Hello sir. I am a 27 year old in a 4 year old long distance relationship. I need your help today. I will get straight to the point.I want to break up with my boyfriend. I am no more happy in this relationship. We have only met once just before the pandemic started. Since then,audio,video calls,text messages have been our solace. Despite our own shares of fights and arguements we always came back together and loved each other like never before. Earlier ,we used to be in touch constantly no matter how busy we are in our own lives.I know, change is constant. Nobody and nothing remains the same. I feel alone in this relationship. I have also shared my feelings regarding the lack of communication between us.I have always shared my annoyance with him and next day he will be in touch again. Now we are back to square one.I miss him but I don't feel like talking to him. I respect his schedule and efforts towards self improvement. But i no more feel the same way. I am not even attracted to anyone else let me clarify.But I don't feel happy anymore and feel any love for him. I don't know why I am feeling this way and how will I get over this ? What is the most effective way out? Please help me! Ayu

Dear Love Guru, From where should I begin? It's a rather complex one. Well, I was in a 6-year-old long distance relationship (we met on Facebook) it was a good one and he was the best friend I thought I wanted. Over the years though, I started seeing a controlling streak in him in whatever I did. Though we were only connected online but applications like Discord, having access to my accounts and passwords became a tool to keep tabs on me. I had no privacy of my own and the sad part, I didn't even realise it was toxic. He had taken hold of a lot of aspects of my life and I didn't even realise how unhealthy it is. It was last year when I lost my mother (having lost my father years back) when life hit me. I was completing first year of my MBA programme when this tragedy occurred. Her passing amidst the COVID 2nd wave was terrorising, to say the least. Thankfully, I had gem of friends who were there throughout. It was amidst this that I realised that there was an element of control in the support he provided. He didn't understand the magnitude of what I was going through and always undermined my efforts. There was no respect in him for me and for me there was no love left (when I introspect now I think I was more in love with idea of love rather than loving him) but I didn't realise this because I was so habituated with him. My MBA summer internship started and I was paired with this batchmate who was also a classmate. I didn't know him because COVID ensured that first year of PG is completely online. When I first met him. I found him to be stiff, rude and cribbing. I didn't realise he was an introvert. Eventually, I started warming up to him with us travelling almost two months together there developed a thickness. We bonded over our shared state, food and sadness of losing our mothers. I didn't even realise when I started getting attracted to him and neither did he. But when I did the first thing that I did was to break up with the guy I was with because for the first time in six years I was tilting towards someone else and I knew that this was it for us. The break-up was long, tiresome and hurtful for both of us. I hated hurting him but I couldn't be with him and suffocate myself any longer. We tried to wish each other well but then when has all this been anything but ending up in a train wreck and now we don't have any contact with each other. I keep him in prayers and wishes because I know he is not a bad human being it's just that I allowed him to walk over me and he kept on doing it without realising what he is doing is mental abuse. But it's not the story of me and my ex. It's the story of the guy I have come to love. The rude, stiff and cribby guy… who knew he would turn out be this sensitive, loving and appreciative soul. I got what I always wanted from someone I loved: respect, trust and appreciation. It's not like I don't have fights with him or arguments but there is a dialogue at the end. He understands where he went wrong and so do I. I am finally in a happy, healthy relationship. The only issue here is we both are from two different religions, I am H and he is M. This often makes me feel that there is a timer to us. We are two highly educated people from urban India, completing our post-graduation from one of India's top B-schools with great placements in hand and still the noose of society and religion is tied around our neck. I try not to think of us in the long term but I am on that side of 20s now that settling down is always on my mind. Especially after losing my parents, I often crave a family that is my own. There is also a hint of loss hovering over me. I still haven't moved on from losing my mother and I don't think I ever will. But last one year has been a roller coaster ride with major decisions and incidences. How do I wrap my head around all of this? Now, here I am between love, life and ambitions. Asking you what to do? Where to go? Which road should be taken? Regards, R PS: Please ensure anonymity.

 Dear Ma'am, I have been in a relationship since the last 4 years with a person 8 years older to me. We're of different caste plus I'm still in my career building phase and I can't even think of taking it to the next level. Also, since last few months the relationship has been a pain in my neck, it has been damaging my inner peace and equilibrium. He leaves and then comes back, each time I'm firm that I won't resume it but I do love him more than anything else so we get back together. In this entire process, I feel too exhausted now and the damage feels beyond repair. He's 31 already and his parents are forcing him for marriage now. Considering the impracticable situations, I know he has already given up on us but continues to be around for the emotional comfort he gets from me. He doesn't understand that it's damaging me, I can't run around in circles. He thinks let's continue it till we can, but what after that? He'll suddenly tell me he's getting married and what then? What would I do with all the anger and dissent within? Everyone around me keeps telling me to leave him because of all these reasons. Also, I'm in my early 20s and I have an entire life in front of me, I want to build my career. Also, I don't feel the need to see someone else just as a relapse or desperate situation, I'm a very conserved person that way. But I do need to break this toxic cycle and regain the control over my life. I want to grow and prosper, but this entire myriad of emotions drags me down..Please tell me what to do? Thanking you in anticipation.

Hi.. am married and last year I had a relation with another guy who is younger than me.we had physical relation also. This year he told me he don't want to continue the relation. I was not ready to accept that. I ran behind him . Now we are in contact. Sometime had physical relation also. But he is telling he don't have any commitment with me. Now I want to end the relation. But am missing him badly. He was the only one who makes me feels special. The way he loves me everything Iam missing. But I know now I have zero space in his life. I have to quite. But I can't .. i don't know what to do...

Dear Anu, I am in relationship for 6 months and now we are in long distance relationship, I have struggled a lot in family love issues, so I always craved for love, but my boyfriend is a bit distant, although he tries his best, but I just can't get over, I feel like i deserve to be loved more and deserve good care and attention, there are always the things which he hurts me almost everyday now, I feel like shutting down my emotions again, I feel very low after his actions, although he has his reasons which are correct too, but little bit wrong too, he does not think deeply about me, because he is immature himself, we are just 19, I don't know and unable to understand what should I do, should I shut myself down and try to study and not talk to him by giving him excuses that I am busy, I really am losing more and more trust from him, and slowly my will to share things is getting lost, although I scream from inside that I want to share but after his actions hurt me, I feel puzzled from inside, he is good, but I don't think he is much into these love and stuffs, he is just chill with his life, as he shows off, so much that I misunderstand him a lot, how can we understand each other better, we just keep hurting each other, because of our different thoughts and perspective, I love him so much, I want to be with him, but his actions make me further distant from him, and he also says he has his own privacy, I don't understand, if relationship is built on trust then what kind of privacy, I don't mean , I don't understand him, i respect his opinion, but because of his perspective, he hurts me too, and doesn't respect my perspective, I feel like relying on him emotionally and always have been, but he thinks I speak too much and he doesn't value it much, and doesn't understand how much hard it is for me to share....I really feel very much overwhelmed and it's not getting any better, every night I feel pain and keeps on crying, it's not stoping, it's becoming a loop, please guide me, what should I do.