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Help! I'm Overthinking Every Date - How Can I Stop?

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 07, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I’m a 28-year-old woman who has been single for almost three years now. I’ve recently started dating again. I met some great people, but I can’t seem to stop overthinking every little thing. Like, did I text too much? Was I too quiet during the date? Why did he take 5 hours to reply? Honestly, it’s exhausting, and it’s making me feel like I’m self-sabotaging potential connections. I know I’m a good person and have a lot to offer, but my mind just won’t stop analysing. How can I stop overthinking every interaction and just enjoy the dating process without this constant mental chatter?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can keep thinking and still won't get a satisfactory answer to your whats and whys.
The key to stop overthinking is to actually STOP it. The 3 year gap and a possible fact of seeing your age group women already having settled down may have put you on an alert mode that tells you: Make sure that you don't goof it up!

When you tell yourself not to goof it up, invariable you will focus on what can and might go wrong and that's enough to exhaust you. Instead enjoy the dating process and go with that flow; things may go fine or not; just be in that moment...be aware of what's important to you and where you will draw boundaries. This check point will make sure that you put yourself out there and yet will keep you reined in without ruining your peace of mind. Enjoy the process...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

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I'm 20 years old, and currently in college 1st year, and I always been hesitative in every situation whether it's asking questions to teachers or giving answers, or when my life gives me a chance, i ruin it again and again by saying "if my future is darkness so be it" . Especially when it come to case of girls. Many times I have got the chance where i had got that girl which i liked or maybe i can atleast talk to other girls, but I always hesitated and now I have come at the point where it's just feel ... "seeing that girl which i like, talking to another" just hits different and all my work and my studies going like down and down. But still ,I encourage myself by saying that, 'okay,..'tommorrow we will try..' but next day same. I'm just fuc*ing stucked.. help me..
Ans: Dear Harsh,
There are other people in this world other than just girls...You can surely start to interact with them?
Join a gym or join a hobby class where you will meet like-minded people. Focus less on girls till you actually master the skill of talking to men.
The unnecessary stress while talking to girls is making you even more stressed. So, instead of saying: I will try again tomorrow, why don't you instead say: I am happy with the friends I have made today and will make tomorrow...
See how much that will ease your mind without any conditions that you put on yourself as who you actually are talking to.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |103 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
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Career
I am 21. I am a chronic overthinker. I am always thinking about what other people think about me or overanalysing situations and making things complicated. Is this a serious problem? What should I do?
Ans: Dear overthinker,

Thinking is a good trait to have, overthinking is not.

You literally have to STOP overthinking!!!

One way to overcome this is to stop thinking and become more action oriented. STOP analyzing everything in the head, put it on paper, there is something calming about putting thoughts on paper, writing them down with a pen and paper.
And then taking actions based on what you have written and no more thinking about it.

Indulge in physical activity, play a game which is more action oriented , this teaches you to be fully present in the moment, which helps you in being in the moment. Being fully present in the moment is what gets you out of overthinking.
Do meditate , I really can't enumerate all the benefits of meditation, what meditation does to people is beyond words.

There is a book called as, STOP OVERTHINKING by Nick Trenton, this book offers practical advice and exercises to help you break free from negative thoughts and worries. It provides evidence-based methods to combat overthinking and anxiety.

Another amazing book by Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of NOW", can help you.

There is no problem which can't be overcome, believe in yourself, you are more powerful than you think, the body and mind have to listen to you!!
What you think so you become, feed yourself the right thoughts and let the magic unfold.!!

All the best!!

