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Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi mam, My parents are very strict ones I tried to talk to them from last aug to November or December my father stoped talking to me and abused me with abusive words and my mother did not say anything she was in support to my parents, then I stopped some while , now parents are behaving normally like nothing happened and mother was asking is I forget about him i said no again and now I want to talk again about this issue but I don't how to start again I feel hesitation and i started panicking I feel so sad all the time I don't know what to do please help me . I love my parents and my partner very much , my partners parents were ready for us but now they are saying tell her to do talk to her parents fastly and ask if they are ready or not we will not wait for her , they are forcing him to marry someone else I'm so stressed all the time.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are an adult and my that I mean at an age where you can legally be married, then what is the confusion?
Also, is your partner is someone who values you and is also in a good financial position? (I say this only because many girls become blind in love without realizing that his income is the one that will support the family when you are ready to have a baby wherein there will be a small break in your career or you will have the flexibility to take a break).

What is the reason for your parents to say NO to this boy? I suggest that you address that concern otherwise no amount of talking is going to convince them. Request your partner to speak with his family so that can give you sometime to talk to your parents and sort things first. You are stressed all the time because instead of finding ways to solve the problem, you have been sitting with the problem and worrying about it.

Talk to your parents first, understand why don't like your partner and what must happen for them to start liking him. See where this talk leads you to...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jun 27, 2024 | Answered on Jul 04, 2024
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Mam I'm 27 and my partner is 30 , yes he is in good financial position, his family becakground is like us normal middle class jatt family and we are from teaching background brahman family, I have talked to them again last week they are saying he is low caste then us that's why they can't do that and also my sister think he is not good choice for me because his family live in village kind off area but they live in Agra normal area not like proper villages and he is not even forcing me to live there he is saying we will going to live in city because I have to work also and he is working he is saving up for buying flat for both of us , he is very understanding, suddenly today I know my sister say so many bad things about he used to do in college, she is married and they know each other from college but they were not close at all . My sister think they are not wealthy enough and my parents don't know that, now my mother knows I don't know what to do now , im going to talk to my mom about this situation. Please suggest how to talk to them to change there mind about casteism
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is not easy to change anyone's mind about a firm belief like caste, religion etc.
As I have mentioned earlier, you both have a huge task ahead of addressing your parents' concerns. Obviously, your parents are worried about their financial status and living conditions...
Address these concerns/worries first rather than trying to convince them. The roots cause must be in focus...just do that first...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Jul 24, 2024 | Answered on Jul 25, 2024
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Mam my parents main concern is he is from lower caste that is the main question for them hoe could i choose someone from lower caste and we will not agree, i will talk to my parents day by day i hope they will agree. if you can gave me any ideas it will be really helpful . thank you mam
Ans: Dear anonymous,
I will say this again: Address whatever concerns they have whether it is about caste, religion, money...If it is about caste obviously it is a deep-rooted belief that cannot be changed easily. Don't fight it, but rather address it.
Maybe if over some time spend time with the boy and get to know him, they may change their opinion. But that may not happen, so be prepared for that as well.
It's only about making an attempt without really expecting the best outcome. Who knows it might turn out for the best...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Aug 11, 2024 | Answered on Aug 14, 2024
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hey anu mam, you said that i could attempt my efforts for let them meet one and they already met him as my friend ones before i discuss about my love marriage opinion, now i am trying my best to ask them to meet him , they keep trying to change my mind regarding this, and i keep saying no. They also trying to find another guys from my caste for arrange marriage but they are not discussing with me , if they ask i will say no . thank you mam for your wise opinions .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let him meet your parents not as your friend but someone who cares for you and wants to marry you. You need to let your parents see him for who he is...
Love at times is a huge testing point. So, make all your efforts...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I fell in love with a boy 6 years younger than me. Besides knowing that family and society will not accept this relationship I fell in love with him and we spend a beautiful nice happy moments with each other. My parents when get to know they forced me to stop my job snatched my phone stopped me to use any social media so that I cannot contact him. And I was not allowed to leave house alone. It's been 9 years now I still don't have my own mobile phone or are not allowed to leave house alone. In these years twice or thrice my partner's parents have called my father regarding our marriage proposal but my father refused. I have tried him alot of time that I can't marry anyone else we want to be with each other we love each other he just don't understand. I have even told him if not him I will always stay here without marrying anyone he said okay love here but I will not allow you to marry him. They are not of our standard he is younger than you he can't keep you. They even have told me false things like he has a girlfriend outside we have seen him with girl. He is alcoholic etc. my partner is now out of patience he said I need you with me now and when are you coming your parents are not agreeing it's been 9 years and same situation. So I initiated a healthy calm talk to my father again three days back. I told him I am 32 now and it's my decision I want to marry him. It might be a bad decision like you think but it would be my decision and I will bear the responsibility of that. And it will also help me to move on. I want to give a chance and want you to respect my decisions and he said you decision or wrong. He is not a good guy his mother has insulted me. And I said I am not living with his mother its him I want to spend my life with. He said I can't see your future their but I was firm on my decision and than he said I will think about it. Today my mother told my younger brother that father has said no to my decision. I don't understand i don't trust my mother she has lied to me before many times. And I am feeling stucked here
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, whatever the reason, it is not fair to make your partner wait any longer. 9 years is a long time and from their side, they have tried to approach your family.
Why your family does not want this to happen can have many reasons, but what is it that you want? What makes you stuck? 32 is a great age to start taking decisions of life, you don't think? Move on this else, you will wait another couple of years and then realize that you have wasted enough time.
So, for once, keep your side of the family aside (in thoughts) and then ask yourself: Am I ready to marry my partner?
If YES, you know what to do and if NO, then you are perhaps making your family an excuse and not willing to move into marriage.
Reality check, but a necessary one...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2024

