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Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by Anonymous on Apr 20, 2022Hindi

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Dear Love Guru
Hi. There is this girl I really like but she was with someone else for three years.
They broke up six months ago and we have become closer since then because I am there for her.
She sees me as a friend.
I want to be there for her in whatever way she wants me but, if there is any chance of this becoming something more, I want to try. At the same time, I don’t want her to feel I was taking advantage of her problems because, honestly, I am not. And I always want to be there for her. I don’t want that to break.
I’m in a situation where I don’t know what to do. I really hope you can help me.

Ans:

Speak.

Open your mouth and tell her how you feel.

Six months is long enough.

Explain that you want to be with her, but that if she wants nothing more than friendship, you are happy to continue with things the way they are.

Also tell her what you told me; that you are in no way looking to take advantage of her vulnerability, but that you care for her deeply.

Good luck!

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Anu Krishna |1629 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Question by AK - Aug 05, 2022Hindi

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Hi Anu, I have one question in mind need suggestion from you, please guide me.I am 42 year old and married I have two kids as well. My married life is all good and peaceful and I love my family lot.20 years ago when I was in college I was in love with a girl, she did not like me that time but from my side it was very pure love. I loved her so much.She was aware of that. We lost touch in 2004. Now she is also 42 and married with two kids.During Covid in 2020, we again got connected on LinkedIn and started talking. I expressed my love. she understood, respected and valued it now.She is still waiting for someone else and doesn’t feel complete with me. She is honest about her feelings and communication.She told me she considers me only as a friend but above all and everything in life.But many times she shows love and lots of affection, caring attitude. She always says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well.She wants me to remain with her as she feels I am her strong support system.She shares everything with me and I do the same. Sometimes I feel I shall come out from this but at times I feel I don’t want to leave her as she looks very depressed.May be from her past break up or something else but I do not have the courage to ask her.What shall I do here? Please guide. What is your best suggestion?

Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

Relationship

Anu Krishna |1629 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Question by AK - Aug 05, 2022Hindi

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Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

Relationship

Anu Krishna |1629 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2021

Question by AK - Oct 29, 2021Hindi

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I am 30 years old and am currently going through a peculiar phase in my life. I was engaged to a girl but somehow it didn't work out and we called off the relationship as we had compatibility issues. It was an arranged setup and we met through one of these online matrimony portals. But while being engaged to her, I also happened to bump into one of my ex-girlfriends who I always knew was the best relationship I ever had. We broke up because it was a long distance. Six months ago, I shifted nearby and we started meeting. Our meetings have increased and now we have been meeting and talking regularly. We even went out together and got physical and one day I expressed that I want her back in my life. Now the issue is she is dating someone else and she feels divided now. They were planning to get married in a couple of years and I can sense that confusion in her but I also don't want to give up on her as I have never felt this way for anyone ever. Tell me what I should do?

Ans: Dear AK, well, you can respect her decision, right?

When someone is confused, give them space to sort it out their way as that will be most authentic for them.

Either that decision may include you in her life or it may not, whatever that is…do respect it…her life, her way…by being physical once, does not mean that it must lead to something that favours your feelings!

If she is committed to the guy that she is dating, as simple as that…give her time; let her make the choice!

Be at peace!

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