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How can I calm my angry girlfriend who is being scolded by her parents and abused by her father?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hii mam, i am Dipankar I am in a relationship. But problem is my girlfriend's parents scold her for our relationship. But another problem is that his father wants to say that he is not reading and listening and abuses him. Because of this he is very angry now how can I calm him down??

Ans: First, it’s important to create a safe space for your girlfriend to express her feelings. Encourage her to talk about her frustrations and fears regarding her parents’ reactions to your relationship. Just listening to her and validating her feelings can provide some comfort. Let her know that it’s okay to feel upset and that you’re there to support her.

You might also want to discuss strategies for addressing her parents' concerns. It can be helpful for her to communicate openly with them about her feelings and the importance of your relationship in her life. She could try to express her emotions calmly and respectfully, explaining how their reactions affect her. If she feels comfortable, suggesting a calm family discussion could also be beneficial.

In terms of her father’s anger, it’s crucial to approach him with empathy. If he’s angry and upset, he may feel a sense of loss or fear regarding his daughter’s choices. Encouraging your girlfriend to understand her father's perspective might help her communicate with him more effectively. Suggest that she acknowledge his feelings and explain why her relationship is meaningful to her.

Additionally, if the situation escalates or becomes hostile, it might be worth considering involving a neutral party, such as a trusted family member or friend, who can mediate the conversation and help calm tensions.

Ultimately, patience and understanding are key. Relationships often face challenges, especially when parents disapprove. Supporting each other through this process will strengthen your bond and help you both navigate these difficult emotions together. Remember to prioritize each other’s well-being, and take care of yourselves during this challenging time.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS
Ans:

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, My parents are very strict ones I tried to talk to them from last aug to November or December my father stoped talking to me and abused me with abusive words and my mother did not say anything she was in support to my parents, then I stopped some while , now parents are behaving normally like nothing happened and mother was asking is I forget about him i said no again and now I want to talk again about this issue but I don't how to start again I feel hesitation and i started panicking I feel so sad all the time I don't know what to do please help me . I love my parents and my partner very much , my partners parents were ready for us but now they are saying tell her to do talk to her parents fastly and ask if they are ready or not we will not wait for her , they are forcing him to marry someone else I'm so stressed all the time.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are an adult and my that I mean at an age where you can legally be married, then what is the confusion?
Also, is your partner is someone who values you and is also in a good financial position? (I say this only because many girls become blind in love without realizing that his income is the one that will support the family when you are ready to have a baby wherein there will be a small break in your career or you will have the flexibility to take a break).

What is the reason for your parents to say NO to this boy? I suggest that you address that concern otherwise no amount of talking is going to convince them. Request your partner to speak with his family so that can give you sometime to talk to your parents and sort things first. You are stressed all the time because instead of finding ways to solve the problem, you have been sitting with the problem and worrying about it.

Talk to your parents first, understand why don't like your partner and what must happen for them to start liking him. See where this talk leads you to...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I'm in a relationship with a guy for last 2 years. We both stay in another country, and we met there. He is a PhD student and I'm a MBA student. We both are about to graduate from our respective courses. We both have a 7.5 years of age gap and he is from Kerala and I'm from Delhi. We both love each other, and are ready to fight for our relationship. He spoke to his parents, and they're very happy with us, but when I spoke to my parents, they made huge issues, and started saying, we will die if you marry him. We will die, you can take your pheras around our burning body. And they came up with some negative stories about him, which is not true. We both are very career oriented people, and respect each other decisions. I'm not saying, my parents won't have an issue, they will, since its about North-South India, also different cultures and Age gap. But they're bringing up issues, that I can't even mention here (political issues). I spoke to my parents first time face to face about this, and they said all that. To which I didn't argue, because I understood, whatever I say right now, they won't listen to me. I just told them, whatever you say, is okay. Can you please guide me with how to talk to them, and convince them?
Ans: When you next speak with your parents, choose a calm and private setting. Start the conversation by expressing your love and respect for them, acknowledging their concerns, and stating your commitment to understanding their perspective. Share your genuine feelings about your partner and the relationship, emphasizing the mutual respect, love, and career aspirations you both share.

Highlight the positive attributes of your partner, focusing on his education, values, and how he complements you. Address specific concerns your parents have raised, providing clear and respectful counterpoints to any false accusations or misunderstandings. If possible, arrange for them to meet him or speak with his parents, as this might help bridge cultural and regional gaps.

It’s important to be patient and give your parents time to process the information. They might need multiple conversations to come to terms with your decision. Lastly, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a trusted family friend or relative, who can mediate and provide a balanced perspective.

