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Lonely in the Office: How This Introverted 45-year-old Man Can Find Connection

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |105 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more
Sunil Question by Sunil on Oct 31, 2024Hindi
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Career

Hi, I have been an introvert guy for my whole life, but somehow I always got good colleagues which became great friends. But from last 5 years I am in a office where very few people works and that too they are not connected to me. Hence, I get a very little exposer with them. Feels so much lonely in office as there is not a lot of workload also. Most of my day goes watching reels on social media. Sometimes i forgot when last i smiled/laughed at office place where I spends 9 hours of my day (I do talk to my family over phone, but can't help my loneliness). what can I do....worried... A very lonely 45 year male.....

Ans: Dear Sunil,

No one is clear cut introvert or an extrovert, look at yourself closely too... in some circumstances you behave like an extrovert and some areas you behave like an introvert.

Be brave and say "hi" to people around you in the office, you be the first one to greet, this itself can be a starting point to making new friends. A smile and a pleasant "hi" is all it takes.
Look for opportunities to connect with ppl in the office, instead of sending mails or reminders to ppl electronically, just walk up to them and speak to them or call them up to say you have sent a mail/reminder. This way you can establish a human connect.
Also check if you can go to the dining area to eat lunch and during breaks.. do not sit at your desk and have lunch.
Social media and watching reels is a "big no" if you are yearning for human connections. I am glad you talk to your family...outside the office, join book clubs, singing clubs, drama clubs or anywhere your interest lies...you can join a classroom to learn and develop a new skill....

Also check if you are getting enough sleep, exercise, fresh air , sunshine during the day....focus on your diet too!!

Hope this helps... take care of yourself!
Asked on - Dec 09, 2024 | Answered on Dec 10, 2024
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thanks for your reply.. you've got great suggestions for my questions...will workout on them..wishing you a best of luck...thank you again
Ans: Thank you for your wishes!! Looking forward to a new you!! God bless you!!
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hi , I am a 40 year old man with 2 kids and wife , aged parents .Financially and health wise i am doing good and working in a reputed mnc. My relationship with parents , wife ,kids and siblings is in good spirits . however i am an introvert and don't have many friends .while i had friends in childhood and youth however they have moved in there life .i want to have an improved social life and also have joined a course to improve social skills and more strong relationship socially and at work . As course suggest to approach people , however i still don't approach/talk to people when opportunity is there .i also tried to have more positive attitude towards other people ..however still sometimes i start criticizing them in my mind...and sometimes i feel that approaching /talking may belittle me in front of them,,,, and talking /approaching opposite sex is even more difficult ... any suggestion to improve on this part and how i can improve my social life and get/find company of like minded people .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Two things to understand here:
1. You are an introvert and you are happy being one
2. You are a forced introvert as you are unable to break the walls that you have put around you.

If you belong to the first category, enjoy the state of bliss as is. But from what I gather, you seem to falling under the second category wherein you want to expand your social circle and be a part of activities etc.
Then you have to put yourself out there.
1. Do understand that as much you want to be engaged with like-minded people, even these people will at some point in time think different from you.
2. Do accept people for who they are and that way you will come from a non-judgemental space while engaging with them.
3. Do connect with people who are totally different from you and it will help you expand your mind to be curious about them.

If this is a difficult thing to do...think....What if one of your children came to you with the same problem that you have now? What would you tell them to do?
Also, get into circles on social media that discuss topics which interest you. Join a gym or a hobby class and that is an avenue to make new friends irrespective of gender.
To add more friends, you need to be friendly as well...so open your heart and mind...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

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I am 40 years divorced man. I am off late feeling lonely Looking for relationship but failing to find. Matrimonial sites or events are leading nowhere as I am freelancer. dating apps is just time pass. how do I kill my loneliness. Even do not have much friends. Most of my friends maintain professional do not have genuine friends. don't know how to go about it
Ans: Dear Vaibhav,
Dealing with loneliness can be challenging, but there are various strategies you can consider to build connections and enrich your social life Engage in activities or hobbies you enjoy. This could be a great way to meet like-minded individuals and form connections based on shared interests. Attend workshops, classes, or local meet-ups related to your hobbies. Consider volunteering for a cause you're passionate about. Not only does this provide an opportunity to make a positive impact, but it also allows you to meet new people with similar values. Look for social events, gatherings, or local community activities where you can interact with others. Attend meet-ups, networking events, or social clubs to expand your social circle. While many of your friends maintain professional relationships, consider networking within your industry. Attend conferences, workshops, or industry events where you can meet people with similar professional backgrounds. Reach out to old friends or acquaintances. Sometimes, rekindling past connections can be fulfilling, and they may introduce you to new people Remember that quality connections often come from shared experiences and genuine interactions. Take small steps, be open to new opportunities, and focus on building connections that bring value to your life.

