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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Vandana Question by Vandana on Dec 18, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am 41 year old professional. I had met my husband before marriage though social media 5 years back and thereafter maintaining distance relationship and meeting occasionally for 3 years we got married in 2021. It was a struggle for marriage as it was inter caste and inter religious marriage. Everything was smooth in relationship to the fact that I’m responsible for all financial matters as my husband has no job. He is still trying and looking for job. I didn’t mind much but would encourage him to get the job to be mentally and physically fit. Last year we went to his nephews marriage to his village. It was of 7 day programme. On second day I noticed him watching another women ( nephews mother’s sister who has 2 daughters) At that time I didn’t pay attention. After 2 days on a night function I saw my husband texting from far but he looked at that lady again. She also seemed to texting. I became suspicious. Later that night when he came to room I asked to show him his phone he was reluctant. I had to snatch his phone and I saw that he was texting the same lady and in that had asked her to meet her alone. and asking her where he can meet her. I gnashed cried and made a huge scene coz this was not what I had expected. He tried to convince that she was his girlfriend of past and suddenly after seeing her after sometime he only wanted to talk to her. I only asked her ... why alone? He had told me during dating that she had a girlfriend ( never told her identity) and that she has married and moved on. Feeling cheated I could not sleep but only cried that night and in the morning if we can return to our city. Programme had not finished but he agreed and we left. Since then that night and those days still haunt me ; thinking what didn’t I do to love him so much and in return we get cheated. I’m still with him, but mentally I still feel cheated and still am in doubt that he is in touch with her. I am not able to do my duties as part of my mind thinks he cheats me though I have confronted many times on this and he denies that he is not in touch with her Should I leave him or continue with this marriage? We still don’t have any baby.

Ans: Dear Vandana,
Clearly you are more into him than he is into you. Baby or no baby, he seems like someone who isn't going to be steady...what was the need to hide and plan a meeting and if the other lady has moved on, what is doing hanging around her?
And with no financial assurance and stability, he is only tuning his energies to external validation to 'up' his elf esteem...

Isn't it time you actually called him out for his wayward nature and his absolute reluctance to take on some responsibility in the marriage and home? The more you are quiet, the more he is going to feel that you are supporting this nonsense...call it out and NOW! And as for your state of mind, do know that you have it in you to hold your own...don't base you peace of mind on anything outside of you...

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |591 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 08, 2024

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Relationship
Hello, I am 41 year old professional. I had met my husband before marriage though social media 5 years back and thereafter maintaining distance relationship and meeting occasionally for 3 years we got married in 2021. It was a struggle for marriage as it was inter caste and inter religious marriage. Everything was smooth in relationship to the fact that I’m responsible for all financial matters as my husband has no job. He is still trying and looking for job. I didn’t mind much but would encourage him to get the job to be mentally and physically fit. Last year we went to his nephews marriage to his village. It was of 7 day programme. On second day I noticed him watching another women ( nephews mother’s sister who has 2 daughters) At that time I didn’t pay attention. After 2 days on a night function I saw my husband texting from far but he looked at that lady again. She also seemed to texting. I became suspicious. Later that night when he came to room I asked to show him his phone he was reluctant. I had to snatch his phone and I saw that he was texting the same lady and in that had asked her to meet her alone. and asking her where he can meet her. I gnashed cried and made a huge scene coz this was not what I had expected. He tried to convince that she was his girlfriend of past and suddenly after seeing her after sometime he only wanted to talk to her. I only asked her ... why alone? He had told me during dating that she had a girlfriend ( never told her identity) and that she has married and moved on. Feeling cheated I could not sleep but only cried that night and in the morning if we can return to our city. Programme had not finished but he agreed and we left. Since then that night and those days still haunt me ; thinking what didn’t I do to love him so much and in return we get cheated. I’m still with him, but mentally I still feel cheated and still am in doubt that he is in touch with her. I am not able to do my duties as part of my mind thinks he cheats me though I have confronted many times on this and he denies that he is not in touch with her Should I leave him or continue with this marriage? We still don’t have any baby.
Ans: Dear Vandana

