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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Ayushi Question by Ayushi on May 11, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello sir. I am a 27 year old in a 4 year old long distance relationship. I need your help today. I will get straight to the point.I want to break up with my boyfriend. I am no more happy in this relationship. We have only met once just before the pandemic started. Since then,audio,video calls,text messages have been our solace. Despite our own shares of fights and arguements we always came back together and loved each other like never before. Earlier ,we used to be in touch constantly no matter how busy we are in our own lives.I know, change is constant. Nobody and nothing remains the same. I feel alone in this relationship. I have also shared my feelings regarding the lack of communication between us.I have always shared my annoyance with him and next day he will be in touch again. Now we are back to square one.I miss him but I don't feel like talking to him. I respect his schedule and efforts towards self improvement. But i no more feel the same way. I am not even attracted to anyone else let me clarify.But I don't feel happy anymore and feel any love for him. I don't know why I am feeling this way and how will I get over this ? What is the most effective way out? Please help me! Ayu

Ans: Hi Ayu,

I understand that you're going through a difficult time in your long-distance relationship, and you're considering ending things with your boyfriend. It's not an easy decision to make, but sometimes it's necessary for our own well-being.

It sounds like you've tried to communicate your feelings to your boyfriend, but the lack of communication between you two has persisted. It's important to have open and honest communication in any relationship, and if that's not happening, it can be challenging to maintain a healthy connection.

It's also important to remember that relationships go through ups and downs, and it's normal to experience periods of disconnection. However, if you've reached a point where you no longer feel happy or fulfilled in the relationship, it may be time to consider moving on.

Here are some steps you can take to help you navigate this situation:

Take time to reflect: It's important to take some time to reflect on your feelings and why you're feeling this way. Think about what you want and need in a relationship, and whether your current relationship is meeting those needs.

Communicate your decision: Once you've made the decision to end things, it's important to communicate that to your boyfriend in a clear and respectful way. Be honest about your feelings and why you've made this decision.

Take care of yourself: Ending a relationship can be emotionally challenging, so it's important to take care of yourself during this time. Lean on friends and family for support, engage in self-care activities, and seek professional help if needed.

Create a plan for moving forward: It's important to have a plan for moving forward after the breakup. This might include cutting off communication with your ex for a period of time, focusing on your own personal growth and goals, and exploring new hobbies or interests.

Remember, it's normal to feel sad or uncertain after a breakup, but it's important to prioritize your own well-being and make choices that align with your values and goals. I hope this advice helps, and I wish you all the best as you navigate this difficult time.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Anu, I am in relationship for 6 months and now we are in long distance relationship, I have struggled a lot in family love issues, so I always craved for love, but my boyfriend is a bit distant, although he tries his best, but I just can't get over, I feel like i deserve to be loved more and deserve good care and attention, there are always the things which he hurts me almost everyday now, I feel like shutting down my emotions again, I feel very low after his actions, although he has his reasons which are correct too, but little bit wrong too, he does not think deeply about me, because he is immature himself, we are just 19, I don't know and unable to understand what should I do, should I shut myself down and try to study and not talk to him by giving him excuses that I am busy, I really am losing more and more trust from him, and slowly my will to share things is getting lost, although I scream from inside that I want to share but after his actions hurt me, I feel puzzled from inside, he is good, but I don't think he is much into these love and stuffs, he is just chill with his life, as he shows off, so much that I misunderstand him a lot, how can we understand each other better, we just keep hurting each other, because of our different thoughts and perspective, I love him so much, I want to be with him, but his actions make me further distant from him, and he also says he has his own privacy, I don't understand, if relationship is built on trust then what kind of privacy, I don't mean , I don't understand him, i respect his opinion, but because of his perspective, he hurts me too, and doesn't respect my perspective, I feel like relying on him emotionally and always have been, but he thinks I speak too much and he doesn't value it much, and doesn't understand how much hard it is for me to share....I really feel very much overwhelmed and it's not getting any better, every night I feel pain and keeps on crying, it's not stoping, it's becoming a loop, please guide me, what should I do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
All I can see and hear from you is: that you are dependent on him for you happiness!
Okay, 'I have struggled a lot in family love issues' (as you mentioned) BUT looking for that to be filled from someone externally is only going to disappoint you.
How can you replace family and sibling love and attention from outside?
Also, being 19, both of you are still not mature to put things in perspective. Do understand that every time you complain to your boyfriend and call that a 'perspective', you are just pushing him away...he's just being a boy of 19 trying to have a carefree life and a girlfriend with who he can share and of course, feel 'cool' in his guy gang.
Why are you expecting him to fill in for the missing love? He cannot as whatever he does, he will always fall short as in your mind you will compare with what you ideally would want and he will fall short. Then, the drama will begin where you will complain, he will defend and he will slowly call that his carefree ways and he will say: I am like this only!
And then you will feel hurt and the drama will continue.

