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Dating for 4 Years: Missing Romance - Should I Settle?

Anu Krishna |1655 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024Hindi

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Relationship

Hello. I am dating someone from almost 4 years. During those years, our relationship has grown to the extent that we know we are pretty much compatible in aspects such as values, friendship, vulnerability, understanding and support. But one or two factors have always been a hurdle in commitment for a marriage which he himself consider as superficial but is not able to completely let go of. So, he suggests that we can compromise on those factors, and focus on other positives. The problem is that he feels that we don't have that romantic spark and chemistry which he had imagined. But he is ready to settle on that, and thus, I also shouldn't expect his 100 percent response in romance. I don't know how to take this statement. I never felt that missing part; I never asked for grand romantic gestures. I did complain sometimes about basic expressions of romance. I feel his approach as if it is some sort of calculation with no instinctive feeling. And how do I not take this comment as personal.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can skim over aspects that are superficial but how do you turn a blind eye when it's about romance and chemistry. Isn't that one of the major aspects?
I would suggest that the two of you talk this over and let not either of you compromise over this. Because once you do, it's bound to come out in bigger ways later in the relationship. Of course, it does come across as a personal comment and he is possibly trying to cover it up by saying that he is ready to settle. NO! It's not a favor, BUT you also must know whether the two of you are compatible as a couple. Treat this comment of his as a sign that there is something missing. Now how important this is, is something for the two of you to evaluate. But at no point must this become a thing of argument between the two of you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Rishta Guru | Answer |Ask -Follow

Rishta Guru - Answered on Feb 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2024Hindi

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We have been married for two years and in loving relationship before that for two years. My problem is that the love has changed. My husband is no longer the same kind of romantic person. He loves me, he says I love you but the romance is missing. We both work and when we reach home all kinds of practical talks only happens. He is thoughtful, shares the housework, looks after all my needs but I really miss the romantic part that was there earlier and sometimes it makes me irritated and rude. I have tried telling him but he says love changes with time, we are married now and responsible for ourselves. My sister thinks I am being silly but I don’t agree. Why should we have to give up romance? Isn’t it an important part of our life?

Ans: Hi. I understand your frustration. It's completely natural to miss the early stage of romantic intensity in a long-term relationship.

And you're right, romance is an important part of a healthy marriage. It's perfectly valid to want to reignite that spark.

Here are some steps you can take to help your husband understand your concerns:

Communicate effectively

Focus on feelings, not accusations: Instead of saying "You're not romantic anymore!", share how his lack of romantic gestures makes you feel -- unloved, unappreciated, disconnected, unhappy, lonely, ...

Use "I" statements: Express your desire for more romance using phrases like "I would really appreciate it if...." or "I miss when we used to...." so that he does not feel he has to defend himself.

Actively listen to his perspective: Try to understand why he sees things differently. Perhaps work stress is affecting him or he does not know how to express his love differently.

Choose the right time and place: Avoid bringing it up when you're both tired or stressed. Pick a calm moment for a sincere conversation.

Brainstorm together

Instead of demanding specific gestures, discuss what "romance" means to both of you and brainstorm different ways he can express his love that resonate with you.

Schedule "romance time"

Block out dedicated time for romantic activities, even if it's just 30 minutes a week. Take turns planning dates, trying new things or revisiting activities you enjoyed earlier.

Acknowledge his efforts

Appreciate his non-romantic actions that show he cares, like sharing housework. Let him know these actions contribute to your overall feeling of love and security.

Consider professional help

If communication becomes difficult or you struggle to find common ground, consider seeking couples therapy. A therapist can provide a safe space for you both to express your needs and work towards solutions.

You’d get professional help when you are unwell or to file your taxes for example. Why not try it here as well if needed?

Remember:

Love evolves: While the initial passion may change, a deep and meaningful love can grow stronger over time. Focus on nurturing that deeper connection alongside rekindling romantic gestures.

It's a two-way street: Be willing to put in effort as well. Show your appreciation for him, plan romantic gestures for him and be open to his ideas for expressing love.

Be patient: Rebuilding romance takes time and consistent effort. Celebrate small victories and focus on the progress you make together.

Your sister might not fully understand your perspective but your feelings are valid. Don't give up on the romance; instead, find new ways to keep it alive in your marriage.

All the best.

