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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 01, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello sir i am working in govt. service as scientist, i married legally with my wife 5 years back. We both from different region and culture. We had age difference of 8 years. Now i am 39. We dont have kids. But i love her very much, she also know that. By physically we are most active. But lately few months back she started liking a guy from her work place, he is 9 year younger to her i.e now he is only 23. She think he is cool and attractive. Now she is telling that she will move with that guy and live with him. Before our marriage she had boyfriend but he was not accepted her and married her. So she tell me that out of sadness she married me. Now my situation is very bad, bcz i love her like anything. From last 6 years i am addicted to her. I dont know wether to hold her and leave her. Her parents like me as son. Please help

Ans: In the story of your relationship, picture it as a garden you've tended with care, nurturing it over the years. Unexpected weeds have emerged, symbolizing her attraction to another. This might feel like a sudden storm disrupting your tranquil landscape.

Reflect on the roots of your love—are they deep enough to endure this storm? Consider the soil of your connection. Is it still fertile, or has it become depleted?

Engage in open, non-judgmental communication with your wife, expressing your emotions and listening empathetically to her perspective.

Seek support from trusted individuals or a counselor as you navigate this challenging chapter. Remember, like resilient trees, you have the strength to bend but not break, and to flourish once again, regardless of the path you choose.
Asked on - Apr 03, 2024 | Not Answered yet
Thank you sir, but i require correct counselling about the situation. I dont know, she think she will leave me, if somebody really dont want to be with me, then how to proceed how to hold back them. I am totally lost. I dont know what should be my side decision. Please help in this regard,

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi.. I am 49 yrs Male & married for 22 yrs with teenage kids.. I live abroad since 16 yrs.. Me & wife had arranged marriage in the same caste when we were in India.. After few months of marriage, my wife told me about her past relationship during collage and only reason she could not continue because of his father resistance( diff caste).. I belong to very middle class with no such precedence like this and felt bad . Later, I continued with her but always had feeling that she would compare the love & affection she got from him, with me.. I am not very romantic or expressive and like to live normal life..! We have little diff of opinion since beginning and will have fight almost every week.. Fast forward when all was going ok with 2 kids, busy work in abroad, I caught her cheating with the same person ( almost 17 yrs after they separated).. They found each other on social media and started talking. .. She being abroad & him in India, will call him daily in my absence for hours and they exchange explicit messages day in and out..! Once caught initially she regretted ( that too only after i got really mad & threaten to tell everyone) and it took us 2-3 yrs to comeback to terms mostly due to younger kids..!! Now 10 yrs later, i found her calling ( although he did not pickup) and now she is telling that she has emotional connection with him from the past while I could not build that connection with her.. She is not committing that this will not happen in future & requesting me to continue as friend, so we can get our younger one to collage and then see if it is worth or separate out. She is even ready to find me someone that fits my choice. I am in dilemma on what to do as i am not ready to forgive her but worried about kids future..! Even though we stay aboard, we have very close network of friends & family which we cant ignore..! I somehow feel to let it go but i get irritated that this is not the life i would like to live now & future. Can you pls advise some tips to move forward
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At times, relationships run dry and reach a breaking point...you will know if yours, is at that point because if it is and your wife is more interested in finding someone for you rather than addressing the turmoil in your marriage, isn't it evidence enough for you?

Have a clear chat/conversation and find out if she still feels anything for you or whether all love is lost...If she is still interested in pursuing the other person without as much as thinking of how this is going to impact the marriage and family, I guess there is little that you can do. Then you may have to wait as suggested by her till your younger one goes to college. As for friends and family, they will initially talk and blame you or her; slowly that will stop. Your Life, Your Choice...You know what's best...
So, appeal to her and if that is not what she wants, respect her decision. It's difficult BUT imagine living under the same roof and finding your wife emotionally connecting with someone else...Preserve your sane mind...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I m 37 years old married male, last year me and my wife had to live in separate cities for 9 months and we used to meet twice a month, during this period she fell in love with an unmarried 24 yrs old boy who lived in opposite flat and made physical relationship and emotional touch speaking to him 2-3 hours daily in night. Since I was away I nvr knew. Now i caught her speaking to him and now she is saying she is sorry she fell for him as he was attractive and was always available on phone for her which I was not. I don’t know if I should stay in marriage or not. I have two kids 8 and 4 yr old. Plz guide, I loved her a lot in these 9 yrs of marriage.
Ans: The fact that she’s admitted to what happened, expressed regret, and given reasons for her choices — namely feeling lonely and drawn to someone who offered her attention — is a start toward honest communication. While her reasons may not justify her actions, they might give you a clearer understanding of what led to this, which could help you both explore whether there’s potential to rebuild trust. Since you both loved each other over the years, it might be worth taking time to process this together before making any final decisions.

If you’re open to trying to repair things, consider seeking the support of a counselor or therapist who can help you both navigate these emotions. Counseling could provide a space to work through the betrayal, resentment, and hurt, allowing you both to express your perspectives and listen openly to one another. Your wife’s willingness to commit to this process — to address her actions, rebuild trust, and make amends — will be a key indicator of her dedication to repairing your relationship.

