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Anu

Anu Krishna789 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

Asked on - Aug 11, 2022Hindi

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am a married 27 yr old girl pursuing my medical PG degree in a college and my husband is also fellow doctor residing in another city.
I stay in a hostel and I was in a relationship with a guy during my UG days.
Actually he used to be my best friend.
We are a gang of 4 and no one knows about my relationship except us both.
We moved on due to caste issues and foreseeing the problems after marriage in our families.
We are in touch with each other. He got PG degree in my college and seeing him is haunting my memories though we talk casually and not on regular basis.
My husband knows about us and asked me to avoid him. But I can't give up on my friendship.
Can a friendship aged in love not be reverted to friendship?

Ans:

Dear DR,

Feelings aren’t something that can be set aside that easily.

To lead a different relationship than the one that you were in with the same person requires a lot of emotional maturity from both of you to make this real and honest.

If you look at it from the point of view of your husband, he might either be insecure about this, or he can foresee a situation up ahead which might not be very pleasant.

You have mentioned that seeing him is bringing back memories.

Are you really ready to maintain a friendship without the feelings coming in the way? Are you ready to manage what this might do to your husband?

If you are ready and be objective about all of this, then first sit your husband down and talk to him and his fears.

Reassure him but like any relationship, all this requires a lot of work and then it’s also time to ask yourself, is this all worth it and do I really need to do this?

Also, is the other person from your past, also willing to understand that this requires him to put your marriage above his needs?

So, check with yourself what and how much you can handle and whether you are ready for this new challenge?

Best wishes!

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna789 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

Asked on - Aug 11, 2022Hindi

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, I am a married 27 yr old girl pursuing my medical PG degree in a college and my husband is also fellow doctor residing in another city.
I stay in a hostel and I was in a relationship with a guy during my UG days.
Actually he used to be my best friend.
We are a gang of 4 and no one knows about my relationship except us both.
We moved on due to caste issues and foreseeing the problems after marriage in our families.
We are in touch with each other. He got PG degree in my college and seeing him is haunting my memories though we talk casually and not on regular basis.
My husband knows about us and asked me to avoid him. But I can't give up on my friendship.
Can a friendship aged in love not be reverted to friendship?

Ans:

Dear DR,

Feelings aren’t something that can be set aside that easily.

To lead a different relationship than the one that you were in with the same person requires a lot of emotional maturity from both of you to make this real and honest.

If you look at it from the point of view of your husband, he might either be insecure about this, or he can foresee a situation up ahead which might not be very pleasant.

You have mentioned that seeing him is bringing back memories.

Are you really ready to maintain a friendship without the feelings coming in the way? Are you ready to manage what this might do to your husband?

If you are ready and be objective about all of this, then first sit your husband down and talk to him and his fears.

Reassure him but like any relationship, all this requires a lot of work and then it’s also time to ask yourself, is this all worth it and do I really need to do this?

Also, is the other person from your past, also willing to understand that this requires him to put your marriage above his needs?

So, check with yourself what and how much you can handle and whether you are ready for this new challenge?

Best wishes!

(more)
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