Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Why can't I make friends?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 25, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I have since my growing age where i felt i cannot make friends, over the years i find cannot conversate with others, i just hello, good morning to say cannot go beyond, i just to others for work related things do not have casual, friendly chat in the office or outside. Cannot go for expensive therapy, place bangalore. Govt set up usually offers medicines, counseling but not therapies

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What we are uncomfortable with is what we must face and overcome.
Join Toastmasters Club (look up the Internet for more on this) or any public speaking clubs that will enable you to not just speak but build on your confidence. For growing your social circle, move around with people who share similar interests such as yours. Maybe hiking, trekking, painting...This will ensure that you have opportunities to not just meet people but also connect with them through sharing experiences and thoughts. Slowly, but surely...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hello Anu. I hope you are doing well. I follow your column and read your posts. I have a different issue. I am single and 30+ years. I have no complaints as I did not find any suitable guy to marry. I had a happy and busy life before Covid. However after Covid, lockdown and this work from home life has become monotonous. I not only lost my uncle due to depression but lost my friends due to fights and misunderstanding. I believe in giving importance so I tried to patch up with my friends but they prefer to break all the connections and move on. I have always had a thing for respect and to be valued. I moved away too coz I felt it was the right thing to do but somewhere it hurts me a lot that I am not able to hold on to my friends who knew me for so many years. How can someone get abandoned and not want to talk and sort things out? I feel I am overthinking it when the others are not even bothered or thinking about me or it. I really want to move away and focus on my life and career. I try doing it but many times there are so many things that reminds me of them and I get stuck and emotional again. I am trying some meditation and journaling but it does not seem to clear my mind.Hence I thought of checking with you. Let me know if you have any advice for me.
Ans:

Dear MS,

Time to make amends?

You clearly seem like someone who likes being around friends and has allowed a bit of ego take over, which has perhaps pushed them away.

So go back to them! Make amends, apologise for what’s happened and tell them how much you value their presence in your life.

Focus on what is good in them and what they bring into your life. No one is perfect; expecting them to behave in a certain manner and letting your pride come in the way will push them away.

Even if you move away from them and make new friends, the same thing will happen again as there is a part of you that expects something they can’t do or be.

It's time to look within and make some subtle and useful changes so that people are attracted to that person in you who is fun and compassionate.

Also, you can continue with journalling and spend time listing down the best qualities in each of your friends.

This will help in celebrating them for who they are and it really makes you feel good from within. It works!

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
hi , I am a 40 year old man with 2 kids and wife , aged parents .Financially and health wise i am doing good and working in a reputed mnc. My relationship with parents , wife ,kids and siblings is in good spirits . however i am an introvert and don't have many friends .while i had friends in childhood and youth however they have moved in there life .i want to have an improved social life and also have joined a course to improve social skills and more strong relationship socially and at work . As course suggest to approach people , however i still don't approach/talk to people when opportunity is there .i also tried to have more positive attitude towards other people ..however still sometimes i start criticizing them in my mind...and sometimes i feel that approaching /talking may belittle me in front of them,,,, and talking /approaching opposite sex is even more difficult ... any suggestion to improve on this part and how i can improve my social life and get/find company of like minded people .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Two things to understand here:
1. You are an introvert and you are happy being one
2. You are a forced introvert as you are unable to break the walls that you have put around you.

If you belong to the first category, enjoy the state of bliss as is. But from what I gather, you seem to falling under the second category wherein you want to expand your social circle and be a part of activities etc.
Then you have to put yourself out there.
1. Do understand that as much you want to be engaged with like-minded people, even these people will at some point in time think different from you.
2. Do accept people for who they are and that way you will come from a non-judgemental space while engaging with them.
3. Do connect with people who are totally different from you and it will help you expand your mind to be curious about them.

If this is a difficult thing to do...think....What if one of your children came to you with the same problem that you have now? What would you tell them to do?
Also, get into circles on social media that discuss topics which interest you. Join a gym or a hobby class and that is an avenue to make new friends irrespective of gender.
To add more friends, you need to be friendly as well...so open your heart and mind...

