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How can I calm my angry girlfriend who is being scolded by her parents and abused by her father?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Hii mam, i am Dipankar I am in a relationship. But problem is my girlfriend's parents scold her for our relationship. But another problem is that his father wants to say that he is not reading and listening and abuses him. Because of this he is very angry now how can I calm him down??

Ans: First, it’s important to create a safe space for your girlfriend to express her feelings. Encourage her to talk about her frustrations and fears regarding her parents’ reactions to your relationship. Just listening to her and validating her feelings can provide some comfort. Let her know that it’s okay to feel upset and that you’re there to support her.

You might also want to discuss strategies for addressing her parents' concerns. It can be helpful for her to communicate openly with them about her feelings and the importance of your relationship in her life. She could try to express her emotions calmly and respectfully, explaining how their reactions affect her. If she feels comfortable, suggesting a calm family discussion could also be beneficial.

In terms of her father’s anger, it’s crucial to approach him with empathy. If he’s angry and upset, he may feel a sense of loss or fear regarding his daughter’s choices. Encouraging your girlfriend to understand her father's perspective might help her communicate with him more effectively. Suggest that she acknowledge his feelings and explain why her relationship is meaningful to her.

Additionally, if the situation escalates or becomes hostile, it might be worth considering involving a neutral party, such as a trusted family member or friend, who can mediate the conversation and help calm tensions.

Ultimately, patience and understanding are key. Relationships often face challenges, especially when parents disapprove. Supporting each other through this process will strengthen your bond and help you both navigate these difficult emotions together. Remember to prioritize each other’s well-being, and take care of yourselves during this challenging time.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS
Ans:

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, My parents are very strict ones I tried to talk to them from last aug to November or December my father stoped talking to me and abused me with abusive words and my mother did not say anything she was in support to my parents, then I stopped some while , now parents are behaving normally like nothing happened and mother was asking is I forget about him i said no again and now I want to talk again about this issue but I don't how to start again I feel hesitation and i started panicking I feel so sad all the time I don't know what to do please help me . I love my parents and my partner very much , my partners parents were ready for us but now they are saying tell her to do talk to her parents fastly and ask if they are ready or not we will not wait for her , they are forcing him to marry someone else I'm so stressed all the time.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are an adult and my that I mean at an age where you can legally be married, then what is the confusion?
Also, is your partner is someone who values you and is also in a good financial position? (I say this only because many girls become blind in love without realizing that his income is the one that will support the family when you are ready to have a baby wherein there will be a small break in your career or you will have the flexibility to take a break).

What is the reason for your parents to say NO to this boy? I suggest that you address that concern otherwise no amount of talking is going to convince them. Request your partner to speak with his family so that can give you sometime to talk to your parents and sort things first. You are stressed all the time because instead of finding ways to solve the problem, you have been sitting with the problem and worrying about it.

Talk to your parents first, understand why don't like your partner and what must happen for them to start liking him. See where this talk leads you to...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I'm in a relationship with a guy for last 2 years. We both stay in another country, and we met there. He is a PhD student and I'm a MBA student. We both are about to graduate from our respective courses. We both have a 7.5 years of age gap and he is from Kerala and I'm from Delhi. We both love each other, and are ready to fight for our relationship. He spoke to his parents, and they're very happy with us, but when I spoke to my parents, they made huge issues, and started saying, we will die if you marry him. We will die, you can take your pheras around our burning body. And they came up with some negative stories about him, which is not true. We both are very career oriented people, and respect each other decisions. I'm not saying, my parents won't have an issue, they will, since its about North-South India, also different cultures and Age gap. But they're bringing up issues, that I can't even mention here (political issues). I spoke to my parents first time face to face about this, and they said all that. To which I didn't argue, because I understood, whatever I say right now, they won't listen to me. I just told them, whatever you say, is okay. Can you please guide me with how to talk to them, and convince them?
Ans: When you next speak with your parents, choose a calm and private setting. Start the conversation by expressing your love and respect for them, acknowledging their concerns, and stating your commitment to understanding their perspective. Share your genuine feelings about your partner and the relationship, emphasizing the mutual respect, love, and career aspirations you both share.

