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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 01, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello sir i am working in govt. service as scientist, i married legally with my wife 5 years back. We both from different region and culture. We had age difference of 8 years. Now i am 39. We dont have kids. But i love her very much, she also know that. By physically we are most active. But lately few months back she started liking a guy from her work place, he is 9 year younger to her i.e now he is only 23. She think he is cool and attractive. Now she is telling that she will move with that guy and live with him. Before our marriage she had boyfriend but he was not accepted her and married her. So she tell me that out of sadness she married me. Now my situation is very bad, bcz i love her like anything. From last 6 years i am addicted to her. I dont know wether to hold her and leave her. Her parents like me as son. Please help

Ans: In the story of your relationship, picture it as a garden you've tended with care, nurturing it over the years. Unexpected weeds have emerged, symbolizing her attraction to another. This might feel like a sudden storm disrupting your tranquil landscape.

Reflect on the roots of your love—are they deep enough to endure this storm? Consider the soil of your connection. Is it still fertile, or has it become depleted?

Engage in open, non-judgmental communication with your wife, expressing your emotions and listening empathetically to her perspective.

Seek support from trusted individuals or a counselor as you navigate this challenging chapter. Remember, like resilient trees, you have the strength to bend but not break, and to flourish once again, regardless of the path you choose.
Asked on - Apr 03, 2024 | Not Answered yet
Thank you sir, but i require correct counselling about the situation. I dont know, she think she will leave me, if somebody really dont want to be with me, then how to proceed how to hold back them. I am totally lost. I dont know what should be my side decision. Please help in this regard,

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1733 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi.. I am 49 yrs Male & married for 22 yrs with teenage kids.. I live abroad since 16 yrs.. Me & wife had arranged marriage in the same caste when we were in India.. After few months of marriage, my wife told me about her past relationship during collage and only reason she could not continue because of his father resistance( diff caste).. I belong to very middle class with no such precedence like this and felt bad . Later, I continued with her but always had feeling that she would compare the love & affection she got from him, with me.. I am not very romantic or expressive and like to live normal life..! We have little diff of opinion since beginning and will have fight almost every week.. Fast forward when all was going ok with 2 kids, busy work in abroad, I caught her cheating with the same person ( almost 17 yrs after they separated).. They found each other on social media and started talking. .. She being abroad & him in India, will call him daily in my absence for hours and they exchange explicit messages day in and out..! Once caught initially she regretted ( that too only after i got really mad & threaten to tell everyone) and it took us 2-3 yrs to comeback to terms mostly due to younger kids..!! Now 10 yrs later, i found her calling ( although he did not pickup) and now she is telling that she has emotional connection with him from the past while I could not build that connection with her.. She is not committing that this will not happen in future & requesting me to continue as friend, so we can get our younger one to collage and then see if it is worth or separate out. She is even ready to find me someone that fits my choice. I am in dilemma on what to do as i am not ready to forgive her but worried about kids future..! Even though we stay aboard, we have very close network of friends & family which we cant ignore..! I somehow feel to let it go but i get irritated that this is not the life i would like to live now & future. Can you pls advise some tips to move forward
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At times, relationships run dry and reach a breaking point...you will know if yours, is at that point because if it is and your wife is more interested in finding someone for you rather than addressing the turmoil in your marriage, isn't it evidence enough for you?

Have a clear chat/conversation and find out if she still feels anything for you or whether all love is lost...If she is still interested in pursuing the other person without as much as thinking of how this is going to impact the marriage and family, I guess there is little that you can do. Then you may have to wait as suggested by her till your younger one goes to college. As for friends and family, they will initially talk and blame you or her; slowly that will stop. Your Life, Your Choice...You know what's best...
So, appeal to her and if that is not what she wants, respect her decision. It's difficult BUT imagine living under the same roof and finding your wife emotionally connecting with someone else...Preserve your sane mind...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I m 37 years old married male, last year me and my wife had to live in separate cities for 9 months and we used to meet twice a month, during this period she fell in love with an unmarried 24 yrs old boy who lived in opposite flat and made physical relationship and emotional touch speaking to him 2-3 hours daily in night. Since I was away I nvr knew. Now i caught her speaking to him and now she is saying she is sorry she fell for him as he was attractive and was always available on phone for her which I was not. I don’t know if I should stay in marriage or not. I have two kids 8 and 4 yr old. Plz guide, I loved her a lot in these 9 yrs of marriage.
Ans: The fact that she’s admitted to what happened, expressed regret, and given reasons for her choices — namely feeling lonely and drawn to someone who offered her attention — is a start toward honest communication. While her reasons may not justify her actions, they might give you a clearer understanding of what led to this, which could help you both explore whether there’s potential to rebuild trust. Since you both loved each other over the years, it might be worth taking time to process this together before making any final decisions.

