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In an interfaith relationship, my family wants me to choose between them and my love – what should I do?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |444 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am in a interfaith relationship since 6+ years and I have the sweetest and most well mannered and caring guy as my boyfriend. I was born as a Hindu and he’s been adopted in a Muslim family. Though we both are agnostic and religion barely made any difference or issues in between us. My family knows about us since the last 2 years and his family has accepted us and is willing to talk to my family. Whereas, my father was initially understanding and willing to talk but now he has turned totally against this relationship after my mother,brother and other relatives have influenced them. They have asked me to choose between them and my love. I told them that by doing this they’ve left me no choice but to die, in which they taunted me asking in which ritual my body will be cremated-the hindu way or the Muslim. I am mentally and emotionally broken and cant seem to think straight. It feels like i am being dragged into a blackhole and cant really come out of it. What should i do?

Ans: give yourself permission to focus on your mental and emotional well-being. It can be incredibly helpful to talk to a counselor or therapist who can give you a safe space to work through the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling. These conversations could give you clarity and strength to make decisions that prioritize your happiness and peace.

At some point, it may be worth approaching your family again, but with a different mindset—one that isn’t trying to change their beliefs but instead focuses on helping them see your happiness as a priority. You could try to appeal to them on the basis of your well-being, asking them to look beyond religious labels to see the person who loves and cares for you. They may need time, and they may resist, but sometimes families gradually come to understand that happiness in a relationship matters more than anything else.

In the meantime, lean on your boyfriend for support, and let him know how much you’re struggling. If he’s as caring and understanding as you’ve described, he’ll stand by you through this and will want to help you feel less alone. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a choice you feel aligns with your own sense of self and future. The love you feel is real, and though this journey is incredibly hard, there is a path forward—even if it doesn’t feel clear right now.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1406 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 25, 2022

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I am a doctor and was in relationship with my colleague for 1 year and was planning to marry. But one problem was our religion. He’s Hindu and I am Christian. We did not mind that and he went forward to tell his parents about me but they refused and threatened him to stop talking to me or they will stop his career. We still went forward with our relationship until one day they called him home and fixed a girl for him. He could not say anything in this matter as the whole family got involved and gave him no choice. He told me he tried his best but they did not even want to hear about me. Meanwhile when I'm understanding how difficult inter religion is to work...I’m still heartbroken and cannot stop thinking about him. I was ready to marry him even understanding the whole situation. Now I don't know what to do...I can't go on thinking about him but I still love him and he does too. But we are helpless and I feel like I lost my heart.
Ans:

Dear SV,

The heart can be strong and weak at the same time! Depends on what you have been feeding it through the mind.

When you have understood the difficulties of inter-religion marriages, you still choose to focus on it and pain yourself more.

Do inter-religion marriages work? Yes, they do but it does take a lot of work and keen understanding. And he has already succumbed under family pressure and moved on…So, move on…How?

De-focus…

Focus on things that appealed to you before he stepped into your life.

What interested you back then?

What were these dreams that took a backseat once you started a relationship with this person?

What were the promises that you has made to yourself before this commitment?

Revive them all…Live each one of them in a larger-than-life manner and most importantly, tell yourself: I am my best friend and I know what’s best for me! You are heart is with you; safe and sound!

