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Anu Krishna |1745 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 06, 2023Hindi

Hi Anu, how to avoid fighting with your spouse, especially in front of parents and kids?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The same way you ask your children to behave in front of others without throwing tantrums.
You do expect your children to follow that instruction, don't you? Then the same applies to adults as well. The reason we explode in the open is because we have taken the other person for granted and also not kept a check on our own behavior.
So, start practising the art of silence when you feel triggered and provoked. Requesting the spouse to take the chat in private also will help him/her to understand that it's important to keep certain things between the two of you.
When in private, talk without confrontation and with an intent to resolve. The more you approach it this way, the more this will become the norm for conflict resolution between spouses. So, no tantrums and yes to patient conversations.

All the best!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

Question by SK - Oct 14, 2021Hindi

Anu Mam, in your video you mentioned about healthy communication. I have tried many times to initiate communication with my husband but he is very biased. He shuts me down immediately in front of his parents and friends. It’s very embarrassing when he does that in front of people we know. He likes to dominate and make fun of me which everyone else seems to enjoy but I don’t. If I tell him that he feels I am being a spoilsport. He says I have put on weight and look fat after marriage and I don’t have a job that’s why I am getting all these negative thoughts. My mother in law also never supports me. She doesn’t tell if her son does something wrong. If I make one mistake she will blow it out of proportion and discuss in front of everyone. That becomes another topic for argument. All this is making me very annoyed and affecting our marriage now. We don’t have a child yet but we are already fighting every day. Please help. I just want to start a happy relationship. But I don’t know how to do it.

Ans: Dear SK, commenting on your body image honestly is no one’s business and by no one I also mean your husband.

He absolutely has no right to body shame you and make it a topic of jest.

The nest time, he calls you a spoilsport, please feel free to comment on his looks, his accent, his performance behind close doors and watch what his reaction is.

Sadly, his male ego will be hurt; at least it will give him an idea as to what he has been you through.

Communication as I mention must be firm and assertive; it must convey exactly what you want rather than what you don’t want.

And as far as it goes for you in-laws, ignore their childish behaviour towards you…honestly you cannot control anyone’s thoughts or actions and they are free to do as they please. But what gives them fuel is that you are provoked and hurt.

Is it possible to be unaffected by what people say of you and about you?

Yes, when you own your body image and are unapologetic about it!

Your body, your way…as simple as that and anyone has a problem with that, then it’s their problem!

Be at a lot of peace and act wisely!

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