Ravi Mittal |624 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi

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Relationship

Hi I am a 35-year-old woman and my husband is 45. we are made for each other couple. we love each other and we do not have any compatibility issues except in romance. he is not very romantic and even throughout my younger years I was also not very romantic and immersed myself in studies and career. He is not very active in sex also. A few years back I told him that I wanted to be romantic after marriage and now we are not, so I missed my college and early office days when I was in my prime and could have been romantically involved with guys. Since I look very young even at 35, he suggested that I still can move around with guys and get romantic and I need not miss anything even now. though initially declining the offer, I moved a little freely toward men, mostly colleagues, and a few social club members. I encouraged late-night messages, coffee meets, movies, etc. I update my husband on every single event that happens. ex, if I went to a movie with a colleague, I will message my hubby " We kissed", if that happened. he encourages me so much and is happy with whatever is happening, cutting a long story short. though I didn't think it would go so far, I am now romantically very active. soft romance-like messages I do with many. Dating I don't say no to my known circle like colleagues, ex-colleagues, college mates, etc and almost 2-3 times a week I end up dating someone in a coffee shop, pub, or a long drive. A few times I initiate a date too. and I must confess that I have regular intimacy with four young men, all from the same office where I work. I have never hidden anything from my hubby and give a complete account every day. I offered to stop everything any moment he said. but he told me till age is there enjoy life!. I am emotionally connected to my husband only and I do all my responsibilities as a woman. Our relationship has grown manifold. My only question is, am I exploiting my husband's innocence or does he have a cuckold fantasy? If I continue the way I continue with no harm to anyone, can I keep doing it ( I love to). or I should stop at once?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

After reading your question I understood that your partner and you have, what we call, an open relationship. As long as both partners are okay with the dynamics of it, and no one is emotionally hurt, or resisting, it should be okay. It isn't exploitation if your husband himself encourages you. You are both consenting adults and not harming each other or anyone else. As for your question, if he has a cuckold fantasy, that is something you should discuss with your husband. An open discussion is better than speculation. Also, at any time if you suspect that your husband is growing concerned about the nature of your relationship, ask him directly. It can help avoid misunderstandings.

Best Wishes

Kanchan Rai |623 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024

Relationship

Is it possible to have love, affection and liking for someone without romance, specifically when the one claiming the absence of spark has experienced it with someone else in the past. Won't it affect the future of a relationship ? If someone says to me that he/she feels love, affection and respect..and feels that we are compatible in every other aspect except the romance thing.. should I proceed with this ?

Ans: It's absolutely possible to have love, affection, and deep emotional connection with someone without the element of romance, and many people have successful, meaningful relationships based on these qualities. However, if romance is important to you and the person you’re with has experienced it before but doesn't feel it with you, that can be a complex issue to navigate.

In relationships, love can take many forms, but if one partner feels a lack of romantic "spark" while the other values it, that difference could eventually become a source of dissatisfaction or frustration. Romance often plays a key role in fostering emotional intimacy, passion, and physical connection, and without it, the relationship might start to feel more like a friendship or partnership over time.

If your partner has explicitly said that they don’t feel romantic attraction, it's important to reflect on your own needs. Are you okay with having a relationship based more on affection, compatibility, and respect, even if romance and passion are missing? Will this be enough for you in the long term?

While love and compatibility are essential, romance is also a key ingredient for many couples. If it's something you value, you might eventually feel unfulfilled without it. It's worth having an honest conversation about how both of you envision the relationship in the future. Ask yourself: Can I be happy and satisfied without a romantic connection, or is this a fundamental need for me?

If the absence of romance already feels like a compromise, it might affect the future of the relationship. But if you’re both able to communicate openly and align on what you need from each other, it's possible to move forward in a way that honors both of your feelings.

Shalini Singh |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Aug 19, 2024

Question by Shubhi - Aug 19, 2024Hindi

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Relationship

You posted: Hello. I am dating someone from almost 4 years. During those years, our relationship has grown to the extent that we know we are pretty much compatible in aspects such as values, friendship, vulnerability, understanding and support. But one or two factors have always been a hurdle in commitment for a marriage which he himself consider as superficial but is not able to completely let go of. So, he suggests that we can compromise on those factors, and focus on other positives. The problem is that he feels that we don't have that romantic spark and chemistry which he had imagined. But he is ready to settle on that, and thus, I also shouldn't expect his 100 percent response in romance. I don't know how to take this statement. I never felt that missing part; I never asked for grand romantic gestures. I did complain sometimes about basic expressions of romance. I feel his approach as if it is some sort of calculation with no instinctive feeling. And how do I not take this comment as personal.

Ans: Not sure if I understood the last 4-5 sentences - whilst i get that you are compatible and things are great - but there are concerns over a few things which you see as a concern and he does not - I dont get what are the concerns for me to be able to address this request.