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |444 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Hi Ma'am, I have been in a relationship for almost a decade now i.e. since graduation and now me and my bf are doing good in our respective jobs. Since we come from different religions, we have been trying to convince our family very much for last two years to let us happen and get married and in these scenarios during covid I lost my father too now that it's just me and my mom and my elder sister due to societal pressure also they were not agreeing for us but then I could feel now that his family was some how just dragging us showing fake acceptance for me but still being very orthodox but in this process me and my bf got committed to each other very seriously in terms of physical ways but now his family is completely denying the fact that they don't us to happen and are literally forcing his son to marry in their caste. On this thing, the guy is trying to make me understand with false accusations that it's not his family butine which doesn't want us to proceed since my family wanted a mutual ways of marriage and not just his culture thing or else court marriage was the last opt but my guy is saying no I can never go against my family this and that you better understand and I don't know I'm feeling very cheated that now at this stage after being this close where he should have been standing strong with me he's pushing me to set back I don't know iam so clueless I got no energy to get back to being productive in my life or something whereas this acts of his and his family's forcible nature is somehow triggering me to opt for legal methods....I need guidance it's all dark for me and feeling too used.
Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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I am a Hindu girl and in a relationship with a muslim guy. Our relationship was going great but suddenly my boyfriend's family is forcing him to marry in a arranged marriage. I have told him to tell about us to his family and he is trying to but hasn't said yet. But due to his family pressure and my constant saying of marriage he gets irritated a lot. Now I'm feeling a little change in his behaviour also like he just try to skip discussion about future and marriage, also when I call him he is not talking nicely with me. I'm getting very emotional and hurt due to his behaviour. Also he has said that he will try his best to convince his family but now I'm not sure if he will take my stand or not. What to do now?
Ans: He sounds like a coward who will do as his family says. And I don’t think he intends to stick with you if they say no. Heck, I don’t think he plans on saying anything at all! If he loved you enough and had the gumption, he’d have taken a stand by now. I say drop him and move on. See what happens when you leave him; if he really does love you and want to be with you, he’ll take action. But unfortunately, from everything you’ve said here it sounds more like he’ll be relieved and go on to marry under an arrangement. If he does…don’t ever entertain any calls from him ever again. I’ve often heard of fools like him — no guts to marry the girlfriend, miserable in the arranged marriage six months to a year in, then re-establish contact with former girlfriend and have an affair, but no guts to end the marriage. In this whole scenario, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who will be at the losing end — you! DROP HIM!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7322 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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Hi Mr. Ramalingam, Can I check New Asset class (Specialized Investment Fund SIF) for 10 lakhs investment for my kids education(Right now 4months old). Thank you for your response.
Ans: Investing Rs 10 lakhs for your child’s education is a thoughtful decision.

Your child is 4 months old, so you have a long investment horizon.

Currently, SIF is not yet launched or operational.

Equity Mutual Funds: A Reliable Option
Equity mutual funds are proven for long-term goals like education.

They offer inflation-beating growth over a 15-18 year period.

Start investing now to benefit from compounding.

Choose funds with a consistent track record.

Wait and Observe SIF Performance
SIF is a new asset class and lacks a performance track record.

It’s wise to wait for its launch and review its stability.

Assess the fund's returns, risk profile, and management quality.

Investing in an untested asset could increase risks unnecessarily.

Diversify Investments Over Time
Initially, focus on equity mutual funds for growth.

Later, as SIF stabilises and performs well, consider it.

Diversify across asset classes gradually based on market insights.

Final Insights
Begin with equity mutual funds for your child’s education fund.

Monitor SIF's launch and performance over the next few years.

Decide on SIF only after it demonstrates a solid track record.

Keep your investments aligned with your long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |790 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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I& my wife is 32. What would our ideally retirement corps. I assume 20Cr. Correct me if I'm wrong. My current saving & income are below - 1) Rs 2,40,000 take home per month combined. 2) We both have PPF for the last 7 years contributing 1.5L each year from starting and plans to continue till 60. 3) LIC will give us 2Cr when we hit 60. 4) NPS we contribute 1L per each year form 2022 combined plans continue till 60. 5) Mutual Fund of SIP Rs 10,000 each month for last 1 year combined plans continue till 60. 6) APY we will get 5000 per month at 60. 7) FDs of Rs 36Lakh 8) Gold of Rs 15Lakh bonds 9) Got Inherited Rs 1.6Cr in form of FDs 10) Have Medeclaim of 40Lakhs and have own house. 11) Monthly expenses is around 40,000. 12) Have 1 year old Kid. 13) Have PF of 8 lakhs and will grow till 60. Also taking Gratuity in account.
Ans: Hello;

Your current monthly income need of 2.4 L will grow up to 12.27 L after 28 years (At your retirement age of 60) considering 6% inflation.

