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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |159 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on May 09, 2025

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2025
Relationship

Hi Ms Shalini. I have been using dating apps for 3 years now. I have noticed that after a while, everything starts to feel repetitive. The same conversations, silly jokes and the same dead ends. What can I do to break this pattern and find something meaningful?

Ans: Do not put in efforts and time in getting to know the person unless you have met a few times. google on blogs written by me - I do write on how to date....

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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Relationship
Hello sir, thanks for your previous response. I am a bit curious about how relationships fall into routine and predictability. We all know that every relationship has a phase where passion wanes and people settle in routine and predictable life. But only some of them get attracted towards potential partners outside while some don't. Why this happens and is it different for men and women?
Ans: Relationships, like any dynamic process, evolve over time. Initially, there's a phase filled with excitement and discovery, often driven by passion and novelty. As time progresses, this high-energy state transitions into a more stable and predictable pattern, which can sometimes be perceived as mundane. The predictability in relationships is not inherently negative; it provides a sense of security and trust. However, the challenge lies in maintaining the balance between comfort and excitement.

Why Some People Seek Excitement Outside the Relationship:
Unmet Needs:

When certain emotional, psychological, or physical needs aren't met within the relationship, individuals might seek fulfillment elsewhere. This isn't necessarily about dissatisfaction but about finding what they feel is missing.
Desire for Novelty:

Humans are naturally inclined towards novelty and excitement. Some individuals have a higher need for variety and may seek new experiences or connections outside their relationship to satisfy this craving.
Emotional Distance:

Over time, couples can drift apart emotionally. If there's a lack of emotional intimacy or unresolved conflicts, one might look for connection outside the relationship.
Validation and Self-Esteem:

Some people seek validation and a boost in self-esteem from new admirers. This external validation can be intoxicating, especially if they feel underappreciated within their current relationship.
Differences Between Men and Women:
While individual differences often overshadow gender differences, certain trends have been observed:

Social Conditioning:

Men and women are often socialized differently, affecting their approach to relationships and infidelity. Men might be conditioned to seek multiple partners to prove their virility, while women might seek emotional connections.
Emotional vs. Physical Needs:

Generally, women may seek emotional fulfillment, while men might be more inclined towards physical satisfaction. However, this is not a rule and varies greatly among individuals.
Communication Styles:

Women often emphasize emotional sharing and communication, which can prevent emotional drift. Men might struggle with this, leading to unmet emotional needs.
Risk vs. Reward:

Men might be more willing to take risks for immediate rewards, while women might consider the broader implications and long-term effects on the family and relationship.
Maintaining Balance and Preventing Predictability:
Open Communication:

Regularly discussing desires, needs, and concerns can prevent emotional drift and unmet needs.
Shared Activities:

Engaging in new activities together can reignite the spark and bring novelty into the relationship.
Emotional Intimacy:

Building and maintaining emotional intimacy through shared experiences, empathy, and understanding can strengthen the bond.
Self-Reflection:

Individuals should reflect on their own needs and communicate them effectively. Understanding oneself is key to understanding the relationship dynamics.
Appreciation and Gratitude:

Regularly expressing appreciation and gratitude can boost self-esteem and reinforce the positive aspects of the relationship.
In the end, each relationship is unique, and understanding the individual needs and dynamics at play is essential. By fostering open communication, emotional intimacy, and mutual respect, couples can navigate the phases of their relationship with greater ease and fulfillment.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I’m a 28-year-old woman who has been single for almost three years now. I’ve recently started dating again. I met some great people, but I can’t seem to stop overthinking every little thing. Like, did I text too much? Was I too quiet during the date? Why did he take 5 hours to reply? Honestly, it’s exhausting, and it’s making me feel like I’m self-sabotaging potential connections. I know I’m a good person and have a lot to offer, but my mind just won’t stop analysing. How can I stop overthinking every interaction and just enjoy the dating process without this constant mental chatter?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can keep thinking and still won't get a satisfactory answer to your whats and whys.
The key to stop overthinking is to actually STOP it. The 3 year gap and a possible fact of seeing your age group women already having settled down may have put you on an alert mode that tells you: Make sure that you don't goof it up!