I understand how heartbreaking it can be to find out your spouse is cheating. I would only tell you one thing- if the thought of leaving him has crossed your mind even once, it is worth sitting down and introspecting. If you happen to come to an understanding that separation would be what's best for you, have an open and clear discussion with your spouse. If he agrees to change his ways, you can give it another shot. But that's completely up to you. No one can force you to give him a second chance. As you said, you don't still have a child and it is best to come to a decision before there is a child in the equation. If your husband does not care about it and sticks to his behavior, there will remain not a shred of doubt that separation is the right choice. But before all of that, take a beat and think. Not from a place of anger and grudge. Calm yourself and think if you are reading too much into the situation or if is it actually as bad as it looks. It will be tough, but it is important because the rest of your life depends on it.

Best Wishes!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, my husband and I have a love marriage after 9 years of dating, now it has been 6 years and two children after that, little one is 8months old. He had a brief affair extending to chatting mostly as far as I know to someone who works in the same company but different department to him when my little one was 1 month old, we were in rough patch that time due to child birth difficulties and family drama. Then as I got to know about the same, by casually checking his phone and confronted him he accepted his mistake and said sorry. And said he won't be doing that again but I caught him again somehow chatting and same repeat he said he is wrong and now as per him he have reduced talking to that girl. But as I think he talks to her thoda bhot, as she is his junior position and asks for help once a while. I love my husband a lot, but this thing hurt my self respect and I am in a lot of torture mentally. I know my husband won't leave me, but I don't want to stay in such a relationship which feels a burden to my partner. I want my husband to be happy too. I am very confused what to do. I have talked to him on several times, every time he listen and helps me calm down, some times we fought also. But I am not at peace. Ps that girl is also married to her love just 2 years back. I don't want to harm my husband's reputation in any way. But I am very much hurt also. I have been reading your column for 3-4 now. I am also financially independent. I don't need anything form him, just his love. Sorry for the length, please help me.?
Ans: In your heart, it’s clear that you love him deeply and that, ideally, you want to preserve your family and relationship. However, it’s important not to dismiss your own needs for validation, love, and respect. Sometimes, the process of forgiveness includes setting strong, clear boundaries. Your husband needs to understand that while you’re willing to work on the relationship, trust is fragile and requires commitment to restore. This might mean a commitment on his part to keep all communication with this colleague strictly professional and transparent, or even a decision to minimize interactions with her entirely if necessary. Expressing these boundaries clearly may help him see the gravity of what’s at stake.

It’s also valuable to remember that healing from betrayal is not a quick process. Even with reassurances and boundaries in place, your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger may surface unexpectedly. Be gentle with yourself in this process and consider turning inward to strengthen your own resilience. Financial independence is an incredible strength, and leaning into the aspects of your life that bring you personal fulfillment can be grounding. Investing in your own well-being will help you feel more centered, no matter where this journey takes you.

If, at any point, you feel that his actions aren’t aligning with his words and that trust cannot be rebuilt, remember that choosing a path that prioritizes your mental peace is not a failure. Some couples also find that a temporary separation helps provide clarity; this doesn’t have to mean ending the relationship but could be a chance to reset, reflect, and decide if you both are truly aligned in your vision for the future.

