Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Ayushi Question by Ayushi on May 11, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hello sir. I am a 27 year old in a 4 year old long distance relationship. I need your help today. I will get straight to the point.I want to break up with my boyfriend. I am no more happy in this relationship. We have only met once just before the pandemic started. Since then,audio,video calls,text messages have been our solace. Despite our own shares of fights and arguements we always came back together and loved each other like never before. Earlier ,we used to be in touch constantly no matter how busy we are in our own lives.I know, change is constant. Nobody and nothing remains the same. I feel alone in this relationship. I have also shared my feelings regarding the lack of communication between us.I have always shared my annoyance with him and next day he will be in touch again. Now we are back to square one.I miss him but I don't feel like talking to him. I respect his schedule and efforts towards self improvement. But i no more feel the same way. I am not even attracted to anyone else let me clarify.But I don't feel happy anymore and feel any love for him. I don't know why I am feeling this way and how will I get over this ? What is the most effective way out? Please help me! Ayu

Ans: Hi Ayu,

I understand that you're going through a difficult time in your long-distance relationship, and you're considering ending things with your boyfriend. It's not an easy decision to make, but sometimes it's necessary for our own well-being.

It sounds like you've tried to communicate your feelings to your boyfriend, but the lack of communication between you two has persisted. It's important to have open and honest communication in any relationship, and if that's not happening, it can be challenging to maintain a healthy connection.

It's also important to remember that relationships go through ups and downs, and it's normal to experience periods of disconnection. However, if you've reached a point where you no longer feel happy or fulfilled in the relationship, it may be time to consider moving on.

Here are some steps you can take to help you navigate this situation:

Take time to reflect: It's important to take some time to reflect on your feelings and why you're feeling this way. Think about what you want and need in a relationship, and whether your current relationship is meeting those needs.

Communicate your decision: Once you've made the decision to end things, it's important to communicate that to your boyfriend in a clear and respectful way. Be honest about your feelings and why you've made this decision.

Take care of yourself: Ending a relationship can be emotionally challenging, so it's important to take care of yourself during this time. Lean on friends and family for support, engage in self-care activities, and seek professional help if needed.

Create a plan for moving forward: It's important to have a plan for moving forward after the breakup. This might include cutting off communication with your ex for a period of time, focusing on your own personal growth and goals, and exploring new hobbies or interests.

Remember, it's normal to feel sad or uncertain after a breakup, but it's important to prioritize your own well-being and make choices that align with your values and goals. I hope this advice helps, and I wish you all the best as you navigate this difficult time.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu, I am in relationship for 6 months and now we are in long distance relationship, I have struggled a lot in family love issues, so I always craved for love, but my boyfriend is a bit distant, although he tries his best, but I just can't get over, I feel like i deserve to be loved more and deserve good care and attention, there are always the things which he hurts me almost everyday now, I feel like shutting down my emotions again, I feel very low after his actions, although he has his reasons which are correct too, but little bit wrong too, he does not think deeply about me, because he is immature himself, we are just 19, I don't know and unable to understand what should I do, should I shut myself down and try to study and not talk to him by giving him excuses that I am busy, I really am losing more and more trust from him, and slowly my will to share things is getting lost, although I scream from inside that I want to share but after his actions hurt me, I feel puzzled from inside, he is good, but I don't think he is much into these love and stuffs, he is just chill with his life, as he shows off, so much that I misunderstand him a lot, how can we understand each other better, we just keep hurting each other, because of our different thoughts and perspective, I love him so much, I want to be with him, but his actions make me further distant from him, and he also says he has his own privacy, I don't understand, if relationship is built on trust then what kind of privacy, I don't mean , I don't understand him, i respect his opinion, but because of his perspective, he hurts me too, and doesn't respect my perspective, I feel like relying on him emotionally and always have been, but he thinks I speak too much and he doesn't value it much, and doesn't understand how much hard it is for me to share....I really feel very much overwhelmed and it's not getting any better, every night I feel pain and keeps on crying, it's not stoping, it's becoming a loop, please guide me, what should I do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
All I can see and hear from you is: that you are dependent on him for you happiness!
Okay, 'I have struggled a lot in family love issues' (as you mentioned) BUT looking for that to be filled from someone externally is only going to disappoint you.
How can you replace family and sibling love and attention from outside?
Also, being 19, both of you are still not mature to put things in perspective. Do understand that every time you complain to your boyfriend and call that a 'perspective', you are just pushing him away...he's just being a boy of 19 trying to have a carefree life and a girlfriend with who he can share and of course, feel 'cool' in his guy gang.
Why are you expecting him to fill in for the missing love? He cannot as whatever he does, he will always fall short as in your mind you will compare with what you ideally would want and he will fall short. Then, the drama will begin where you will complain, he will defend and he will slowly call that his carefree ways and he will say: I am like this only!
And then you will feel hurt and the drama will continue.

