yes, start now…

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there Ravi, I am married with one teenager son. My hubby has a hi profile job. About a year ago, I became friends with a married man and we connected really well and it was a great friendship we had. About half a year ago that we decided to disconnect with each other mutually. It was just a very simple but amazingly thick friendship. And all the more reason to part ways. Even though so much time has passed, there are some memories that I cannot erase and I find that we still look out for each other too. He left a huge impact on me and even though am able to move on from him majorly, I still crash into him ( we don’t talk now) or his family and the memories of our friendship comes back to me. Earlier I used to shed a tear daily on losing him as a friend now I don’t though but since he’s always around I find it difficult to forget him fully.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand it's difficult to lose a friend. Friendships are important and it is not uncommon to have lingering feelings even if he was just a friend. It happens with most deep friendships. However, right now it is essential to prioritize your current relationships and commitments, including your marriage and family and most importantly, yourself.

I suggest you focus on the present and be grateful for the friendship you experienced. Remind yourself of the reason you decided to sever ties; it must have been important to be worth losing a great friend. Engage in self-care. Find new friends. Not all friendships will be thick but having friends is essential to live a healthy life.

Remember, it takes time to move on, even if it is from a friendship. Allow yourself that time. There is no need to rush through the process. If you find these feelings persisting, seeing a counselor can help you get through it in a more structured way. Nevertheless, you are doing great yourself!

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2024

Relationship
Hello I am a 40 year old married female. Off late I started feeling attracted to my married Male Friend of last 5 years. I love my husband a lot and can never think of betraying him. But I feel happy in the company of this friend of mine. He sort of has the qualities i always wanted from my husband and as we all know not everyone can possess every quality. I was aware about his liking towards me like he used to flirt with me someway or other also recently he admitted the same to me that he likes me since our first meeting. As we are family friends and stay in the same building, we keep meeting often with family and sometimes only two of us as we like spending time talking to each other. In our recent visit we hugged each other in the rush of emotions. We both got just blown away by the surreal feeling. We admitted the same to each other. After this meeting we kept messaging each other the whole day and so on for next few days and suddenly one day he said he fears this might ruin our family friendship and started ignoring and maintaining distance, he stopped messaging or calling me without discussing anything. But now I am attracted to him so much that I can not take his absence or apathy towards me and want to have cordial relations like we were before, when it was not vocal between us that we like each other. I am not able to adjust to the fact that the person who used to admire and respect me so much and wanted to have a lifelong friendship can become suddenly so distant. I want an advise whether I am wrong in expecting atleast a normal relation like friendship to continue between us. As we have never crossed our boundaries and hugging once will not count as betrayal. Please guide I want him back as before.
Ans: a close relationship with someone outside your marriage, especially when emotions are involved, introduces challenges. You’re aware of this already, and it seems your friend has also recognized the complexities, likely explaining his sudden need for distance. Often, when feelings come to the surface, they carry a weight that makes people reconsider their boundaries to protect the larger relationships at play—in this case, both of your marriages and family dynamics. This pullback doesn’t negate his admiration or the value he places on your friendship but rather reflects the reality of the situation and the need to guard against further complications.

You might find it helpful to explore what exactly you’re drawn to in your friend’s qualities. It could be that he reflects an aspect of yourself you wish to bring into your own relationship. Identifying these qualities is powerful, as it can help you shape a conversation with your husband, potentially bringing deeper fulfillment to your marriage. Many couples find new dimensions in their relationship when they openly discuss what they yearn for and ways to bring those qualities to life together. While it may feel challenging, these conversations can foster intimacy and growth.

It’s also worth noting that maintaining your friend’s respect and allowing him space is likely the best way to preserve your connection long-term, even if it feels painful right now. His distance might ultimately help both of you return to a place of friendship, but pushing for that too soon might complicate things further. In the meantime, remember that it’s natural to feel a loss or a longing for a friend’s company when circumstances shift. Practicing self-compassion and care can be grounding during times like this, as can seeking other outlets for support, such as close friends, hobbies, or moments of solitude that allow you to process your emotions.

Time and patience may help bring this friendship back to a more natural and comfortable place, but focusing on your marriage and yourself will allow you to stay true to your values and find a sense of peace, regardless of the ultimate outcome with your friend.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10876 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 09, 2025

Money
Im aged 40 years and my husband is aged 48 years. We have one son aged 8 years and daughter aged 12 years. We both are in business. What should be the ideal corpus to meet their education at the age of 18 years for both children? Present business income we can save Rs.50000 pm
Ans: You are thinking early. That itself is a smart step. Many parents postpone planning and later struggle with loans. You are not in that situation. So appreciate your approach.