Shalini Singh |169 Answers |Ask -Follow

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Question by Shubhi - Aug 19, 2024

Relationship

He has this strong affinity towards some personality traits.. for example fluency and frequency in spoken English. I prefer talking in Hindi most of the time as I feel more comfortable in it conveying my feelings. Thats one part. Secondly, he feels that I don't let go of my inhibitions to freely enjoy..be it dance or singing. I am shy. Its not that I am all closed. Now he feels that it was wrong on his part to try to change someone and he is ready to make peace with it. But in response to that, I should also not expect the full expression of romance from him because his ability to do so comes naturally from the part he is ready to compromise.

Ans: it is tough to respond to all of this over text, a conversation will be much helpful

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What is best option LSR (B.SC(Maths) with actuarial science or BSDS from ISI for high performer student.

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ISI BSDS: A Specialized Data Science Powerhouse -
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Academic Excellence and Financial Support: ISI provides exceptional financial assistance with 100% fee waivers for families earning less than ?1 lakh annually and 66.67% waivers for incomehs. Additionally, students receive monthly stipends and contingency grants, making education financially accessible. The program offers exit options after third year and maintains rigorous academic standards with faculty from internationally renowned institutions.

Placement Excellence: ISI maintains an impressive 100% placement record across programs, with recent data showing highest packages reaching 89 LPA for master's programs. Companies like Google, Amazon, Goldman Sachs, Microsoft, and McKinsey regularly recruit from ISI. The institute's placement cell reported that students skilled in statistics and data science are highly sought after, spanning roles from data analysts to machine learning engineers.

LSR B.Sc Mathematics: Liberal Arts Excellence with Strong Industry Connections -
Lady Shri Ram College stands as India's premier women's institution, ranked 1st in NIRF College Category 2024 for three consecutive years and holding A++ NAAC accreditation. With over 27,000 graduates over 55 years, LSR has established a powerful global alumni network including Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi.

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Hello sir l, I have completed my 12th grade through normal schooling and was planning to study economics. But by end of 12 grade I wanted to do engineering, so I decided to take a gap year and prepared So now I have got: JEE main: 87.9 Mht cet: 94.7 Cuet: 718/1000 (pcm) So what are the best options that I can have, I am a Maharashtra state domicile student Or should I take a partial second drop and give jee mains/mht cet again in 2026 and get an nit (also will I be eligible for advance next year)?

Ans: Hello dear.
With JEE Main 87.9 and MHT-CET 94.7 percentiles, you can aim for reputed Maharashtra state colleges like VJTI, SPCE, or COEP. Your CUET score (718/1000) also provides opportunities for good universities offering B.Sc./B.Tech courses. If your goal is an NIT or a top-tier engineering college, taking a second partial drop and reappearing for JEE Main/MHT-CET in 2026 is a valid option, and yes, you will still be eligible for JEE Advanced next year (as 2026 will be your second attempt after 12th). However, it is strongly recommended not to take a drop since you have decent chances of securing good colleges this year. What happens with the next attempt is uncertain. Make a wise decision not to take a drop. The final choice will be yours.

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Chances are very slim for mechanical to NIT/IIIT. Explore other options.

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MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

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Good luck.
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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar |5863 Answers |Ask -Follow

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Sir I am registered as Kashmiri Migrant (Outside Delhi) in JAC Delhi Counselling. My JEE percentile is 98.5..is it possible to get a seat in Computer Science? As per their Brochure, preference is given to KM registered in Delhi. Also, is ot possible to get seat as General candidate?

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Good luck.
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Radheshyam

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Hello Sir, I passed Class 12th with PCM (Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics) from the CBSE board in 2025. Now I want to prepare for NEET and become a doctor. So, can I take Biology as an additional subject from the NIOS board and appear for NEET? Are both CBSE and NIOS marksheets valid for admission to AIIMS and other government medical colleges?

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Yes, you can take Biology as an additional subject from NIOS and appear for NEET, as both CBSE and NIOS are recognized boards by NTA. For admission to AIIMS and other government medical colleges, marksheets from CBSE (for PCM) and NIOS (for Biology) are valid, provided you meet the eligibility criteria of having studied Physics, Chemistry, Biology/Biotechnology, and English as core subjects in 10+2. However, it is highly recommended to review the brochure published by the NTA and, if possible, clarify by sending an email to the appropriate authorities for full proof authentication.

Good luck.
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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar |5863 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2025Hindi

Career

Good evening sir. My daughter has got CSE admission in mit bangalore and also akhilesh das engineering college delhi. What do you suggest. We reside in uttar pradesh

Ans: Hello dear.
No doubt, CSE @ MIT is a good choice, but for a female candidate, it is not advisable to prefer Bangalore due to distance and other factors. Consider Akhilesh Das Engg College if possible. Ultimately, the decision and choice will be yours.

Good luck.
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