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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1180 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, I am in relationship for 6 months and now we are in long distance relationship, I have struggled a lot in family love issues, so I always craved for love, but my boyfriend is a bit distant, although he tries his best, but I just can't get over, I feel like i deserve to be loved more and deserve good care and attention, there are always the things which he hurts me almost everyday now, I feel like shutting down my emotions again, I feel very low after his actions, although he has his reasons which are correct too, but little bit wrong too, he does not think deeply about me, because he is immature himself, we are just 19, I don't know and unable to understand what should I do, should I shut myself down and try to study and not talk to him by giving him excuses that I am busy, I really am losing more and more trust from him, and slowly my will to share things is getting lost, although I scream from inside that I want to share but after his actions hurt me, I feel puzzled from inside, he is good, but I don't think he is much into these love and stuffs, he is just chill with his life, as he shows off, so much that I misunderstand him a lot, how can we understand each other better, we just keep hurting each other, because of our different thoughts and perspective, I love him so much, I want to be with him, but his actions make me further distant from him, and he also says he has his own privacy, I don't understand, if relationship is built on trust then what kind of privacy, I don't mean , I don't understand him, i respect his opinion, but because of his perspective, he hurts me too, and doesn't respect my perspective, I feel like relying on him emotionally and always have been, but he thinks I speak too much and he doesn't value it much, and doesn't understand how much hard it is for me to share....I really feel very much overwhelmed and it's not getting any better, every night I feel pain and keeps on crying, it's not stoping, it's becoming a loop, please guide me, what should I do.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
All I can see and hear from you is: that you are dependent on him for you happiness!
Okay, 'I have struggled a lot in family love issues' (as you mentioned) BUT looking for that to be filled from someone externally is only going to disappoint you.
How can you replace family and sibling love and attention from outside?
Also, being 19, both of you are still not mature to put things in perspective. Do understand that every time you complain to your boyfriend and call that a 'perspective', you are just pushing him away...he's just being a boy of 19 trying to have a carefree life and a girlfriend with who he can share and of course, feel 'cool' in his guy gang.
Why are you expecting him to fill in for the missing love? He cannot as whatever he does, he will always fall short as in your mind you will compare with what you ideally would want and he will fall short. Then, the drama will begin where you will complain, he will defend and he will slowly call that his carefree ways and he will say: I am like this only!
And then you will feel hurt and the drama will continue.

First things first; you cannot fulfill what love you lack from outside. Learn to love yourself first. the concept of self-love is rage these days BUT it has always been around in simpler ways from the very beginning. Love what you do everyday, surround yourself with friends that you feel good with, focus on your academic goals...
Loving oneself is the way to go; it might seem a bit difficult at you age to fathom as everything external excites you...So, focus on your self and put less attention in what your boyfriend does or doesn't. Slowly, you will appreciate the things that he does for you...And you will start to feel better from within!
Your self-worth is something only you can grow from within and this cannot be dependent on anything or anyone external. Grow your strength from within!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1180 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Relationship
Hello mam. I am in a relationship with a boy and we both love each other and also want to get married but he doesn’t trust me at all.I tell him everything, yet he thinks I am a liar and alleges that am cheating on him. He doubts me in every single thing even he don't allow me to talk to any guy or girl not even my friends and he doesn't like when I step out from my home.  He gets scared when I step out or get to my college. He keeps reminding me to not to cheat or not to talk with anybody. All these things got me into stress and frustration and I feel so bad that the person I love doesn't trust me.We had lot of fights because of this. He abuses me and makes me angry. As I am a college going student, I can't manage my studies because of fights and his bad behaviour.He always tries to prove me wrong and make me feel guilty. He thinks very bad about me and makes his own stories adding fake stories and allegations.  In the past 2 years there is not a single day when I didn't have to explain him. But he is not ready to accept. He only wants to hear what he thinks not the real truth if I say that u are misunderstanding me he says no he is 100% right and you are wrong. One of his friends put one story 2 years ago with a girl hiding her face and the top she is wearing on that picture. I have the same top and he knows it. He doubted that the girl is me. I am tired answering his doubts. I got so much anger and feel disrespectful.I love him; he is my first and one and only boyfriend.  I do everything for him. But he treats me rudely he always starts his conversation with doubt like: where are you coming from? even if I didn't go anywhere he thinks that I went somewhere to meet someone. He tortures and abuses me like this. Every time I forgive him but he kept repeating that behaviour.  I can't even live without him. I give him my love, time...my everything.  But I didn't get anything. He thinks that I always do things by planning but I don't. He thinks that I always want to ruin his life, break his heart or cheat him but that's all wrong. He is making his mind so negative he thinks so negative about me. Because of his doubts problem I don't talk to anybody -- no friends, no guys but he thinks that I am talking to any guy and I'm lying that I don't I give every possible proof but he didn't trust me at all.He thinks that I tell people about him I gossip about him but I didn't do that I didn't even talk to anybody. He doesn't even want to breakup with me. I explained him that for our peace we have to separate he didn't want that also. He put such bad allegations on me about my character, my sexual status. I am a virgin but I didn't accept that. He makes me feel so sad and helpless I don't know what to do I’m helpless I didn't even share these things with anyone. Sometimes I feel suicidal also.  He has just all control over my life my mind but also he didn't give me respect, love or value. Plzzz help me mam what should I do with his doubts and trust issue. I am so depressed, plzzzz help me out. I’m stuck in it.
Ans:

