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Lonely in the Office: How This Introverted 45-year-old Man Can Find Connection

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |95 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more
Sunil Question by Sunil on Oct 31, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I have been an introvert guy for my whole life, but somehow I always got good colleagues which became great friends. But from last 5 years I am in a office where very few people works and that too they are not connected to me. Hence, I get a very little exposer with them. Feels so much lonely in office as there is not a lot of workload also. Most of my day goes watching reels on social media. Sometimes i forgot when last i smiled/laughed at office place where I spends 9 hours of my day (I do talk to my family over phone, but can't help my loneliness). what can I do....worried... A very lonely 45 year male.....

Ans: Dear Sunil,

No one is clear cut introvert or an extrovert, look at yourself closely too... in some circumstances you behave like an extrovert and some areas you behave like an introvert.

Be brave and say "hi" to people around you in the office, you be the first one to greet, this itself can be a starting point to making new friends. A smile and a pleasant "hi" is all it takes.
Look for opportunities to connect with ppl in the office, instead of sending mails or reminders to ppl electronically, just walk up to them and speak to them or call them up to say you have sent a mail/reminder. This way you can establish a human connect.
Also check if you can go to the dining area to eat lunch and during breaks.. do not sit at your desk and have lunch.
Social media and watching reels is a "big no" if you are yearning for human connections. I am glad you talk to your family...outside the office, join book clubs, singing clubs, drama clubs or anywhere your interest lies...you can join a classroom to learn and develop a new skill....

Also check if you are getting enough sleep, exercise, fresh air , sunshine during the day....focus on your diet too!!

Hope this helps... take care of yourself!
Asked on - Dec 09, 2024 | Answered on Dec 10, 2024
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thanks for your reply.. you've got great suggestions for my questions...will workout on them..wishing you a best of luck...thank you again
Ans: Thank you for your wishes!! Looking forward to a new you!! God bless you!!
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hi , I am a 40 year old man with 2 kids and wife , aged parents .Financially and health wise i am doing good and working in a reputed mnc. My relationship with parents , wife ,kids and siblings is in good spirits . however i am an introvert and don't have many friends .while i had friends in childhood and youth however they have moved in there life .i want to have an improved social life and also have joined a course to improve social skills and more strong relationship socially and at work . As course suggest to approach people , however i still don't approach/talk to people when opportunity is there .i also tried to have more positive attitude towards other people ..however still sometimes i start criticizing them in my mind...and sometimes i feel that approaching /talking may belittle me in front of them,,,, and talking /approaching opposite sex is even more difficult ... any suggestion to improve on this part and how i can improve my social life and get/find company of like minded people .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Two things to understand here:
1. You are an introvert and you are happy being one
2. You are a forced introvert as you are unable to break the walls that you have put around you.

If you belong to the first category, enjoy the state of bliss as is. But from what I gather, you seem to falling under the second category wherein you want to expand your social circle and be a part of activities etc.
Then you have to put yourself out there.
1. Do understand that as much you want to be engaged with like-minded people, even these people will at some point in time think different from you.
2. Do accept people for who they are and that way you will come from a non-judgemental space while engaging with them.
3. Do connect with people who are totally different from you and it will help you expand your mind to be curious about them.

If this is a difficult thing to do...think....What if one of your children came to you with the same problem that you have now? What would you tell them to do?
Also, get into circles on social media that discuss topics which interest you. Join a gym or a hobby class and that is an avenue to make new friends irrespective of gender.
To add more friends, you need to be friendly as well...so open your heart and mind...

All the best!

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I am 40 years divorced man. I am off late feeling lonely Looking for relationship but failing to find. Matrimonial sites or events are leading nowhere as I am freelancer. dating apps is just time pass. how do I kill my loneliness. Even do not have much friends. Most of my friends maintain professional do not have genuine friends. don't know how to go about it
Ans: Dear Vaibhav,
Dealing with loneliness can be challenging, but there are various strategies you can consider to build connections and enrich your social life Engage in activities or hobbies you enjoy. This could be a great way to meet like-minded individuals and form connections based on shared interests. Attend workshops, classes, or local meet-ups related to your hobbies. Consider volunteering for a cause you're passionate about. Not only does this provide an opportunity to make a positive impact, but it also allows you to meet new people with similar values. Look for social events, gatherings, or local community activities where you can interact with others. Attend meet-ups, networking events, or social clubs to expand your social circle. While many of your friends maintain professional relationships, consider networking within your industry. Attend conferences, workshops, or industry events where you can meet people with similar professional backgrounds. Reach out to old friends or acquaintances. Sometimes, rekindling past connections can be fulfilling, and they may introduce you to new people Remember that quality connections often come from shared experiences and genuine interactions. Take small steps, be open to new opportunities, and focus on building connections that bring value to your life.

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Ans: Dear K
It sounds like you may be experiencing a deeper sense of disengagement and possibly even symptoms of depression or anxiety. It's important to address these feelings and seek support from professionals if needed. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with support and guidance. They can help you explore the underlying causes of your feelings and develop coping strategies to manage them. Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, spending time outdoors, and engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is crucial for managing stress and improving your mood.Even if you don't feel like socializing, try to stay connected with friends and loved ones. Having a support system can provide comfort and perspective during difficult times.Reflect on what gives your life meaning and purpose beyond work. Consider volunteering, pursuing hobbies, or engaging in activities that align with your values and interests. Be gentle with yourself and recognize that it's okay to have periods of low motivation or energy. Set realistic expectations for yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.If you're experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, such as persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or worry, consider speaking with a psychiatrist. They can assess your symptoms and recommend appropriate treatment options, which may include therapy, medication, or a combination of both.Establishing a daily routine can provide structure and stability, which can be especially helpful if you're feeling aimless or unmotivated. Try to incorporate activities that bring you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.Practice mindfulness and focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on past regrets or worrying about the future. Mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind and reduce stress.
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
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About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
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I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
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Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

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Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

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My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

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