First things first; you cannot fulfill what love you lack from outside. Learn to love yourself first. the concept of self-love is rage these days BUT it has always been around in simpler ways from the very beginning. Love what you do everyday, surround yourself with friends that you feel good with, focus on your academic goals...
Loving oneself is the way to go; it might seem a bit difficult at you age to fathom as everything external excites you...So, focus on your self and put less attention in what your boyfriend does or doesn't. Slowly, you will appreciate the things that he does for you...And you will start to feel better from within!
Your self-worth is something only you can grow from within and this cannot be dependent on anything or anyone external. Grow your strength from within!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |423 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
hi ma'am, so ive been dating this guy since 6 months and only the starting 5 months were the best part of this relationship. he used to litrally be obbssesed with me and talk to me all the time. but after he joined work, hes been working for 18 hours and is not able to make time for me. and we used to talk daily on calls at 11pm but now he barely even makes time for me, im not saying he doesnt call me at all but at times he has work. but he says hes so done with my rigid behaviour of must calls at 11pm. ma'am i can't sleep without litsening to his voice but he seems to be not bothered. and now our relationship is all abt fights. whatveer i try to ecplain he thinks im starting an argument and he gets pisst off. what can i do? pls help ma'am
Ans: It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated and disconnected in your relationship, especially after the shift in his behavior since he started working long hours. It's understandable that you miss the closeness and consistency that you had during the first few months, but it seems like his work demands are now taking up a lot of his time and energy.

The first step is recognizing that his workload is something that's affecting his availability, and while it’s natural to want that same attention from him, relationships often go through phases where things need to adjust. He’s likely feeling overwhelmed with the pressure of balancing work and the relationship, and the 11 pm calls may feel like an added stress for him, even though it’s something that helps you feel close.

To move forward, try approaching the conversation differently. Instead of expressing frustration about the calls or time spent together, share how you're feeling in a calm and non-accusatory way. Let him know that you miss the connection and understand that work is demanding, but that you’re hoping to find a balance that works for both of you. It might help to find a compromise—maybe scheduling calls when he's less tired or having shorter, more spontaneous check-ins during the day.

Also, try to focus on the quality of your conversations rather than the frequency. If you're always arguing or frustrated, it adds stress to both of you, and he may start feeling like he can’t meet your expectations. Finding a middle ground where both of your needs are respected will help ease the tension. Ultimately, if he feels supported, he's more likely to be open to reconnecting with you emotionally.

Give each other space to adjust to these new routines, and work on building trust and communication. It may also help to engage in activities that make you feel secure outside of the relationship, so that you're not relying solely on those calls for comfort.