Highlight the positive attributes of your partner, focusing on his education, values, and how he complements you. Address specific concerns your parents have raised, providing clear and respectful counterpoints to any false accusations or misunderstandings. If possible, arrange for them to meet him or speak with his parents, as this might help bridge cultural and regional gaps.

It’s important to be patient and give your parents time to process the information. They might need multiple conversations to come to terms with your decision. Lastly, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a trusted family friend or relative, who can mediate and provide a balanced perspective.

Your goal is to maintain a respectful and open dialogue, showing empathy towards their concerns while standing firm in your decision. This balanced approach can help gradually shift their perspective and foster acceptance.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 27, 2024Hindi
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Hello Mam, My concern is about my love marriage. My parents are not ok with my inter caste marraige but I love the person since 9yrs. My partner is living near our house so all my family knows him well. Though he was not so rich at that time and he was working in his uncle's shop so my parents have a negative perspective regarding that. But now he is settled down he owe his house too. But still my parents are not ok with him. While asking to my parents there answer is he is not your type. My mother has a concern about my future that I will not be able to live happily with him. My mother use to tell me that he is having affairs with other gurls in past and if he does the same in future and torture or harass you then there will be nobody standing beside you as you have done love marriage. I am pretty much sure that he is not having any drastic past that my mother perhaps heard from anyone. But I don't understand how to convince and make her realise that. Simultaneously my partner has a worst habit of anger which is a big sign of disrespectful for which I am in a dilemma what to do. Kindly help me out that how can I make my partner understand and simultaneously my parents.
Ans: First, it’s important to acknowledge your parents' fears, as they often stem from a place of love and concern for your well-being. When discussing your relationship with them, try to have an open and honest conversation. Share your feelings and the strong bond you have with your partner. Highlight the positive changes he has made in his life and how committed he is to your future together. If you can, invite them to see your partner in a different light by arranging casual meetings or family gatherings. This may help alleviate some of their worries, as they can see firsthand the person you love.

However, you also need to reflect on the concerns your mother has raised regarding your partner’s past and anger issues. These are serious points that shouldn't be overlooked. It’s crucial to have a candid discussion with your partner about his temper. Express your feelings about how his anger affects you and your relationship. Ask him to be open about his past and to reassure you about his commitment to a healthy, respectful relationship moving forward. If he truly values your relationship, he should be willing to address this aspect of himself and work on it.

Consider suggesting couples counseling or anger management if he struggles to manage his emotions. This shows that you care about the relationship and want to build a future together. It’s important to feel secure in your relationship, especially when facing external pressures.

Balancing your parents’ concerns and your love for your partner can be challenging, but clear communication with both parties is key. Be honest with your parents about your feelings and be proactive in addressing their concerns with your partner. Ultimately, you deserve a partner who respects you and your family while being committed to your happiness. If you can find a way to navigate these conversations, it will help you build a stronger foundation for your future together.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8880 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2025
Money
Hello Sir, I am 43 years, I have around 2 cr in stock market, 1cr in government bonds and mutual funds, a flat in Bangalore worth 70 lakhs and recently I sold around 1.6 cr worth stocks and savings to purchase a house in the outskirts of a two tier city where I am currently residing. Was it worth investing in this property? I have taken a break from my job
Ans: You have made many financial moves with clarity and purpose. Your asset base is strong.

You sold Rs.?1.6 crore worth of financial assets to buy a house. Let us now assess this decision. We’ll look at all angles to guide you.

This detailed review will help you make smart, balanced, long-term decisions.

Was Buying the Property a Good Decision?

Owning a house offers emotional comfort and stability.

It also lowers rent cost and gives more space.

But property is not a flexible investment.

It is hard to sell fast when money is needed.

Property needs repairs, tax payments and legal care.

Financial investments do not have such burdens.

