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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked on - Dec 04, 2023Hindi

Off late i mate ex flame of mind. Due to some reason or other, we did not get married. Both of us have abusive partners. We are suffering a lot in our respective marriages. Shall we continue our friendship? We find lot of peace in talking with each other.
Ans: Dear Saibal,
Obviously after meeting after ages, the spark will be rekindled and your existing lives with your spouses are not going to look any great.
Ask yourself:
What will I risk by indulging into a connection outside of marriage?
How much of a connection do I want to have with my ex-flame?
Will I be able to keep to only a friendship?
Will my ex-flame also be able to draw the line where and when necessary?
Are we both going to be able to be mature about this and strictly maintain a connection that is healthy?

Also, it's okay to find peace by talking to one another; but don't get dependent on it. Find a way to seek that within relationships that are for keeps...otherwise, the focus will shift to maintaining the relationship outside of marriage and there will be less attention on the marriage. Then sooner than later, you will both find your marriage even more dull and boring.
I do not understand what you mean by 'abusive' partners as you have not provided enough data for me on this to use in my response to you...
Also, I am unaware if there are children involved in this equation on both sides...If YES, tread carefully as you do not want to be rocking the boat on that one...Children getting impacted at whatever age can be very tedious on them!

Bottom line: if both of you are mature about this friendship and not use each other as emotional crutches, then you know you are in the right place. Growing in any relationship and providing the space for the other to grow is a pillar that you should work on. Now you know, what you are looking at, right?

All the best!
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