I got married three months ago, during courtship period my ex was in my office but then my marriage wasn't fixed properly ,when it got yeses from both the side I changed my office,but I couldn't tell this to my husband and also I lied about my virginity,he was also not virgin and after marriage I confessed all this ,now he is not forgiving me for my dishonesty and not letting me come home also he abuse me verbally ,slapped me..I also feel like cheated for not letting me know this side of him before marriage..How should I go ahead?

Dear VT,

Physical abuse is an absolute NO and so is emotional abuse. I am glad that you have decided to end this misery for yourself and your daughter.

Please proceed with the FIR and also seek help on filing divorce if that is something that you have considered.

On the emotional part of it, it will take a toll on you and your health as you are unprepared at this moment. So start by:

1. Visualizing your life without him by your side

2. Working out granular details like finances and where you will live

3. Chalking out a plan of how your daughter will be cared for if you choose to start working

4. Listing down which close family member will be by your side (emotionally) always

As daunting as this may seem, it is possible to be in a space of strength which you already have experienced and move ahead to a better life.

And as you do this, do remember that you are important, so take care of your thoughts and feelings as well.

• Spend time in Nature observing and appreciating
• Surround yourself with people and friends who care and love you unconditionally
• Exercise and eat well
• Pamper yourself by caring for your physical appearances
• Do what you love every day at least for 30 minutes

Situations maybe tough to handle but building strength within at the right time is what is the need of the hour.
I wish you the best in life always.

Dear Anonymous,

I understand that he is hurt but how convenient! Things happen, like the way it happened to you before marriage.

But to use that as an excuse to have an affair is very convenient. He needs to look at the situation for what it is now and work with that.

It’s great that the families are involved. The elders in the family can now act as a good mediator to bring the two of you to the discussion table.

Your husband possibly is hurt from your situation before your marriage.

Keeping these kinds of things can draw a wedge in the marriage. He now needs to recover from that before he can be a husband to you in the marriage.

When he found out, how did you deal with it?

That is very crucial to understand as all his actions are stemming from the fact that the situation is unresolved in the mind, and he feels victimized and turns to another woman to feel some sense of normalcy.

As much as it seems disturbing and inappropriate, the fact that it was hidden from him is disturbing him.

So, work with this and as families let this be handled delicately, so that he begins to trust you all over again.

Till then be patient…

All the best!

Dear PS,

This is an unfortunate turn of events for a situation that needed an open communication between the two of you.

Now, why you were insecure or why your husband didn’t want to see your perspective is anybody’s guess! But nothing justifies his beating you.

And as for his alcohol consumption, it his choice to weaken his senses even further and not wanting to face the situation at hand. And it makes no sense whatsoever when you say that after the lady started to travel with him, he accepted you.

Why does he need another person to step in to accept you? This all points more as a thing that your husband needs to work on.

Possibly he is dealing with more insecurity than you are and hence this behaviour from him. Of course, I cannot judge him without knowing his version of the story, but if you want to get past this, it’s time to have that open communication; involve a third person who will be neutral to mediate and bring in some much-needed perspectives into your relationship.

All the best and be strong!