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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |142 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I want to move on but I cannot please help me

Ans: if its a break up you are going through, it takes time to move on - you will go through phases like anger, jealousy, blame game, sadness etc - it can take a few weeks to a few months...take care

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Shalini

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 11, 2023

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How to get over him
Ans: Dear Snigdha

Getting over someone can be challenging, but sometimes it can help to think outside the box and try new things to help move on.


Write a letter to yourself: Write a letter to yourself, as if you were writing to a close friend, offering words of encouragement and advice. This can help you gain perspective and remind yourself of your own strengths and resilience.
Create a breakup playlist: Make a playlist of songs that help you feel empowered, uplifted, and motivated. Listen to it whenever you need a boost of energy or inspiration.
Try a new hobby: Engage in a new activity that you’ve always wanted to try, such as painting, photography, or rock climbing. This can help you focus your energy on something positive and give you a sense of accomplishment.
Get a makeover: Try a new hairstyle or experiment with a different fashion style. Changing your physical appearance can help boost your confidence and make you feel more positive about yourself.
Volunteer: Engage in volunteer work or community service. Helping others can be a great way to gain perspective, connect with others, and feel good about yourself.
Create a vision board: Create a vision board with images and quotes that inspire you and reflect your goals and aspirations. This can help you stay focused on your own growth and development, rather than dwelling on the past.
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Practice self-care and engage in activities that make you feel good.
Seek professional help: If you're having difficulty moving on, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with tools and techniques to help you cope with your emotions and move forward.

Remember that getting over someone takes time, and there is no one “right” way to do it. Be kind to yourself, try new things, and keep moving forward.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

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hello mam i had a breakup a year ago and i still havent moved on from him. i am trying to push myself and have given myself enough time. But the core memory i share with him still hurts me. Then like this i get many days to get myself back. he is always on my mind 24*7 and due to this i cannot concentrate on my studies. i am stuck in this position and i dont wanna go back because ik he will never come. I have peak time of my career and i dont wanna regret this. My heart keeps wrenching and it pains a hell lotttttttt with the thought that its over and that one day he will be married too and i will have to see him with someone. idk what should i do?
Ans: Dear Hazel,
Losing someone when in love causes grief. So, go through the pain and don't be in a hurry to heal as when you allow yourself to feel the pain, you are actually stepping into the healing process and healing one day at a time.
It's a suggestion if you can actually keep the gifts given by him etc away during this time. It can torment you more.
And while you are healing and when you feel like the world crashing on you, you need to distract yourself by:
- Physical activity/exercise helps displacing the stuck feelings giving a good release
- Join communities with larger than life causes as this helps looking beyond oneself

Life can dynamically change; what we can do is navigate through these and step into your own life.
Ask yourself: What is it that I can do now that I am single again? How can I make best use of this time?
Easier said than done; but believe that things do get better BUT take that first step towards your healing journey.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

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