Your goal is to maintain a respectful and open dialogue, showing empathy towards their concerns while standing firm in your decision. This balanced approach can help gradually shift their perspective and foster acceptance.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 27, 2024Hindi
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Hello Mam, My concern is about my love marriage. My parents are not ok with my inter caste marraige but I love the person since 9yrs. My partner is living near our house so all my family knows him well. Though he was not so rich at that time and he was working in his uncle's shop so my parents have a negative perspective regarding that. But now he is settled down he owe his house too. But still my parents are not ok with him. While asking to my parents there answer is he is not your type. My mother has a concern about my future that I will not be able to live happily with him. My mother use to tell me that he is having affairs with other gurls in past and if he does the same in future and torture or harass you then there will be nobody standing beside you as you have done love marriage. I am pretty much sure that he is not having any drastic past that my mother perhaps heard from anyone. But I don't understand how to convince and make her realise that. Simultaneously my partner has a worst habit of anger which is a big sign of disrespectful for which I am in a dilemma what to do. Kindly help me out that how can I make my partner understand and simultaneously my parents.
Ans: First, it’s important to acknowledge your parents' fears, as they often stem from a place of love and concern for your well-being. When discussing your relationship with them, try to have an open and honest conversation. Share your feelings and the strong bond you have with your partner. Highlight the positive changes he has made in his life and how committed he is to your future together. If you can, invite them to see your partner in a different light by arranging casual meetings or family gatherings. This may help alleviate some of their worries, as they can see firsthand the person you love.

However, you also need to reflect on the concerns your mother has raised regarding your partner’s past and anger issues. These are serious points that shouldn't be overlooked. It’s crucial to have a candid discussion with your partner about his temper. Express your feelings about how his anger affects you and your relationship. Ask him to be open about his past and to reassure you about his commitment to a healthy, respectful relationship moving forward. If he truly values your relationship, he should be willing to address this aspect of himself and work on it.

Consider suggesting couples counseling or anger management if he struggles to manage his emotions. This shows that you care about the relationship and want to build a future together. It’s important to feel secure in your relationship, especially when facing external pressures.

Balancing your parents’ concerns and your love for your partner can be challenging, but clear communication with both parties is key. Be honest with your parents about your feelings and be proactive in addressing their concerns with your partner. Ultimately, you deserve a partner who respects you and your family while being committed to your happiness. If you can find a way to navigate these conversations, it will help you build a stronger foundation for your future together.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9620 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2025

Money
Hi sir, i am employee and age 39. I have 1. Home loan 62 L, tenure 240 months EMIs and 50k emi just stared from May-2025 and 2.home loan 11.8L, tenure 84 months EMIs and 19k emi. My monthly income in hand 1.06k. My PPF having 1L, Sukanya Samurdhi 2.2L, NPS having 21.8 L, SIP started with 10k per month from Aug-24 and equity having 1.5L. Family property received 10 acre dry land and 1 L per annum is coming. And i purchased 3 plots with 33L now worth 75L with earlier savings and PL i.e. all before 2017. Tel me better management of loans and savings. My retirement is April-2046, my son 7th class and daughter 1st class.
Ans: You are managing multiple loans and investments. Now let's work on a complete 360-degree solution for better financial management.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
– You are 39 years old with retirement in April 2046.
– You earn Rs 1.06 lakh monthly, which is a decent income.
– Your home loan is Rs 62 lakh with Rs 50,000 EMI for 20 years.
– You also have another home loan of Rs 11.8 lakh with Rs 19,000 EMI for 7 years.
– Your total EMI burden is Rs 69,000 monthly.

– PPF balance is Rs 1 lakh and Sukanya Samriddhi is Rs 2.2 lakh.
– You have Rs 21.8 lakh in NPS.
– Equity investments are around Rs 1.5 lakh.
– A SIP of Rs 10,000 started recently, which is a good step.
– You receive Rs 1 lakh yearly income from dry land.
– You also hold 3 plots now valued at Rs 75 lakh.

Your family consists of your spouse, son in 7th class, and daughter in 1st class.

Assessing Your Current Cash Flow
– Total EMI is Rs 69,000 out of Rs 1.06 lakh income.
– This leaves you with only around Rs 37,000 for all other expenses.

If your monthly expenses are higher, your savings will suffer.
So, your loans are eating a big part of your income now.

Analysing the Home Loans in Detail
Home Loan 1: Rs 62 Lakh, 240 Months
– EMI started in May 2025, EMI is Rs 50,000.
– This is a long-term loan, so interest outgo is large.

Home Loan 2: Rs 11.8 Lakh, 84 Months
– EMI is Rs 19,000, with 7-year tenure.
– This is a smaller and shorter loan.