..Read more

Aamish

Aamish Dhingra  |14 Answers  |Ask -

Life Coach - Answered on Feb 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I'm a 19-year-old college student from Kolkata, and I’ve always been the shy, introverted type. While my friends easily speak their minds and make connections, I find myself overthinking every word I say. It’s affecting my confidence, especially in group settings or when I meet new people. I really want to be more outgoing and assertive, but I don’t know where to start.
Ans: I would rather say that it is completely normal to feel shy or over think any conversation in a new group or public meetings. Rather than considering it as your negative behaviour, opt for boosting your confidence over time. Take small steps to reach your better self such as begin by initiating a small conversation with your classmates or ask a question in GD session without any self-doubt. All you need is shifting focus from self-doubt and judgement onto being available in the conversation with your whole mind and body. Most people are more interested in giving their opinions, rather than listening to yours and this fear is just in your mind that needs to be broken. Another practice you can entertain in your life is assertiveness, which means expression of thoughts in a calm and composed manner in a safe setting where you will feel free to communicate. Once you begin with small disagreements in a comfortable group, it will help you to step out of your comfort zone. Additionally, working on your body language, maintaining good posture, making eye contact, and speaking at a steady pace can naturally make you feel more confident. If conversations make you nervous, prepare a few open-ended questions beforehand to keep discussions flowing. Celebrate small wins along the way, as every effort to push beyond your comfort zone counts. The more you practice, the more natural it will feel, and soon, social interactions won’t seem as daunting. You’re capable of growing into a more confident and outgoing version of yourself, just take it one step at a time.
Wishing you success,
Aamish Dhingra
ICF-PCC Certified Life Coach
Co-Founder, Cocoweave Coaching International, Delhi

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2025

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Relationship
The seconds of time during taking action..I get into the overthinking/over-analysing thoughts... 1. Imaginative: Where I becom's the character & live life(see images, speak..) in those..like being rich,powerfull,disciplined,wife,kids....things which I want/perceive from social media...+ memos of past also.. 2. Stuck: Where I becom's a "OBJECT" & voices + images of brain guides me to quit task's when doing things/challenging...by saying.. *What this thing(task/book..) gonna benefit you? *Don't do it, you will do worse/fail..people gonna judge/laugh to you...look yourself!!..no good face, no good dress, u don't hv courage/skill to do that thing. 3. Coping: "Quit it" & use Mobile(songs,reels,yt videos..) to stop/distract myself from those dark clouds. i) What/How [solution] to don't get stuck in those next time. ii) How to use that overthinking for my advantage.. with hving control. iii) I tried to fill the possible voids by dress/looks but things were same..so it's internal.. What to do for that?
Ans: Dear Work,
Overthinking and over processing never helped anyone. Focus on your self-talk and change that.
- Journaling
- Sports
- Art work
- Meditation
- Breathwork
These are a few ways in which you can attempt to slow down the mind from racing thoughts. Once that happens, work on your self-talk to make it more useful where you start to direct yourself towards what you want to do.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Janak

Janak Patel  |21 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 10, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi, I am 46 years old residing in a B Town in India. I have 2 daughters one 16 years old and second 7 years old. I have Savings of 25 Lakh in my account as emergency find. I have FD of 65 Lakhs. PF, PPF and NPS of 25 Lakhs, Mutual Fund and Shares of 25 Lakhs, Lic policies worth 25 Lakhs, Gold around 1.2 Crores. I have a medical insurance of 20 Lakhs for me and my family, Term insurance of 1Cr. As properties. I own 2 independent houses, 2 flats and 2 plots in Bangalore which has a current value of about 4.5 Cr. In my home town i have 2 Houses, 1 apartment and plots which has a current value of 2.75 Cr. Currently i am drawing a monthly salary of 2 Lakh rupees and get a rent of 30K/ month. I donot have any emi's and my monthly expenses is currently 75K. I am planning to retire at the age of 50. Is my financial condition stable to retire at the age of 50? Thanks for your suggestion in advance.
Ans: Hi,

Lets understand the value of your current Investments at the time of retirement. Below is the list with its current value and (expected rate of return).
Emergency Fund - 25 lakhs (3.5%)
Fixed Deposits - 65 lakhs (7%)
PF/PPF/NPS - 25 lakhs (8%)
MF/Stocks - 25 lakhs (10%)
LIC Policies - 25 lakhs (no change)
Your current investments listed above will achieve a value of 3.5 crore at the time of retirement 4 years from now.

Apart from this you have mentioned properties worth 7.25 Cr. Assuming you will only use/liquidate them if required, so excluding them from consideration for now.

