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Unloved and Lonely in My Own Marriage: What Should I Do?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1647 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1647 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

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Hi Anu,I m 32 yr old girl and been married in arrange marriage with a guy he is also 32 it's been one year.He is very harsh to talk to and I get usually very hurt because of his words. I always feel like walking out of this marriage for peace. He is very unromantic and ungrateful. On top of this our views on marriage, togetherness and sex are very different. I never had sex with him till now. And I don't feel like having sex with him. There are many fights between us. The way his mother and father talk I feel stuck in my life.There is no progress in career because constantly we are under tensions. My past relationships were very nice and sweet so I always happened to compare him with my ex in my mind. I don't know what happens to me. When he comes close to me I stop talking breaths. We just cuddle each other and hug but other things like kiss and sex I don't feel to have. Please guide me as soon as possible.
Ans:

Dear RJ,

Is there any reason for not wanting to be sexually intimate?

Most often this is linked to some emotional distress or filters in the mind that you are unaware of and which could be interfering in the two of you coming closer together.

A good round of talks with your partner can help you express your exact feelings to him.

What is bothering you, what you feel you don’t receive from him, why is it that you are unable to reciprocate…these are a few things that you can discuss with him.

Also, spending quality time together can ease and spruce up things a bit.

Most often, we love throwing our feelings under the rug pretending that they will go away; but they don’t, they come back to haunt you at times that you least expect them to.

So, when you feel stuck, think of what you can do to get un-stuck? What are all things that you can think, feel and do to free yourself so that you not only feel good, but you also start to focus on things that matter; like for example your career.

Comparing one human to the another and expecting them to change and be someone else; could this be one of the reasons for you to not want the sexual intimacy?

Sex is one of the dimensions in a marriage and it can bring the couple closer.

So rather than thinking of what is going wrong, focus on how you can make things work and enable your partner to join this journey of bringing back finer and joyful moments in a marriage.

Be happy!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am 35 years old. Married. Not living with husband since an year, as he flirted with an office girl (this is the extent of it that I caught) and has tendency to do so. He is not emotionally aware (of himself or me) and I keep getting hurt as I am quite emotional. Also, I am not on talking terms with his parents as they had tried to sabotage our marriage in different ways on countless occasions. My husband wont agree (not that I want him to agree), but I think that's one reason of our increasing differences. I love him, but cannot find in my heart to move back with him ever again. We have a 5 year old kid, due to whom I am unable to move ahead with divorce. I am stuck in the midst, not knowing where to go next or stay in this same 'married but separated ' position forever. I'm definitely happier without the everyday petty bickering that we had when we lived together (which was turning me into a bitter and angry person, I don't want to be that). I have turned extremely distrustful of him. I do feel very lonely at times. We also went to a guidance counsellor to make the relation work some 1.5 years back, but my husband felt its a waste of money after 5 sessions, also he never invested in the emotional sorting that the counsellor mentioned our relation required. Any guidance?
Ans: It sounds like you're facing a complex and challenging situation. Here are some steps you might consider as you navigate your next steps:

