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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |649 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Ma'am, I have been in a relationship for almost a decade now i.e. since graduation and now me and my bf are doing good in our respective jobs. Since we come from different religions, we have been trying to convince our family very much for last two years to let us happen and get married and in these scenarios during covid I lost my father too now that it's just me and my mom and my elder sister due to societal pressure also they were not agreeing for us but then I could feel now that his family was some how just dragging us showing fake acceptance for me but still being very orthodox but in this process me and my bf got committed to each other very seriously in terms of physical ways but now his family is completely denying the fact that they don't us to happen and are literally forcing his son to marry in their caste. On this thing, the guy is trying to make me understand with false accusations that it's not his family butine which doesn't want us to proceed since my family wanted a mutual ways of marriage and not just his culture thing or else court marriage was the last opt but my guy is saying no I can never go against my family this and that you better understand and I don't know I'm feeling very cheated that now at this stage after being this close where he should have been standing strong with me he's pushing me to set back I don't know iam so clueless I got no energy to get back to being productive in my life or something whereas this acts of his and his family's forcible nature is somehow triggering me to opt for legal methods....I need guidance it's all dark for me and feeling too used.

Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

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Relationship
Iam 27 years old .me and my boyfriend were in relationship from the last 5 years.he is my childhood class met.during corona time we reconnected through social media .we are from same place .initially we both were good friends later we decided to start our relationship.i belong to low caste.and he belongs to upper caste.in those 5 years we shared our happiness, sorrows together .he was with me in every situation.he helped me emotionally mentally and financially.every thing went well .we planned out future together.later our parents got to know about our relationship.i convinced my parents.but his parents are not accepting our love because of my low caste..i even took my father and brother along with me to talk with his mother . I even begged his mother by touching her feet to accept our love.she told me that she wants to do his sons marriage with a girl who belong to their caste. His parents are telling him that they will leave the home town and go somewhere else if he marries me.my boyfriend is telling me that his parents especially his mothers health will be effected if he marry me and asking me to move on..I asked me that whether he is ok to marry the girls of their parents choice..he told me that he doesn't have any option other than listing to his parents..I'm totally devasted .I'm suffering with anxiety, depression and continuous thoughts ..i want him.he also loves me but he is not daring to marry mee.he is worrying about his parents..how to deal with this situation..pls help mee
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Honestly, drop him...the reason for this must be obvious to you by now. When he is not willing to take a stand for his love, what makes you think he's ever going to support you later in life?
Also, maybe he does not want to or fears going against his family. How can you change that? Surely your love isn't enough to convince him of being with you in this relationship; then what else can?

It's going to be hard to get away from all those feelings BUT you are better off without someone who is unable to take a stand for you. And when it comes to anxiety, practice deep breathing...it does help...If this is getting unbearable, then do seek professional help from someone who can guide you through this break-up and thereafter healing.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1762 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I and boyfriend is kept on trying to get married by there’s three things we felt we couldn’t help. 1. Convincing his parents 2. Convincing my parents 3. A marriage to happen from different religion. Struggling to come across this we thought we’ll stay just the same without getting married. But the reality is like I need a mental support being a single child without father and a sick mum to be taken care I can’t randomly just leave my mother and come. He understood that and he said we’ll wait but I don’t know how long I have to cos I’m already feeling done with all the family and relative issues that came in because of these things. Now we have solved his side problem that his parents are now happy to have me as their DIL but then we are stuck with whom I have to convince is it my sick mother who doesn’t understand things and not ready to come with me also or my mother’s mother, grandmother who never understands the reality of today’s life and my mother’s elder brother who has never cared about my life earlier but claimed to have been responsible all these days. It was me who took all the effort to make it to a position where I’m independent financially but then because he said he’d fund my marriage it’s been told that I was wrong in terms of my decision in choosing my boyfriend. Though he knows he’s a nice person, he refuses considering the religion issue. I don’t know how to get this problem sorted cos it’s already 5 years that we’ve been struggling and still couldn’t find a solution
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Being financially independent can help a lot in taking decisions and sticking to them. What does your boyfriend say about the issues that you are facing? He could help by playing the role of the prospective son-in-law and do what's required to get through to your mother. That will take off a load from you and you will also be able to empathize with your mother and her concerns and address them appropriately. You and your boyfriend need to come up with a plan to deal with this together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |77 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Jan 23, 2026