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Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

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I am working in a good priviate company for the last 32 years . For the last 6 months I am loosing interest in work orin office wanted to stay at home. But I had realised that even at home during holidays/sundays I do not feels good at all, dont like to talk intereact etc. even do not like to visit any wheres . all the tims=es scared about unwanted worries . Plesae tell me the solution.
Ans: Dear K
It sounds like you may be experiencing a deeper sense of disengagement and possibly even symptoms of depression or anxiety. It's important to address these feelings and seek support from professionals if needed. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with support and guidance. They can help you explore the underlying causes of your feelings and develop coping strategies to manage them. Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, spending time outdoors, and engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is crucial for managing stress and improving your mood.Even if you don't feel like socializing, try to stay connected with friends and loved ones. Having a support system can provide comfort and perspective during difficult times.Reflect on what gives your life meaning and purpose beyond work. Consider volunteering, pursuing hobbies, or engaging in activities that align with your values and interests. Be gentle with yourself and recognize that it's okay to have periods of low motivation or energy. Set realistic expectations for yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.If you're experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, such as persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or worry, consider speaking with a psychiatrist. They can assess your symptoms and recommend appropriate treatment options, which may include therapy, medication, or a combination of both.Establishing a daily routine can provide structure and stability, which can be especially helpful if you're feeling aimless or unmotivated. Try to incorporate activities that bring you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.Practice mindfulness and focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on past regrets or worrying about the future. Mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind and reduce stress.
Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and you don't have to navigate these feelings alone. There are resources and support available to help you work through this challenging time and rediscover a sense of purpose and fulfillment in your life.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8327 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2025
Money
Dear Sir, I am 55 and I am a stage 4 cancer patient for the past 5 years. Presently working with a salary of Rs.30 LPA. I have Rs.75 L in SB account. Rs.25 L in shares out of which Rs.12 L is loss. Rs.12 L in mutual funds. Rs.3 L in EPF. No commitments or liabilities. I need to know how I can get Rs. 70 K per month in case I lose my job. Kindly advise.
Ans: I truly appreciate your courage and clarity even in the face of health challenges. With your current financial resources and the need to secure a monthly income of Rs. 70,000, a detailed and careful plan is very much possible.

Let me give you a full 360-degree solution below, step-by-step.

Understanding Your Present Financial Picture
You are 55 years old and have been living with stage 4 cancer for 5 years.

You are still employed and drawing a salary of Rs. 30 lakhs per year.

You have Rs. 75 lakhs in your savings bank account.

You hold Rs. 25 lakhs in shares, with Rs. 12 lakhs in losses.

You have Rs. 12 lakhs in mutual funds.

Rs. 3 lakhs is in your EPF account.

You have no loans or financial commitments.

Your main concern is to receive Rs. 70,000 every month if the job stops.

You are not looking to take risks.

You want regular, reliable income without physical involvement.

Step 1: Emergency Medical and Health Fund
Health comes first. Keep money aside just for medical needs.

This fund should cover two years of your full household and medical costs.

Keep Rs. 15 to 20 lakhs aside for this purpose.

This money should be in ultra-safe places.

Prefer a savings bank account and liquid mutual funds.

This should remain untouched unless truly needed.

This emergency buffer gives peace and avoids panic in tough times.

Step 2: Generate Rs. 70,000 Monthly Income
Rs. 70,000 monthly means Rs. 8.4 lakhs needed per year.

Aim for post-tax cash flow from your investments.

Break your funds into income generation buckets.

Use your Rs. 75 lakhs from savings bank as the core capital.

Avoid keeping the full amount idle in SB account.

Allocate funds into low-risk, stable return instruments.