When you tell yourself not to goof it up, invariable you will focus on what can and might go wrong and that's enough to exhaust you. Instead enjoy the dating process and go with that flow; things may go fine or not; just be in that moment...be aware of what's important to you and where you will draw boundaries. This check point will make sure that you put yourself out there and yet will keep you reined in without ruining your peace of mind. Enjoy the process...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8513 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2025
Money
Hi Ramalingam Sir, First of all thank you for your replies for my previous queries. I am 41 yrs old private employee earning 1.5 lakhs per month. I and my brother combined constructed a house 5 years back by taking joint loan of 59lakhs with 9.1 interest (floating)for 21 years. We both are paying 50k per month. 25k each. Till now not much principal got reduced. We have opened one joint account and adding some amount of 4k (each 2k) every month and thinking to pay as principal amount at end of year. I don't feel it is good idea but we are not getting any idea. Could you please give us suggestion on how to pay this loan as much as early.? Thanks in advance
Ans: You have done a great thing by co-owning and sharing a loan. It takes planning and commitment. Paying a long-term loan early needs careful steps. A focused strategy will help you save interest and reduce stress.

Below is a complete 360-degree solution. This will help you close the loan faster and stay financially safe.

1. Understanding Your Current Loan Structure

You and your brother took a joint home loan of Rs. 59 lakhs.

Interest is 9.1% (floating). That’s quite high.

You both are paying Rs. 25,000 each, totalling Rs. 50,000 monthly.

The loan tenure is 21 years.

After 5 years, principal reduction is still very low.

This is because in early years, interest eats most of EMI.

Your method of saving Rs. 4,000 monthly to prepay annually is good in spirit.

But in action, it may not create much impact.

Let us explore a better plan.

2. Step-by-Step Review of the Issue

Your interest rate is 9.1%, which is high today.

Loan is 5 years old, so around 16 years are left.

You have already paid around Rs. 30 lakhs in EMIs.

Still, the loan principal hasn’t reduced much.

This means you are in the heavy-interest zone.

Time is the biggest cost here.

Faster principal reduction will save a lot of interest.

You can’t just depend on small yearly prepayment.

3. First Action – Review and Refinance the Loan

First, check your current loan outstanding.

Check your repayment schedule from bank or netbanking.

See how much of EMI is going to interest.

Now consider transferring the loan to a new bank.

Many banks now offer home loans around 8.3% to 8.6%.

A 0.5% difference may look small.

But it can save lakhs over remaining years.

You and your brother must compare 3–4 lenders.

If new bank is ready, shift to a lower rate.

No harm in reducing tenure while transferring.

Even 2–3 years cut in tenure saves a lot.

4. Revisit EMI and Tenure

You are paying Rs. 25,000 monthly.

This may be within your budget.

If yes, try to increase EMI by Rs. 2,000–Rs. 3,000 per head.

Higher EMI cuts principal faster.

Lower tenure means lesser interest burden.

Use the new EMI wisely by combining refinance and increased payment.

Avoid extending the loan tenure again.

If possible, reduce tenure instead of EMI.

5. Rethink the Annual Rs. 4,000 Saving Approach

Saving Rs. 4,000 monthly in joint account is okay.

But idle money doesn’t grow.

Interest in bank account is very low.

Instead, invest this Rs. 4,000 in a short-term debt mutual fund.

Use regular plan through MFD with CFP credential.

Direct plans may look cheaper but lack support and rebalancing.

With regular plan, you get better advice and ongoing help.

At year-end, redeem and prepay lump sum against principal.

Debt funds offer better growth than savings account.

Tax efficiency is also better if used wisely.

6. Create an Emergency Buffer Separately

Prepaying is good, but emergency safety is more important.

Before aggressive prepayment, build a safety fund.

Keep at least 3–6 months of EMI and expenses as emergency fund.

Use liquid mutual funds for this.

This protects your EMI even if job or cashflow is hit.

Avoid using your loan prepayment savings for emergencies.

Keep the two goals separate.

7. Avoid Prepayment from Retirement Corpus

Never touch EPF, PPF or long-term savings for loan prepayment.

That may create future income problems.

Let those assets grow for your retirement years.

Housing loan can be managed with better cashflow planning.

Prioritise steady investments over aggressive prepayment from retirement corpus.

8. Align Investments and Loan Closure Together

If you want to clear the loan faster, balance it with investment goals.

You can run SIPs and prepayment both side by side.

Divide monthly surplus into three:

Some for SIPs in active mutual funds.

Some for yearly lump sum prepayment.

Some for emergencies.

This keeps wealth creation, risk cover, and debt reduction in sync.

Don't stop SIPs completely just to prepay faster.

Mutual funds give long-term growth and liquidity.

9. Tax Benefit Assessment

Home loan offers tax deductions on interest and principal.