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Relationship
Actually we both want to marry each other. But as he is younger than me so I was waiting for him to finish his studies and be of age to get marry. My parents have a problem with him first he is younger then he was my student once. They don't have their own house. It's the points what my father says to me and he says he knows something else also but he doesn't want to tell me. but we do elope from my house once because my father was retiring and it's my thoughts that he will now force me to marry someone else. At that time he was underage and not stable I was also not earning his parents convinced me that they will talk to my parents once he gets of legal age to marry and they inform my father to come and get me. There my father told them once my partner gets of age and if we both still wants to marry he will perform the rituals. But after that once I came back my home my father what he had told. I was previously depressed again It triggered me. Then my parents have done everything thing from astrologer to baba they was convinced I am hypnotized by my partner. I have tried many times to make them understand. Till today they never leave me alone at home. I am not even allowed to go out to shop alone. If I say so my mother sees me with questioning look. They thinks I will elope again. I am not allowed to take decisions till now. My mother take all decisions and she has told us this that if you want to live here you should live the way we want. I have two younger siblings everytime when I say them I will only marry him they trigger my younger siblings. Last time when his parents call to my father my father says false things about his mother. I don't know he may be interpreted wrong. But I was then convinced I will leave this house at last moment my father says things to me like if you want to go you can but I will call him and his parents I will insult them in whole society I will shave my head and told everyone it's because of you or I will kill him or I will kill myself and whole family. Them my mother started crying you want to spoil your younger ones lifeyou are this that. And I lost all my confidence all courage. Now my partner's work is growing so I have again gain courage I have decided to talk to my parents that I will marry and I will bear all consequences. It's my life and my marriage should be my decision. My father has said he will think. But I have decided I will talk to him again and again. But I have fear if he doesn't agree what will be my next step. I do want to marry. And I want family kids.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly stop getting lost in all these details; then you start to lose sight of what the challenge actually is. It starts to become a very filmy drama and then you will become part of it and start to indulge in it and not move to a solution space.

If you think he is the right person, then do not make him wait any longer...But, what is interesting in your details is the fact that your parents feel that he 'hypnotized' you?
Is it possible that they have picked on something not okay and don't know how to stop you and say things like hypnotize etc? Are you absolutely sure that this person is genuine and the one for you? If YES< you know what is to be done...
I am still curious, the way you have been writing long notes here to me explaining how your family is not okay with this and why they are doing this and that, what exactly is making you wait? Are you still unsure and have your doubts? Why would anyone wait this long if they love a person so much like the way you say that you are? Kindly think...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi maam. I am a doctor and i am in relationship with a solider. We are very happy. But i told my family.. My family is not ready to accept him. As my both parents are lawyers and am doctor. My parents are very much concerned about there social status and want me leave this relationship anyhow for them and marry a guy of there choice. They have huge problem as he is normal solider not a officer ranked person. .... I tried to convice them. Alot.. But now both my parents started called me bad words and trap me like if i leave them and go they will suicide... Daily they calls me and tell that it will never happen. And if u leave ur parents for him they will commit suicide. Recently my dad is acting or actually he have i dont know... He does like a pyschotic person and told he feels like commiting suicides. He told because an doing lke this he feel pyachotic probome. Now he is on medication. And he is planning to do voluntart retirement as he is not able to work. He keep telling all this is because of my relationship and i want to marry my partner Both my mother and father is continuously telling no to my relationship and if i leave them they will suicide. They told me they don't care about how hard it will be for me to leave but somehow to leave amd save ur family I dont know. I am not able to leave my relationship Nor not able to makemy parents suffer I feel really frustrated
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Being lawyers and then behaving immaturely is something that shocks me. But well, emotions can have different shades, right?
I do not subscribe to emotional blackmail which is what your parents are subjecting you to.
Social status difference is something that parents do worry about for their children. It's an age-old conditioning and hard for them to change.
Now let me ask you:
Besides loving this person (soldier), what are those qualities in him that can actually put your parents' mind at ease?

