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Anu

Anu Krishna1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Asked on - Aug 05, 2022Hindi

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Relationship
Hello Anu ji, It's been 2.5 years since my wedding but my woes are never ending.
My husband is unable to manage his father who continues to dominate our life. He is bad tempered and extremely patriarchal.
He keeps shouting at the drop of a hat and has damaged my husband's relationship with my parents and sisters.
He keeps forcing me to leave my job and get pregnant. His behaviour is abominable and is causing me lot of stress.
He has to have a say in everything and doesn't allow us any freedom.
Even after seeing everything my husband refuses to accept his parents’ mistakes and continues to be fearful of his father.
Please advise me how to turn the tables and win over my husband. We keep fighting every time because of his father.

Ans:

Dear VT,

Constant interference can be very messy in a marriage.

If you had a friend facing a similar situation, what would you tell her to do? Grin and bear it OR do something useful like asking someone he hasn’t burned bridges with to talk some sense into him?

By the way, what is the reason he behaves the way that he does?

Is it insecurity because he thinks he is losing his son or is he financially supporting you and your husband? Surely there’s something that is making him be the person that you described.

It will help to understand that as well, so that you are not overlooking any emotional challenges that he is facing and projecting it onto your marriage.

Whatever it is, it's time to allow someone into this and have that person talk to him and bring things to a place where father, son and you can actually talk about how things are in the marriage.

Please start this now…

All the best!

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Asked on - Aug 05, 2022Hindi

Listen
Relationship
Hello Anu ji, It's been 2.5 years since my wedding but my woes are never ending.
My husband is unable to manage his father who continues to dominate our life. He is bad tempered and extremely patriarchal.
He keeps shouting at the drop of a hat and has damaged my husband's relationship with my parents and sisters.
He keeps forcing me to leave my job and get pregnant. His behaviour is abominable and is causing me lot of stress.
He has to have a say in everything and doesn't allow us any freedom.
Even after seeing everything my husband refuses to accept his parents’ mistakes and continues to be fearful of his father.
Please advise me how to turn the tables and win over my husband. We keep fighting every time because of his father.

Ans:

Dear VT,

Constant interference can be very messy in a marriage.

If you had a friend facing a similar situation, what would you tell her to do? Grin and bear it OR do something useful like asking someone he hasn’t burned bridges with to talk some sense into him?

By the way, what is the reason he behaves the way that he does?

Is it insecurity because he thinks he is losing his son or is he financially supporting you and your husband? Surely there’s something that is making him be the person that you described.

It will help to understand that as well, so that you are not overlooking any emotional challenges that he is facing and projecting it onto your marriage.

Whatever it is, it's time to allow someone into this and have that person talk to him and bring things to a place where father, son and you can actually talk about how things are in the marriage.

Please start this now…

All the best!

 

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Asked on - Aug 05, 2022Hindi

Listen
Relationship
Hello Anu ji, It's been 2.5 years since my wedding but my woes are never ending.
My husband is unable to manage his father who continues to dominate our life. He is bad tempered and extremely patriarchal.
He keeps shouting at the drop of a hat and has damaged my husband's relationship with my parents and sisters.
He keeps forcing me to leave my job and get pregnant. His behaviour is abominable and is causing me lot of stress.
He has to have a say in everything and doesn't allow us any freedom.
Even after seeing everything my husband refuses to accept his parents’ mistakes and continues to be fearful of his father.
Please advise me how to turn the tables and win over my husband. We keep fighting every time because of his father.

Ans:

Dear VT,

Constant interference can be very messy in a marriage.

If you had a friend facing a similar situation, what would you tell her to do? Grin and bear it OR do something useful like asking someone he hasn’t burned bridges with to talk some sense into him?

By the way, what is the reason he behaves the way that he does?

Is it insecurity because he thinks he is losing his son or is he financially supporting you and your husband? Surely there’s something that is making him be the person that you described.

It will help to understand that as well, so that you are not overlooking any emotional challenges that he is facing and projecting it onto your marriage.

Whatever it is, it's time to allow someone into this and have that person talk to him and bring things to a place where father, son and you can actually talk about how things are in the marriage.

Please start this now…

All the best!

 

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2022

Asked on - Apr 21, 2022Hindi

Listen
Relationship
 Hi Anu Mam, I am married for 4 and half years now and have a 3 YO daughter.
It was an arranged marriage and the families were not familiar before.
My husband started behaving very rude to me since my delivery.
He verbally abused me a lot and finally I felt something was not right and opened up to my parents, that I cannot live with him, after 3 years of the marriage.

My parents supported me and took care of my daughter and me for a year, after which my husband's family convinced me to move back in with him.
When I came back to him I realised he has been cheating on me with his colleague since before my delivery.
When I probed the issue further, without his knowledge, I got to know that he was a polygamous person for 10 years before marriage. And this shook me.

I also got to know he is meeting one of his female friends after work hours, lying to me. He used to lie to me that he's going out for work and talk to his other female friend on phone for an hour or so, once every 2-3 days.
He watches porn every day.
I slowly realised he was just exploiting me for his physical needs.
Our relationship turned cold within 3 months of restarting it.
I was not happy being with him. I knew he was still cheating me, but he never obliged when I confronted.
I could not let him even touch me.
Finally, out of his frustration, he physically attacked me in front of our daughter, tried to strangulate my throat, but by god's grace I could save myself.
That day, 30th of August 2021, I left that place with my daughter and came back to my parents.
I filled a domestic harassment complaint against him, for which we're attending counselling sessions now.
I cannot think of a life with him anymore.
I have made up my mind to file an FIR against him soon.
I must say I'm at peace now.
But I still have a lot of anguish whenever those thoughts cross my mind.
Is there a way where I can make peace with my past?

Ans:

Dear VT,

Physical abuse is an absolute NO and so is emotional abuse. I am glad that you have decided to end this misery for yourself and your daughter.

Please proceed with the FIR and also seek help on filing divorce if that is something that you have considered.

On the emotional part of it, it will take a toll on you and your health as you are unprepared at this moment. So start by:

1. Visualizing your life without him by your side

2. Working out granular details like finances and where you will live

3. Chalking out a plan of how your daughter will be cared for if you choose to start working

4. Listing down which close family member will be by your side (emotionally) always

As daunting as this may seem, it is possible to be in a space of strength which you already have experienced and move ahead to a better life.

And as you do this, do remember that you are important, so take care of your thoughts and feelings as well.

  • Spend time in Nature observing and appreciating
  • Surround yourself with people and friends who care and love you unconditionally
  • Exercise and eat well
  • Pamper yourself by caring for your physical appearances
  • Do what you love every day at least for 30 minutes

Situations maybe tough to handle but building strength within at the right time is what is the need of the hour.
I wish you the best in life always.

(more)
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