You both are eligible for 80C (principal) and 24(b) (interest) benefits.

Check if you are using full benefit.

But don’t keep loan just for tax saving.

Interest outgo is more than tax saved in most cases.

It is better to close loan early and then invest that EMI.

You get better peace of mind and cashflow freedom.

10. Use Bonuses and Extra Income Smartly

You may receive bonus, incentives, or yearly hikes.

Use a fixed portion of that money to prepay loan.

For example, 40% of bonus goes to loan, 40% to investments.

Remaining 20% for personal spending.

This method helps in faster loan closure.

But keeps your future goals also on track.

11. Communicate and Review as a Team

You and your brother are managing the loan together.

That’s a great responsibility and effort.

Keep monthly reviews and open communication.

Review the bank statement, interest paid, and outstanding.

Every prepayment reduces total interest burden.

Celebrate milestones like Rs. 5 lakh principal paid off.

It will keep both of you motivated and united.

12. Don’t Buy More Real Estate Now

Your existing home is already a big commitment.

Avoid investing in second property.

Real estate has poor liquidity and low regular returns.

Maintenance cost, property tax, and legal risk are high.

Don’t stretch finances with multiple loans.

Build wealth through financial assets instead.

13. Take a Certified Financial Planner’s Help Once a Year

Every year review your plan with a Certified Financial Planner.

Check how much principal is left.

Plan SIPs, investments, and prepayment in right proportion.

Review life and health insurance too.

A CFP helps you align your goals with numbers and strategies.

14. Insurance Protection Check

Ensure you and your brother both have term insurance.

This secures the loan liability.

If something happens to one person, the other isn’t burdened.

Term plan is low-cost and covers only risk.

Avoid policies that combine insurance and investments.

15. Track Your Progress Annually

Make a simple tracker in Excel or diary.

Note EMI paid, principal reduced, balance left.

Mark each prepayment.

It motivates and helps fine-tune future decisions.

Share the sheet with your brother too.

Finally

You both have made a good effort so far.

The first five years of a loan are toughest.

Now is the best time to take control.

Don’t let the high interest eat your future savings.

Use a mix of refinance, EMI increase, short-term fund, and lump sum payments.

Don’t compromise on long-term investments and insurance.

Keep your goals clear and emotions away from decisions.

Your loan can be closed 5–7 years early with these changes.

That will free up cash for future dreams and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8513 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2025
Money
Hi, I am 52 and working in a Central Government job. My gross salary is around 2.5lacs. My husband is 53 yrs old and working in a pvt company. His take home is 4.2l per month. We have two flats worth 1.7cr each which are currently in use. We have another flat worth 2.5cr. Apart from this we have a farmhouse land worth 80l and some ancestral property worth 50l. We have two children, elder daughter in final year of degree and wants to pursue higher education abroad. Son is 18 and has taken admission in Btech this year. His monthly expenditure including everything will be around 60 thousand. Apart from this we have a monthly expenditure of 1L and due to husband ongoing health issues considerable expenditure on treatment around 1l we both have around 1.5 cr in epf, 30l in stocks and 8l on sip. Also 6vl each in ppf Due to health issues, husband want to able to continue his job long and has to take premature retirement. What should be our future investment plans. Kindly guide
Ans: You have worked hard and saved well. Your current asset base is strong. Your financial situation now needs a clear, future-ready plan. Let’s assess, realign, and plan forward with clarity and balance.

Here is a detailed 360-degree solution designed just for your needs.

1. Understand the New Phase

You are entering a key transition stage in life.

Your family income may reduce soon.

Medical costs are rising steadily.

Children’s higher education will need big money.

Retirement is also nearing.

Hence, your money must now work smarter.

2. Current Income and Expenses

Monthly family income is around Rs. 6.7 lakhs.

Household and son’s expenses are Rs. 1.6 lakhs monthly.

Medical treatment adds Rs. 1 lakh per month.

So total regular outflow is Rs. 2.6 lakhs monthly.

This leaves you a surplus of Rs. 4.1 lakhs now.

However, post-retirement, husband’s income may stop.

Then surplus may drop to Rs. 0.9 lakhs per month.

This calls for adjusting investments wisely.

3. Children’s Higher Education Planning

Your daughter wants to study abroad soon.

Expenses may go beyond Rs. 40–50 lakhs easily.

Please don’t redeem retirement corpus for this.

Instead, plan to liquidate from equity-based assets.

Start a step-by-step Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP).