This is what you must be thinking of as challenging their conditioning is going to be of no use. Instead, find out what can actually appeal to them about him. It's about addressing all their concerns so that they feel that their daughter will never face any difficulties in future. Parents do what they can for their children and stepping into marriage is a huge responsibility for them. So, shift their focus onto his good qualities etc. Let the boy also make his effort to bond with your family. It takes time and a lot of effort; do just that!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10872 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Sir/Ma'am, I need some guidance and advice for continuing my mutual fund investments. I am a 36 year old male, married, no kids yet and no debts/liabilities as such. I have couple of savings in PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and long term investing in direct stocks. I recently started below mentioned SIPs for long term to grow wealth. Request you to review the same and let me know if I should continue with the SIPs or need to rationalize. Kindly also advice on how to invest a lumpsum amount of around 6lacs. invesco small cap 2000 motilal oswal midcap 2700 parag parikh flexicap 3000 HDFC flexicap 3100 ICICI prudential largecap 3100 HDFC large and midcap 3100 HDFC gold etf FOF 2000 ICICI Pru equity and debt fund 3000 HDFC balanced advantage fund 3000 nippon india silver etf FOF 2000
Ans: You already built a solid foundation. Many investors delay planning. But you started early at 36. That gives you a strong advantage. You have no liabilities. You have long term thinking. You also have diversified savings like PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and direct stocks. That shows clarity and discipline. This approach builds wealth with less stress over time.

You also started systematic investments in equity funds. That is a positive step. Your selection covers multiple categories like large cap, mid cap, small cap, flexi cap, hybrid and precious metals. So the intent is right. You are trying to create a broad portfolio. That gives balance.

» Your Portfolio Composition Understanding
Your current SIP list includes:

Small cap

Mid cap

Flexi cap

Large cap

Large and mid cap

Hybrid category

Gold and Silver FoF

Equity and Debt allocation fund

Dynamic hybrid fund

This shows you are trying to cover many segments. But too many categories can create overlap. When there is overlap, you get confusion during review. It also makes portfolio discipline difficult. You may think you are diversified. But the holdings inside may repeat. That reduces efficiency.

Your portfolio now looks like:

Equity dominant

Hybrid for stability

Metals for hedge

So the broad direction is fine. But simplifying helps in long-term habit building.

» Fund Category Duplication
You hold:

Two flexi cap funds

One large and mid cap fund

One pure large cap fund

One mid cap fund

One small cap fund

Flexi cap funds already invest across large, mid, small. Then large and mid also overlaps. So the large cap exposure gets repeated. That may not add extra benefit. But it increases monitoring complexity.

So I suggest rationalising. Keep one fund per category in core. Keep satellite space for only high conviction.

» Core and Satellite Strategy
A structured portfolio follows core and satellite method.

Core portfolio should be:

Simple

Long term

Stable

Satellite portfolio can be:

High growth

Concentrated

Based on your thinking level, you can structure like this:

Core funds:

One large cap

One flexi cap

One hybrid equity and debt fund

One balanced advantage type fund

Satellite funds:

One mid cap

One small cap

One metal allocation if needed

This division gives clarity. You can continue SIPs with review every year. No need to stop and restart often. That reduces behavioural mistakes.

» Your Current SIP List Review with Suggested Streamlining

You can consider continuing:

One flexi cap

One large cap

One mid cap

One small cap

One balanced advantage

One equity and debt hybrid

You may reconsider keeping both flexi caps and both gold silver funds. One of each category is enough. Because too many funds do not increase returns. It complicates tracking.

Precious metal funds should not be more than 5 to 7 percent in your portfolio. This is because metals are hedge assets. They do not create compounding like equity. They act as protection during cycles. So keep them small.

