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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I m 37 years old married male, last year me and my wife had to live in separate cities for 9 months and we used to meet twice a month, during this period she fell in love with an unmarried 24 yrs old boy who lived in opposite flat and made physical relationship and emotional touch speaking to him 2-3 hours daily in night. Since I was away I nvr knew. Now i caught her speaking to him and now she is saying she is sorry she fell for him as he was attractive and was always available on phone for her which I was not. I don’t know if I should stay in marriage or not. I have two kids 8 and 4 yr old. Plz guide, I loved her a lot in these 9 yrs of marriage.

Ans: The fact that she’s admitted to what happened, expressed regret, and given reasons for her choices — namely feeling lonely and drawn to someone who offered her attention — is a start toward honest communication. While her reasons may not justify her actions, they might give you a clearer understanding of what led to this, which could help you both explore whether there’s potential to rebuild trust. Since you both loved each other over the years, it might be worth taking time to process this together before making any final decisions.

If you’re open to trying to repair things, consider seeking the support of a counselor or therapist who can help you both navigate these emotions. Counseling could provide a space to work through the betrayal, resentment, and hurt, allowing you both to express your perspectives and listen openly to one another. Your wife’s willingness to commit to this process — to address her actions, rebuild trust, and make amends — will be a key indicator of her dedication to repairing your relationship.

However, forgiveness and moving forward are deeply personal choices. Take time to consider what you truly need to feel secure and fulfilled in this marriage, keeping your children’s well-being in mind as well. Whatever path you choose, make sure it aligns with your own sense of self-respect, emotional health, and vision for a peaceful, supportive family life.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

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Relationship
My name is Rajesh, I am 50 year old 4years back I got to know that my wife is in relationship with someone and after inqiuring in detail I found that, that was her second relationship. Earlier relationship was broken 1 year before. and she told me all herself when I ask on condition that if she didnt tell me I may take dicision of breaking. so sho told me everything without hiding. she is telling me that she still loves me. Arter that she stoped all contacts but after a year she strated developing contacts with facebook messenger and developed one more relationship with one FB friend. again when I got to know she stoped contacting him. this time ther was no physical relationship, but she admitted that he once kissed her. the boy tried to contact her in all ways but she somehow stopped this matter. I love my wife very much. I forgive her every time. three year passed now all this year she was not going outside alone without me. but in these days I also insisted her to go out, and she started going to yoga class where she used to go early and she is very happy now days. I dont know whether I am doing correct or not, some time I still have dought in my mind whether she will start again doing affairs. I am some times afread, dont know what to do. whether I should still continue trusting and loving my wife or what. we have one son age 16 now. I am confuesd sometimes but till date happiness is maintained in the family. But I am feeling lonely somtimes. what to do?
Ans: Dear Rajesh,

I can understand it is an impossible situation for you but this too shall pass. First things first, are you happy in a relationship that involves cheating, not once, but twice and who's to say there won't be a third? Ask yourself that. If the answer is no, it is quite understandable, but if it's yes, then why? Why would anyone be happy with a partner who cheats over and over again? Why do you think you deserve such a life? Granted, relationships are not all rainbows and butterflies all the time, but they should not look this grim either. You alone have kept it going for this long, and maintained harmony by accepting your partner's infidelity time and again; ask yourself what would happen if you allowed yourself to stop. You can stop tolerating it, you know?

The question isn't how you should deal with your partner who is evidently a repeat cheater. The question is how you should deal with the situation and why are you reacting in a way that almost makes me think that you believe you deserve such a relationship. As for your kid, divorce or separation has much less effect on a child than a broken marriage with two unhappy parents.

If you still want to continue, that is also okay. To each their own, but don't forget to ask yourself what are you staying in this marriage for; your kid, societal pressure, or is it unconditional love for your wife, who, by the way, does not reciprocate the same for you.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir i am working in govt. service as scientist, i married legally with my wife 5 years back. We both from different region and culture. We had age difference of 8 years. Now i am 39. We dont have kids. But i love her very much, she also know that. By physically we are most active. But lately few months back she started liking a guy from her work place, he is 9 year younger to her i.e now he is only 23. She think he is cool and attractive. Now she is telling that she will move with that guy and live with him. Before our marriage she had boyfriend but he was not accepted her and married her. So she tell me that out of sadness she married me. Now my situation is very bad, bcz i love her like anything. From last 6 years i am addicted to her. I dont know wether to hold her and leave her. Her parents like me as son. Please help
Ans: In the story of your relationship, picture it as a garden you've tended with care, nurturing it over the years. Unexpected weeds have emerged, symbolizing her attraction to another. This might feel like a sudden storm disrupting your tranquil landscape.