If you’re open to trying to repair things, consider seeking the support of a counselor or therapist who can help you both navigate these emotions. Counseling could provide a space to work through the betrayal, resentment, and hurt, allowing you both to express your perspectives and listen openly to one another. Your wife’s willingness to commit to this process — to address her actions, rebuild trust, and make amends — will be a key indicator of her dedication to repairing your relationship.

However, forgiveness and moving forward are deeply personal choices. Take time to consider what you truly need to feel secure and fulfilled in this marriage, keeping your children’s well-being in mind as well. Whatever path you choose, make sure it aligns with your own sense of self-respect, emotional health, and vision for a peaceful, supportive family life.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |674 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2024
Relationship
Hi i am 30yr old man i was in relationship with girl from school time since15 year with different caste in 2023 marriage proposal from another girl comes that time i talked with my family about my love they refused for marriage to her i did not put aggressive effort as i also don't want to hurt them after my marriage in a month i am remembering her continuously and start taking to her again i also told my wife about it she doesn't want to leave me (i also told her before our marriage but that time i told her that we broke up) after a year in this November her marriage is fixed by her parents now she is married since 2 month but she also don't want to live with her husband and want to come back We both wanted to come back to each other what should we do.??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it is a tricky situation. I am sorry I cannot tell you what you should do, but I can tell you that you have to handle this very carefully because it's a sensitive matter and involves too many people and their emotions. You can discuss the same with your family; you might be worried about upsetting them but at the end of the day, it's your life and you will have to live a long long time with the decisions you make. Sort your priorities- ask yourself these simple questions: what would hurt you more- hurting your parents and making your wife collateral damage because of your confusion or not living the rest of your life with the woman you love? Once you can answer these truthfully, it will be easier to make a choice.

Hope this helps

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2025

Relationship
Hi , I am 42 year married man in love with 37 yr old married girl , her husband is not a good man in every accepts and my wife is same we are with our partners due to children, Our relationship is 14 year old. We lived in different cities which are 6 hour run away from each other , We often meet 2 to 3 times in a month. Before relation with me she was in love another guy (Before marriage) and this was continued after marriage too. After 1 year of marriage her boy friend passes away in an accident and then Then I enter in her life , Now I come to the point from last 2 year due to some differences and due to corona effect we could not meet and our telephonic conversation was very minimum even once in 10 days and due to some financial problems she started a Job in a school , There she meet with a guy and they become closer and physical too and that guy was in relation with another girl too. After 3-4 month I doubt that she is talking with someone else So I asked her directly that question but she denied, By the time we again start meeting frequently Then After more 3-4 months she accepted that she is in relation with another guy, She told me that he looks like his Ex-boyfriend that why she attracted towards him. She give him 35 K Rs , Then I told her that Why she did not tell me that before ?? She reply that she was in trap of that guy because he is in the same school in which she was a teacher. She left that school then she get a courage to told me that all things. She cry a lot an apologizes many times then I told her we can continue if she never talk with him. She agreed after another 3-4 months later she expose another truth that she is in touch with him through Google chat but she never meet him neither she talk him about past on phone , she told me that she only talk with with him to know his well being only. She told me that one day that guy offer him to again physical and after that she started hating him and stop talking him. Now She is teaching in another school and that boy in other school , When ever she shaw him on Road she tells me about that . Now she asking me that if I caught her again cheating then I can do whatever I want. I love her so much and She loves me too Even we remain in touch on phone 10-12 hr in a day. Now my Question is that Can I believe her again ?? That she will not get in touch that boy in future ?? Should I continue this relation ??
Ans: Dear SPPL
Both of you are in an extra-marital relationship while staying with your respective spouses for the sake of your children. This adds complexity because, beyond trust issues between you and her, there’s the underlying emotional weight of being tied to marriages that neither of you seems emotionally invested in anymore.