All the best!

..Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |104 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Listen
Career
Hi, I have been an introvert guy for my whole life, but somehow I always got good colleagues which became great friends. But from last 5 years I am in a office where very few people works and that too they are not connected to me. Hence, I get a very little exposer with them. Feels so much lonely in office as there is not a lot of workload also. Most of my day goes watching reels on social media. Sometimes i forgot when last i smiled/laughed at office place where I spends 9 hours of my day (I do talk to my family over phone, but can't help my loneliness). what can I do....worried... A very lonely 45 year male.....
Ans: Dear Sunil,

No one is clear cut introvert or an extrovert, look at yourself closely too... in some circumstances you behave like an extrovert and some areas you behave like an introvert.

Be brave and say "hi" to people around you in the office, you be the first one to greet, this itself can be a starting point to making new friends. A smile and a pleasant "hi" is all it takes.
Look for opportunities to connect with ppl in the office, instead of sending mails or reminders to ppl electronically, just walk up to them and speak to them or call them up to say you have sent a mail/reminder. This way you can establish a human connect.
Also check if you can go to the dining area to eat lunch and during breaks.. do not sit at your desk and have lunch.
Social media and watching reels is a "big no" if you are yearning for human connections. I am glad you talk to your family...outside the office, join book clubs, singing clubs, drama clubs or anywhere your interest lies...you can join a classroom to learn and develop a new skill....

Also check if you are getting enough sleep, exercise, fresh air , sunshine during the day....focus on your diet too!!

Hope this helps... take care of yourself!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8327 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2025
Money
Dear Sir, I am 55 and I am a stage 4 cancer patient for the past 5 years. Presently working with a salary of Rs.30 LPA. I have Rs.75 L in SB account. Rs.25 L in shares out of which Rs.12 L is loss. Rs.12 L in mutual funds. Rs.3 L in EPF. No commitments or liabilities. I need to know how I can get Rs. 70 K per month in case I lose my job. Kindly advise.
Ans: I truly appreciate your courage and clarity even in the face of health challenges. With your current financial resources and the need to secure a monthly income of Rs. 70,000, a detailed and careful plan is very much possible.

Let me give you a full 360-degree solution below, step-by-step.

Understanding Your Present Financial Picture
You are 55 years old and have been living with stage 4 cancer for 5 years.

You are still employed and drawing a salary of Rs. 30 lakhs per year.

You have Rs. 75 lakhs in your savings bank account.

You hold Rs. 25 lakhs in shares, with Rs. 12 lakhs in losses.

You have Rs. 12 lakhs in mutual funds.

Rs. 3 lakhs is in your EPF account.

You have no loans or financial commitments.

Your main concern is to receive Rs. 70,000 every month if the job stops.

You are not looking to take risks.

You want regular, reliable income without physical involvement.

Step 1: Emergency Medical and Health Fund
Health comes first. Keep money aside just for medical needs.

This fund should cover two years of your full household and medical costs.

Keep Rs. 15 to 20 lakhs aside for this purpose.

This money should be in ultra-safe places.

Prefer a savings bank account and liquid mutual funds.

This should remain untouched unless truly needed.

This emergency buffer gives peace and avoids panic in tough times.

Step 2: Generate Rs. 70,000 Monthly Income
Rs. 70,000 monthly means Rs. 8.4 lakhs needed per year.

Aim for post-tax cash flow from your investments.

Break your funds into income generation buckets.

Use your Rs. 75 lakhs from savings bank as the core capital.

Avoid keeping the full amount idle in SB account.

Allocate funds into low-risk, stable return instruments.

Prefer investment avenues offering quarterly or monthly payouts.

Choose options where you can withdraw in parts if needed.

Step 3: Structured Investment Allocation
Short-Term Bucket: 1 to 2 Years

Set aside Rs. 18 to 20 lakhs for short-term needs.

Put this money into highly liquid options.