You may also liquidate part of your flat worth Rs. 2.5 crore.

If needed, consider an education loan partially.

This keeps your retirement fund safe.

4. Husband’s Premature Retirement

This needs realignment of your financial plan.

Ensure a minimum of 5 years expenses are protected.

This means Rs. 1.6 lakhs x 60 months = Rs. 96 lakhs.

Keep this amount in low-risk debt mutual funds.

Avoid taking this from EPF or PPF.

Use proceeds from one flat if necessary.

SIPs must continue, but evaluate rebalancing based on income drop.

5. Medical Contingency Planning

Your husband’s treatment cost is high.

Medical inflation is rising rapidly.

Ensure both of you have health insurance.

Prefer a Rs. 25–50 lakh family floater with super top-up.

Do not depend only on employer health cover.

Keep an emergency fund of Rs. 10–15 lakhs separate.

This can be in liquid or ultra-short debt mutual funds.

6. Retirement Planning for Both

You are 52 and still employed.

Retirement age may be around 58–60 years.

That gives you 6–8 years of active income.

Use this period to build a strong retirement fund.

Don’t withdraw EPF or PPF till maturity.

Consider contributing more in mutual funds through SIPs.

Keep retirement corpus in low-cost, diversified active funds.

Don't shift funds into annuity options.

Post-retirement, plan a SWP from mutual funds for income.

Try to build a retirement corpus of Rs. 3–4 crores.

This will give Rs. 1–1.25 lakhs income monthly.

Include spouse’s expenses, inflation, and medical needs.

7. Existing Real Estate Assets

You have three flats. Two are for your use.

The third one is worth Rs. 2.5 crores.

Avoid holding it just for value appreciation.

Use it strategically for daughter’s education and corpus building.

Avoid further real estate purchases now.

Real estate is not liquid.

It doesn’t give regular income.

It has high maintenance and poor tax efficiency.

Your real estate exposure is already high.

8. Existing Investments Analysis

EPF and PPF total is around Rs. 1.62 crores.

Stocks worth Rs. 30 lakhs add moderate risk.

SIPs are Rs. 8 lakhs value currently.

Continue SIPs in well-diversified active mutual funds.

Prefer regular plan with guidance from MFD with CFP credential.

Direct plans don’t suit every investor.

Regular plans offer rebalancing, review, and advice.

Stocks are fine, but not for short-term needs.

Try not to add more unless you have time to review.

Mutual funds offer better diversification and control.

Ensure debt-equity mix is rebalanced annually.

9. Tax Planning and Investment Efficiency

EPF, PPF are tax-free on maturity.

Mutual fund gains are taxable.

LTCG on equity funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your slab.

Plan redemptions smartly to reduce tax burden.

Avoid too many redemptions at once.

Spread them across financial years.

Get Form 26AS checked every year.

Don’t buy insurance for tax saving.

10. Cash Flow Planning Post-Retirement

Husband’s income may stop soon.

Your income will continue till 58 or 60.

Use your salary to fund most expenses till then.

From age 60, use SWP from mutual funds.

Add rental income if any in future.

Avoid bank FDs for monthly income.

They have low returns and poor taxation.

Instead, use a ladder of debt funds for short-term needs.

Equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

11. Insurance Cover Check

Check your term insurance if still active.

If not, you may not need one now.

Your asset base is strong.

Focus more on health insurance.

Take a separate critical illness cover too.

Medical costs can deplete savings quickly.

Review nominee details in every policy.

12. Estate and Will Planning

You have significant real estate and investments.

Children will inherit eventually.

Prepare a registered Will soon.

Mention who gets what clearly.

Include mutual funds, EPF, PPF, stocks, property.

Assign separate nominees for each asset class.

This avoids future disputes and confusion.

Discuss openly with your children.

13. Investment Behaviour Going Forward

Keep emotions out of investment decisions.

Don’t redeem when markets fall.

Follow asset allocation method strictly.

Every year review the plan.

Rebalance mutual funds once a year.

Reinvest redemptions wisely.

Don’t increase real estate holding further.

Don’t fall for hot stock tips.

Avoid policies combining insurance and investment.

Finally

Your current position is strong.

Your focus should be on protection and preservation.

Avoid risky investments now.

Plan each goal with a dedicated fund.

Keep enough liquidity for health and education.

Create predictable income sources post-retirement.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner yearly.

Review goals, returns, risks and expenses every year.

Stay disciplined and goal-oriented.

Your family’s financial future will remain safe.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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