Which Loan to Prepay First?
– Always prepay the small loan first.
– Prepay the Rs 11.8 lakh loan faster.
– This will free up Rs 19,000 EMI within 3 to 4 years.
– After clearing it, you can focus on the bigger loan.

Managing Investments and Loans Simultaneously
Don’t stop all your investments to pay loans.
But also don’t invest heavily while loans are pending.

Split your surplus cash wisely:

– Use part of your dry land income to prepay the small home loan.
– Use any yearly bonuses and incentives for loan prepayment.
– Don’t use equity or PPF for loan repayment now.

Your SIP of Rs 10,000 should continue.
This builds wealth for long-term goals.

Building Your Emergency Fund First
Before prepaying loans, build an emergency fund.
Keep at least 6 months of household expenses.

Park this in a liquid mutual fund or sweep-in FD.

This gives financial protection during job loss or medical issues.

Reviewing Your Insurance Cover
Check if you have pure term life insurance.
If not, buy it immediately for Rs 75 lakh to Rs 1 crore.

This will protect your family during your loan tenure.

Don’t mix insurance with investments like ULIPs.
Buy health insurance for the full family if not done yet.

Managing Existing Investments Wisely
– PPF and Sukanya are for long-term goals. Continue them yearly.
– NPS will support your retirement. Don't withdraw it early.
– Equity holding is small. Don't sell it now. Let it grow.

Your SIP of Rs 10,000 is a good start.
Keep increasing it by 10% every year.

Don’t stop mutual fund SIPs while paying loans.
You need both loan clearance and wealth creation together.

Avoiding Real Estate as an Investment
Your 3 plots have grown in value from Rs 33 lakh to Rs 75 lakh.
But plots don’t give regular income.

If you plan to use them for selling later, it is fine.
But don’t buy new plots for investment.

Real estate is illiquid and takes time to sell.
Also, managing dry land is not a consistent income source.

Future savings should focus on mutual funds, not plots or land.

Making Use of Dry Land Income
The Rs 1 lakh yearly income from land is helpful.

Use this income as below:

– 50% towards emergency fund and loan prepayment.
– 50% towards child’s future or your SIP top-up.

This way your passive income is also working for your goals.

Children’s Education Planning
Your son is in 7th class. Daughter in 1st class.

Their higher education will cost more in 7 to 10 years.

Start separate SIPs for their college education.
Allocate at least Rs 5,000 to Rs 7,500 for each child’s goal.

Mutual funds help beat inflation over the long term.

Don’t rely on Sukanya Samriddhi alone for your daughter.
It is safe but offers lower growth compared to equity mutual funds.

Retirement Planning Perspective
Your retirement is 21 years away in 2046.

NPS corpus is building well. Continue regular contributions.

Along with NPS, grow your equity mutual fund investments.
They will give higher growth in your working years.

Later, shift to balanced funds closer to retirement.

Cash Flow Management Month by Month
Your cash flow is tight due to high EMIs.

Try this plan:

– Household and lifestyle expenses: Rs 30,000 to Rs 35,000.
– EMIs: Rs 69,000.
– SIPs: Rs 10,000.
– Emergency fund build-up: Rs 2,000 to Rs 5,000.

If expenses exceed this, cut down on lifestyle spends.
Postpone luxury buys and vacations for 3 to 4 years.

Suggested Loan Prepayment Strategy Timeline
Year 1 to 4:

– Build emergency fund first.
– Prepay the small home loan slowly.
– Try to clear the Rs 11.8 lakh loan in 4 years.

Year 5 onwards:

– Focus on the Rs 62 lakh loan.
– Increase prepayment using the freed Rs 19,000 EMI.
– Target to close it in 10 to 12 years instead of 20.

This reduces your debt burden before retirement.

Should You Sell the Plots?
Don’t sell them immediately unless facing a cash crunch.
Plots have appreciated well and may grow further.

But if your cash flow becomes very tight, sell one plot.
Use the sale proceeds to clear the bigger home loan partly.

Selling plots reduces your interest burden faster.

Discuss this step with a Certified Financial Planner before selling.

Future Financial Milestones to Focus On
– Build Rs 5 lakh emergency fund in 3 years.
– Clear the small home loan in 4 years.
– Increase your SIPs gradually to Rs 20,000 monthly.
– Build your children's higher education fund in 10 years.
– Clear the big home loan 5 years before retirement.
– Build a retirement corpus to cover 25 to 30 years post-retirement.

Why You Shouldn’t Pause SIPs for Loans
Some people pause SIPs to repay loans fast.
This is wrong because they lose long-term compounding.