You asked about ideal corpus for higher education. Education cost is rising fast. So planning early avoids financial pressure later.

You have two kids. Your daughter is 12. Your son is 8. You have around six years for your daughter and around ten years for your son. With this time frame, you need a proper structured plan.

» Understanding Future Education Cost

Education inflation in India is high. It is increasing year after year. Even professional courses are becoming costly. College fees, hostel fees, books, digital tools and transportation also add cost.

You need to consider this inflation. Higher education cost will not remain at today’s value. It will grow.

So if today a standard undergraduate program costs around a few lakhs, in six to ten years the cost may go much higher. That is why estimating corpus should consider this future cost.

You don’t need exact numbers today. You need a target range to plan. A comfortable range gives clarity.

» Typical Cost Structure for Higher Education

Higher education cost depends on:

– Private or government institution
– Course type
– City or abroad option
– Duration

For engineering, medical, management or technology courses, cost goes higher. For government colleges the cost is lower but seats are limited. Private colleges are more accessible but expensive.

So planning based only on government college assumption may create funding gaps. Planning based on private college range gives safer margin.

» Suggested Corpus for Both Children

For your daughter, considering next six years gap and inflation, a target range should be higher. For your son, you have more time. So his corpus can grow better because compounding works more with time.

For a comfortable education corpus that covers most course possibilities, many families plan for a higher number. It gives flexibility to choose better college without stress.

So you can aim for a larger goal for both children like this:

– Daughter: Target a strong education fund for next six years
– Son: Target a similar or slightly higher fund for the next ten years because future costs may be higher

You may not need the whole amount if your child chooses a less expensive route. But having extra cushion gives peace.

» Your Savings Ability

You mentioned you can save Rs.50000 monthly. That is a strong saving capacity. But this saving should not go entirely to a single goal. You will also need future retirement planning, emergency fund and other life goals.

Still, a reasonable portion of this amount can be allocated towards education planning. Some families divide savings based on urgency and time horizon. Since daughter’s goal is near, she may need a more stable allocation.

Your son’s goal is long term. So his part can stay in growth asset for longer.

» Choosing the Right Investment Style

A long term goal like your son’s education needs equity exposure. Equity gives better potential for long term growth. It beats inflation better than fixed deposits.

But for your daughter, pure equity can create risk because goal is nearer. Market fluctuations may affect final corpus. So she needs a balanced asset mix.

So investment approach must be different for both.

» Asset Allocation Strategy

For your daughter with six year horizon:

– Higher allocation to a balanced type category
– Some allocation to equity through diversified categories
– Step down equity allocation in final three years

This structure protects capital in later years.

For your son with ten year horizon:

– Higher equity allocation at start
– Continue systematic investing
– Reduce risk allocation gradually closer to goal period

This helps growth and protection.

» Avoiding Wrong Investment Products

Parents often buy traditional insurance plans or children policies for education. These policies give low returns. They lock money and reduce wealth creation potential.

So avoid purely insurance based products for education goals. Insurance is separate. Investment is separate. This separation creates clarity and better growth.

If you already hold any ULIP or investment insurance product, it may not be efficient. Only if you have such policies then you may review and consider if surrender is needed and reinvest in mutual funds. If you don’t have such policies, no need to worry.

» Role of Actively Managed Mutual Funds

For long term goals, actively managed mutual funds offer better flexibility and expert management. They are designed to outperform inflation. A regular plan through a mutual fund distributor with CFP support helps with guidance. They also track your goal and give advice in volatile phases.

Direct funds look cheaper on expense ratio. But they lack advisory support. Long term investors often make emotional mistakes in direct investing. They stop SIPs or switch wrong schemes. So advisory backed investing avoids costly behaviour mistakes.

Index funds look simple and low cost. But they only follow the market. They don’t protect during corrections. There is no strategy or research. Actively managed funds adjust holdings based on market research and valuation. For life goals like education, smoother growth and strategy are needed.

So regular plan with advisory support helps you avoid unnecessary emotional decisions.

» Importance of Systematic Investing

A fixed monthly SIP gives discipline. It also benefits from market volatility. When markets fall, SIP buys more units. In rise phase, the value grows.

