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In an interfaith relationship, my family wants me to choose between them and my love – what should I do?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |423 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am in a interfaith relationship since 6+ years and I have the sweetest and most well mannered and caring guy as my boyfriend. I was born as a Hindu and he’s been adopted in a Muslim family. Though we both are agnostic and religion barely made any difference or issues in between us. My family knows about us since the last 2 years and his family has accepted us and is willing to talk to my family. Whereas, my father was initially understanding and willing to talk but now he has turned totally against this relationship after my mother,brother and other relatives have influenced them. They have asked me to choose between them and my love. I told them that by doing this they’ve left me no choice but to die, in which they taunted me asking in which ritual my body will be cremated-the hindu way or the Muslim. I am mentally and emotionally broken and cant seem to think straight. It feels like i am being dragged into a blackhole and cant really come out of it. What should i do?

Ans: give yourself permission to focus on your mental and emotional well-being. It can be incredibly helpful to talk to a counselor or therapist who can give you a safe space to work through the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling. These conversations could give you clarity and strength to make decisions that prioritize your happiness and peace.

At some point, it may be worth approaching your family again, but with a different mindset—one that isn’t trying to change their beliefs but instead focuses on helping them see your happiness as a priority. You could try to appeal to them on the basis of your well-being, asking them to look beyond religious labels to see the person who loves and cares for you. They may need time, and they may resist, but sometimes families gradually come to understand that happiness in a relationship matters more than anything else.

In the meantime, lean on your boyfriend for support, and let him know how much you’re struggling. If he’s as caring and understanding as you’ve described, he’ll stand by you through this and will want to help you feel less alone. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a choice you feel aligns with your own sense of self and future. The love you feel is real, and though this journey is incredibly hard, there is a path forward—even if it doesn’t feel clear right now.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 25, 2022

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Relationship
I am a doctor and was in relationship with my colleague for 1 year and was planning to marry. But one problem was our religion. He’s Hindu and I am Christian. We did not mind that and he went forward to tell his parents about me but they refused and threatened him to stop talking to me or they will stop his career. We still went forward with our relationship until one day they called him home and fixed a girl for him. He could not say anything in this matter as the whole family got involved and gave him no choice. He told me he tried his best but they did not even want to hear about me. Meanwhile when I'm understanding how difficult inter religion is to work...I’m still heartbroken and cannot stop thinking about him. I was ready to marry him even understanding the whole situation. Now I don't know what to do...I can't go on thinking about him but I still love him and he does too. But we are helpless and I feel like I lost my heart.
Ans:

Dear SV,

The heart can be strong and weak at the same time! Depends on what you have been feeding it through the mind.

When you have understood the difficulties of inter-religion marriages, you still choose to focus on it and pain yourself more.

Do inter-religion marriages work? Yes, they do but it does take a lot of work and keen understanding. And he has already succumbed under family pressure and moved on…So, move on…How?

De-focus…

Focus on things that appealed to you before he stepped into your life.

What interested you back then?

What were these dreams that took a backseat once you started a relationship with this person?

What were the promises that you has made to yourself before this commitment?

Revive them all…Live each one of them in a larger-than-life manner and most importantly, tell yourself: I am my best friend and I know what’s best for me! You are heart is with you; safe and sound!

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |423 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ma'am, I have been in a relationship for almost a decade now i.e. since graduation and now me and my bf are doing good in our respective jobs. Since we come from different religions, we have been trying to convince our family very much for last two years to let us happen and get married and in these scenarios during covid I lost my father too now that it's just me and my mom and my elder sister due to societal pressure also they were not agreeing for us but then I could feel now that his family was some how just dragging us showing fake acceptance for me but still being very orthodox but in this process me and my bf got committed to each other very seriously in terms of physical ways but now his family is completely denying the fact that they don't us to happen and are literally forcing his son to marry in their caste. On this thing, the guy is trying to make me understand with false accusations that it's not his family butine which doesn't want us to proceed since my family wanted a mutual ways of marriage and not just his culture thing or else court marriage was the last opt but my guy is saying no I can never go against my family this and that you better understand and I don't know I'm feeling very cheated that now at this stage after being this close where he should have been standing strong with me he's pushing me to set back I don't know iam so clueless I got no energy to get back to being productive in my life or something whereas this acts of his and his family's forcible nature is somehow triggering me to opt for legal methods....I need guidance it's all dark for me and feeling too used.
Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a Hindu girl and in a relationship with a muslim guy. Our relationship was going great but suddenly my boyfriend's family is forcing him to marry in a arranged marriage. I have told him to tell about us to his family and he is trying to but hasn't said yet. But due to his family pressure and my constant saying of marriage he gets irritated a lot. Now I'm feeling a little change in his behaviour also like he just try to skip discussion about future and marriage, also when I call him he is not talking nicely with me. I'm getting very emotional and hurt due to his behaviour. Also he has said that he will try his best to convince his family but now I'm not sure if he will take my stand or not. What to do now?
Ans: He sounds like a coward who will do as his family says. And I don’t think he intends to stick with you if they say no. Heck, I don’t think he plans on saying anything at all! If he loved you enough and had the gumption, he’d have taken a stand by now. I say drop him and move on. See what happens when you leave him; if he really does love you and want to be with you, he’ll take action. But unfortunately, from everything you’ve said here it sounds more like he’ll be relieved and go on to marry under an arrangement. If he does…don’t ever entertain any calls from him ever again. I’ve often heard of fools like him — no guts to marry the girlfriend, miserable in the arranged marriage six months to a year in, then re-establish contact with former girlfriend and have an affair, but no guts to end the marriage. In this whole scenario, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who will be at the losing end — you! DROP HIM!