Keep your SIPs running while prepaying loans side by side.
This balance builds both wealth and peace of mind.

Avoid Index Funds and Direct Funds
Don’t choose index funds.

– Index funds blindly follow the market.
– They don’t protect you in market crashes.
– Actively managed funds give better long-term results.

Also, avoid direct mutual funds.

– Direct funds give no expert guidance.
– You will be confused during market falls.

Instead, invest in regular funds through an MFD holding CFP credential.
They provide handholding, monitoring, and rebalancing.

This is very important for a working family man like you.

Keeping a Long-Term View
Don’t get stressed by your present EMI load.
In 3 to 5 years, your cash flow will ease.

Your children’s education, your retirement, and a debt-free life are achievable.
Stay disciplined and avoid distractions like real estate investments.

Finally
Your financial journey has good foundations already.
Two things need improvement now. First, your high loan burden. Second, consistent wealth creation.

Take these steps next:

– Focus first on clearing the small home loan in 4 years.
– Continue SIPs and grow them over time.
– Avoid any more real estate purchases.
– Use dry land income wisely for wealth building and debt clearing.
– Review your plan yearly with a Certified Financial Planner.

In the long term, you will achieve both debt freedom and wealth growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9620 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2025Hindi
Money
Planning to retire now at age of 50. My assets are 65L in PF,60L in PPF. 20L IN SSA, NPS 24L, ICICI PRU pension 13L, lic jeevan shanthi 14L, FD 100L. My monthly expenses 75000 Real estate woth 100L. NO Liabilities.
Ans: Planning retirement at age 50 is a bold move. You have built assets carefully. Now the focus should be on income, sustainability, and safety.

Let’s assess your financial position from all angles. I will explain in a simple and step-by-step manner.

Your Retirement Goal and Key Considerations
– You are 50 years old and wish to retire now.
– Monthly expenses are Rs. 75,000. That is Rs. 9 lakhs yearly.
– You may live 35+ years post-retirement.
– Your funds must last till 85–90 years of age.
– Inflation will reduce value of Rs. 75,000 over time.

You need income that grows every year. Fixed income is not enough.

Total Financial Assets at Present
Let us list your liquid and financial assets.

– PF: Rs. 65 lakhs
– PPF: Rs. 60 lakhs
– SSA: Rs. 20 lakhs
– NPS: Rs. 24 lakhs
– ICICI PRU Pension: Rs. 13 lakhs
– LIC Jeevan Shanti: Rs. 14 lakhs
– Fixed Deposits: Rs. 100 lakhs

This totals to Rs. 296 lakhs or Rs. 2.96 crores.

This is a solid foundation. You’ve done well.

Real Estate – Not a Retirement Resource
– You mentioned real estate worth Rs. 100 lakhs.
– But it is not liquid. It cannot give you monthly income.
– It is not counted as part of retirement corpus.
– Only consider it if you plan to sell or rent it.

Avoid counting real estate as your retirement support.

EPF – Solid but Withdrawal Must Be Planned
– Your PF amount is Rs. 65 lakhs.
– It is a great long-term resource.
– It earns interest but reduces after retirement.
– Withdraw slowly. Don’t touch entire amount.
– Use this only for medium-term income needs.

Don’t keep it idle. Also don’t exhaust it fast.

PPF – Safe and Tax-Free, But Not Liquid
– You have Rs. 60 lakhs in PPF.
– It gives safe and tax-free returns.
– But it has withdrawal limits.
– You can use partial withdrawals yearly.

Use this for your tax-free income ladder later.

SSA – For Daughter’s Future, Not Retirement
– You have Rs. 20 lakhs in Sukanya Samriddhi Account.
– This is strictly for daughter’s future.
– It matures when she turns 21.
– Don’t use this for retirement.

This is a separate goal and cannot support monthly income.

NPS – Locked Till 60
– Your NPS corpus is Rs. 24 lakhs.
– You cannot withdraw full amount now.
– Only 20% is allowed before age 60.
– Rest 80% must be converted later.

Don’t plan income from NPS immediately. Consider it post age 60.

ICICI PRU Pension – Low Liquidity, Limited Growth
– You have Rs. 13 lakhs in pension product.
– Liquidity and returns are usually limited.
– Review surrender value and charges.
– You may consider surrender if it’s past lock-in.
– Shift to flexible mutual fund-based retirement solution.

Insurance-pension products underperform compared to mutual funds.

LIC Jeevan Shanti – Income Unclear
– Rs. 14 lakhs is locked in LIC Jeevan Shanti.
– It is an annuity-type product.
– Low flexibility and low income.
– You cannot exit or restructure easily.