Use only those that protect capital and give fixed income.

These funds will generate stable income for the next two years.

Prefer options offering monthly or quarterly payouts.

This will help replace your salary if job stops.

You don’t need to sell any shares or mutual funds right away.

You get time to think clearly, plan calmly.

Medium-Term Bucket: 3 to 5 Years

Keep around Rs. 25 to 30 lakhs here.

Invest in actively managed hybrid mutual funds.

Choose regular plans through a mutual fund distributor with CFP credentials.

Do not go for direct funds.

Direct plans do not come with personalised guidance.

There is no one to help you rebalance, switch or review.

Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner offer ongoing support.

With hybrid funds, risk is moderate and returns are better than FDs.

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) to get monthly income.

You can set up SWP of Rs. 40,000 to 50,000 from this bucket.

These funds will last for years while also growing gradually.

Long-Term Bucket: 5+ Years

Keep Rs. 10 to 15 lakhs for the long-term.

This is not for current income, but for inflation beating growth.

Invest in actively managed large cap or balanced advantage funds.

Again, use regular plans with Certified Financial Planner.

These funds will build wealth for later stages.

You can shift gains to the medium bucket after 5 years.

Step 4: Shareholding Review and Action Plan
You have Rs. 25 lakhs in shares.

Out of this, Rs. 12 lakhs are in losses.

Do not sell them in a hurry.

Some may recover if you wait patiently.

First, make a list of all companies and their quality.

Exit poor-quality stocks even at a loss.

Retain good quality stocks with strong future.

If the whole portfolio is confusing, take help from a Certified Financial Planner.

You can harvest the loss now to set off gains later.

Book losses smartly to reduce future capital gains tax.

After cleaning up, move the proceeds to your medium bucket.

Step 5: Mutual Fund Review
You hold Rs. 12 lakhs in mutual funds.

Find out the type of each fund.

If these are equity funds, hold them long-term.

If returns are low or risk is high, shift to hybrid funds.

Avoid investing in index funds.

Index funds cannot protect capital in falling markets.

They simply copy the market blindly.

Actively managed funds are safer.

Professional fund managers take timely actions.

They reduce your risk and improve consistency.

Step 6: EPF Strategy
You have Rs. 3 lakhs in EPF.

EPF earns stable tax-free interest.

Do not withdraw unless it’s urgent.

Keep it as part of your long-term reserve.

Step 7: Monthly Income Setup
Use short-term and medium-term buckets to get income.

Start SWP from mutual funds for Rs. 40,000 monthly.

Use fixed income tools for Rs. 30,000 more.

Review this every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Adjust amounts if needed based on inflation.

Step 8: Tax Planning and Awareness
Income from mutual funds is taxable.

Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakhs taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains taxed as per your slab.

Plan redemptions to avoid tax shocks.

Harvest profits in a planned manner.

Step 9: Avoid These Common Mistakes
Do not invest in real estate.

It is illiquid and needs physical handling.

Do not buy annuities.

They give poor returns and lock your money.

Do not fall for insurance + investment combos.

If you already hold such policies, review them.

Consider surrender if return is poor.

Reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds.

Step 10: Use a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner gives structured and unbiased advice.

They help you with fund selection, SWP setup, rebalancing.

They guide you with tax-saving and risk control.

Their ongoing service is crucial at your life stage.

Choose someone with experience and clear credentials.

Finally
You are in a better financial position than many.

You have no loans, no dependents, and have built good savings.

With a calm and simple plan, you can replace your income safely.

You do not need to take risky steps now.

You have already shown strength by managing your life and job for 5 years.

Now your money should serve you with peace and stability.

Break your capital into buckets.

Get monthly income through safe withdrawals.

Review regularly with a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid unnecessary complexity or noise.

You deserve a peaceful financial life.

Your health is precious. Let money be your quiet support.

Invest safe. Withdraw smart. Sleep well.

You are already doing well. Just add clarity and structure.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4496 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 09, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x