Assuming your expenses at retirement will reduce so you may need 75% of this income to cover your expenses at that time therefore you may need a monthly income of 9.2 L.

To generate this income you may need a corpus of 27 Cr(Min.) at the age 60 that may generate post-tax monthly income of around 9.2 L.

Your investments will grow as follows,

1. PPF: 1.5 L per person per year for 35 years will grow into a corpus of around 4.32 Cr. (6.9% return assumed)

2. LIC: policy maturity proceeds will provide 2 Cr at age 60.

3. NPS: 1 L per person per year may grow into a sum of 2.5 Cr at 60.(8% return considered)

4. MF sip of 10 K may grow into a sum of 2.05 Cr at 60. (10% return considered)

5. FD of 36 L will grow into a sum of 2.1 Cr if held till 60. (6.5% return assumed)

6. Gold in form of bonds if reinvested into gold mutual funds and held till 60 may yield a corpus of around 1.1 Cr. (7% return assumed)

7. Inherited funds if held in FD till the age of 60 may yield a corpus of 9.9 Cr.
(6.5% return considered)

8. EPF is expected to grow into a sum of around 1.8 Cr at the age of 60.(7% return considered)

A summation of investment values at 60 indicates a sum of around 25.77 Cr thereby hinting at a gap of around 1.23 Cr.

You may begin another monthly sip of 7 K now which may grow into a sum of around 1.3 Cr by 60 age.(10% return assumed)

If the mediclaim policy is from employer, do buy a personal health care cover after 50-55 for your family for post retirement needs.

I presume you both have adequate term life insurance cover apart from LIC policy.

The financial goal for your kid's education and family expansion, if any, is not factored here. You may need to plan for it suitably.

Also it appears that your allocation to equity is quite low, may be due to limited risk appetite but you have time on your side and although short to medium term(5-7 yr) equity asset class may be impacted due to volatility but over a long-term(10 yr+) they have demonstrated good inflation adjusted returns so may be you may consider to increase allocation through hybrid funds suiting your risk appetite.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7322 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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Meri family ki income 80 lakhs hai yearly aur 40 lakhs expense hai aur age meri 48 hai capital family ki 4 cr hai to unko kaise manage aur kaha invest kare
Ans: Current Financial Snapshot
Annual Income: Rs 80 lakhs
Annual Expenses: Rs 40 lakhs
Capital Available: Rs 4 crores
Age: 48 years
Your income and existing capital provide a strong foundation. With proper planning, you can secure your financial future and achieve your goals.

Key Financial Goals
Retirement Planning: Build a corpus to sustain your post-retirement lifestyle.
Wealth Growth: Invest capital for inflation-beating returns.
Risk Management: Ensure adequate insurance coverage for family security.
Tax Efficiency: Optimise investments to reduce tax liabilities.
Suggested Investment Allocation
1. Emergency Fund
Maintain 6-12 months of expenses (Rs 20-40 lakhs) in liquid funds or a high-interest savings account.
This ensures liquidity for any unforeseen circumstances.
2. Equity Mutual Funds
Allocate 50-60% of your capital (around Rs 2-2.4 crores) to equity mutual funds.
Use diversified funds like large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for growth.
Avoid index funds due to lack of flexibility and active management.
Invest monthly through systematic investment plans (SIPs) for disciplined investing.
3. Debt Investments
Invest 20-25% of your capital (Rs 80 lakhs-1 crore) in debt mutual funds or fixed-income instruments.
Choose funds with low risk to ensure stability and predictable returns.
These funds act as a safety net during market downturns.
4. Children’s Education or Marriage
Allocate funds for long-term goals like education or marriage.
Invest in balanced advantage funds or equity mutual funds for higher returns.
5. Retirement Planning
At 48, focus on building a retirement corpus.
Allocate 20% of your capital (Rs 80 lakhs) to retirement-specific investments.
Use a mix of equity and debt for growth and safety.
Risk Management
Life Insurance
Ensure you have a term insurance cover of at least Rs 2-3 crore.
This protects your family’s financial future in your absence.
Health Insurance
Take a family floater health insurance plan of Rs 25-30 lakh.
Include critical illness coverage to address rising healthcare costs.
Tax Efficiency
Maximise Section 80C benefits by investing in ELSS mutual funds or PPF.
Use NPS for additional tax deductions under Section 80CCD.
Invest in tax-efficient instruments to reduce liabilities.
Regular Monitoring
Review your investments every six months with a Certified Financial Planner.
Rebalance your portfolio to align with market trends and life changes.
Final Insights
You have a strong financial base with high income and significant capital.

