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Always Fighting With Your Boyfriend? Expert Advice for a More Peaceful Relationship

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hii mam, since i year i am in relationship with him but nowadays fighting are increased in between both of us so what we should do and we both are responsible for the fight cause we both over react for small things

Ans: It’s common for fights to increase in a relationship when emotions are high and both partners overreact to small issues. This pattern often stems from unresolved emotions, stress, or a lack of effective communication. The good news is that recognizing this dynamic means you're already taking the first step toward improvement.

Start by reflecting on the triggers for your arguments. Think about what situations or topics usually lead to conflicts and whether they arise from unmet needs, miscommunications, or external stressors. Understanding the root causes can help you both address the real issues rather than reacting to the surface level.

When emotions run high, it’s easy to say or do things in the heat of the moment that you later regret. To prevent this, both of you can practice pausing during disagreements. Agree on a signal or phrase to use when things start to escalate, giving each other space to cool down before continuing the conversation. This approach allows you to respond calmly rather than reacting impulsively.

Another important step is to focus on improving how you communicate. Instead of placing blame or using accusatory language, express your feelings using "I" statements. For example, say, "I feel hurt when this happens" instead of "You always do this." This small shift can reduce defensiveness and encourage understanding.

It’s also crucial to nurture the positive aspects of your relationship. Make time for activities that you both enjoy and that bring you closer, whether it’s a shared hobby, a walk, or simply having an uninterrupted conversation. These moments of connection can help balance out the tension from disagreements.

Finally, remember that resolving conflicts takes patience and teamwork. It’s not about determining who’s right or wrong but about finding solutions that work for both of you. If you feel stuck or find that the fights are becoming overwhelming, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist. A neutral third party can help you both understand your patterns and develop healthier ways to handle conflicts, ensuring the relationship grows stronger.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2023

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Relationship
He always fight with me how I handle this situation
Ans: Fighting with your partner can be a difficult and stressful experience. If you're finding that you and your partner are constantly fighting, it may be helpful to take a step back and reflect on what may be causing the conflict.

First, try to identify the triggers that lead to arguments between you and your partner. Are there certain topics or situations that tend to set off disagreements? Understanding what causes conflicts can help you and your partner avoid these situations or approach them in a more productive way.

It's also important to work on communication skills. When you and your partner are in the midst of an argument, try to remain calm and listen actively to what they have to say. Avoid interrupting or talking over them, and take the time to reflect on your own feelings before responding. If the conversation becomes too heated, take a break and come back to it when both of you have had a chance to cool down.

If you find that you're unable to resolve conflicts on your own, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional relationship counselor. A trained counselor can provide you and your partner with tools and strategies for improving communication, managing conflicts, and strengthening your relationship.

Remember, building a strong and healthy relationship takes effort and commitment from both partners. By working together and focusing on effective communication, you and your partner can overcome conflicts and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii mam, i am Dipankar I am in a relationship. But problem is my girlfriend's parents scold her for our relationship. But another problem is that his father wants to say that he is not reading and listening and abuses him. Because of this he is very angry now how can I calm him down??
Ans: First, it’s important to create a safe space for your girlfriend to express her feelings. Encourage her to talk about her frustrations and fears regarding her parents’ reactions to your relationship. Just listening to her and validating her feelings can provide some comfort. Let her know that it’s okay to feel upset and that you’re there to support her.

You might also want to discuss strategies for addressing her parents' concerns. It can be helpful for her to communicate openly with them about her feelings and the importance of your relationship in her life. She could try to express her emotions calmly and respectfully, explaining how their reactions affect her. If she feels comfortable, suggesting a calm family discussion could also be beneficial.

In terms of her father’s anger, it’s crucial to approach him with empathy. If he’s angry and upset, he may feel a sense of loss or fear regarding his daughter’s choices. Encouraging your girlfriend to understand her father's perspective might help her communicate with him more effectively. Suggest that she acknowledge his feelings and explain why her relationship is meaningful to her.

Additionally, if the situation escalates or becomes hostile, it might be worth considering involving a neutral party, such as a trusted family member or friend, who can mediate the conversation and help calm tensions.