Your earlier financial assets were more liquid.

You had Rs.?2 crore in stocks and Rs.?1 crore in bonds and mutual funds.

After this new property, your real estate share is now very high.

This can impact long-term growth and flexibility.

Financial assets like mutual funds often grow faster.

Properties in outskirts grow slowly and depend on area development.

This growth is not guaranteed.

You must check if the area has good infrastructure plans.

Is Real Estate the Best Wealth-Building Tool?

Property is not the fastest wealth builder.

Equity mutual funds grow faster over time.

Property needs high capital, low returns and long holding periods.

You may also face legal or title issues.

Rent income is also not guaranteed.

Real estate is hard to sell when you need cash.

Stocks and bonds are easier to exit.

Real estate gives pride, but less profit.

You must not depend only on property for wealth.

How Your Asset Mix Looks Now

Your assets are now heavy in real estate.

Rs.?70 lakhs flat in Bangalore plus Rs.?1.6 crore new house.

That’s over Rs.?2.3 crore in property.

Stock and mutual fund holding is now Rs.?2 crore approx.

This makes the ratio about 55% in real estate.

For financial growth, this is very high.

Financial assets give compounding and flexibility.

Too much in real estate may hurt long-term goals.

You may face difficulty accessing funds in emergencies.

Liquidity is now lower than before.

You are on a job break, so liquidity is more important now.

During Career Break, Liquidity is Vital

When you are not earning, liquidity is your protection.

Property cannot give you quick funds in emergencies.

But mutual funds and stocks can be sold in 1-3 days.

You must protect cash flow till income resumes.

Emergency fund should be 12 months’ living cost.

Ensure you are not over-relying on property.

What You Could Have Considered Instead

You could rent in outskirts instead of buying.

Renting keeps your money invested in mutual funds.

You could have earned higher returns with flexibility.

Money in mutual funds can help meet multiple goals.

Renting avoids repair, tax and legal costs.

Ownership is not always necessary.

Emotional satisfaction from a house is valid.

But it must not reduce your long-term growth.

Why Mutual Funds Are a Better Tool for Growth

Mutual funds give professional fund management.

They offer better diversification than any property.

Regular mutual fund plans offer expert support.

A Certified Financial Planner can help choose better funds.

Actively managed funds adjust to market changes.

Index funds just copy the market.

Index funds don’t protect against sharp market falls.

They do not beat the market in tough times.

Direct mutual funds also have no personal help.

If you invest directly, you get no strategy or advice.

Regular plans give human support and help in planning.

Investment without expert help is like driving without direction.

Choose mutual funds through MFD with CFP support.

What You Should Do Next

Review if the new house is for self-use or investment.

If self-use, then it meets emotional comfort, not wealth goals.

If investment, then rethink its growth and returns.

Keep some funds in high-quality mutual funds.

Avoid putting more into real estate.

Resume SIPs once cash flow starts again.

Avoid index funds and direct funds going forward.

Focus on active funds with proper advice.

Set goals for retirement, health, and other needs.

Adjust asset mix to support those goals.

Keep financial assets above 50% for better future growth.

Plan your tax-saving investments every year.

Don’t depend only on property or insurance-based plans.

If you hold any LIC, ULIP, or combo plans, review them.

If returns are poor, consider surrendering and investing in mutual funds.

Property must be need-based, not return-based.

Let financial products drive long-term growth.

Take insurance for risk protection, not investment.

Continue asset review every 6 months.

Choose Certified Financial Planner to keep you on track.

Finally

Your decision to buy the house brings peace, but lowers growth.

It’s fine if emotional security is your key goal now.

But make sure you don’t lose financial strength.

Property is hard to manage, and slow to grow.

Your asset allocation needs rebalancing toward financial investments.

Start investing again when income resumes.

Reduce dependence on physical assets.

Trust actively managed mutual funds via regular plans.

Seek professional guidance to ensure your long-term success.

You’ve done well so far. With a few changes, you can go further.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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