Prefer investment avenues offering quarterly or monthly payouts.

Choose options where you can withdraw in parts if needed.

Step 3: Structured Investment Allocation
Short-Term Bucket: 1 to 2 Years

Set aside Rs. 18 to 20 lakhs for short-term needs.

Put this money into highly liquid options.

Use only those that protect capital and give fixed income.

These funds will generate stable income for the next two years.

Prefer options offering monthly or quarterly payouts.

This will help replace your salary if job stops.

You don’t need to sell any shares or mutual funds right away.

You get time to think clearly, plan calmly.

Medium-Term Bucket: 3 to 5 Years

Keep around Rs. 25 to 30 lakhs here.

Invest in actively managed hybrid mutual funds.

Choose regular plans through a mutual fund distributor with CFP credentials.

Do not go for direct funds.

Direct plans do not come with personalised guidance.

There is no one to help you rebalance, switch or review.

Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner offer ongoing support.

With hybrid funds, risk is moderate and returns are better than FDs.

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) to get monthly income.

You can set up SWP of Rs. 40,000 to 50,000 from this bucket.

These funds will last for years while also growing gradually.

Long-Term Bucket: 5+ Years

Keep Rs. 10 to 15 lakhs for the long-term.

This is not for current income, but for inflation beating growth.

Invest in actively managed large cap or balanced advantage funds.

Again, use regular plans with Certified Financial Planner.

These funds will build wealth for later stages.

You can shift gains to the medium bucket after 5 years.

Step 4: Shareholding Review and Action Plan
You have Rs. 25 lakhs in shares.

Out of this, Rs. 12 lakhs are in losses.

Do not sell them in a hurry.

Some may recover if you wait patiently.

First, make a list of all companies and their quality.

Exit poor-quality stocks even at a loss.

Retain good quality stocks with strong future.

If the whole portfolio is confusing, take help from a Certified Financial Planner.

You can harvest the loss now to set off gains later.

Book losses smartly to reduce future capital gains tax.

After cleaning up, move the proceeds to your medium bucket.

Step 5: Mutual Fund Review
You hold Rs. 12 lakhs in mutual funds.

Find out the type of each fund.

If these are equity funds, hold them long-term.

If returns are low or risk is high, shift to hybrid funds.

Avoid investing in index funds.

Index funds cannot protect capital in falling markets.

They simply copy the market blindly.

Actively managed funds are safer.

Professional fund managers take timely actions.

They reduce your risk and improve consistency.

Step 6: EPF Strategy
You have Rs. 3 lakhs in EPF.

EPF earns stable tax-free interest.

Do not withdraw unless it’s urgent.

Keep it as part of your long-term reserve.

Step 7: Monthly Income Setup
Use short-term and medium-term buckets to get income.

Start SWP from mutual funds for Rs. 40,000 monthly.

Use fixed income tools for Rs. 30,000 more.

Review this every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Adjust amounts if needed based on inflation.

Step 8: Tax Planning and Awareness
Income from mutual funds is taxable.

Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakhs taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains taxed as per your slab.

Plan redemptions to avoid tax shocks.

Harvest profits in a planned manner.

Step 9: Avoid These Common Mistakes
Do not invest in real estate.

It is illiquid and needs physical handling.

Do not buy annuities.

They give poor returns and lock your money.

Do not fall for insurance + investment combos.

If you already hold such policies, review them.

Consider surrender if return is poor.

Reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds.

Step 10: Use a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner gives structured and unbiased advice.

They help you with fund selection, SWP setup, rebalancing.

They guide you with tax-saving and risk control.

Their ongoing service is crucial at your life stage.

Choose someone with experience and clear credentials.

Finally
You are in a better financial position than many.

You have no loans, no dependents, and have built good savings.

With a calm and simple plan, you can replace your income safely.

You do not need to take risky steps now.

You have already shown strength by managing your life and job for 5 years.

Now your money should serve you with peace and stability.

Break your capital into buckets.

Get monthly income through safe withdrawals.

Review regularly with a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid unnecessary complexity or noise.

You deserve a peaceful financial life.

Your health is precious. Let money be your quiet support.

Invest safe. Withdraw smart. Sleep well.

You are already doing well. Just add clarity and structure.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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