You total income is 2.30 lakhs per month (includes rent) and expenses are 75k per month. So there is potential to add to the above investments for the next 4 years.

I will assume your current expenses are sufficient for the lifestyle you want to continue post retirement.
You will require a corpus on retirement after 4 years to sustain your expenses adjusted with inflation of 6% which will be close to 1 lakh per month (at the time of retirement).
With this starting point, and adjusting for inflation of 6% each year, and life expectancy of 30 years post retirement you need a corpus of approx. 2.5 crore - again assumed this will earn a return of 8% for the 30 years.
If you can invest wisely and generate a slightly higher return of say 10%, the corpus requirement will be 2 crore.

Your current investments at the time of retirement with value of 3.5 crore is sufficient to cover your expenses for the next 30 years inflation adjusted at 6%.
And this is excluding the properties you own and additional investments you can make for the next 4 years.

Summary - You are more than stable as far as your financial state is concerned. You have a strong base to meet your retirement needs and also a potential to create wealth for the generations ahead.

I want to highlight/recommend few points -
1. Increase the medical Insurance for yourself and family to 1Crore as medical expenses will only increase in future.
2. Stop the Term Life Insurance and save the premium for investment. As you have no liabilities and net-worth is high enough to cover any outcomes in life ahead, this premium is a lost cause considering your strong financial state.
3. Revisit the LIC Policies you have and consider surrendering/stopping them if they are not nearing their maturity. They are not giving you enough cover and providing below par returns. So do discuss with a trusted licensed advisor and evaluate them. If they will mature in the next 4 years, ignore this point.
4. Post retirement period is a long duration of 30 years, so do consider getting a good advisor - a Certified Financial Planner who can guide you to plan your retirement well and help you design a portfolio for additional wealth creation as a legacy for your children/dependents.


Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi, I have the following funds part of my SIP and the last 4 funds are my one time lump sum of 35K each and invested sometime in November last year. Are these good to hold (lump sum) and rest as SIP for another 5 years. 1 Kotak Flexicap Fund - Reg Gr 2 Kotak Flexicap Fund - Dir Gr 3 Tata Multi Asset Opp Dir Gr 4 TATA Nifty 50 Index Dir Pl 5 Technology Plan - Direct - Growth 6 Bandhan Sterling Value Fund-(Reg PIn) -Gr 7 Nifty Smallcap250 Quality 50 Index Fund - Dir - G 8 | HDFC Dividend Yield Direct Growth 9 Quant Large and Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth 10 Quant Multi Asset Fund Direct Growth 11 Groww Nifty Non Cyclical Consumer Index Fund Direct Growth 12 Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund Direct Growth Thanks in advance for your guidance.
Ans: You have invested in multiple funds through SIP and lump sum. Holding them for the next 5 years is a good approach. However, it is important to check if your portfolio is diversified, aligned with your goals, and tax-efficient.

Overlap Between Funds
Your portfolio has multiple funds from the same category.

Too many similar funds do not improve returns but make tracking difficult.

Checking fund overlap can help avoid duplication.

Actively Managed vs Index Funds
You have index funds in your portfolio.

Index funds do not offer downside protection in market corrections.

Actively managed funds can outperform the index in volatile markets.

Switching from index funds to actively managed funds can improve growth.

Direct vs Regular Funds
You have invested in direct funds.

Direct funds may seem cheaper, but they lack expert guidance.

Investing through an MFD with CFP credentials ensures better selection and tracking.

Regular funds provide better decision-making support over time.

Sector-Specific and Thematic Funds
You hold a technology fund.

Sector funds are high-risk, as they depend on one industry’s performance.

If the sector underperforms, returns may be negative for years.

A diversified approach reduces risk compared to sector-based investing.

Smallcap and Midcap Allocation
You have smallcap and midcap funds.

These funds can be highly volatile in the short term.

Holding them for 5+ years is necessary to reduce risk.

Ensure you rebalance if the portfolio gets too aggressive.

Multi-Asset and Dividend Yield Funds
Multi-asset funds provide stability during market corrections.