Ultimately, patience and understanding are key. Relationships often face challenges, especially when parents disapprove. Supporting each other through this process will strengthen your bond and help you both navigate these difficult emotions together. Remember to prioritize each other’s well-being, and take care of yourselves during this challenging time.

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2026Hindi
Career
My daughter has completed Btech -Architecture in India from Nagpur in year 2023 and later she went from Krishna consultancy for overseas education in Canada, where she has completed 2 years education to get 3 year PR in 2+3 year pattern. she has completed one year project management and one year education in land scape designing. Now she is searching for job almost 2 years but jobs are not available in respective field. now she is learning french for to get PR points etc. Learn and earn sideway job she is doing. Can you suggest any authentic job consultancy so that she can register. she has already registered in indeed, linked in etc, but in vain. Its very pity that we educate for good cause and they do not get job. She was also topper in subjects and received testimonials from Contesta university in Canada. What should be approach. what advise you can give us. can you help to provide any construction and architecture genuine job site. Because where she apply , that all displayed jobs are fake either or no response , only they collect Resumes.
Ans: I understand your frustration—it's disheartening when a talented graduate like your daughter, with her BTech Architecture, Project Management, Landscape Design credentials, and Contesta University testimonials, faces job hurdles despite PR status and French learning efforts. Kindly encourage her to: 1) Optimize/fully utilise LinkedIn daily—connect with Canadian architects/recruiters, join AEC immigrant groups; 2) Register with specialized recruiters: AXIS Recruitment, BCCA Newcomers, Job Bank Canada (NOC 21201); 3) Create a Canadian-format resume highlighting PR status, university topper awards, and testimonials; 4) Target junior drafter roles (more openings) rather than senior architect positions; 5) Network through French classes and learn-and-earn contacts for referrals. Consider India backup options while maintaining PR residency obligations. All the BEST for Your Daughter's Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11055 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 05, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 05, 2026Hindi
Money
Hello Experts, I am working in GCC. I have taken 30L @ 9.45% floating ROI Home Loan from DHFL (now Piramal Finance) in March 2015 for 15 yrs (till 2030). But due to fluctuation/instability in Market my Home Loan gradually rose upto 12.22% at present March 2026. Now due to this increase to ROI now last EMI due went upto 2032. Whenever I visited to India, I thought switch over my Home Loan to other Banking or Non-banking company. But due to something or other reason it never happened. So now almost 6+ years are left to complete my Home Loan. So in this case Pls suggest, now is it worth switching to other Banking or Non-banking company, considering all the fees and charges pending 18L. (foreclosure, documentation, etc.)
Ans: You have been servicing your home loan for more than 10 years. That shows strong repayment discipline. Now interest rate has increased and tenure extended. So reviewing it is a wise step.

Let us analyse calmly.

» Current Situation

– Loan taken: Rs 30 lakhs in 2015
– Current outstanding: Around Rs 18 lakhs
– Current ROI: 12.22% (floating)
– Tenure extended till 2032
– Around 6+ years left

12.22% is high in today’s market for a home loan.

» Why Your EMI Increased

When interest rate rises:

– Either EMI increases
– Or tenure increases
– Or both

In your case, tenure has increased. That means you will pay more total interest.

At 12%+ rate, interest burden becomes heavy.

» Should You Switch Now?

Yes, you should seriously evaluate switching.

Even though only 6 years are left, still:

– Outstanding is Rs 18 lakhs
– Rate difference may be 1% to 2%
– That can reduce total interest meaningfully

If another bank offers around 8.5% to 9%, difference is large.

» What To Check Before Switching

Do not switch blindly. Check these:

– Foreclosure charges (for floating loans usually zero, but confirm)
– Processing fee in new bank
– Legal and valuation charges
– Documentation charges
– Insurance cancellation impact if any

If total switching cost is reasonable and rate difference is above 1%, switching makes sense.

» Break-Even Thinking

Ask yourself:

– How much total interest will I save after switching?
– Is that higher than total transfer cost?

If savings clearly exceed costs, then shift.

If savings are very small, then not worth the effort.