Your relationship with her has lasted for 14 years, which shows that there’s a deep emotional bond between you. But the fact that you’re both staying in unhappy marriages out of responsibility to your children means that there’s always going to be a limit to how much emotional and physical freedom you both have in this relationship. That creates emotional pressure because even if you love each other deeply, you’re still navigating within the confines of your separate family lives.

Her getting involved with another man during this time reflects not just on her emotional state but also on the emotional limitations of your relationship. Being in an extra-marital affair means that neither of you can fully give yourselves to each other because of the realities of your existing family commitments. She might have sought comfort or distraction in someone else because the emotional fulfillment she gets from you isn’t enough to bridge the gap created by her marriage and life circumstances.

The fact that she confessed and apologized after initially denying it suggests that she feels guilty and wants to rebuild trust with you. But the emotional vulnerability created by this betrayal will make it hard for you to trust her completely, especially since your relationship already exists in a morally complicated space. Staying with your respective spouses for the children means that your emotional connection with each other will always have to exist in the shadows, which makes it more vulnerable to external distractions and temptations.

The big question here is whether you can genuinely move past the betrayal and continue to trust her despite the complexity of your situation. Love is present, but love alone isn’t always enough when trust is broken—especially in a relationship that already carries emotional and moral complications. If you feel that you can forgive her and she remains consistent in her actions, the relationship might survive. But if this betrayal has planted a seed of doubt that you can’t shake, it could slowly erode the emotional foundation you’ve built over the years.

You also need to consider whether this pattern will repeat itself. Since both of you are married and emotionally unavailable to each other in a fully committed way, emotional gaps might emerge again, and similar situations could arise. You need to have an honest conversation with her about whether you both have the emotional strength to maintain this connection long-term under these circumstances. If you can rebuild trust and stay emotionally strong despite the limitations of your married lives, then you might be able to continue. But if you feel like this betrayal has permanently altered the emotional safety you once felt with her, stepping back to protect your emotional health might be the better choice.

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Nayagam P P  |10837 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2025Hindi
Money
Sir, I am 39 years PSU employee with monthly net salary of 1.10 lacs. I have a son of 9 years and daughter of 1 year. I am investing in MF through SIPs and lumpsump for last 7 years and my present MF portfolio is 50 lacs with XIRR of almost 18%. Presently I do SIP of 30000 per month. I also have housing loan and my EMI is 42000. I am provided accomodation and medical facilities from my employer. I also have accumulated 18 lacs in PF and Rs. 28 lacs in NPS. I have Term plan of 1.5 crs. I also have liquid funds of 10 lacs in FD for emergency purpose and approx 7 lacs in PPF. Since my child's major education expenses is still 7 to 8 years far for my son and 15 years for my daughter, I will continue my SIP of atleast for next 8 to 10 years without breaking my existing portfolio. Can I generate a corpus of more than 7 crs till my retirement with above funds and will it be sufficient to meet the inflation after 20 years.
Ans: Hi,

You have done and accumulated quite good at your age in different instruments with varied returns. Let us have a detailed look.

1. Emergency Fund - 10 lakhs in FD - good to go.
2. Term Plan - 1.5 crores - good to go.
3. Health Insurance - provided by employer. However, can take a separate personal insurance for yourself and family.
4. PF - 18 lakhs (continue)
5. NPS - 28 lakhs (continue)
6. PPF - 7 lakhs (can stop continuing, invest only bare minimum to keep account active. Close account upon maturity and reallocate these funds in mutual funds)
7. MF Portfolio - 50 lakhs with 30k monthly SIP
8. Home Loan EMI - 42000

Goals:
- Son's education - after 8 years
- Daughter's education - after 15 years
- Retirement - need 7 crores

You are very much on the right track. Your current financials look strong in terms of fulfiling your financial goals.

> Your current MF portfolio can be bifurcated into 2 parts
i. 40 lakhs for your retirement. This amount along with other amount from PF and NPS will finance your retirement forever (inflation adjusted). Additionally you wil lleave behind a great fortune for your kids.
ii. 10 lakhs for your kid's education. Continue your existing SIP of 30k per month and also contribute 7 lakhs from PPF account on its maturity towards this goal. For son, you will have 75 lakhs only from this investment and your daughter's education will have 1.5 crores when she requires.

This way your existing investments can take care of all your goals. Also, do increase your contibution in SIP yearly. It will help in generating a higher corpus for your family.