Relationship
i am 42 yrs married and i married before 15yrs.My spouse cheated me before our marriage, she had a relationship with one guy.. that time i also asked her abt this guy but she not told me anything. and second day of my marriage i came to know that she cheated me.i completely broke down and i told her don't leave with me. go to your home. but she said i didn't know how this happened and i was very sorry for my mistake and i will never do it again in my life.. now its almost 15 yrs went away but still i unable to forgot what she done with me. we have two kids. Since the day i warned her before 15 yrs still today she listen everything i want, every words, whatever she want to do she always took my permission. but still i unable to forgot her past. she cheated me that time... whenever i thought abt her i felt nervous and its effect on work.. what should i do
Ans: Hello sir. I hope you are in good health.
Talking about your life, i would like to tell you one thing. Whatever your wife did it was before marriage. It was not after marriage . So it cannot be taken as cheating.
Secondly, she accepted and promised that she ll not do it again and she kept her promise.
Thirdly as per you she takes your permission wherever she goes, she informs you everything. All this she is doing just to regain trust. I think you should forget the past.
Holding on to past will bring you nothing. Pain and problems badhengi kam nahi hongi. Apne bacho pe, apni family pe and apne kaam pe dhyan de and apni life enjoy kare.
I hope this solves the problem
Take care!
Follow me on: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |77 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Jan 23, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 06, 2026Hindi
Relationship
My boyfriend's mom is very possessive. Whenever we are together she finds a reason to interrupt or call him away from me. When we go out, she constantly checks on where he is, what we are doing, and how long we will be together. I feel like there is too much interference. He is 31, I am 27. We are both financially independent. But there is no space for us to build our relationship without his mom being involved in our lives. I understand her concern as a mother, but this level of control makes me feel invisible and sidelined. I'm worried how this will affect our relationship if we continue and take it to the future?
Ans: Hello mam..I hope you are fine. Well, coming to your problem mam. We live in a country where it is considered very normal to interfere in each other's life. Be it siblings or children or for that matter anyone. So as per our society this behaviour is very normal for your boyfriend's mother. But on the other hand, in this era this generation is somewhat more independent and don't like interference. If she is interfering too much, your boyfriend should also feel this and he is the only one who can draw boundaries and can ask his mother to stop being controlling.
You should not directly hit this on your boyfriend. Rather talk to him regarding this in a very polite and convincing manner so that he can take care of the matter. But if he feels that her mother's behaviour is ok then also you need to discuss and convince him about your privacy. If you want to take this relationship further then you need to correct the things beforehand.
I hope this solves your problem.
Take care
Follow me on : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10986 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 23, 2026

Money
I am planning to invest approximately ₹20,000 per month to meet my short- and medium-term financial goals. My primary objectives include funding my marriage in four years and my sister’s marriage in two years. In addition, I would like to plan for my long-term retirement goals and can invest ₹5,000 per month for the next 15 years or more. I request your guidance on suitable mutual fund options for both goals, preferably with exposure to equity and index funds, to optimize returns while aligning with my investment horizon and risk profile. Also i can increase year on year approx 10 %. Kindly suggest an appropriate investment strategy and mutual fund schemes for the above requirements. regards Shiju
Ans: You are thinking ahead and that itself gives you a strong advantage. Planning for family responsibilities and your own retirement at the same time shows clarity and maturity. With a step-up of 10 percent every year, your plan becomes even stronger.

