Dear Love Guru,
From where should I begin? It's a rather complex one. Well, I was in a 6-year-old long distance relationship (we met on Facebook) it was a good one and he was the best friend I thought I wanted.
Over the years though, I started seeing a controlling streak in him in whatever I did. Though we were only connected online but applications like Discord, having access to my accounts and passwords became a tool to keep tabs on me.
I had no privacy of my own and the sad part, I didn't even realise it was toxic. He had taken hold of a lot of aspects of my life and I didn't even realise how unhealthy it is.
It was last year when I lost my mother (having lost my father years back) when life hit me.
I was completing first year of my MBA programme when this tragedy occurred. Her passing amidst the COVID 2nd wave was terrorising, to say the least.
Thankfully, I had gem of friends who were there throughout.
It was amidst this that I realised that there was an element of control in the support he provided. He didn't understand the magnitude of what I was going through and always undermined my efforts.
There was no respect in him for me and for me there was no love left (when I introspect now I think I was more in love with idea of love rather than loving him) but I didn't realise this because I was so habituated with him.
My MBA summer internship started and I was paired with this batchmate who was also a classmate. I didn't know him because COVID ensured that first year of PG is completely online.
When I first met him. I found him to be stiff, rude and cribbing. I didn't realise he was an introvert.
Eventually, I started warming up to him with us travelling almost two months together there developed a thickness. We bonded over our shared state, food and sadness of losing our mothers.
I didn't even realise when I started getting attracted to him and neither did he.
But when I did the first thing that I did was to break up with the guy I was with because for the first time in six years I was tilting towards someone else and I knew that this was it for us.
The break-up was long, tiresome and hurtful for both of us. I hated hurting him but I couldn't be with him and suffocate myself any longer.
We tried to wish each other well but then when has all this been anything but ending up in a train wreck and now we don't have any contact with each other.
I keep him in prayers and wishes because I know he is not a bad human being it's just that I allowed him to walk over me and he kept on doing it without realising what he is doing is mental abuse.
But it's not the story of me and my ex. It's the story of the guy I have come to love.
The rude, stiff and cribby guy… who knew he would turn out be this sensitive, loving and appreciative soul. I got what I always wanted from someone I loved: respect, trust and appreciation.
It's not like I don't have fights with him or arguments but there is a dialogue at the end. He understands where he went wrong and so do I. I am finally in a happy, healthy relationship.
The only issue here is we both are from two different religions, I am H and he is M. This often makes me feel that there is a timer to us.
We are two highly educated people from urban India, completing our post-graduation from one of India's top B-schools with great placements in hand and still the noose of society and religion is tied around our neck.
I try not to think of us in the long term but I am on that side of 20s now that settling down is always on my mind. Especially after losing my parents, I often crave a family that is my own.
There is also a hint of loss hovering over me. I still haven't moved on from losing my mother and I don't think I ever will.
But last one year has been a roller coaster ride with major decisions and incidences. How do I wrap my head around all of this?
Now, here I am between love, life and ambitions. Asking you what to do? Where to go? Which road should be taken?
Regards,
R
PS: Please ensure anonymity.