» Alternative Option – Negotiate First

Before switching, try this:

– Write officially to existing lender
– Request rate reduction
– Mention competitor rates
– Ask for internal rate revision

Sometimes banks reduce rate by charging small conversion fee. That is easier than full transfer.

» Since You Are Working in GCC

Being NRI:

– Documentation may take more time
– Power of attorney may be needed
– Some banks may offer better NRI loan packages

Plan visit properly if switching.

» Cash Flow Strategy

Also consider:

– If you have surplus savings, partial prepayment is powerful
– Prepaying Rs 2–3 lakhs can reduce tenure sharply
– Floating loans usually have no prepayment penalty

If you combine rate reduction + part prepayment, loan can close faster.

» Emotional and Financial Angle

At this stage:

– Only 6 years left
– Goal should be to close loan peacefully
– Not to stretch till 2032

Loan-free life before retirement is ideal.

» Final Insights

Your present rate of 12.22% is high. Do not ignore it.

Action plan:

– First negotiate with current lender
– If not reduced properly, compare with 2–3 banks
– Calculate total switching cost
– Switch if net savings are meaningful
– Consider part prepayment if possible

With disciplined action now, you can close loan earlier and save interest.

Delay will only increase interest outgo.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Pankaj

Pankaj Vyavahare  |18 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor, Life Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2026Hindi
Career
My Daughter is in 12th currently and has completed her 1st Jee attempt and has scored 78.82 she will be attending the 2nd attempt in April. I want her to do well in her CBSE boards and join a good college in Bangalore where we reside taking the subject of her choice. However she is bent upon taking a drop this year which we feel is not a good idea considering her 1st attempt scores. She says she is willing to join any college even after taking a drop and if she is not able to score well which I feel is wasting 1 years of her academics. Kindly advise or suggest what is right for her please.
Ans: Namaste
First of all I must appreciate your thought of not wasting 1 years through Gap/Drop. Its absolutely meaningless and even creates future bad consequences for abroad education or opportunity. We are not in a position to justify our gap. Anyhow you have mentioned her JEE 1st attempt result. It shows that either her study is moderate in PCM subjects or she can make her career in remaining 16 career clusters. If it was 95 and above in her 1st attempt, she could make more good in her 2nd JEE attempt.
It will be better if she thinks twice about her passion and abilities. It’s high time to think and take decision. She can take admission in other than IIT/NIT institutes. There are many good colleges in Banglore too.
Not every one become engineer. But everyone can see his/her inner strength, passion for something better required by world. We can work for betterment of the world, throgh what we have good amount with us. Please find that"Good One"

...Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11055 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 05, 2026

Money
I hv a lic jeevan suraksha policy which started in 2001 and ended in 2006. I am 78 years. Should I surrender or keep it till I am alive.
Ans: You have maintained a policy from 2001. That shows discipline. At age 78, the focus should now be income stability, simplicity, and peace of mind.

Let us understand this clearly.

» Understanding Your Policy Status

– Policy started in 2001
– Premium payment ended in 2006
– Now you are 78 years

So this is a fully paid-up policy. You are not paying anything now.

Main question is:
Does it give regular income?
Or does it give only maturity or death benefit?

This clarity is very important before deciding.

» If It Is Giving Lifetime Pension

If the policy is giving you regular pension income:

– Continue it
– Do not surrender
– At 78, guaranteed income is valuable
– Market-linked reinvestment may not be suitable

Because at this age, capital safety is more important than return.

» If It Is Only Giving Lump Sum on Death

If it is only a small death benefit and no income:

– Check surrender value
– Compare surrender value with death benefit

At 78, insurance need is almost zero. Your dependents may not need life cover now.

In such case:

– If surrender value is reasonable, you may consider surrender
– Amount can be moved to safe income generating instrument
– Keep liquidity for medical and personal expenses

» Important Questions to Ask LIC

Before taking decision, confirm:

– What is current surrender value?
– What is paid-up sum assured?
– Any bonuses accumulated?
– What is death benefit amount?

Take a written statement.