Dear BM,

Have you heard of emotional abuse? That is exactly what you have been facing.

And why are you putting up with this? Because you maybe feel a sense of validation in this relationship.

What sort of a relationship demands constant proving and to the extent of having to prove that you are a virgin.

How is it any of anyone’s business whether you are a virgin or not? This relationship is toxic and has begun to alter your personality and who you are meant to be.

Take charge and NOW. Be YOU and what you always stood up for, because all this putting up with his idiosyncrasies, is causing you pain and moreover your inner self does not want to allow it.

Yet you are stuck to it giving yourself the story that he is the only boyfriend. BREATHE, take a step back and OBSERVE.

It’s time for you to draw out a beautiful life ahead of you and colour it as brightly as you intend.

What exactly are you waiting for? More abuses, more toxicity to hit and dampen your sprightly spirit?

Get a hold of yourself dear girl, be brave and do the right thing. Help yourself…Seek close friends who will hold space for you!

You can do this. Best wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am dealing with brkup its been 2 months its mutual because he is bhramin his parents will not allow intercaste and for me its not possible to settle in place where he lives . its almost 3-4 year of relationship from my age of 18 he was there with my i lost my father during corona he took care of me , he stayed by my side he is not upto the mark but still he is always there for me after that i leave that state where both we stayed and we did long distance for 2 years but now as he come to know his parents are way more strict he dont want to hurts his parents and even my reason that i have to compromise lot carrrer difference and all. As i lost my father at age of 18 i cry lot every one day gap during my relationship also i was so anxious , and some times due to family problems i always used to be disturbed and dont want to live sometimeslike sucidal thoughts and all but at the time of relationship i share all this to him and i feel okay and got back to my study as he motivates me little . but now after brkup i dont have any real friends , i cant talk to any one neither any person messeges me my depression is becoming more big now we are in no contact for some days but again we talk and again we are in no contact he feels like he is in guilt becos he hurted me and made me miserable also he dont think about any other relation ship whatever his parents will bring he will do but for me not that case becos we dont have nay guardian i have to in my own actually we are not that big for marriage but we thought of future more and brkup becos of i have to find some one right we are 21 also my campus placements are coming his neet pg is coming but my heart cries every day i feel choked , i cried , choked and hurt my head it happens often but i still think we can not talk becos how can we move on from some body we talk but my depression at peak level i msg him with bigtext with all that goin on my life. should we talk ? as their is no rush to find other person we have to first focus on career how can we set boundaries? though if i talk i mak eme feel someone i can talk and make me releif at the sam etime it hurts if i dont talk also its hurts more as i ahve no one to talk with . he insisted me that we can be friends i can see u like this he wants me to be happy he feel he did the sin to me. Pls tell what will be good for me how can i be little releif what should i should i talk treat or my depression how ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is tough. I am also glad you found someone to share your pain with at that moment. Coming to your dilemma- whether you should be in touch with him- I understand that it is a great relief to talk to him, but that is momentary, isn't it? You cannot continue doing this if you two are broken up. Even though he is not planning to get married right away, the problem is that he will someday. Plus, more often than not, one person moves on faster than the other, and in your case, if it's him, it will hurt more. The right thing to do is sit and have a clear conversation. Discuss the possibility of getting back together. Ask what is in his mind and express what's in yours. But going in this circle will only hurt you more; maybe not today, but someday it will.

Now, coming to your depression, I would suggest sharing your pain with close friends but you mentioned you have none. That is not uncommon. Not all of us are blessed with it. In that case, I recommend seeing a professional therapist. There is absolutely no shame in it. Rather it will help you in sorting your feelings. Finally, you can take care of them without relying on your ex. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job in managing your depression but a professional counselor can help you come out of this in a more structured way. Please consider it. If you are not comfortable seeing someone in person, there are several counselors available online. Just try it once and see how that makes you feel.