A structured SIP helps both goals. For daughter, SIP should shift towards low volatility funds slowly. For son, SIP can run longer in growth-oriented funds before reducing risk.

Your contribution amount may change based on future business income. But start now with whatever comfortable.

» Protecting the Goal With Insurance

Since you both are running business, income stability may fluctuate. So ensuring life security is important. Term insurance is the right option. It is low cost and high coverage.

This ensures child’s education is protected even if income stops.

Medical insurance also matters. A medical emergency should not break education savings.

» Reviewing the Plan Periodically

A fixed plan is good. But markets and life conditions change. So review once every twelve months.

Points to review:

– Are SIPs running on time?
– Is allocation suitable for goal year?
– Any need to shift from equity to safer category?
– Any tax planning advantage needed?

But avoid checking portfolio every week. Frequent checking creates stress.

» Education Goal Withdrawal Plan

As the daughter’s goal comes close:

– Stop SIP in high risk category
– Start shifting profit to debt type fund over systematic transfers
– Keep final year money in safe option like liquid category

Same formula should be applied for your son when his goal approaches.

This protects against last minute market crash.

» Emotional Side of Planning

Education is an emotional goal. Parents feel pressure to provide the best. But planning removes fear.

Saving consistently gives confidence. Having a plan helps avoid panic decisions. It also brings clarity of future expense.

This planning sets financial discipline for your children as well.

» Taxation Factors

When redeeming funds for education, tax rules will apply. For equity fund withdrawals, long term capital gains above exemption are taxed at 12.5% as per current rules. For short term within one year, tax is higher.

For debt investments, gains are taxed as per your tax slab.

So plan the withdrawal timing to reduce tax.

Tax planning near goal year is very important.

» What You Can Do Next

– Start separate investments for each child
– Use SIP for disciplined investing
– Choose growth-oriented asset for son
– Choose balanced and phased investment approach for daughter
– Review allocation yearly
– Protect the goal with insurance cover

Following these steps helps achieve the target corpus smoothly.

» Finally

You are already thinking in the right direction. You have time for both goals. You also have a good saving frequency. So you can build a strong education fund without stress.

Your children’s future will be secure if you continue with a structured and disciplined plan.

Stay consistent with your savings. Make investment choices carefully. Review and adjust calmly over time.

This journey will help you reach your ideal corpus for both children.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10876 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2025Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, Regarding recent turmoils in global economic situation and trends, Trump's tariffs, relentless FII selling, should I be worried about midcap, large&midcap funds that I have in my mutual fund portfolio? I have been investing from last 4 years and want to invest for next 10 years only. And then plan to retire and move to SWP. I'm targeting a 10%-11% return eventually. And I don't want to make lower returns than FD's. Is now the time to switch from midcap, laege&midcap to conservative, large, flexi funds? Please suggest.
Ans: You have asked the right question at the right time. Many investors panic only after damage happens. You are thinking ahead. That is a strong habit.

You also have clarity about your goal, time horizon and expected returns. This mindset will help you handle market noise better.

» Current Market Sentiment and Global Events
The global economy is seeing stress. There are trade decisions, tariff announcements, and geopolitical issues. Foreign institutional investors are selling. News flow looks negative.
These events can cause short term volatility. Midcaps and small caps usually react faster during these phases. Even large caps show some stress.
But markets have seen many crises in the past. Elections, governments, conflicts, pandemics, financial crashes and tariff wars are not new events. Markets always recover over time.
Short term movements are unpredictable. Long term wealth creation depends more on patience and asset allocation.

» Your Time Horizon Matters More Than Market Noise
You have been investing for 4 years. You plan to invest for the next 10 years. That means your remaining maturity is long term.
For a 10 year goal, equity is suitable. Midcap and large and midcap funds are designed for long term investors. They are not meant for short periods.
If your time horizon is short, it is valid to worry about downside risk. But with 10 more years ahead, temporary volatility is normal and expected.
Short term fear should not drive long term decisions.

» Should You Switch to Conservative or Large Cap Now?
Switching based on panic or temporary news is not ideal. When you switch now, you lock the current lower value permanently. You also miss the recovery phase.
Large cap and flexi cap funds offer stability. But they also deliver lower growth potential during bull runs compared to midcaps.
Midcaps usually fall deeper when markets drop. But they also recover faster and often outperform in the next cycle.
Switching now may protect emotions but may reduce long term wealth creation.