As your overall investments are more thann 10 lakhs in MFs, it is wise for you to connect with a professional who will assist you and make a dedicated investment plan as per your goals.
Hence, do consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who will guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Money
My current age is 41 Years old and private employe in I.T sector. I have five kids of 11,8,7,5 &2 years. My elder daughter is in 7th class now. I have monthly Net salary of 1 lakhs after taxes. I am saving 20/30 thousand monthly. My assets are as follows:- I have one house worth Rs.15 lakhs, Two commercial shops worth Rs, 50 L. Having no loan in the market. Insurance Rs. 50 L term plan for me. Yearly I pay 40k. Health insurance 11 lakh for my entire family from my organisation.Yearly I pay 20k. I maintain an emergency fund 1.5 lac liquid on hand. Would like to make a total fund og 5 Cr by 2035. I have a requirement during higher education for childerns/marriage/Business for my son's and retirement at my age of 51 yrs after 10 years. How to grow my income. I would like to focus on high-growth investment to achieve my goal. But I am planning to invest monthly from my salary. More ever I may get 4lack in next month. Now the thing is how to go about 4lack. Where to invest Am confused what to do. Kindly advise further for more wealth creation. Steady plan. Wealth builds slowly but surely. Can someone help design a withdrawal/Saving strategy to meet your income needs and achieve goal. I would like comfortable retirement with a steady income. Thanks....
Ans: Hi Syed,

Let us have a detailed look below:
- Your monthly income - 1 lakhs, expenses - around 75k , and money for saving - approx. 25k per month.
- Emergency fund - 1.5 lakhs . Would suggest you to make a FD of this fund as emergency fund.
- Term and Health insurance - covered. But sum assured is less for your family. It should be increased.
- One house - 15 lakhs; 2 commercial shops - 50 lakhs.

Requirements:
- Need 5 crores by 2035 i.e. in 10 years
- Need fund for higher education and marriage of 5 children
- Retirement corpus required after 10 years

To achieve all these goals, you need to invest starting right now in aggressive mutual funds with 25-30k left with you. And you can increase your investment with the increase in your income.
Realistically, retirement after 10 years is not possible, but you can try and upgrade your skills to earn more and invest more.

You are also getting 4 lakhs next month. Invest entire amount in aggressive mutual funds. Mutual funds will give you an annual return of 14-15% very easily. This is the best way to build wealth for the goals that you mentioned.
>> Make sure to stay away from LIC policies and ULIPs and other plans which lock your money.

As you are not much aware about mutual funds and investment, you should work with a professional who will draft a plan for you.

Hence, please consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10843 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Money
Dear Sir I have invested in a 2 BHK apartment in Mumbai Malad East area near Dindoshi court. The builder is GSA Grandeur. The builder promised to handover the flat possession ready to stay in December 2004. Later due to some issues he informed that the Flat shall be ready by December 2005. Now still he is saying that Falt shall be ready by August 2006. In this regard sir please advise what action I should take against the builder. The Flat cost is 1.11 CR plus registration charges from which I have paid him 1 CR. Kindly guide whom to approach for further action. Regards
Ans: You have taken a major financial step by booking an apartment. I appreciate your initiative in seeking advice. As a Certified Financial Planner, here is a structured menu of action you can take — from validating your rights to escalating with the proper authorities. Make sure to review all your documents and decisions with a qualified property lawyer before proceeding further.

» Confirm the agreement details

Check your Agreement for Sale (or Contract) and note the promised possession date: you mention December 2004, then December 2005, and now August 2006.

Verify whether the builder (GSA Grandeur) / promoter has a registered project under MahaRERA (Real Estate Regulatory Authority, Maharashtra).

See whether the project is listed on the MahaRERA website with a registration number.

Check if the builder has issued written communications about delay and extensions (emails/letters) and whether they have acknowledged the original date and the subsequent revised date.

Retain all payment receipts (you paid Rs 1 Cr out of total Rs 1.11 Cr + registration) and keep a record of when each payment was made and as per which schedule of installments.

» Understand your legal rights under the law

Under the Real Estate (Regulation & Development) Act, 2016 (RERA) and corresponding Maharashtra rules, if a promoter delays handing over possession beyond the agreed time, you have a right to compensation or withdrawal (refund) as per Section 18 of the Act.