Continue taking income from it, but don’t invest further.

Fixed Deposits – Too Much Allocation
– You have Rs. 100 lakhs in fixed deposits.
– This is a very high portion in debt.
– FD interest is taxable.
– FD returns rarely beat inflation.
– Long-term money must grow better.

Reduce FD allocation over time. Shift some to mutual funds for growth.

Monthly Expense of Rs. 75,000 – Will Keep Rising
– Today it is Rs. 75,000 monthly.
– In 10 years, it may become Rs. 1.4 lakhs.
– In 20 years, may cross Rs. 2.5 lakhs monthly.
– Your retirement income must grow to match this.

Don’t build a flat income plan. Build a growing income plan.

Safe Withdrawal Strategy is Key
– Withdraw only what you need each year.
– Don’t break all accounts in one go.
– Create three buckets: short-term, medium, long-term.

Short-term (next 3 years):
– Use FD and small withdrawals from PF/PPF.

Medium-term (4 to 10 years):
– Use balanced and hybrid mutual funds.

Long-term (beyond 10 years):
– Use equity mutual funds for growth.
– These will support you from age 60 onwards.

You Should Build Mutual Fund Corpus Now
– You have not mentioned mutual funds yet.
– That’s a gap in your retirement mix.
– Mutual funds give flexible, inflation-beating growth.
– Use SWP method for monthly income.

Shift some FD into mutual funds. Plan with Certified Financial Planner.

Do Not Consider Index Funds
– Index funds just copy the market.
– They don’t protect during market falls.
– Active funds manage volatility better.
– You need dependable income and not market-linked surprises.

Avoid index funds. Use actively managed mutual funds only.

Direct Mutual Funds – Avoid if Used
– If you invest in direct plans, you get no support.
– Mistakes in fund choice and timing hurt returns.
– Use regular plans with a Certified Financial Planner.
– You get monitoring, advice, and emotional support.

Regular plan with CFP adds long-term value and peace of mind.

Retirement Plan Must Be Reviewed Yearly
– Inflation and market performance keep changing.
– Track your spending and income every year.
– Rebalance your investment mix with expert help.
– Avoid over-withdrawing in early years.

Retirement is not one-time event. It needs yearly tuning.

Emergency Buffer Must Be Separate
– Keep 12 months of expenses in ultra-safe assets.
– Use short-term FD, liquid mutual fund, or sweep account.
– This protects you during any income gap or emergency.

Emergency funds must not be mixed with long-term plans.

Tax Planning Will Impact Real Returns
– FD interest is fully taxable.
– PPF and EPF are tax-free.
– Mutual fund capital gains are taxed:

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh at 12.5%

STCG at 20%
– Plan withdrawal to reduce tax every year.

Tax planning will increase your real income over 35+ years.

Protection Planning Must Be in Place
– Check health insurance cover.
– Should be minimum Rs. 20–25 lakhs.
– Add super top-up if needed.
– Review if you still need life insurance.

Medical cost is one big threat in retirement.

Real Estate – Keep It for Peace of Mind Only
– Don’t count property in your retirement plan.
– It gives no income unless rented.
– Selling it may take time and has tax issues.
– Keep it as fallback or asset transfer to children.

Real estate is not liquid or income-friendly. Keep expectations realistic.

Your Plan is Almost There – Few Gaps Remain
– You have good corpus.
– You have no liabilities.
– You are not investing in mutual funds – that’s a gap.
– FD is over-used. Needs partial shift.
– You are not factoring inflation yet.
– Your insurance-linked plans restrict liquidity.

With some tuning, you can retire securely now.

Finally
– You have saved wisely across multiple assets.
– You have no debt, which is a strength.
– Monthly income of Rs. 75,000 is possible.
– But it must grow every few years.
– Don’t depend only on FDs or pensions.
– Use mutual funds for growth and flexibility.
– Avoid index funds and direct funds.
– Keep PPF, PF, NPS for future income stages.
– Review plan every year with Certified Financial Planner.
– Keep healthcare and emergency fund active.

