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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am 35 years old. Married. Not living with husband since an year, as he flirted with an office girl (this is the extent of it that I caught) and has tendency to do so. He is not emotionally aware (of himself or me) and I keep getting hurt as I am quite emotional. Also, I am not on talking terms with his parents as they had tried to sabotage our marriage in different ways on countless occasions. My husband wont agree (not that I want him to agree), but I think that's one reason of our increasing differences. I love him, but cannot find in my heart to move back with him ever again. We have a 5 year old kid, due to whom I am unable to move ahead with divorce. I am stuck in the midst, not knowing where to go next or stay in this same 'married but separated ' position forever. I'm definitely happier without the everyday petty bickering that we had when we lived together (which was turning me into a bitter and angry person, I don't want to be that). I have turned extremely distrustful of him. I do feel very lonely at times. We also went to a guidance counsellor to make the relation work some 1.5 years back, but my husband felt its a waste of money after 5 sessions, also he never invested in the emotional sorting that the counsellor mentioned our relation required. Any guidance?

Ans: It sounds like you're facing a complex and challenging situation. Here are some steps you might consider as you navigate your next steps:

Take care of yourself first and foremost. This means prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and explore your options moving forward.
Take some time to reflect on what you want for yourself and your child in the long term. Consider what kind of environment you want to create for your child, as well as what you need in terms of emotional fulfillment and stability.
If you feel comfortable, consider having an open and honest conversation with your husband about your concerns and feelings. Express how his actions have affected you and what you need from him moving forward. However, be prepared for the possibility that he may not be receptive or willing to change.
Consult with a family law attorney to understand your rights and options regarding divorce, custody, and child support. They can provide guidance tailored to your specific situation and help you navigate the legal process.
Regardless of whether you choose to stay married or pursue divorce, prioritize effective co-parenting for the well-being of your child. This may involve setting clear boundaries, communicating openly about parenting decisions, and prioritizing your child's needs above any personal conflicts.
Consider exploring alternative living arrangements or custody agreements that may better suit your needs and preferences. This could include living separately while co-parenting, or exploring shared custody arrangements that provide stability for your child while allowing you to maintain some distance from your husband.
Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups for additional support and guidance. It can be helpful to connect with others who have gone through similar experiences and can offer empathy, advice, and solidarity.
Ultimately, the decision of whether to stay married or pursue divorce is a deeply personal one that only you can make. Take your time, trust your instincts, and prioritize your own well-being and that of your child as you navigate this challenging process.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 48 year old mature,responsible and independent working lady. Married to the person whom i loved. 7 years of relationship before marriage and now 20 years of married relationship. My husband is very egoistic and irresponsible about our relationship but at the same time very helpful towards others. He lacks emotional intelligence between us. He lacks to understand my feeling which was never his priority. Due to this attitude after 6 years of marriage i got involved with one of my office colleagues wherein i use to consider him as a big supporter who is beside me whenever i feel depressed or want to express. Since my husband did had such understanding of spending quality time with me. However i was caught by my husband after few month since he had recorded few of my conversation. That chapter got closed as i sincerely apologize by husband and made him understand why was i in to that situation, which he also realized and accepted his mistake. We started a fresh journey as husband and wife. After 13 years post 2009, my husband was cheating on me which i discovered with the help of one agency. He was going around with one married lady. Luckily i cud figure this out in time with proofs and informed that ladies husband also. Post this revelation my husband has changed. He was not feeling guilty at all of what he did as he had lot of plans of leaving me and my 2 kids. He wanted to get separate and stay with his parents only, he was not interested in our family anymore and did not wanted to take any responsibility of our 2 kids, he started playing victim card that when my wife had an affair i did not revealed to anyone,then why is that she has revealed. Its now more than 6 months he is still not back on track, neither he feels guilty nor talk with me. Manipulate the conversation and his action every time. Not able to understand his behavior and this behavior is affecting my daily life. He doesn't update where.does he go, what is he doing. He is jobless since last 7 years. Hence i am only the earning member staying with i laws and kids. Day by day my patience are getting over. Please advise should i get separated from him and stay.with my kids only. Pls suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, it's classic behavior when there is no emotional bond within a marriage; seeking that outside of marriage...Now, with both of you having stepped out of it, it's going to take not just your efforts to put things together BUT a discussion on whether you two want this marriage to work. If YES, then work at it...
You will need to together work at dropping past baggage and starting on a clean slate.
But if NO, that's a decision that also needs a lot of deliberation. Are you willing to get out of the marriage as over time we get habituated with a person even with all they are and they are not. Think of how your life will pan out with your husband in it and not in it? Weigh this carefully and then decide what must be done next. This becomes important as there are children involved and it impacts them in a big way as well.
Take some time, confide in a trusted person and go into the depths of the pros and cons which will enable you take a step and move ahead...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8189 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 03, 2025Hindi
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Money
Dear Sir, I am a 55-year-old corporate executive retiring by 2029. My corpus is as follows - PF = 45,00,000. PPF = 3200,000. NPS = 35,00,000 (with a monthly investment of 30k). Property = 4 crores. Shares + MF = 32,00,000 (with monthly investment of around 60,000). LIC = 14,00,000 (maturing next year). FDs = 36,00,000. Apart from the above, there would be Gratuity (15 lac) and jewellery. My 2 children would be needing around 25 lac for their education spread over the next 4 years. Can I take early retirement.
Ans: Your financial position is strong. You have built a solid corpus across multiple asset classes. Below is a detailed assessment of your readiness for early retirement.