» Understanding your goals and time frames
– Sister’s marriage is a short-term goal of around 2 years
– Your own marriage is a medium-term goal of around 4 years
– Retirement is a long-term goal of 15 years or more
– Monthly investment capacity is Rs 20,000 for short and medium term goals
– Monthly investment capacity is Rs 5,000 for long-term retirement
– You are comfortable with gradual increase every year

» Right asset approach for short-term goal (2 years)
– Capital protection is more important than high return here
– Equity exposure should be limited because market ups and downs can hurt the goal
– Focus should be on stability and liquidity
– Use low-risk mutual fund categories with limited equity exposure
– Avoid pure equity funds for this goal
– Start moving money to safer options as the goal date comes closer

» Right asset approach for medium-term goal (4 years)
– This goal allows some equity exposure but not aggressive risk
– Balanced approach works better than full equity
– Equity portion should reduce as you reach the 4th year
– Gradual shift from equity-oriented funds to safer funds is important
– This protects the money when the goal is near

» Why index funds are not suitable for your goals
– Index funds only copy the market and cannot protect you in falling markets
– There is no fund manager decision to control risk during bad times
– In short and medium-term goals, market falls can delay marriages or force loans
– Actively managed funds try to control downside risk
– Fund managers can move between sectors and stocks based on market conditions
– This flexibility helps in protecting capital and improving consistency

» Long-term retirement planning approach (15 years or more)
– This is where equity should play a bigger role
– Long-term goals can handle market ups and downs
– Actively managed equity funds suit this horizon well
– Consistent investing and annual step-up will build strong wealth over time
– Avoid chasing last year’s top-performing funds
– Stick to quality funds with stable management

» Why regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner help
– Regular funds give you ongoing monitoring and rebalancing support
– Behaviour control is very important during market corrections
– Many investors exit at wrong times without guidance
– A Certified Financial Planner helps align investments with life goals
– Cost difference is small, but guidance value is very high

» How to use the 10 percent annual increase wisely
– Increase SIP amount every year after salary revision
– First priority should be retirement SIP increase
– Next priority is medium-term marriage goal
– This keeps long-term wealth creation on track

» Tax awareness for your planning
– Equity mutual funds sold within one year attract higher short-term tax
– Selling after one year is more tax efficient for long-term goals
– Plan redemptions carefully near goal dates
– Do not redeem entire amount in one shot unless needed

» Final Insights
– You are on the right path by separating goals clearly
– Avoid index funds and focus on actively managed funds for better control
– Match risk level strictly with goal time frame
– Annual step-up will quietly do the heavy lifting
– With discipline and timely review, all three goals can be met without stress

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10986 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 23, 2026

Money
i have jeevan anad policy 149 for 21 yrs,started in 2006 for 3 lac sum assured what will; be final amount in 2027- date of maturity
Ans: You have shown good discipline by continuing this long-term policy from 2006 till maturity. Staying invested for the full term in such policies needs patience, and that itself deserves appreciation.

» Policy snapshot in simple words
– Policy start year: 2006
– Policy term: 21 years
– Maturity year: 2027
– Sum assured: Rs 3,00,000
– Type: Traditional life insurance with savings and yearly bonuses

» How the maturity amount is generally built
– The final amount at maturity is mainly made of two parts
– First part is the basic sum assured, which is Rs 3,00,000
– Second part is the accumulated simple reversionary bonuses added every year
– Some years may also have a small final bonus, depending on overall performance

» Expected maturity value by 2027
– For policies started around 2006 with a 21-year term, the bonus rates were relatively stable for many years
– Over the full policy term, the total maturity amount usually becomes around 2 times the sum assured, sometimes slightly more
– In practical terms, your maturity amount in 2027 is likely to be in the range of
– Around Rs 5.75 lakh to Rs 6.50 lakh
– The exact figure will depend on the final bonus declared in the year of maturity

» What this amount means for you financially
– The maturity value is safe and tax-free under current rules
– It works well as a lump-sum support fund rather than a high-growth investment
– The returns are steady but modest when compared to long-term inflation
– The policy also continues to provide life cover even after maturity, which adds emotional comfort

» Important planning observations
– This policy has already done its job by giving safety and forced savings
– Since maturity is close, it is wise to plan how this amount will be used before 2027
– Options can include debt reduction, children’s education support, or building a stable low-risk allocation
– Avoid keeping the entire maturity amount idle in savings for too long

» Final Insights
– Your discipline over 21 years is the biggest strength here
– Expect a maturity amount close to Rs 6 lakh, give or take
– The value lies more in certainty and peace than in high returns
– With proper reinvestment planning after maturity, this amount can still play a meaningful role in your overall financial picture

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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