Retirement at 50 is possible. But requires disciplined management ahead.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9620 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2025Hindi
Money
I am a 36 year old, have a dependent wife and recently switched my job with 17000 to 37000. In 37000 I have to pay 10000 food and other expenses,and 10000 rent. My savings is hardly any as all goes in emi and still few I am unable to pay for past 5 months.Recently got married in December and having personal loan of 170000, 40000,40000, 230000 and gold loans of 550000. I lost my savings and got into debt because of losing money in stock trading. I lost around 7 lakhs. 230000 personal loan is for a period of 5 years and already paid 1.5 yrs, rest personal loan are through app and for short period. For the past 5 months I am unable to pay them any installment and asked them for grace period and waiver and also one time settlement with time. I am in great stress and I don't know how to come out of it. I need your suggestion. If you need any more info for better understanding please let me know.
Ans: Understanding Your Current Situation
– You are 36 years old
– Your monthly income is now Rs. 37,000
– Expenses for food and rent come to Rs. 20,000
– That leaves Rs. 17,000 before any loan payments

– You have gold loans worth Rs. 5.5 lakh
– You have multiple personal loans totalling Rs. 4.8 lakh
– So total outstanding loan is nearly Rs. 10.3 lakh

– For past 5 months, you are unable to pay some EMIs
– Your savings have been wiped out due to stock trading losses

– You are newly married and have a dependent spouse
– Emotional stress is very natural in this phase
– But please know, this is a temporary phase

– With structured steps, you can recover

First Steps You Must Take Now
– Do not panic or feel alone
– Financial struggles happen to many, recovery is always possible

– Stop any form of stock market activity
– Do not trade or invest until your debt is cleared

– Make your spouse aware of the situation
– Transparency will reduce pressure on you

– Write down all your loans with amount, lender name, and EMI amount
– Prioritise loans with high interest or legal risk

– App-based loans often charge high interest and penalties
– These can grow fast if not handled on time

– Keep all communication with these app lenders in writing
– Always email them or talk through the official app chat
– Do not speak with recovery agents unofficially or under pressure

Segregate Loans by Nature
Gold Loan
– Amount: Rs. 5.5 lakh
– It is secured loan. Your gold is the collateral
– This should be prioritised after legal loans

– Try not to default for long, or you may lose the pledged gold

– But this can be handled slightly later than app loans

Personal Loans through Banks/NBFC
– Rs. 2.3 lakh loan with 3.5 years left
– Plus other loans of Rs. 1.7 lakh and Rs. 40,000 each

– Bank/NBFC loans are structured and regulated
– Speak with these lenders and request restructuring or settlement

– Show proof of income drop and recent marriage
– Some may allow EMI deferment or lower EMI

– Avoid taking new loans to repay these

App-Based Loans
– These loans usually carry very high rates
– They may harass you with calls and messages

– Email their customer care and request a one-time settlement
– Explain that your income is limited and you are willing to pay in parts

– Take screenshots of your emails or chats for record
– Do not accept verbal promises

– If they threaten or misuse your contact list, you can file a police complaint
– Harassment by digital lenders is now punishable

Restructure or Close Loans One by One
– Focus on settling one loan at a time
– Start with smallest or high-stress app loans
– Even if you save Rs. 3,000/month, you can close small loans in time

– Request one-time settlements for overdue loans
– Start repaying once they agree on reduced amount

– Gold loan should be addressed once unsecured loans are under control
– You can also ask gold loan provider for EMI-based repayment option

– If possible, borrow interest-free from family to close any one loan
– But do not borrow again to pay another loan unless it’s zero-interest

Household Budgeting to Create Monthly Surplus
– Right now, you have Rs. 17,000 left after rent and food
– Create a very strict budget for now
– Avoid online purchases, subscriptions, or eating out

– Set aside Rs. 10,000 monthly only for debt
– The rest can be for phone bill, transport, etc.

– Every single rupee should go into priority-based loan repayment
– In next few months, small wins will reduce your mental burden

Increase Income With Temporary Side Income
– Explore freelance, weekend work, or part-time online jobs
– Focus on skill-based extra income like tuition, typing, or delivery apps

– Even Rs. 5,000 extra monthly can fast-track your repayment

– Avoid thinking too long term for now
– Every short-term gain can ease your pressure

Credit Score and Future Access
– Right now, your credit score may be falling due to missed EMIs
– But once you repay or settle even a few loans, it starts improving

– Ask for “No Due Certificate” after each settlement or closure
– Keep all records for future reference

– Do not apply for new loans until existing ones are cleared

– In future, avoid personal loans for non-emergency needs

– Build credit again slowly with secured cards or small EMIs later

Stop All Risky Investments Now
– Do not put money in stocks, trading, or crypto
– You already faced big loss of Rs. 7 lakh
– That must not be repeated again

– Learn from it, but do not feel ashamed
– Take this phase as a valuable financial lesson

– Once stable, build long-term wealth only through proper mutual fund SIPs

– Use regular mutual funds with guidance from Certified Financial Planner

Should You Use Direct Mutual Funds Later?
– Direct funds look cheaper, but they have no personalised help
– No one will guide you during market fall or life changes