Dividend yield funds are suitable for conservative investors.

These funds help in balancing the portfolio between risk and return.

Final Insights
Reduce overlapping funds and focus on fewer, well-performing funds.

Exit index funds and shift to actively managed funds for better growth.

Consider switching from direct funds to regular funds for expert tracking.

Keep sector funds below 10% of your portfolio to avoid concentration risk.

Continue SIPs in high-quality diversified funds for long-term wealth creation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

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Money
Can I run my family with 15 k exp and 20k retirement income
Ans: You have a monthly retirement income of Rs 20,000 and expect monthly expenses of Rs 15,000. On paper, this looks manageable, but there are important financial factors to consider. Let us analyse whether this income will be sufficient for the long term.

Cost of Living and Inflation Impact
Expenses will increase over time due to inflation.

If inflation is 6% per year, your Rs 15,000 monthly expenses may double in 12 years.

If income remains Rs 20,000, the gap between income and expenses will widen.

Healthcare and Medical Costs
Medical expenses increase with age.

Even with health insurance, out-of-pocket medical costs can rise.

If a medical emergency arises, your savings could be depleted quickly.

Emergency Fund Requirement
A sudden family emergency can strain finances.

Having at least 2–3 years' worth of expenses in a liquid fund is necessary.

If you do not have an emergency fund, your retirement income may not be sufficient.

Unplanned Expenses and Lifestyle Changes
New financial needs may arise, such as helping family members or home repairs.

You may want to travel, pursue hobbies, or engage in social activities.

A fixed retirement income can make such expenses challenging.

Investment Strategy for Long-Term Security
To beat inflation, invest a portion of savings in growth-oriented assets.

A mix of equity and debt funds will help generate better returns.

A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from equity funds can provide a higher monthly income.

Alternative Income Sources
Consider part-time work, freelancing, or consulting if possible.

Rental income or dividends from investments can support retirement cash flow.

Final Insights
Rs 20,000 may be enough now, but inflation and rising costs can make it insufficient later.

A combination of investments, emergency funds, and alternate income sources will provide financial security.

Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to sustain your retirement lifestyle.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I have about 28 lakhs invested in different MF. Now i want a SWP of 35000 per month from that total fund. Looking at the current market situation I was either thinking if dividing the fund between debt 30% and equity 70%. But instead of investing a lumpsum amounts will it make more sense to park all my funds in a dynamic debt fund and then every month do SIP of maybe one lakh each to equity fund or balanced fund. Also i would like to know what difference will it make in my investment returns between sip and lumpsum except ofcourse averageing the market volatility in case of SIP and getting more UNITS if done lumpsum.
Ans: You have Rs 28 lakh invested in mutual funds and want to withdraw Rs 35,000 per month through a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). You are considering whether to invest the corpus as a lump sum in a 70% equity – 30% debt allocation or to park the full amount in a debt fund and do an SIP of Rs 1 lakh per month into equity.

Your goal should be to generate stable withdrawals while preserving your capital and ensuring growth. Below is a structured approach to managing your funds wisely.

Understanding SWP and Its Impact on Your Corpus
SWP is a cash flow strategy, allowing regular withdrawals while the remaining corpus continues to grow.

The key challenge is to balance withdrawals and growth so that the corpus does not deplete too soon.

Investing in a mix of debt and equity will ensure stability while benefiting from market growth.

Option 1: Investing 70% in Equity and 30% in Debt
This allocation is suitable for long-term growth. Equity provides growth, while debt ensures stability.

A balanced portfolio helps manage volatility and ensures a steady SWP.

The downside is that a lump sum investment in equity exposes you to market fluctuations.

If the market falls after investing, the SWP may lead to selling equity at a lower value, reducing corpus longevity.

Option 2: Parking in a Debt Fund and Doing Monthly SIPs
This reduces market timing risk by investing gradually.

Debt funds provide low but steady returns, protecting the corpus while equity exposure increases.

SIPs spread the risk over time, ensuring better price averaging.

The downside is that debt funds provide lower returns, which may impact the final corpus.