With disciplined investing, risk management, and tax efficiency, you can grow your wealth and achieve your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7322 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2024Hindi
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Namaskar Sir, I am 30 years old and want to start SIP @10,000/-pm in Mid cap mutual fund for next 30 years for a target of Rs 20 Cr (18-20%/year). You are requested to guide me about risks may come in future in MF industry and risk regarding sustainability of the fund house for next 30 years.
Ans: Investing Rs. 10,000 monthly in a mid-cap mutual fund is a commendable strategy. It shows your commitment to achieving a robust corpus of Rs. 20 crore in 30 years. However, there are risks and considerations to address.

1. Potential Risks in the Mutual Fund Industry
Market Volatility
Mid-cap funds are more volatile than large-cap funds.

Short-term fluctuations can impact returns during market corrections.

Economic Slowdowns
Economic instability can adversely affect mid-cap stocks.

Such slowdowns could lower the growth trajectory of the fund.

Regulatory Changes
SEBI and government regulations may impact mutual fund operations.

For example, changes in taxation or investment limits can affect returns.

Inflation Risk
Inflation can erode purchasing power and real returns over 30 years.

This risk must be factored into your long-term goal.

2. Risks of Fund House Sustainability
Fund House Stability
A fund house with a poor track record may not survive for 30 years.

Choose an established and reputed fund house with strong governance.

Fund Manager Risk
Performance depends on fund manager decisions.

Manager changes may impact the strategy and consistency of the fund.

Operational Risks
Fund houses may face risks like technology failures or poor compliance.

Verify the operational strength and risk management policies of the fund house.

3. Realistic Return Expectations
Expecting 18-20% annualised returns over 30 years is optimistic.

Historical data shows mid-cap funds average around 12-15% returns.

Relying on higher returns can lead to unrealistic expectations.

4. Diversification for Stability
Do not rely solely on mid-cap funds for your goal.

Diversify with large-cap or flexi-cap funds to reduce volatility.

Balanced funds can provide a mix of growth and stability.

5. Importance of Periodic Review
Monitor your SIP performance regularly, at least once a year.

Assess fund performance against benchmarks and peers.

Make necessary adjustments to align with your goals.

6. Role of Active Fund Management
Actively managed funds can outperform benchmarks during volatile markets.

Fund managers actively track market changes and rebalance portfolios.

This approach offers an edge over passively managed index funds.

7. Tax Implications on Returns
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Understanding tax implications helps plan withdrawals effectively.

8. 360-Degree Financial Planning
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.

This ensures financial stability during unforeseen situations.

Adequate Insurance
Secure yourself with adequate life and health insurance.

Avoid using ULIPs or investment-linked insurance for this purpose.

Retirement Planning
Parallelly invest in retirement-specific instruments for long-term security.

Diversify your portfolio to include stable growth options.

Education and Marriage
Plan separate investments for future education and marriage expenses.

Diversify investments to balance risk across different life goals.

Finally
Mid-cap funds are a promising option for wealth creation, but they come with risks. Diversify, review periodically, and adjust your strategy as needed. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to build a robust, long-term investment plan tailored to your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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