» How to Use the Rs 6 Lakh Lump Sum
You asked about lump sum investing. This is important. Lump sum should not go fully into equity at one time. Markets move in cycles. So use a staggered method. You can invest the lump sum through STP (Systematic Transfer Plan). You can keep the amount in a liquid fund and set STP toward your chosen growth funds over 6 to 12 months.

This reduces timing risk. It also creates discipline. So your Rs 6 lakh can be deployed gradually. You may use 50% towards core equity funds and 30% toward satellite growth category. The remaining 20% can go into hybrid category. This gives balance and comfort.

» Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
One important point many investors miss. Direct funds look cheaper. But they demand deep knowledge, discipline, and behaviour control. Most investors lose more through emotional selling and wrong timing than they save on expense ratio.

With regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor with Certified Financial Planner qualification, you get guidance, structure and correction. The advisory discipline protects you during market extremes. That is more valuable than a small saving in expense ratio.

A personalised planner also tracks portfolio drift, rebalancing need and category shifts. So regular fund investing gives long-term benefit and behaviour coaching.

» Actively Managed Funds over Index or ETF
Some investors choose index funds or ETF thinking they are simple and cheap. But they ignore drawbacks.

Index funds or ETF will not avoid weak companies in the index. They will invest whether the company grows or struggles. There is no fund manager decision making. So when markets are at peak, index funds continue aggressive exposure. In downturns also they fall fully. There is no cushion.

Actively managed funds work with research teams. They can avoid bad sectors. They can shift allocation based on market and economy. Over long term, this gives better alpha and stability. So continuing with actively managed funds creates better wealth compounding.

» SIP Continuation Strategy
Once the rationalisation is done, continue SIPs every month without interruption. Pause and restart behaviour damages compounding power. SIP works best when you go through all market cycles. You benefit more during corrections because cost averaging works.

So continue SIP amount. You can also review SIP increase every year based on income. Increasing SIP by 10 to 15 percent every year helps you reach large corpus faster.

» Asset Allocation Based Approach
One key point in wealth creation is having the right asset mix. Equity gives growth. Hybrid gives balance. Metals give hedge. Debt gives safety. Your asset allocation should stay aligned to your risk profile and time horizon.

Since you are young and have long term horizon, higher equity allocation is fine. But as time moves, rebalancing is important. Rebalancing protects gains and restores allocation.

So review your asset allocation every year or during major life events like child birth, home buying or retirement planning.

» Behaviour Management
Many portfolios fail not due to bad funds. They fail due to bad decisions. Selling during correction. Stopping SIP when market falls. Chasing past return performance. These mistakes reduce wealth.

Your discipline so far is good. Continue to stay patient during volatility. Equity rewards patience and time.

» Financial Goals Clarity
Since you have no children now, you can decide your long-term goals. Typical goals may include:

Retirement

Future child education

Dream lifestyle purchase

Health care reserves

When goals are clear, investment purpose becomes stronger. So you can map each fund category to goal horizon. Short-term goals should not use equity. Long-term goals should use equity with hybrid support.

» Role of Review and Monitoring
Review once in a year is enough. Frequent review can create anxiety. Annual review helps check:

Fund performance

Expense drift

Category relevance

Allocation balance

Then adjust only if needed. This progress helps you stay confident and aligned.

» Taxation Awareness
Equity mutual funds taxation rules are:

Short term (below one year holding) taxable at 20 percent

Long term (above one year holding) gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxable at 12.5 percent

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

So always hold equity funds for long term. That reduces tax impact and gives better growth.

» SIP Increase Plan
You can create a simple plan to increase SIP over time. For example:

Increase SIP at every salary increment

Increase SIP during bonus time

Use rewards or extra income for investing

This habit accelerates wealth. So by the time you reach 45 to 50 years, your investments could reach a strong level.

» Insurance and Protection
Before investing large, ensure you have term insurance and health insurance. If not already done, it is important. Insurance protects wealth. Without insurance, even a small medical event can impact investment plan. So review this part also. Since you are married, cover both.

» Wealth Behaviour Mindset
You are already disciplined. Just keep these simple principles:

Invest without stopping

Review once a year

Avoid funds overlap

Follow asset allocation

Avoid reacting to media noise

This helps you reach long term milestones.

» Finally
You are on the right track. Only fine tuning and simplification is needed. Your discipline is visible. Your portfolio will grow well with structure, patience and periodic review. Use the Rs 6 lakh with STP approach. And continue SIP with rationalised categories.

With time and consistency, wealth creation becomes effortless and peaceful. You just need to stay committed and avoid overthinking during market movements.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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