Remember we all need help occasionally. You are amazing and you do not have to hold everything together alone.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6505 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Money
Hello, This is Capt. Samir. I have invested in mutual funds and doing an SIP of 70k per month. Would like to know if the mutual funds that I have invested in are good to hold and the corpus that can be generated in the next 10 years. I am looking forward for a 2 cr corpus by 2034 from MF. Kindly advise if SIP needs to be increased to generate the said corpus. Mutual Funds DSP-Global innovation FOF-Reg fund -G -3000 Sip WHITEOAK flexi cap reg fund- 3000 SIP CANARA REBECCO Mid cap fund - 3000 SIP HDFC Business fund- 200000 LUMPSUM HDFC top 30 fund - 3000 SIP Aditya Birla frontline equity fund - 2 folios - 3000 SIP in one only DSP small cap fund- 5000 HDFC small cap fund- 5000 Merai asset large cap fund-5000 ICICI prudential Blue chip fund-5000 Canara Rebecco manufacturing fund Growth - 5000 Kotak focused equity fund -5000 JM midcap fund Growth - 5000 SBI ENERGY OPPORTUNITIES FUND - 400,000 LUMPSUM Kotak Multicap fund: 5000 ICICI PRU energy and fund: 5000 HDFC Nifty 200 momentum30 index fund- 10000 HSBC EXPORT OPPORTUNITIES FUND - 3L lumpsum Thanks Samir
Ans: It’s great to see that you are already investing consistently and have a target in mind. Your aim of generating Rs 2 crore by 2034 from mutual fund investments is achievable with a systematic approach. Let's break down your current investment strategy and assess whether any adjustments are needed to meet your goal.

Review of Your Existing SIPs and Lump Sum Investments
You are currently investing Rs 70,000 per month through SIPs and have made some lump-sum investments as well. Let's evaluate the funds you have chosen based on their category, diversification, and potential for long-term growth.

Global Innovation Fund: This fund gives you exposure to international markets, which helps diversify your portfolio. Keep an eye on global market trends, but this fund can add value if the global tech and innovation sectors grow.

Flexi Cap and Mid Cap Funds: Flexi Cap and Mid Cap funds offer a balance of growth potential and risk. They tend to outperform in the long run, but they also come with volatility. These funds are good to hold for a long-term horizon.

Lump Sum Investments in Sector-Specific Funds (Energy and Manufacturing): Sector-specific funds can be high-risk but may offer high returns if the sector performs well. The energy sector has potential but may be volatile due to factors like government policies, oil prices, and global energy trends. Manufacturing is more stable but less likely to deliver aggressive returns. Keep these funds for diversification, but be cautious.

Small Cap Funds: You have exposure to two small cap funds. While small cap funds can offer high returns, they come with high volatility. Keep in mind that small cap funds should ideally not exceed 20% of your portfolio due to their risk profile.

Large Cap and Blue Chip Funds: Large Cap funds are a safer bet in the long term and provide stability. They might not offer the highest returns but will protect your capital. Continue your SIPs in these funds.

Focused Equity Funds: These funds invest in a limited number of stocks, which can give concentrated returns but also carry higher risk. As you are looking for a long-term goal, these funds can add value, but balance them with more diversified funds.

Index Funds: While index funds are low-cost, they track the index and may not offer outperformance. Actively managed funds can give you better returns over the long term. If you are invested in index funds, consider reviewing their performance and reallocating to actively managed funds with a Certified Financial Planner.

Is Your Portfolio Diversified Enough?
Your portfolio has a good mix of different fund categories—small cap, mid cap, flexi cap, and large cap. You also have exposure to international markets and sectoral funds. However, be cautious about over-investing in small caps and sectoral funds due to their high volatility. Consider reducing the allocation to sectoral funds if their performance dips.

Will You Achieve Rs 2 Crore by 2034?
You aim to accumulate Rs 2 crore by 2034. Based on your current SIP amount, it is important to assess if this is enough. Considering an average return of 12% per annum from your mutual funds, Rs 70,000 per month SIPs may get you close to your target. However, it is wise to periodically review your portfolio and step up your SIP amount by 10-15% every year to stay on track.

Recommendation:

Increase your SIP amount: If possible, increase your SIPs by 10% every year to boost your corpus and mitigate the impact of inflation.
Step-Up SIPs: Some mutual funds offer a "Step-Up SIP" option where you can increase your monthly SIP amount automatically by a fixed percentage every year. This will help you stay on track for your Rs 2 crore goal.
Lump Sum vs SIPs
Lump sum investments can boost your corpus, but they depend on market timing. Since you already have a few lump-sum investments, it’s good to continue with SIPs to average out market volatility. If you come into additional funds, like a bonus or windfall, consider allocating some towards lump sum investments in diversified funds.

Expense Ratios and Fund Performance
It’s important to regularly monitor the expense ratios of the funds you are invested in. High expense ratios can eat into your returns over the long term. Actively managed funds with high expense ratios should justify the cost with higher returns. If you find that the returns are not justifying the high costs, consult a Certified Financial Planner to switch to better-performing funds with reasonable expenses.