First things first; you cannot fulfill what love you lack from outside. Learn to love yourself first. the concept of self-love is rage these days BUT it has always been around in simpler ways from the very beginning. Love what you do everyday, surround yourself with friends that you feel good with, focus on your academic goals...
Loving oneself is the way to go; it might seem a bit difficult at you age to fathom as everything external excites you...So, focus on your self and put less attention in what your boyfriend does or doesn't. Slowly, you will appreciate the things that he does for you...And you will start to feel better from within!
Your self-worth is something only you can grow from within and this cannot be dependent on anything or anyone external. Grow your strength from within!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |365 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
hi ma'am, so ive been dating this guy since 6 months and only the starting 5 months were the best part of this relationship. he used to litrally be obbssesed with me and talk to me all the time. but after he joined work, hes been working for 18 hours and is not able to make time for me. and we used to talk daily on calls at 11pm but now he barely even makes time for me, im not saying he doesnt call me at all but at times he has work. but he says hes so done with my rigid behaviour of must calls at 11pm. ma'am i can't sleep without litsening to his voice but he seems to be not bothered. and now our relationship is all abt fights. whatveer i try to ecplain he thinks im starting an argument and he gets pisst off. what can i do? pls help ma'am
Ans: It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated and disconnected in your relationship, especially after the shift in his behavior since he started working long hours. It's understandable that you miss the closeness and consistency that you had during the first few months, but it seems like his work demands are now taking up a lot of his time and energy.

The first step is recognizing that his workload is something that's affecting his availability, and while it’s natural to want that same attention from him, relationships often go through phases where things need to adjust. He’s likely feeling overwhelmed with the pressure of balancing work and the relationship, and the 11 pm calls may feel like an added stress for him, even though it’s something that helps you feel close.

To move forward, try approaching the conversation differently. Instead of expressing frustration about the calls or time spent together, share how you're feeling in a calm and non-accusatory way. Let him know that you miss the connection and understand that work is demanding, but that you’re hoping to find a balance that works for both of you. It might help to find a compromise—maybe scheduling calls when he's less tired or having shorter, more spontaneous check-ins during the day.

Also, try to focus on the quality of your conversations rather than the frequency. If you're always arguing or frustrated, it adds stress to both of you, and he may start feeling like he can’t meet your expectations. Finding a middle ground where both of your needs are respected will help ease the tension. Ultimately, if he feels supported, he's more likely to be open to reconnecting with you emotionally.

Give each other space to adjust to these new routines, and work on building trust and communication. It may also help to engage in activities that make you feel secure outside of the relationship, so that you're not relying solely on those calls for comfort.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |351 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi Sir, Im 29 male,earning 75k post deductions, Im having 1.6Y baby,Ive term insurance and corporate health insurance. Ive set my goals as below Daughter education anount-(50-60 Lakhs) Considering the current fee structure assuming it would be this much Note:Amount mentioned for her whole education carrer. House purchase: It a long term goal I wanted to purchase own house. Not sure how much cost it would be in Bangalore after 10y.Kindly suggest how much one should save for the same. Retirement goal: For Retirement I would like to have a corpus of 2CR. Considering the above goals How can I achieve,Im doing investments as below 14K SIP Started from this year At present invested around 73K Direct stock value:65K SSY: 2K per month Emergency fund: Holding 6 month expenditure Liquid Amount 1L And I have a personal loan which will be completed by APR 2025. This is my current financial condition. Please suggest how can I achieve my Goals as per the current financial plan.
Ans: Hello;