Take care of yourself first and foremost. This means prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and explore your options moving forward.
Take some time to reflect on what you want for yourself and your child in the long term. Consider what kind of environment you want to create for your child, as well as what you need in terms of emotional fulfillment and stability.
If you feel comfortable, consider having an open and honest conversation with your husband about your concerns and feelings. Express how his actions have affected you and what you need from him moving forward. However, be prepared for the possibility that he may not be receptive or willing to change.
Consult with a family law attorney to understand your rights and options regarding divorce, custody, and child support. They can provide guidance tailored to your specific situation and help you navigate the legal process.
Regardless of whether you choose to stay married or pursue divorce, prioritize effective co-parenting for the well-being of your child. This may involve setting clear boundaries, communicating openly about parenting decisions, and prioritizing your child's needs above any personal conflicts.
Consider exploring alternative living arrangements or custody agreements that may better suit your needs and preferences. This could include living separately while co-parenting, or exploring shared custody arrangements that provide stability for your child while allowing you to maintain some distance from your husband.
Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups for additional support and guidance. It can be helpful to connect with others who have gone through similar experiences and can offer empathy, advice, and solidarity.
Ultimately, the decision of whether to stay married or pursue divorce is a deeply personal one that only you can make. Take your time, trust your instincts, and prioritize your own well-being and that of your child as you navigate this challenging process.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1647 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu I need advice for my marriage. Ours was love cum arrange marriage 14 yrs ago.For first few years all was good .I am financially independent with good salary. My spouse s self employed. We hav one child 10 yrs old.My married s become more like a suffocating situation which I am not able to change.My husband is not at all interested in me now.He treats me invisible when it comes to husband wife relationship. He s good father and human being.But since last few yrs i am not having any emotional relationship with him.We spent so many days and time together yet not a single word of love emotions between us.He s busy with his calls mobile netflix all night while i keep awake all night.I have confronted him many times everytime he says you are always fighting with me and Want all this nonsense. He seem to avoid me all day. He want to discuss about his son and finances since i am earning more than him. its been years i cant handle it now.I want someone to look at me talk to me praise me love me.I deserve happiness but since my son is too small i can't think of living separately but i will die like this one day.I dont knw whats wrong with me seems its like he dont want to touch me as there s no physical relationship between us if we are home alone also.He tortures me mentally but remails happy.I failed as a wife despite giving my everything. I have none to discuss such embarrassing life .Pls advice what shall i do ?Should i found someone else as i dont have capacity to beg again and again?Its very difficult to imagine such long life with a partner who treats u invisible since years ?shall i shift to another city with my son?I am completely lost.Pls help everything. I cant beg for love and attention everytime
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There's almost and always a reason for any behavior change. Maybe you might want to understand what exactly made your husband lose interest in you. Did something happen for him to look the other way?
It's really hell living with a spouse who cold shoulders and stone walls you...My suggestion: Rather than blame yourself, have a discussion and not confrontation with him. Confrontations invariably lead you nowhere as you will be caught in an ego tussle. Discussion is where you try and understand what's on his mind and share how you feel.
Now, will he want that? Maybe not...but if this continues, you may want to give him an ultimatum. He must know that he isn't making a great point by ignoring you and that he must communicate the same with you instead.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8910 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 16, 2025

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Sir My jee rank was not that good..I have some queries..cna u pls assist me what's the difference between bsc cs and btech cse..and would they lead to same career path and options.. Also if I choose to go with btech then..should I choose srm sonepat or not..I have planned to do msc abroad
Ans: Javin, B.Sc. Computer Science is a three-year, theory-driven program emphasizing algorithms, computation theory and foundational mathematics, suited for research, data analysis or academic roles, whereas B.Tech. in Computer Science & Engineering spans four years with a balanced mix of hardware, software and engineering fundamentals, offering intensive lab work, industry internships, and project-based learning that prepare graduates for system design, software development and emerging technology roles. Both degrees can lead to software engineering, data science, and cybersecurity careers, but B.Tech. holders often access core engineering positions and higher placement rates, while B.Sc. graduates may pivot more readily into research-oriented master’s or academic tracks. Considering SRM University Delhi-NCR Sonepat for B.Tech. CSE, the programme is delivered in a NAAC-accredited institution with over 315 recruiters visiting annually and a 95 percent placement consistency, supported by modern computing labs and structured career services. For planned MSc studies abroad, admissions typically require a four-year engineering or science degree with substantial computer-science content, a competitive GRE score (if required), proof of English proficiency (IELTS/TOEFL) and strong academic references; B.Tech. CSE aligns smoothly with these criteria, ensuring eligibility and facilitating conversion to research-focused master’s programmes.