» Health and Liquidity Consideration

At 78:

– Medical expenses can increase suddenly
– Emergency liquidity is very important
– Keep money easily accessible

Do not lock money unnecessarily.

» Emotional Aspect

Many people keep old policies because of emotional attachment. That is natural.

But decision should be practical:

– Is it serving purpose?
– Is it giving meaningful income?
– Or is it just lying idle?

» Final Insights

If policy is giving steady lifetime pension, continue peacefully.

If it is only small death cover with low benefit, surrender and move funds into:

– Bank fixed deposits
– Short-term debt mutual funds
– Senior citizen savings schemes

At this stage of life, simplicity and liquidity matter more than return.

You have already built assets over many years. Now the goal is protection and comfort.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11055 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 05, 2026

Money
Dear Sir, I (aged 60 yrs) have a Plan for my daughter marriage during June 2027. I have various mutual funds under the category of Small, Mid, Large and Agg Hybrids, Thematics which have a decent as well as moderate returns. How & When to Plan to withdraw Rs 25 lacs safely from them and kept for marriage time and Where to park it to get further helathy returns upto that period? Help me for the roadmap to withdraw and kept safely. Thqs in adv for the reply.
Ans: You have planned in advance for your daughter’s marriage. That shows responsibility and clarity. At age 60, protecting capital is more important than chasing return. Now your focus must be safety first, growth next.

June 2027 is not very far. So we must reduce risk step by step.

» Understanding the Time Frame

– Today to June 2027 is roughly around 1.5 to 2 years
– This is short-term period
– Equity markets can be volatile in this time

Since the goal date is fixed, we cannot take risk of market fall just before marriage.

» Risk in Your Current Portfolio

You mentioned:

– Small cap funds
– Mid cap funds
– Large cap funds
– Aggressive hybrid funds
– Thematic funds

Small cap and thematic funds are highly volatile. Even mid cap can fall sharply in short period.

If market corrects 20% to 30%, your marriage corpus may get disturbed. That risk is not acceptable now.

» When to Start Withdrawal

Do not wait till 2027.

Start systematic withdrawal planning from now itself.

Roadmap:

– Immediately identify the funds which have highest volatility (small cap, thematic)
– Start redeeming them first
– Gradually shift large cap and hybrid funds also

Complete full shifting at least 9 to 12 months before marriage.

By mid 2026, the full Rs 25 lakhs should be in safe instruments.

» How to Withdraw Smartly

– Redeem in phased manner over next 6 to 9 months
– Avoid withdrawing entire amount in one day
– Use market rallies to redeem

Also keep taxation in mind:

– Equity LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%
– Equity STCG taxed at 20%

Plan redemption in such a way that tax impact is controlled. Spread across financial years if needed.

» Where to Park the Money Safely

Since goal is short term, safety is priority.

Suitable parking options:

– Short duration debt mutual funds
– Money market funds
– Bank fixed deposits (laddered maturity)
– Senior citizen savings schemes (if liquidity allows)

Debt mutual funds are more flexible than FD. But remember:

– Debt fund gains taxed as per your income slab

So if your tax slab is high, compare with FD post-tax return before deciding.

» Should You Continue in Equity Till 2027?

No.

Equity is good for long-term wealth. But for fixed event like marriage, equity is risky.

Marriage date will not change based on market condition. So capital protection is key.

» Liquidity Planning

– Keep at least 3 to 6 months of marriage expenses in savings account by early 2027
– Keep rest in short-term instrument maturing near wedding date

This avoids last minute stress.

» 360 Degree Check

Apart from marriage fund, ensure:

– Emergency fund separate and untouched
– Health insurance adequate at age 60
– Retirement corpus not disturbed for marriage

Very important point:
Do not compromise your retirement comfort for one-time event.

Children’s marriage is important. But your lifetime income security is more important.

» Finally

Your action plan should be:

– Start gradual redemption now
– Exit high-risk funds first
– Move full Rs 25 lakhs to safe instruments by mid 2026
– Focus on capital protection, not high return
– Keep liquidity ready before event

If executed properly, you will attend your daughter’s marriage peacefully, without worrying about market conditions.

That peace of mind is more valuable than extra return.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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