I hope your term life cover is adequate (1.35-1.8Cr).
Apart from corporate health insurance it is always better to have personal health care cover as a precaution.

Glad to note that you reckoned these as important aspects of financial planning and mentioned about it upfront.

Now I recommend you the following:
Kid's higher education: 1 Cr (50-60L is less)
Retirement Corpus: 2 Cr
House: 1.75 Cr (Approx cost of 2 bhk flat in decent locality of Bengaluru 10 years hence)

Investments to fund these goals:
1. Kid's education:
Two investments will work in parallel to reach the goal.
12.5 K per month in SSY
10 K SIP in a aggressive hybrid mutual fund. Both these investments will yield corpus of around 46 L and 54 L in 15 years from now.(8% and 13% returns assumed respectively). So 1 Cr target achievable.

House: 14 K monthly sip will grow into a corpus of 35 L(=20% down payment for house worth 1.75 Cr; Balance through home loan)

Retirement corpus:
Start a monthly sip of 5 K flexicap mutual fund which will give corpus of 2.21 Cr, after 30 years.

Retirement corpus estimated on relatively lower side so request you to top it up as and when possible. Ofcourse you may have EPF which may complement it.

Do not dabble into direct stocks unless you have the knowledge and temperament to trade.

If you still want to do it earmark a fixed amount as your risk capital which you wouldn't mind even if it becomes zero and use it to deal in stocks, but strictly based on self knowledge and/or guidance from an investment advisor. Not based on TV and social media tips!!

6 month emergency fund provision in liquid funds is a good strategy.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |351 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 41 years old........ I am earning approximately 1.7 lakh per month...... My family liability is approximately 50000 per month.......i have a liability of 10 lakh home loan for which i am paying 12500 monthly EMI.......my investment include 40000 per month in PPF, 4200 in NPS and 3 lakh invested in mutual funds......I own a house worth 70 lakh and a plot of land worth 30 lakh.......please guide me for my forther planning as i will retire at age of 54 on 2037.
Ans: Hello;

If you are sure about not using the land plot in future then I suggest you sell it and invest the proceeds into mutual funds.

So land sell proceeds(30 L) + existing corpus of 3 L if stays invested in pure equity mutual funds for next 13 years, it will yield you a corpus of 1.62 Cr.

Also I recommend you to start a monthly sip of 50 K into pure equity fund for 13 years. At the end of 13 years it may yield you a corpus of around 2.04 Cr. (A modest return of 13% is assumed for all mutual fund investments)

NPS investment will not mature till you reach 60 so I am keeping it out of our working.

Your contribution of 40 K per month to EPF+PPF(PPF contribution cannot be more then 1.5 L per person per year) will grow into a corpus of 1.1 Cr after 13 years.(A modest return of 8% is assumed)

So your comprehensive corpus in 2037 will be 1.62+2.04+1.1= 4.76 Cr.

If you buy an immediate annuity from an insurance company for your corpus of 4.76 Cr, you may expect a monthly payout of 1.66 L(post tax) considering annuity rate of 6%.

If you don't want to sell the land parcel then I recommend you to start an sip of 60 K per month for 13 years. This may yield you a corpus of 2.45 Cr after 13 years.

3 L current MF corpus will grow to 0.1469 Cr after 13 years

So your comprehensive corpus now is 2.45+1.1+0.1469=~3.70 Cr

If you buy an immediate annuity from an insurance company for your corpus of 3.7 Cr then you may expect to receive a monthly payout of 1.3 L(post tax).