Assessing Your Financial Position
Retirement is in 2029, meaning you have five more years of income and investments.

Your total corpus is well-diversified across PF, PPF, NPS, MFs, shares, FDs, and property.

You have a healthy investment habit with a Rs 60,000 monthly SIP and Rs 30,000 into NPS.

LIC maturity next year will provide Rs 14 lakh, adding to liquidity.

Gratuity of Rs 15 lakh will come at retirement, increasing your cash reserves.

Jewellery is additional wealth but is not an income-generating asset.

Financial Needs & Future Goals
1. Children’s Education – Rs 25 Lakh Needed in 4 Years
You need Rs 25 lakh over four years for education expenses.

Your FDs (Rs 36 lakh) can help cover this without disturbing your investments.

Consider a laddering approach for FDs to match the education payment timeline.

2. Regular Income Post-Retirement
Your NPS corpus (Rs 35 lakh) will generate a pension post-retirement.

EPF (Rs 45 lakh) and PPF (Rs 32 lakh) provide lump-sum retirement funds.

MFs & Shares (Rs 32 lakh) with Rs 60K SIP will continue to grow.

You have a strong base for passive income but need an income plan.

3. Healthcare & Emergency Fund
At 55 years, medical expenses will rise over time.

Ensure you have adequate health insurance for post-retirement years.

Keep at least Rs 15-20 lakh in liquid FDs or debt funds for emergencies.

Assessing Early Retirement Feasibility
1. Corpus Growth Over the Next 5 Years
Your existing investments + SIPs + NPS contributions will grow further.

With proper asset allocation, your corpus can cross Rs 5-6 crore in five years.

2. Inflation & Lifestyle Maintenance
Your current lifestyle expenses should be estimated.

Factor in inflation (6-7% per year) to assess long-term sustainability.

3. Investment Strategy for Stability
Shift some equity to balanced funds for stability closer to retirement.

Keep a mix of growth & conservative investments for steady returns.

Avoid full withdrawal of NPS—use a mix of systematic withdrawal & pension.

Final Insights
You have a strong corpus and are on track for retirement.

Continuing work for five more years will provide financial security.

Asset allocation adjustments will ensure income stability post-retirement.

Plan for rising medical costs & inflation for a stress-free retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8189 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

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Money
Dear Sir, I am 59 years old salaried person, doing SIP Axis midcap @5K, Axis ESG @5K, Parag Parikh Flexicap @25K, Nippon Multicap @7.5K Nippon Smallcap@5K, SBI Smallcap @4K and Canara Smallcap @3K per month from last four years. The SIP is to be continued for another five years. In context of the present market volatility, will you please review my portfolio? I am not risk averse. Goal is wealth creation.
Ans: Your investment strategy is well-structured. You have a strong focus on wealth creation, and your portfolio reflects that. Below is a detailed review with recommendations.

Assessing Your Existing Portfolio
You have a well-diversified equity portfolio with mid-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, ESG, and multicap funds.

The majority of your investments are in aggressive-growth categories.

Your risk-taking ability is clear from the allocation to small and mid-cap funds.

You have been investing consistently for four years, which is a good approach.

Your SIPs are planned for another five years, giving your investments time to grow.

Strengths of Your Portfolio
Growth Potential: Small and mid-cap funds have higher return potential over the long term.

Diversification: Investing across categories helps balance risk and return.

Flexibility: The flexi-cap and multicap funds allow fund managers to switch between market caps.

Consistency: Regular SIPs reduce the impact of market volatility.

Key Areas for Improvement
1. High Exposure to Small & Mid-Cap Funds
Your portfolio has a strong tilt towards small and mid-cap funds.

These funds can be volatile, especially in uncertain markets.

A slight reallocation towards large-cap funds can add stability.

2. Sector-Specific Risk in ESG Fund
ESG funds are theme-based and depend on specific regulatory and global trends.

This can lead to underperformance if ESG sectors face downturns.

Consider reducing exposure to ESG or tracking its performance closely.

3. Overlapping Investment Strategies
Some of your funds may have similar stock holdings, leading to duplication.

Too many funds in the same category do not always mean better diversification.

A focused approach with fewer but well-selected funds may work better.

Recommended Portfolio Adjustments
1. Reduce Small-Cap Exposure
You already have multiple small-cap funds.

Retaining one strong performer and reducing others can improve risk management.

The freed-up capital can be shifted to large-cap or balanced funds.

2. Increase Large-Cap Allocation
Large-cap funds provide stability and steady growth.

A 15-20% allocation in a strong large-cap fund can improve balance.

This will ensure that your portfolio withstands short-term market fluctuations.

3. Monitor ESG Fund Performance
ESG funds have a unique investment strategy.

If the performance is inconsistent, switching to a flexi-cap or multicap fund may be better.

Managing Market Volatility
SIP Continuation: Continue your SIPs as planned to benefit from rupee cost averaging.

Rebalancing: Adjust allocations annually based on market conditions.

Profit Booking: Consider partial withdrawals in strong market phases.

Taxation Considerations
Equity Mutual Funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.

Reallocation Impact: Switching funds may lead to taxable capital gains.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Plan redemptions to minimize tax liability.

Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-structured for wealth creation.

Reducing small-cap exposure and adding large-cap stability can improve balance.

Regular monitoring and minor adjustments will keep your investments on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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