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Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Anu, I want to talk about my something that has been bothering for a long time now. I am 28 years old now. I had immense body image problem as a child because I was often made fun of because of my obesity. With time I became active in school, participating in various events and was good at studies. When I was about 15 years old I started to experience hair loss as well but not too noticeable at the time. After the 1st semester in college I was able to shed excess weight and I started to feel good about how I looked, but the hair loss also continued and my confidence took a massive hit. I also found it quite difficult to commit to a relationship because I was afraid how others would perceive me and I would not be able to handle it. I was not able to keep myself happy so how could I keep someone else happy. Over the years I have kept myself occupied with my job and tried to be as social as I can be, but there has never been a moment where I could just switch off the feeling of being bothered by my hair loss, I did not let go of what I wanted to be, I just wanted to have a time where I would not be made fun of. I was quite sensitive emotionally and this aggravated after hair loss. I always feel that I could not enjoy my teenage life the way I wanted because of something that I don't know how it started. It's frustrating. I feel this huge gap between how am I supposed to be at my current age and what I actually feel as a person right now. Although I have tried to introspect even more this year and tried to accept that I will just have to find a match with what I have, I just don't understand how should I approach this. Sometimes I simulate it as business deal. My hair loss is not really something that a partner may be looking forward to. I still feel like I am not 28 years old. I am not supposed to be like this at 28. I know that there are others out there in the world in my age group who have also experience this, but I feel so isolated here just like how I used to feel as a child when someone would make fun of my weight among a group of kids. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's misshapen identity...Ultimately the only person who can accept you for who you are, is YOU. People are always going to have something to say about the way you look, what you eat, how you speak...
So, building your identity has to come from you, within you.
- how do I see myself in the mirror?
- what words do I use when I describe myself?
- what happens when I meet people?

A few questions that will give you a reality check. Self-talk is so undermined and we are the first ones to put down ourselves. Obviously, there are parts of your personality that you have overlooked as you have only focused on hair loss. Maybe you have a beautiful smile or you can hold conversations at length.

Actually do this:
Make a questionnaire that will help you figure out what people think of you. Ask these to at least 15 people. You will see the gap between how you see yourself and how others see you. This will help you when you are actively seeking a life partner as you will approach the same thing with confidence and assurance.
And maybe you can see a doctor who can help you with regaining the lost hair. Yeah?
You feel isolated because of your self-talk; so, be kind to yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1355 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I have a fight with my in-laws, my husband always takes their side and not talks with me for a 15 days or a week, tells me that he is bearing me all this years and I should go back to my mothers house, anyway he is hardly talking with me, he just answers my question, he is always busy with his office work, and he shoe me away if I try to romance by saying our daughter (13yr old) will see us, will do it afterwards, that comes only ones in a month. He is really unhappy with me, they all want to send me to my mother house, I deeply love him ....this all things makes me anxious, what should I do??? Ours is arranged marriage 15yrs. gone. He feels like he is trapped with me and now I am also feeling unhappy in our marriage..what should I do please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly none of them seem to be happy with you and seem to want to get you away from them.
What exactly are you holding onto? Evaluate what you are getting by staying in the marriage and what you can do to manage life without the marriage if you of course make that choice.
I would also suggest one last attempt at putting things together. Will your husband be willing to talk to a third person like a therapist or even a family member? Try to set things right and even after this, they seem to make your life miserable, you really need to create options for yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1089 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

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Career
sir i am going to give my pcb board examinations cbse in 2025 and i will also be writing neet in 2025 . here are some questions :- 1. if i take a drop and start preparing for jee mains instead of neet by adding maths to my subjects , which will be a better option among these ? a) writing the on demand exam for maths from nios and if i do so what should information has to be given in jee mains form because i have previously given neet through nta b) writing the public exams for all five subjects pcm from nios.then what should be written in jee main form c) giving a maths exam from cbse as aprivate candidate . and will two marksheets one including maths and one including pcb affect my jee form and counseling do 2 marksheets make a propblem in counselling or filling form and if not what should be entered in form for marksheets of 2 different years or boards 2. if i have maths from nios which board do i have to enter in jee mains form ? i am very confused , please help
Ans: Hello Baqir.
It seems that you are very confused. As you said, you have already appeared for NEET i.e. this is your drop year. Yet you are not confident about NEET 2025. If you have taken NEET previously, then how again you are appearing for the board exam is also not clear. If you have already given NEET and are preparing for NEET again, then why you are thinking about JEE without any reason is also unclear. You have created a lot of problems in your mind without any reason. This is because you are not focussing on the syllabus and studies but rather thinking in an irrelevant direction. The question arises, why not you are appearing with mathematics on the CBSE board? It is suggested that you appear to NEET 2025 with full preparation. If you score less also, then there are many courses in the medical field in which you can get admission. Leave all worries, thoughts, and no mark sheets, JEE issues and focus only on NEET 2025. It is also suggested that you please meet face to face a counselor to understand you more and guide you properly.
If satisfied with my reply, pl like and follow me.
Thanks
Radheshyam

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