Further NPS will yield you a corpus of 25.5 L at the attainment of 60 years of age.(9% return considered; hoping you will continue to contribute after your retirement at 54 age)

I am sure you have adequate term life insurance and healthcare insurance for yourself and family.

You are ready to retire at 54 as planned.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |968 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Listen
Career
My son is doing his XII Standard in CBSE Curriculum with Maths,Physics, Chemistry and Biology as his group. He is yet to decide on what next after XII with his mind wavering between Astro Physics or Micro Biology with NEET in mind. Any guidance is welcome.
Ans: Hello Srinivasan.
I am glad to hear that your son is exploring diversified fields at this early stage. Astrophysics and Microbiology both are fascinating and rewarding paths, but they differ significantly in terms of the career options and the type of studies involved.
My suggestion for your son would be to focus only on the NEET examination at this stage. There is no need to divert the mind without any reason at this stage. After the NEET examination is over, you have ample time to discover more career options along with Astrophysics and Microbiology. The inclination toward career options of a student changes multiple times during the 11th and 12th. If he is brilliant, a hard worker, and dedicated to his studies, then set a goal of Min 650 marks in the NEET examination.
For Astrophysics: Focus on excelling in Physics and Maths in XII. He can apply to top institutions like IISc, IITs, or IISERs for B.Sc. programs.
For Microbiology: Prepare for NEET if he wants to take the medical path. Otherwise, he can explore a B.Sc. in Microbiology at a reputable university.

Best of luck for his future career and upcoming NEET examination.

If you are dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |351 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Now I'm 43 years old, but next 5 year's I need 3cr with best mutual funds to invest and son education, marriage and my retirement, currently I have housing loan commitment. 70lakhs, how should I close my loan ASAP and I should have 3cr in my hand. Kindly help me, I'm in scary situation, I'm working in private sector 95k my take home and current home loan emi is 63k, 4500 recently started investment through groww app in parakh Parikh small fund, 12500 in PPF etc, kindly help. I'm completely in debt trap.
Ans: Hello;

General Comments:
People always delay retirement planning for later stage but this is not ok.

Because when you are young the investible surplus amount maybe less but you have the biggest resource, time on your side.

A mere 25K monthly sip can achieve 3 Cr in 20+ years

Query Specific Comments:
If you need this corpus in 5 years then you need to make a monthly sip of 3.55 Lacs Minimum to reach 3 Cr corpus in 5 yrs.(modest return of 13% considered).

Focus on improving your earning because then you can earmark larger amounts for investing towards your goals.

Also try to prepay the home loan as early as possible through EPF corpus or some asset sale.

Do not panic if you diligently pre-close the home loan you have ample time to invest and create a comfortable corpus for your goals.

Continue investing in MFs with increasing allocation, PPF to reach your goals.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |351 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 24 years old and earn a monthly salary of Rs.65,000. I am interested in investing some of my funds for future financial security and am also planning to marry in two years. As I have no prior knowledge of investment, I would greatly appreciate guidance on this matter.
Ans: Hello;

First and foremost buy a good term life cover including riders for critical care and accident benefit.

Ensure that you can top-up the sum assured later when you grow your responsibilities after marriage.

For retirement planning you should consider investing in NPS. If your office provides it well and good but otherwise also you can open NPS account and contribute regularly for financing your retirement. It's an E-E-E type of scheme. Charges are quite low and you can decide to select allocation to the asset classes like equity, corporate debt or sovereign bonds as per your risk tolerance. It allows limited withdrawal before 60.

If you decide to contribute to NPS per month an amount of 20 K, it will grow into a corpus of 6.51 Cr by the time you are 60 years of age.(A modest return of 9% is considered)

For all other goals such as marriage, house, kid's education, car, vacation you can use mutual funds as your mode of investments.

If you do a monthly sip of say 15 K into a pure equity mutual fund then at the end of 5 years you may expect to receive a corpus of 12.72 L considering moderate return of 13%.

Happy Investing!!

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x