You may ask the builder to pay interest on the amount you have paid so far for the period of delay. The model agreement under Maharashtra RERA states that if the promoter is unable to deliver within the time-schedule, the promoter should pay interest for every month of delay.

If the builder fails to deliver within a “reasonable” extended time (or fails entirely), you can choose to withdraw and seek refund of your money, along with compensation.

If the project is not registered with RERA (even though it should have been), then you may have additional grounds for legal action under consumer law or contract law.

Please note: recent judgments highlight that the builder’s delay gives you rights; but home-loan interest you paid may not be fully refundable via consumer forum as per recent rulings.

» Immediate practical steps you should take

Write & send a formal letter (by registered post) to the builder (GSA Grandeur) stating:

You booked the 2 BHK apartment in Malad East near Dindoshi Court.

The agreed (original) possession date was December 2004 (as per the agreement) and subsequent revised dates.

You have paid Rs 1 Cr out of total Rs 1.11 Cr + registration charges.

You demand the builder to clearly state the revised firm date of handing over possession, or alternatively offer you the option to withdraw and refund the money if they cannot meet a firm date.

You seek interest on the amounts paid for the period of delay, as per model agreement and RERA provisions.

Keep all your communication in writing and copy all relevant documents: payment receipts, agreement, letters from builder, any announcements, etc.

Check whether the builder has applied for or received Occupancy Certificate (OC) or Completion Certificate for the project/phase. Without OC the handover is legally incomplete.

» Approach the regulatory and legal forums

Check on the MahaRERA website whether the project is registered and find the project registration number.

If registered, you can file a complaint with MahaRERA (Maharashtra Real Estate Regulatory Authority) under the Act. As per FAQs, you may approach them for a refund, compensation and interest for delay.

If the project is not registered or the builder is non-compliant, you may also consider filing a suit in the consumer forum or appropriate civil court/contract tribunal for breach of contract.

Before filing, consult a lawyer specialising in real estate/consumer law so that all your evidence and claims are framed properly.

» Evaluate your options: continue vs withdraw

If the builder now gives you a firm handover date (with OC, all works completed) then you may choose to continue, given that you have already invested a large sum.

However, if the builder is still giving vague dates (August 2006 or beyond) and there are no signs of progress (OC pending, works incomplete), then you should seriously consider withdrawal and refund.

In that event, you must ask for: full refund of amount paid, interest for delay period (and compensation if justified), plus possible damages for alternative accommodation/rent you may have taken.

Monitor whether the builder is proceeding with construction, obtaining approvals, and has conveyed clear timelines.

» Assessing risk & safeguarding yourself

Since you made the payment long ago and the possession is delayed significantly, there is time-value and risk involved.

Make sure your title rights are secure: the agreement must clearly state your unit, floor, parking (if any), and your payments.

Avoid making any further significant payments unless you receive a possession letter and builder gives you the keys and OC/occupancy certificate.

Check for any lien, mortgage or charge on the builder’s property which may delay transfer further.

Note that property/real estate is subject to large delays and builder insolvency risk; hence your proactive action is wise.

» Document checklist for your case

Agreement for Sale (signed by you and builder) with possession date clause.

Payment receipts/Cheque copies of your payments (1 Cr paid) and records of registration charges.

Written communications from builder about revised dates (December 2005, August 2006).

Project registration certificate on MahaRERA (if available).

Status of Occupancy Certificate / Completion Certificate for the building.

Construction status photographs, society formation records, if any.

Correspondence showing builder’s acknowledgment of delay or your demand for possession/refund.

Any rent/alternative accommodation expense you incurred due to delay (if applicable).

» Timeline of action

Immediately send the registered letter to builder demanding firm date or refund.

Within 1-2 months if builder does not respond with firm date, file complaint with MahaRERA or initiate legal action.

Keep monitoring builder’s progress; if there is substantial delay (many years beyond promised date) your case will become stronger.

Maintain all documents and remain proactive; deadlines and records matter in these matters.

» Final Insights
You have a strong basis to assert your rights. The fact that possession was promised years ago and is still delayed means you are well within your rights to demand either speedy handover or refund/compensation. Initiate formal written demand, verify builder registration under MahaRERA, maintain all records, and seek regulatory/legal redress if builder remains non-responsive. With the right approach and evidence, you can compel the builder to perform or compensate you. Your prompt action now will protect your investment and avoid further loss.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
Holistic Investment Planners
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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