Reflect on the roots of your love—are they deep enough to endure this storm? Consider the soil of your connection. Is it still fertile, or has it become depleted?

Engage in open, non-judgmental communication with your wife, expressing your emotions and listening empathetically to her perspective.

Seek support from trusted individuals or a counselor as you navigate this challenging chapter. Remember, like resilient trees, you have the strength to bend but not break, and to flourish once again, regardless of the path you choose.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6997 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 45 working and wants to retire now. My wife salary is around 50k/month and she can work for another 18 yrs. Have 2 kids studying in 7th and 2nd class. I have ancestors home to live and major future expense will be kids higher education and marriage. Presently monthly expense is 40k. Regarding investment I have PPF 28 lacs maturing is 2 years, SSY 9 lac, wife PPF 5 lac, MF value 50 lac, equity 12 lac, EPF 11 lac, SGB 6 lac and FD/NSC 26 lac maturing all in next 3-4 yrs. No need of instant money. Please suggest if I can retire now and yes how can I invest my corpus for steady return
Ans: Retiring early is achievable for you with some strategic planning. Given your wife's consistent income, your existing corpus, and the specific needs for children's education and marriage, you can structure investments to sustain both immediate and future financial needs.

Here's a structured approach to plan your retirement:

1. Assessing Income Requirements
With monthly expenses at Rs 40,000, your wife’s income should comfortably cover routine household costs. However, you must ensure your investments provide a stable income as a buffer.

Estimating future inflation and children’s education costs is essential. Education and marriage may require sizable amounts, so it’s wise to earmark specific investments for these expenses.

2. Investment Allocation for Stability and Growth
To sustain your corpus and ensure it grows, dividing it into various categories can be beneficial:

2.1. Public Provident Fund (PPF) and Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
PPF: With Rs 28 lakh in PPF maturing in two years, the amount can continue growing without immediate withdrawal. This will allow it to act as a secondary emergency fund.

SSY: Your SSY amount of Rs 9 lakh offers good returns until maturity, making it ideal for your daughter’s future education or marriage needs.

Wife’s PPF: With Rs 5 lakh in her PPF, continue this as a low-risk, tax-free growth option. It will contribute toward your retirement needs.

2.2. Mutual Funds (MF) and Equity
Mutual Funds: At Rs 50 lakh, mutual funds can provide a balance of growth and steady returns. Continue your SIPs in actively managed funds for higher potential returns, as these are guided by expert fund managers compared to index funds. Actively managed funds allow flexibility, adapt to market trends, and provide a diversified growth path.

Equity: Your Rs 12 lakh in stocks offers high growth potential. However, direct stocks come with higher volatility. Rebalancing a portion to a balanced or flexi-cap mutual fund could add stability.

2.3. Employee Provident Fund (EPF)
EPF at Rs 11 lakh acts as a stable, long-term asset with tax-free growth. This can be a reserve fund for later years of retirement, extending your income over time.
2.4. Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs)
With Rs 6 lakh in SGBs, you have a secure inflation hedge. Gold generally appreciates over time, offering a safety net. Keep this as a long-term asset for emergencies or children’s marriage.
2.5. Fixed Deposits and National Savings Certificates (FD/NSC)
Rs 26 lakh in FDs and NSCs maturing over 3-4 years can ensure short-term liquidity. For reinvestment, consider liquid funds or ultra-short-term debt funds for modest but stable returns, as they offer flexibility and better tax efficiency compared to traditional FDs.
3. Strategy for Steady Income Generation
Given your corpus and minimal monthly needs, you can rely on a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) and other low-risk options for steady income.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Consider setting up an SWP from your mutual fund corpus. This approach can provide a monthly cash flow without depleting the corpus immediately, especially if you use balanced or hybrid funds.

Debt Funds: Post maturity of your FD/NSC, consider reinvesting in debt mutual funds. These can offer better returns than traditional bank deposits with tax efficiency. Opt for funds with moderate durations to reduce interest rate risk.