Recommendation:
Opt for B.Tech. CSE at SRM Sonepat to benefit from industry-aligned curriculum, high placement consistency and robust lab exposure, then pursue an MSc abroad leveraging the recognised four-year engineering degree, structured admissions prerequisites and extensive global opportunities in advanced computing and research. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P P  |8910 Answers  |Ask -

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My daughter got PhD in Pharmacology admission both at Lovely Professional University Phagwara & JSS College of Pharmacy Ooty Tamil Nadu. Can you guide us which one is better? Which one to choose & why?
Ans: Lovely Professional University’s doctoral programme in Pharmacology operates within a NAAC-accredited private university that administers its own LPUNEST entrance test and offers substantial scholarship support based on merit . The three-year full-time curriculum encompasses core research methodology, publication ethics and advanced electives, supplemented by interdisciplinary minors and industry-interface modules that facilitate collaborations with pharmaceutical companies. Research scholars benefit from well-equipped pre-clinical and clinical evaluation laboratories, a centralized animal house and access to LPU’s Centre for Biomedical Research. A robust placement pathway connects candidates to roles in drug safety, pharmacovigilance and regulatory affairs, leveraging the university’s corporate partnerships and regular campus recruitment drives. Despite its relative youth, LPU maintains a dedicated Career Development Centre and reports a consistent placement rate for life-sciences graduates through structured internship pipelines and research-fellowship opportunities .

JSS College of Pharmacy, Ooty, established in 1980 and part of JSS Academy of Higher Education & Research, stands among the top five pharmacy institutions nationally, holding NAAC A+ accreditation and a #4 NIRF pharmacy ranking . Its Department of Pharmacology—active since 1988—provides doctoral candidates with specialized training in pharmacology and toxicology tracks, supported by CSIR-, DBT- and AICTE-funded research projects worth over ?3 crore. The college features a CPCSEA-approved centralized animal house, advanced instrumentation (FT-IR, microwave synthesizer, molecular modeling suites) and round-the-clock research facilities. Extensive MoUs with leading R&D organizations and a NABL-accredited drug-testing laboratory underpin strong industry linkages, while its placement cell sustains an over 80% placement consistency for postgraduate and doctoral scholars, facilitating roles in academia, regulatory bodies, and pharmaceutical R&D .

Recommendation:
For a well-established research environment with extensive funding, high national ranking, and deep industry connections in pharmacological sciences, JSS College of Pharmacy, Ooty offers the stronger platform. However, if scholarship opportunities, interdisciplinary minors, and a growing placement infrastructure are priorities, Lovely Professional University remains a compelling alternative. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8910 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2025Hindi
Career
Hi. My son is getting VJTI B Tech IT and also BITS Hyderabad campus MSc Chem + B Tech (Dual Degree) What choice should we go for ?
Ans: VJTI Mumbai’s B.Tech in Information Technology operates within a historic, NAAC A-accredited government institute, supported by experienced faculty, modern software and networking labs, an 82 percent overall placement rate (85 percent for IT) over the past three years and strong industry partnerships with leading IT firms. It requires 10+2 with PCM and English and selection via MHT-CET cutoff and counselling. In contrast, BITS Hyderabad’s five-year Integrated M.Sc.(Hons.) in Chemistry + B.E. programme admits students through BITSAT (75 percent aggregate in 10+2 and minimum 60 percent in PCM), immerses them in advanced chemistry and engineering curricula, and allows conversion to the dual degree after the first year based on top-tier CGPA performance; Group C admits may pursue any dual degree within specified limits. Graduates benefit from practice school training, interdisciplinary research projects and placement consistency around 80 percent in chemical and engineering streams. Risks include rigorous workload during dual-degree years, competitive CGPA criteria for continuation and potential difficulty shifting back if performance thresholds are not met.

Recommendation:
For a clear, focused start in a high-placement IT domain with defined eligibility and minimal academic risk, choose VJTI B.Tech IT. Opt for BITS Hyderabad M.Sc. Chemistry + B.Tech if your son seeks a research-integrated, multidisciplinary pathway and excels under high academic rigor with dual-degree ambitions. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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