» Target Return of 10% to 11% is Reasonable
Aiming for 10%-11% return with a 10 year investment horizon is realistic.
Fixed deposits now offer around 6.5% to 7.5%. After tax, the return becomes lower.
Equity funds have potential to generate better returns compared to FD over a long tenure. Midcap allocation contributes to this return potential.
So moving fully to conservative funds may reduce your ability to beat inflation comfortably.

» Impact of FII Selling
FII selling creates pressure on the market. But domestic investors including SIP flows are strong today. India is seeing strong structural growth.
Retail investors, mutual funds and systematic flows act as stabilizers.
FII selling is temporary and cyclical. It is not a permanent trend.

» Economic Slowdowns Create Opportunities
Corrections make valuations reasonable. This can benefit long term SIP investors.
During downturns, your SIP buys more units. During recovery, these units grow.
This mechanism works best in volatile categories like midcaps.
Stopping SIP or switching during dips blocks this benefit.

» Midcap Cycles Are Natural
Midcap funds move in cycles. They have phases of strong growth followed by correction. The correction phase is painful but temporary.
Every cycle contributes to future upside. Staying invested during all phases is important.
Many investors exit during downturns and enter again after markets rise. This behaviour produces lower returns than the mutual fund performance.

» Role of Portfolio Balance
Instead of exiting fully, review your asset allocation. You can hold a mix of:
– Large cap
– Flexi cap
– Midcap
– Large and midcap
This gives stability and growth potential.
Midcap should not be more than a suitable percentage for your age and risk tolerance. Since you are 36, some meaningful midcap exposure is fine.
If midcap exposure is very high, you can reduce slightly and move that portion to flexi cap or large cap funds slowly through a systematic transfer. Do not do a lump sum shift during panic.

» Behavioural Discipline Matters More Than Fund Selection
Market cycles test investor patience. Consistency in SIP and holding through declines builds wealth.
Most investors do not fail due to bad funds. They fail due to fear-based decisions.
Your approach should be systematic, not emotional.

» Do Not Compare with FD Frequently
FD gives predictable return. Equity gives volatile but higher potential return.
Comparing FD returns every time the market falls leads to wrong decisions.
FD is for safety. Equity is for growth. They serve different purposes.
Your retirement plan and SWP plan depends on growth. Only equity can provide that growth.

» Should You Change Strategy Because Retirement is 10 Years Away?
Now is not the time to exit growth segments. You are still in accumulation phase.
When you reach the last 3 years before retirement, then reducing equity exposure step by step is required.
At that stage, a glide path helps preserve gains. That time has not yet come.
So continue building wealth now.

» Market Timings and Shifts Rarely Work
Many investors try to predict markets. Most of them fail.
Switching based on news looks logical. But news and market timing rarely align.
Staying consistent with your asset allocation gives better results than frequent changes.

» Portfolio Review Approach
You can follow these steps:
– Continue SIPs in all categories
– Avoid stopping based on short term fears
– If midcap allocation is above comfort level, shift only small portion gradually
– Review allocation once in a year, not every month
This structured approach prevents emotional decisions.

» Tax Rules Matter When Switching
Switching between equity funds involves tax impact.
Short term capital gains tax is higher.
Long term capital gains above the exemption limit are taxed at 12.5%.
Switching without purpose can create avoidable tax leakage.
This reduces your compounding.

» When to Worry?
You need to reconsider only if:
– Your goal horizon becomes short
– Your risk appetite changes
– Your allocation becomes unbalanced
Not because of headlines or temporary corrections.

» Your Retirement SWP Plan
Once your accumulation phase is completed, you can shift to:
– Conservative hybrid
– Flexi cap
– Balanced allocation
This will support a smoother SWP.
But this transition should happen only closer to the retirement start date. Not now.

» SIP is Designed for Turbulent Years
SIP works best when markets are volatile. The hardest years for emotions are the most powerful for compounding.
Your long term discipline is your strategy.
Do not interrupt it.

» What You Should Do Now
– Stay invested
– Continue SIP
– Avoid panic selling
– Review allocation once a year
– Use a steady plan, not reactions
This will help you reach your target return range.

» Finally
You are on the right path. The current volatility is temporary. Your 10 year horizon gives enough time for recovery and growth.
Switching right now based on fear may reduce your future returns. Staying invested and continuing SIPs is the sensible approach.
Your goal of better return than FD is realistic. Equity can deliver that with patience.
Stay calm and systematic.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |6739 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 09, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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