– You may stop SIP in panic or invest in wrong category

– Regular mutual funds through a trusted Certified Financial Planner offer help
– They offer timely review, rebalancing, and goal tracking

– That makes the cost worth it and returns more steady

– So when you are ready, choose regular plan over direct

Mental Health and Family Support
– Financial stress also affects health and relationship
– Don’t hide the burden from your spouse or close family

– Explain your step-by-step plan to them
– Their emotional support can strengthen you

– Avoid social media distractions or online offers promising fast loans or trading profits

– Stay grounded, follow the basics, and focus only on clearing one loan at a time

Talk to a Certified Financial Planner
– Once your loan burden is lighter, consult a Certified Financial Planner
– They can create a full plan for your long-term goals
– They also help track expenses, risk, and savings in a realistic way

– This builds discipline and gives clear goals to work toward

– Don’t wait to become rich to seek expert help
– Expert advice early helps recover faster and smarter

Finally
Your situation may feel tough today. But it is not permanent. With patience and right steps, you can come out stronger.

Start with a clear list of loans. Focus on one closure at a time. Do not take new loans. Avoid risk investments. Control expenses. And most importantly, keep mental calm.

Remember, building wealth comes after clearing debt. And financial freedom comes only with peace of mind.

You are already on the right track by asking for help. Keep moving forward.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9620 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 54 years old and earn 300000 lakhs per month, can any nationalised bank will lend home loan to me? I haven't had any homeloan in past but now I want to purchase some small flat.
Ans: Age and Home Loan Eligibility
– You are 54 years old with Rs. 3L monthly income.
– You do not have any past home loan.
– You now want to purchase a small flat.
– Yes, nationalised banks can offer home loans to you.
– But banks will consider your current age and retirement age.
– Most banks prefer loan tenure to end by 60 or 65.
– That means you will get maximum tenure of 6 to 11 years.

Income Stability and Loan Approval
– Your salary of Rs. 3L per month is very strong.
– Banks will check if income is stable and from a salaried source.
– If you are working in a reputed firm, it helps further.
– A consistent income stream improves approval chances.

– You must provide 3 to 6 months salary slips.
– Also submit Form 16 or ITR for last 2 years.
– Banks prefer salaried profiles at your age with PF deduction.
– Pension plan or retirement corpus will not matter much in loan approval.

Loan Tenure Restrictions Due to Age
– Since you are 54, tenure will be capped.
– Most banks won’t give loans beyond age 65.
– So you will get loan tenure of 6 to 10 years only.
– Shorter tenure means higher EMI burden.

– For example, a Rs. 40L loan for 10 years may give EMI of Rs. 50K+
– You must check your monthly cash flow for this EMI comfort.

Co-Applicant Can Improve Loan Terms
– You can take the loan with your spouse or child as co-applicant.
– If your child is salaried and young, tenure can be stretched to 20 years.
– This will reduce monthly EMI pressure.
– Loan eligibility may also increase due to combined income.

– Banks allow co-owners to be co-applicants.
– But if the flat is only in your name, co-applicant must be your blood relation.

Loan Amount Banks May Offer
– Banks usually fund 75% to 80% of property value.
– Remaining 20% must be paid by you as down payment.

– If your salary is Rs. 3L monthly, eligibility may go up to Rs. 60–70L.
– But final amount depends on your age and tenure.

– EMI should not exceed 50–60% of your monthly income.
– So EMI comfort zone for you is around Rs. 1.2L to Rs. 1.5L.

Key Documents Needed
– Salary slips of past 6 months
– Bank statements of past 6 months
– Form 16 for last 2 years
– Aadhaar card and PAN card
– Property documents
– Allotment letter or agreement to sale
– Proof of own contribution (down payment amount)

– You may also be asked for PF statement or employment ID proof.
– Loan processing fee will be 0.25% to 0.5% of loan amount.

Home Loan Options for Senior Working Individuals
– Most nationalised banks allow home loans till 65 years.
– Some banks may allow till 70 years with strong co-applicant.
– If you are working in government or PSU job, approval becomes easier.
– Bank may ask for retirement letter and pension eligibility details.

– For private sector, proof of continuity of income is required.
– Your credit score should be above 750 for better interest rate.

– Banks will check if any past loan or credit card default exists.
– No existing loan makes your profile very clean.

EMI Consideration Based on Short Tenure
– At your age, EMI will be slightly higher due to short tenure.
– Avoid burdening yourself with high EMI post-retirement.
– Match EMI to your future pension or passive income.

– Do not use more than 50% of monthly income on EMI.
– Keep 20% of income for monthly investments.
– Keep another 20% for emergency savings.