4. Child Education and Marriage Planning
Education and marriage planning can be handled by earmarking specific assets for predictable growth:

PPF and SSY for Education: PPF maturity in two years can coincide with your child’s high school expenses. Likewise, SSY can be reserved for your daughter's education or marriage expenses. These instruments offer tax benefits and assured returns.

Dedicated Mutual Funds: You may consider allocating some portion of mutual funds specifically for children’s future. Balanced Advantage Funds or multi-cap funds could suit this purpose, providing both growth and stability.

5. Tax-Efficient Planning
Given the new capital gains tax rules, consider tax efficiency in each asset class:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, while short-term gains are taxed at 20%. Plan withdrawals strategically to keep gains within tax-free limits where possible.

Debt Mutual Funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab. Post-retirement, when your income is lower, debt funds may become more tax-efficient than fixed deposits.

6. Emergency Fund and Health Coverage
Having a reserve is crucial for any unplanned expenses or emergencies:

Emergency Fund: Retain some funds in liquid investments, like liquid or ultra-short-term funds. This fund should cover at least 6-12 months of expenses.

Health Insurance: Ensure your family’s health coverage is adequate. Health costs tend to rise, so enhancing health coverage can prevent corpus depletion.

7. Estate Planning and Succession
Since you have ancestral property, structuring an estate plan is crucial to ensure a smooth inheritance for your children. A well-drafted will and nomination updates for all financial assets will make it easier for your family in the future.

Finally
Early retirement is achievable with smart financial moves. Your existing portfolio has significant potential, and with a structured plan, you can generate a stable income for years.

The outlined steps above ensure that your financial goals, family needs, and investment potential are fully covered. Focus on disciplined re-investment and consider reviewing your portfolio periodically to ensure alignment with evolving needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |22 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 21, 2024Hindi
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Career
I have been working for more than 13 years in IT now and have played roles such as Software Support Engineer, Implementation Consultant, Business Analyst, Senior Business Analyst and now working as a Deplyoyment Lead. I have total 19 years of experience including 13 years in IT. I have not been getting good appraisals for the last 2 years and cannot see growth in my current job. Its been 6.5 years that I have been working with the same organization. Althought the organization is part of the Fortune 200 companies, its parent company is a non IT firm. I have recently got certified with PMP and have compeleted the training for PSM and PSPO. I am also trained on CBAP. Most importantly, I have a legal case where I am accused with few charges and this scares me everytime I think about changing my job. I am confused whether the new employers will reject me only on this basis. It had happened a couple of years ago and hence although I want to switch my job, I am unable to. Can someone guide me with the right path please?
Ans: I am a career consultant, not legal consultant. I understand your situation. In spite of ocean of experience you are not getting the desired jump in your career. First I would advise you to seek legal help from some good legal expert. I can refer you to a very good legal advisor Mr. Tanoj Joshi whose phone no is 89996 69167.With my reference just talk to him. First you have to get rid of the legal case.But I would request you to follow me in LINKEDIN and send request so that I can accept you, then through LINKEDIN I can counsel you in the future multiple times. I have counselled and changed thousands of lives. Best of luck. Professor

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |22 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |22 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

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Career
I am engineer with 16 years of IT experience and now a break of 11 yrs. But in 11 yrs I had been taking Quantitative aptitude lectures as a visiting faculty in various engineering and MBA colleges and also done Mutual fund certification. I haven't been siting but doing many things professionally in last 11 yrs(In my subject of interest as Maths, Teaching, Finance, Accounting, Wealth Management). I was thinking of doing ESG certification. What kind of role I would get if i am CFA ESG certified.I am looking for Professionally and intellectually engaging role where I can contribute to Society. Not a very NGO type( I have tried working with few NGO's)
Ans: I won't recommend you to go for ESG certification unless you are having a background of Env. Engg and Environmental Impact Assessment. The certificate course of ESG is costly also. I would request you to open your own academy ( if off line not possible then online) and go for only one subject. Let me know your age.Focus only on one subject. You have explored many areas and now you are perplexed. Here the questions are assigned to me through rediffmail. So second time whether your question will come to me or not is not known to anyone of us. Due to the policy I can’t share my email ID and Phone Number. But I would request you to follow me in LINKEDIN and send request so that I can accept you, then through LINKEDIN I can counsel you in the future multiple times. Through LINKEDIN I will be readily and easily accessible. I have counselled and changed thousands of lives. As long as I am there I won’t allow you to be defeated. Mind that always I am there with you like an invisible shadow to show you the right career path.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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