However, forgiveness and moving forward are deeply personal choices. Take time to consider what you truly need to feel secure and fulfilled in this marriage, keeping your children’s well-being in mind as well. Whatever path you choose, make sure it aligns with your own sense of self-respect, emotional health, and vision for a peaceful, supportive family life.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |590 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2024
Relationship
Hi i am 30yr old man i was in relationship with girl from school time since15 year with different caste in 2023 marriage proposal from another girl comes that time i talked with my family about my love they refused for marriage to her i did not put aggressive effort as i also don't want to hurt them after my marriage in a month i am remembering her continuously and start taking to her again i also told my wife about it she doesn't want to leave me (i also told her before our marriage but that time i told her that we broke up) after a year in this November her marriage is fixed by her parents now she is married since 2 month but she also don't want to live with her husband and want to come back We both wanted to come back to each other what should we do.??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it is a tricky situation. I am sorry I cannot tell you what you should do, but I can tell you that you have to handle this very carefully because it's a sensitive matter and involves too many people and their emotions. You can discuss the same with your family; you might be worried about upsetting them but at the end of the day, it's your life and you will have to live a long long time with the decisions you make. Sort your priorities- ask yourself these simple questions: what would hurt you more- hurting your parents and making your wife collateral damage because of your confusion or not living the rest of your life with the woman you love? Once you can answer these truthfully, it will be easier to make a choice.

Hope this helps

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |587 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

Relationship
Hi , I am 42 year married man in love with 37 yr old married girl , her husband is not a good man in every accepts and my wife is same we are with our partners due to children, Our relationship is 14 year old. We lived in different cities which are 6 hour run away from each other , We often meet 2 to 3 times in a month. Before relation with me she was in love another guy (Before marriage) and this was continued after marriage too. After 1 year of marriage her boy friend passes away in an accident and then Then I enter in her life , Now I come to the point from last 2 year due to some differences and due to corona effect we could not meet and our telephonic conversation was very minimum even once in 10 days and due to some financial problems she started a Job in a school , There she meet with a guy and they become closer and physical too and that guy was in relation with another girl too. After 3-4 month I doubt that she is talking with someone else So I asked her directly that question but she denied, By the time we again start meeting frequently Then After more 3-4 months she accepted that she is in relation with another guy, She told me that he looks like his Ex-boyfriend that why she attracted towards him. She give him 35 K Rs , Then I told her that Why she did not tell me that before ?? She reply that she was in trap of that guy because he is in the same school in which she was a teacher. She left that school then she get a courage to told me that all things. She cry a lot an apologizes many times then I told her we can continue if she never talk with him. She agreed after another 3-4 months later she expose another truth that she is in touch with him through Google chat but she never meet him neither she talk him about past on phone , she told me that she only talk with with him to know his well being only. She told me that one day that guy offer him to again physical and after that she started hating him and stop talking him. Now She is teaching in another school and that boy in other school , When ever she shaw him on Road she tells me about that . Now she asking me that if I caught her again cheating then I can do whatever I want. I love her so much and She loves me too Even we remain in touch on phone 10-12 hr in a day. Now my Question is that Can I believe her again ?? That she will not get in touch that boy in future ?? Should I continue this relation ??
Ans: Dear SPPL
Both of you are in an extra-marital relationship while staying with your respective spouses for the sake of your children. This adds complexity because, beyond trust issues between you and her, there’s the underlying emotional weight of being tied to marriages that neither of you seems emotionally invested in anymore.

Your relationship with her has lasted for 14 years, which shows that there’s a deep emotional bond between you. But the fact that you’re both staying in unhappy marriages out of responsibility to your children means that there’s always going to be a limit to how much emotional and physical freedom you both have in this relationship. That creates emotional pressure because even if you love each other deeply, you’re still navigating within the confines of your separate family lives.

Her getting involved with another man during this time reflects not just on her emotional state but also on the emotional limitations of your relationship. Being in an extra-marital affair means that neither of you can fully give yourselves to each other because of the realities of your existing family commitments. She might have sought comfort or distraction in someone else because the emotional fulfillment she gets from you isn’t enough to bridge the gap created by her marriage and life circumstances.

The fact that she confessed and apologized after initially denying it suggests that she feels guilty and wants to rebuild trust with you. But the emotional vulnerability created by this betrayal will make it hard for you to trust her completely, especially since your relationship already exists in a morally complicated space. Staying with your respective spouses for the children means that your emotional connection with each other will always have to exist in the shadows, which makes it more vulnerable to external distractions and temptations.

The big question here is whether you can genuinely move past the betrayal and continue to trust her despite the complexity of your situation. Love is present, but love alone isn’t always enough when trust is broken—especially in a relationship that already carries emotional and moral complications. If you feel that you can forgive her and she remains consistent in her actions, the relationship might survive. But if this betrayal has planted a seed of doubt that you can’t shake, it could slowly erode the emotional foundation you’ve built over the years.

You also need to consider whether this pattern will repeat itself. Since both of you are married and emotionally unavailable to each other in a fully committed way, emotional gaps might emerge again, and similar situations could arise. You need to have an honest conversation with her about whether you both have the emotional strength to maintain this connection long-term under these circumstances. If you can rebuild trust and stay emotionally strong despite the limitations of your married lives, then you might be able to continue. But if you feel like this betrayal has permanently altered the emotional safety you once felt with her, stepping back to protect your emotional health might be the better choice.

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4777 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 22, 2025

Career
My so got 86.87 percentile in jee mains in general category admission in NIT,IIIT men ho sakti hai
Ans: Jalal Sir, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions and a bright future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4777 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 22, 2025

Career
Sir I got rank 13250 in JEE mains with home state karnataka. What are my best options in NIT n branch
Ans: Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions and a bright future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

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