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Dating app dilemma: Is it okay to constantly argue with someone you haven't met in person?

Anu Krishna |1418 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 08, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Since from last two months, I'm talking with a guy, whom I met on dating app. We haven't met in real yet. We both are different and because of our differences we often ended up doing arguments. And sometimes, we do hurt each other. Am confused whether arguing with each other is okay. Since from starting we knew we are opposite, still he kept on holding. I do wonder what if things materialise between us, how will I deal with all those arguments?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Virtual world communication via text messages and video calls can at time cause misunderstandings through misinterpretations of the communication going back and forth. This is not uncommon. But this need not become a basis to decide if the two of you are meant for one another; instead make a suggestion to meet.
Things maybe very different...Take a call on whether this association will work in the future only after you have a real physical world meeting. Makes sense, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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My boyfriend and I have a issue … He wants to stay away from our relationship for our welfare I mean Iam a childish girl and I understand others very less and he said I should change and he now asking to be frnds like we were coz we need not to fight nor be feel stressed about future or our parents …… And I too don’t know if I truly love him or not ? What should I do ? Please kindly help me !!!!

Ans: Dear Seetha,

If your partner does not want to be with you, there's no point in forcing the relationship. You yourself seem to think you are still childish; maybe take some time to work on yourself before you get involved romantically. Relationships seem all fun and games, but in reality, it requires a lot of work. You don't sound ready for it, especially when you are not even sure if you truly love him.

Whether you want to remain friends with your current partner is up to you, but staying in the relationship seems like a bad idea. The best course of action would be to part ways before things turn ugly and you resent each other.

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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi

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Am a female age 27 with stable job met a guy through online platform age 37,he is always trying to control me and humiliating me always but sometimes he is very caring but he is not interested to talk about future planning. Now I dont know whether to move forward with this relationship or should I leave it very much confused.?

Ans: There is so much going on in what you have written...you say he is caring but you have also written he is controlling, humiliating. Now for a minute keep yourself out of this situation and assume that you friend comes to you saying, I like this man who is caring but humiliates me. I think most likely your response to your friend would be requesting her to rethink of what she is entering into, because those who care do not humiliate.

Based on what you have shared that you wish to have a conversation around long term and he does not shows misalignment on expectations.

You are an adult, professionally qualified and know what sort of a relationship you want - if what you have works for then you have it, but if it does not then take a pause and have a rethink. It is possible when you take a pause, the possible partner will also get time to reflect - if it works for both you get back or else search for someone who you can be compatible with.

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Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hii mam, since i year i am in relationship with him but nowadays fighting are increased in between both of us so what we should do and we both are responsible for the fight cause we both over react for small things

Ans: It’s common for fights to increase in a relationship when emotions are high and both partners overreact to small issues. This pattern often stems from unresolved emotions, stress, or a lack of effective communication. The good news is that recognizing this dynamic means you're already taking the first step toward improvement.

Start by reflecting on the triggers for your arguments. Think about what situations or topics usually lead to conflicts and whether they arise from unmet needs, miscommunications, or external stressors. Understanding the root causes can help you both address the real issues rather than reacting to the surface level.

When emotions run high, it’s easy to say or do things in the heat of the moment that you later regret. To prevent this, both of you can practice pausing during disagreements. Agree on a signal or phrase to use when things start to escalate, giving each other space to cool down before continuing the conversation. This approach allows you to respond calmly rather than reacting impulsively.

Another important step is to focus on improving how you communicate. Instead of placing blame or using accusatory language, express your feelings using "I" statements. For example, say, "I feel hurt when this happens" instead of "You always do this." This small shift can reduce defensiveness and encourage understanding.

It’s also crucial to nurture the positive aspects of your relationship. Make time for activities that you both enjoy and that bring you closer, whether it’s a shared hobby, a walk, or simply having an uninterrupted conversation. These moments of connection can help balance out the tension from disagreements.

Finally, remember that resolving conflicts takes patience and teamwork. It’s not about determining who’s right or wrong but about finding solutions that work for both of you. If you feel stuck or find that the fights are becoming overwhelming, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist. A neutral third party can help you both understand your patterns and develop healthier ways to handle conflicts, ensuring the relationship grows stronger.

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Ans: Paying off your home loan early while building wealth requires strategic planning. A parallel SIP in equity mutual funds can complement your goal by leveraging market growth over the long term. Here's a detailed approach:

1. Start a SIP in Equity Mutual Funds
Invest monthly in a diversified equity mutual fund for a period of 7+ years.
Equity funds historically offer higher returns over long periods, outpacing home loan interest rates.
Align your SIP amount with your financial capacity, ensuring consistency.
2. Time the Loan Closure with SIP Maturity
Use the maturity value of the SIP to make a lump sum prepayment towards your loan.
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A 7-10 year SIP period can yield significant growth due to the power of compounding.
3. Continue Regular EMI Payments
Maintain your regular EMIs while running the SIP.
Do not compromise on timely loan payments to avoid penalties.
The parallel strategy reduces your loan tenure effectively when executed with discipline.
4. Focus on High-Interest Loan Years
Prepayments made during the initial years have the highest impact on interest savings.
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5. Leverage Tax Benefits on Both Ends
Claim tax deductions under Section 80C and Section 24(b) for home loan payments.
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6. Step-Up Your SIP Amount Annually
Increase your SIP amount by 10-15% every year to match income growth.
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7. Avoid Premature Withdrawal from SIP
Do not redeem SIP investments prematurely unless used for loan closure.
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8. Track Loan Tenure and SIP Performance
Regularly review your loan outstanding and SIP performance.
Align your repayment strategy with market conditions and financial goals.
9. Focus on Financial Discipline
Avoid new liabilities while managing your home loan and SIP.
Stick to a budget that prioritises both EMI payments and SIP contributions.
10. Plan for Surplus Investments
Channel any bonuses, tax refunds, or additional income into either SIPs or loan prepayments.
Small additional investments can significantly enhance your repayment capability.
Final Insights
Starting a parallel SIP in equity funds while paying regular EMIs creates a structured pathway to close your home loan early. Over time, the compounded growth from your SIP can ease the financial burden of a lump sum loan prepayment. This balanced strategy ensures financial growth and reduced debt simultaneously.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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