Managing Risk and Rebalancing
Your current portfolio leans towards high-risk, high-return funds like small caps and sectoral funds. As you approach your target year, start reducing exposure to high-risk funds and shift more towards stable funds like large caps and flexi caps. This will help preserve your capital and reduce volatility.

Every year or two, review your portfolio and rebalance it. For example, if small caps have outperformed, they may now constitute a larger portion of your portfolio than you originally planned. Rebalance by selling some small cap units and buying more large cap or flexi cap units.

Emergency Fund and Insurance
Apart from investing in mutual funds, ensure that you have an emergency fund that covers 6-12 months of your expenses. This will protect you from dipping into your investments in case of unforeseen financial needs.

You already have a term insurance plan, which is great. Ensure that the sum assured is adequate to cover your family's financial needs in case of an emergency.

Tax Planning
Remember to account for taxation when planning your investment strategy. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds are taxed at 10% for gains above Rs 1 lakh. Plan your withdrawals strategically to minimize tax liabilities.

You can also invest in ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) funds to save on taxes under Section 80C. ELSS funds have a 3-year lock-in period and provide both tax benefits and market-linked returns.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio is well-diversified but high on risk.
Keep track of expense ratios and switch funds if necessary.
Step up your SIPs annually by 10-15% to meet your Rs 2 crore target.
Rebalance your portfolio every year to manage risk.
Maintain an emergency fund and ensure adequate insurance coverage.
Consider tax-saving strategies like ELSS to optimize your investments.
With a disciplined approach and periodic reviews, your goal of Rs 2 crore by 2034 is achievable.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Moneywize

Moneywize   |164 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Money
I’m Kavya from Varanasi. I am 33 with one daughter, aged 5. My husband and I both have health and life insurance policies. We’re considering adding a critical illness rider to our insurance. Is this a good idea for additional protection?
Ans: Hello Kavya,
Adding a critical illness (CI) rider to your existing health and life insurance policies can be a valuable way to enhance your financial protection. Here are some key points to consider:

What is a Critical Illness Rider?

A critical illness rider is an add-on to your existing insurance policy that provides a lump-sum payment if you are diagnosed with one of the specified critical illnesses covered by the policy. Common illnesses covered include cancer, heart attack, stroke, kidney failure, and major organ transplants, among others.

Benefits of Adding a CI Rider:

1. Financial Support During Recovery:
• Medical Expenses: Helps cover treatments that might not be fully covered by your regular health insurance.
• Living Expenses: Provides funds to manage daily expenses if you're unable to work during recovery.

2. Flexibility:

• The lump sum can be used as you see fit, whether for medical bills, mortgage payments, or other financial obligations.

3. Peace of Mind:

• Offers additional security knowing that you have extra coverage in case of a serious illness.

Considerations Before Adding a CI Rider:

1. Coverage and Definitions:

• Illness List: Ensure the rider covers a broad range of illnesses relevant to your age and family medical history.
• Definitions and Criteria: Understand the specific definitions and diagnostic criteria for each covered illness.

2. Cost:

• Premium Increases: Adding a CI rider will increase your premium. Evaluate whether the additional cost fits within your budget.
• Affordability: Consider how the increased premiums affect your overall financial plan.

3. Exclusions and Limitations:

• Pre-existing Conditions: Check if any existing health conditions might exclude you from coverage.
• Survival Period: Some policies require you to survive a certain period after diagnosis to receive the benefit.

4. Policy Terms:

• Claim Process: Understand the process for filing a claim and the documentation required.
• Renewability: Ensure the rider remains in force for as long as you need it, without excessive increases in premiums.

5. Existing Coverage:

• Overlap: Review your current health and life insurance policies to identify any overlapping benefits.
• Gap Analysis: Determine if there are gaps in coverage that the CI rider would effectively fill.

Personal Considerations:

• Health Status: Both you and your husband’s current health status and family medical history can influence the necessity of a CI rider.
• Financial Obligations: Consider your financial responsibilities, such as your daughter's education, mortgage, or other long-term commitments.
• Risk Tolerance: Assess your comfort level with the potential financial risks associated with critical illnesses.

Next Steps:

1. Evaluate Your Needs:

• Assess your current financial situation, obligations, and the level of protection you desire.

2. Compare Policies:

• Look at different insurers and the specific terms of their CI riders to find the best fit for your needs.

3. Consult a Professional:

• Speak with a certified financial advisor or insurance agent who can provide personalized advice based on your circumstances.

Adding a critical illness rider can offer valuable protection and peace of mind, but it's essential to carefully evaluate how it fits into your overall financial plan. By considering the factors above and consulting with a professional, you can make an informed decision that best suits your family's needs.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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