..Read more

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Janak

Janak Patel  |8 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 30, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, i am 52years old, wanted to retire early, following are my investments, MF - INR 65L, Equity - INR 22L, 3 houses, one is self-occupied, other 2 houses valued at INR 90 L and INR 32L respectively, i have home loan outstanding of INR 12L, FD of INR 36L , PF INR 32L, monthly expenses requirement is INR 1 L, kindly help me to plan my early retirement. Thank you in advance for your reply on my question.
Ans: Hi,

As there are many things to consider for an early retirement, one of the first is to start thinking about it in a more realistic manner. An early retirement is not necessarily stop working life, but think of it as a more comfortable schedule that provides you opportunities to relax and pursue your passion and interests and live life on your own terms. You may or may not undertake an activity which can be monetized, meaning which provides you some sort of income - not necessarily to cover your living expenses in whole/part. So do give it some thought of how you intend to keep yourself occupied once you retire from your "current schedule". Will you generate any source of income or will you incur/require more expense.

At current age of 52, an early retirement even if we consider at 55 years of age, it a still a long life ahead. I will make a lot of assumptions in my response as these are not known from your query - such as life expectancy of another 30 years, average return of 8% on all investments for future etc. Are the 2 real estate properties earning any kind of rent that can be considered as income.
There are too many variables that go into the calculations for retirement which are specific to each individual and their circle of life.

Generic solution - You have a currently accumulated investments valued at INR 2.65 Cr (all investments less loan).

Current monthly expenses is INR 1 Lac, over which inflation needs to be applied each year (depends on lifestyle and composition of items of expenses).

So if your cumulative investments appreciate at average 8% annually, and your monthly expense increases at 6% annual inflation, your current accumulated investments are just about enough to manage expenses for next 30yrs (excluding tax implications - refer below).

Points to consider -
1. Inflation in real world is more than 6% (depends on the individual)
2. Liquidation of investments e.g. Real estate attract expenses/fees and tax on capital gains as it will be lumpsum
3. PF post retirement will earn interest only for 3 years, so you need to plan to re-invest the amount
4. Interest income on FD attracts tax at slab rate
5. Withdrawal of amount for monthly expense from your investments will attract tax on capital gains (MF and Equity)

I strongly recommend you connect with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized guidance and prepare a plan that will take into consideration your risk profile and overall investment management towards the retirement. Benefits will include a more tax efficient plan which will consider your requirements and ensure retirement goals are achieved and if there is a shortfall - what alternatives you need to consider.

Hope this is helpful and all the best for the future.

Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |174 Answers  |Ask -

Health Science and Pharmaceutical Careers Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Career
Sir I am preparing for mbbs, but I'm not able to crack that. I'm a middle class student. Can I pursue mbbs in abroad under 8 lakhs in a best college for mbbs?After that can I able to be a doctor in India?
Ans: Hi Lagna,

It seems you haven’t provided the details clearly on this platform. If you could share more information, I’m sure you will receive helpful input.

Based on your message, I understand that you are considering pursuing a career in medicine. If you intend to enroll in a medical program either in India or abroad and plan to practice in India after completion, here are some important guidelines according to the National Medical Commission (NMC):

You must appear for the NEET exam, as it is a mandatory requirement for anyone wishing to pursue graduate medical education in India or elsewhere while intending to return and practice in India. According to the NMC eligibility criteria: “No student shall be eligible to pursue graduate medical education either in India or elsewhere (if they want to return and practice in India), except by scoring the minimum eligible score at the NEET UG exam. The UGMEB will announce the list of eligible students periodically.”

Therefore, I recommend preparing for the NEET exam and trying to secure admission in India itself. If you choose to pursue medical education abroad, you can still practice in India, but you will need to pass exit exams as well.

Regarding your question about pursuing MBBS abroad for under 8 lakhs, are you asking if this is per year or for the entire course? Studying abroad at that cost per year is possible. However, when you take into account the total expenses, which include course fees, accommodation, food, travel, visa, and other costs, it might be more feasible to complete your MBBS in India.

I hope this clarifies your queries!

...Read more

Patrick

Patrick Dsouza  |879 Answers  |Ask -

CAT, XAT, CMAT, CET Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

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Career
Hi Sir, I am 41 years old. I've 15 years of experience in Finance (FP&A) domain. In last 2.5 years I have changed 3 companies due to lay off, Cultural misfit and latest one due to Personal and family issue. I quit my last job in Sept'24 (from Apr;24 to Sept'24). Due to some family issues, Lay offs, Challenges faced on the job I am feeling very low. I don't have any confidence left as a result don't want to return to work out of fear and anxiety. However, I also want to upskill myself and thinking of pursuing US CMA. But I am in dilemna that with around 15 years of work experience would it open any gates for growth opportunities going forward. Another dilemna that I am constantly fighting is to whether think of making a switch from Finance domain to Learning & Development domain. I have good communication & interpersonal skills and have always had a liking towards L&D domain. Now myself on a Career break I am not sure how to proceed further - Whether to pursue my Career in Finance and look for jobs in Finance domain and then gradually look to switch to L&D domain or Look for the opportunities only in L&D domain. I have an emergency fund that can take care of my expenses for next 6-8 months. Looking forward to your guidance that can help me bounce back in my career as I am feeling lost, depressed and Lack of Confidence at present in life. Thanks.
Ans: Learning is a continuous process. So doing a course in Finance should not be a problem. As far as getting into LnD domain, start with being a faculty in one of the colleges or can start with taking private tuitions. See if it suits you. If it does, then you can decide to make the switch.

...Read more

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