– Don’t try to exhaust all savings for the down payment.
– Keep at least Rs. 5–10L aside for emergency.

Alternative to Bank Loan: Sell Idle Assets
– If you have idle assets like old land or gold, sell part of it.
– Use it for down payment or to reduce loan size.

– This helps reduce EMI burden post-retirement.
– Also avoids extra interest outgo over time.

– But avoid touching your retirement corpus or PF for this.
– That fund should be strictly for post-retirement income.

Loan Against SGB or FD Is Not Suitable
– You may feel like taking loan against FD or SGB.
– But this is not advisable for home buying.
– These loans are short-term and interest rates are high.
– Banks may not accept SGB as collateral for long-term housing loan.

Insurance Cover for Loan Protection
– Buy a term insurance that covers full home loan amount.
– It protects your family if anything happens to you.
– You can also take loan protection insurance with bank.
– Premium is higher, but it covers full loan in one go.

– Don’t combine home loan with endowment or ULIP policies.
– These give low returns and poor coverage.
– If you already have such policies, surrender and redirect into mutual funds.

You Must Avoid
– Don’t extend your loan tenure by adding risky co-borrowers.
– Don’t take top-up loan unless for planned usage.
– Don’t take personal loan to make home down payment.
– Don’t skip EMI or delay repayment at this age.
– Don’t use direct funds for investments if you are not monitoring.
– Regular funds through MFD with CFP support give better risk handling.

Better Strategy if You Plan to Retire Soon
– Calculate EMI you can manage even after retirement.
– Take loan only for that amount.
– Use rest from own savings or asset sale.
– Try to repay loan fully by age 60.

– After retirement, loan burden may impact your cash flow.
– If you don’t get pension, EMI will eat into investments.

– Plan EMI with retirement cash flow in mind.
– Keep investment SIPs and PF intact for retirement years.

Final Insights
– Yes, nationalised banks can offer home loan to you at 54.
– But loan tenure will be short due to age limit.
– EMI will be high if tenure is short.
– Prefer EMI that can continue after retirement.

– Use co-applicant if needed to get longer tenure.
– Avoid disturbing retirement corpus for down payment.
– Try to repay full loan by 60 years of age.
– Review property plan and loan strategy with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8438 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2025Hindi
Career
Dear sir, help me choose between BITS Hyd Chemical, IIIT Vadodara IT, VIT Vellore CSE and also BITS Pilani Dubai Campus CS. Currently I have option to join any one of these. How good is BITS Pilani Dubai Campus CS for both higher studies and for job after Btech. As it is outside India I do not have any idea about it. Does it have same reputation as in India.
Ans: All four institutions excel in academics, infrastructure, research, industry engagement, and placements, offering strong employment prospects and higher?study pathways. BITS Hyderabad Chemical Engineering features rigorous process engineering labs, faculty with international publications and an 91% average placement rate (2022–24). IIIT Vadodara Information Technology delivers a cutting?edge IT curriculum, collaborations with global tech firms and 55–97% placement rates over the past three years, with a 2025 average package of INR 12 LPA. VIT Vellore CSE integrates AI/ML minors, smart classrooms, active L&T tie-ups and consistent 80–90% placements (2022–24), underpinned by NAAC A++ accreditation and a robust campus ecosystem.

BITS Pilani Dubai Campus Computer Science mirrors the Pilani curriculum in Dubai International Academic City, boasting a 90% placement rate, 7.5-month Practice School internships with 380+ industry partners and a graduate cohort with 58% international students, enriching global perspectives. KHDA-QS 5-star ratings, Forbes Middle East awards and expanding alumni in top global tech firms enable seamless master’s admissions worldwide. Its strategic Middle East location ensures diverse recruiter access and multinational networking within and beyond the UAE.

Recommendation: BITS Pilani Dubai CS for unmatched international exposure and global recruitments, VIT Vellore CSE for AI/ML integration within India’s robust placement network, BITS Hyderabad Chem Eng for specialized process engineering excellence, IIIT Vadodara IT for focused IT pedigree and competitive packages. Can prioritize BITS Dubai CS leverages its global curriculum, stellar Practice School program and international employability credentials. VIT Vellore CSE offers cutting-edge AI/ML labs, strong industry ties and consistent 85–90% placements. BITS Hyderabad Chem Eng provides world-class faculty, advanced research labs and 91% placement stability. IIIT Vadodara IT ensures specialized computing expertise, global company partnerships, and a track record of 80%+ placement rates, solidifying its status as a vibrant up-and-coming IT hub. Based on the inputs provided above & your interests, you can choose the most suitable one for you. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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