SIP vs Lump Sum: Key Differences
SIP helps in market averaging, reducing the impact of volatility.

Lump sum investment can generate higher returns if the market performs well.

SIP is better for those worried about market crashes, while lump sum works well for long-term investors willing to take higher risks.

Best Strategy for You
A hybrid approach will work best:

Step 1: Park Rs 28 lakh in a low-duration or dynamic debt fund.

Step 2: Start an SIP of Rs 1 lakh per month into equity for 24–28 months.

Step 3: Withdraw Rs 35,000 per month from the debt fund until equity allocation builds up.

Step 4: After 2–3 years, rebalance to maintain a 60% equity – 40% debt allocation for stability.

Tax Implications of SWP
Withdrawals from equity funds held for over 1 year attract 12.5% tax on LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh.

Withdrawals before 1 year attract 20% STCG tax.

Withdrawals from debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Final Insights
A mix of debt and equity will ensure growth and stability in your SWP plan.

Parking the corpus in a debt fund first and then gradually shifting to equity is a safer approach.

Rebalancing every 2–3 years will help manage risk and sustain withdrawals.

Keep track of taxation to optimise post-tax returns.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8098 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 12, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir, I am 46. Unemployed due to health reasons. I have 28 lakhs i want to invest in SWP . I need 35000 monthly. How long do I have before my fund runs out? How should I invest to make the most of it? I want my funds to appreciate as well to be atleast propionate to my need of 35000. Given- if i invest in lumpsum than I get higher number of units and if i take the SIP route it can negate the market volatility. Looking at the current market scanerio i believe it may take couple of years to see proper returns. I was also thinking of pooling the entire corpus in Aggressive debt funds and then do a SIP to an actively managed equity fund. Under these circumstances please provide fund names also. Thanks in advance.
Ans: You are 46 and unemployed due to health reasons. You need Rs 35,000 per month from your investments. Your goal is to make your funds last longer while allowing growth.

Let us analyse your options and create a plan.

Assessing Your Requirement
You need Rs 4.2 lakh per year (Rs 35,000 x 12 months).

Your corpus is Rs 28 lakh.

If you withdraw Rs 4.2 lakh annually without growth, your funds will last less than 7 years.

You need growth to sustain withdrawals for a longer period.

Challenges with a High SWP Rate
A SWP of 15% per year (Rs 4.2 lakh from Rs 28 lakh) is too high.

Safe withdrawal rates are usually 4-6% per year.

A high withdrawal rate will deplete your corpus fast.

Investment Strategy for SWP
You need a mix of equity and debt to balance growth and stability.

Step 1: Allocate Corpus Wisely
Equity (50%): Invest for growth.
Debt (50%): Keep funds for the next 5-6 years of withdrawals.
This approach helps maintain stability while allowing long-term appreciation.

Step 2: SWP from Debt Funds
Start your SWP from debt funds to avoid withdrawing from volatile equity investments.

Debt funds provide stability and minimise short-term risk.

This ensures your equity investments have time to grow.

Step 3: Systematic Transfer to Equity
Keep your equity allocation in a flexi-cap or multi-cap fund for diversification.

Invest in a systematic transfer plan (STP) from a debt fund to an equity fund.

This reduces market timing risk and balances volatility.

Expected Corpus Longevity
If your portfolio grows at 8-10% annually, your funds may last 10-12 years.

If the market performs well, your funds may last longer.

A lower withdrawal rate will further extend sustainability.

Alternative Options to Sustain Your Corpus
Reduce withdrawals: If possible, lower monthly expenses to Rs 25,000-30,000.

Part-time income: If health permits, explore work-from-home or passive income options.

Medical emergency fund: Keep at least Rs 2 lakh aside for medical needs.

Review investments: Rebalance every year to maintain growth and stability.

Final Insights
Your current withdrawal rate is high.

A balanced equity-debt approach can extend the longevity of your corpus.

Use SWP from debt funds and STP to equity for better returns.

Monitor the portfolio regularly to ensure sustainability.

If possible, reduce withdrawals slightly to make the corpus last longer.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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