In the end, what matters most is that you feel respected, valued, and loved in a way that doesn’t compromise your self-worth. This situation is a challenging chapter, but with clarity, boundaries, and professional support, you can find a path that honors both your love for your husband and your own dignity.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hello Anu, I am married for 14 yrs. I have 5 yrs old twins. Currently I am dealing with my husband's extra marital affair with his ex colleague. In 2022 we went to abroad with my husband. But I found it very difficult to adjust with 2 3.5 yrs kids with my son diagnosed with ASD. I came back to India in 6 months.In April 2024 I came to know that my husband went on vacation with his ex colleague in abroad. He even sponsored her flight ticket and entire vacation. They spent 3 nights in a single hotel room. In 14 yrs old marriage despite being love marriage, I had to sponsor my honeymoon and first anniversary. With me he is always on savings mode where as with this woman he does not even care about money. When I confronted, he and his family blamed everything on me. They said it was my fault that I came back to India. Also as per him and his family it is nothing. Friends can travel like that. They pointed everything on my trust issues. He came back to India but he did not even contact me. He just wanted to meet kids. He never accepted his affair. As per him she is just a friend. I wanted divorce first but I asked him whether he wants to marry that woman he said NO. So we started couple therapy. During therapy he accepted his mistakes and said he was alone. That woman was going through her second divorce. And they started chatting on what's app frequently. Then calls and video calls. That woman was in India. He said he wants his family. But he never gave me any details about his affair. I came to know that when he was in India during holiday they went to pune , he lied to me and went to pune to be with her. There also they spent night in 5 star hotel room. I was devasted. This also he did not tell me. Going on vacation, sharing a hotel room , sharing a bed is nothing for them. I am also BE but I feel like he has crossed all boundaries. I was devasted. I felt so much betrayed that I was getting thoughts of suicide but looking at my kids I decided to work on our marriage. In diwali he gifted me a saree, we spent quality time as family. I said let's forget all and start a new life in our new house but please leave that affair. He said ok. But again he cheated. He booked 5 star resort room for her. He even sponsored her flight ticket. I was genuinely trying to save my marriage, to build our bond but he messed it. Even after that he wants to be with me. Recently I lost my job as well. Counselor told me to ignore his affair. But my husband wants me to pay half EMI, half of everything even though he has onsite money. I feel stuck in this marriage now. This man has always neglected my needs.He never respected me, he never valued me the way he is treating that woman. He wants me to perform all wifely duties but also wants to enjoy his time with that woman. Now he is saying he has stopped contact with her. But in Diwali he said the same in temple .when I am asking for divorce he is saying I want his money. He has zero regrets , no remorse of his actions. I am mentally very much disturbed now. I feel worthless and hopeless because of all these things. Now he wants to live with me but he wants me to share all the expenses. I don't trust him now and I don't want to invest my money in this marriage as there is no transparency. He has also disrespected my parents when they went to ask him about his affair. If he loves that woman this much why can't he accept that and leave me? He wants me to take a call. He leaving me would have helped me to move on. Is it worth saving such marriage where there are insecurities, no trust , no transparency, no respect? I put my ego aside for many times but should I also loose my self respect? I have decided to protect myself now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly your therapy didn't take you anywhere and your counselor telling you to forget the affair makes it even more clear that he/she was leading you into a space of impossibility. If it's so easy to forget, why haven't you? Because it is not possible to forget what impacts you the most...
It has to be worked upon and skimmed over. What I could gather from what you have shared is that you seem to be waiting for your husband to decide the fate of your marriage!
What's your thought on it? What makes you wait for his approval or decision on it? If after repeated attempts, the marriage does not seem like a priority to him, how can you expect him to make a decision about it?
He's a pretty cat sitting on a fence playing both fields and wishing that he can be the best player on both sides of the field...You get the depth of this? He's never going to decide and this will constantly keep you on the edge not letting you move on anything.
I am sure you will be relieved knowing that the decision when in your court can help you accelerate things and it will be clear how and when you wish to move on...
The decision must be yours NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |5347 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2025
Career
Namaste sir, my daughter has secured a rank of 4290 in ts-eamcet. We had been living in Bengaluru up until she finished 10th grade and later on we shifted to Hyderabad, and she has completed her intermediate in Hyderabad (state board). Is she considered as a non-local candidate? What are the best college options?
Ans: Your daughter, with a TS EAMCET rank of 4290 and intermediate education in Hyderabad, most likely qualifies as a local candidate for Telangana admissions. This rank opens opportunities in top engineering colleges in Telangana, especially in Hyderabad. Recommended colleges include JNTUH College of Engineering, Osmania University College of Engineering, Chaitanya Bharathi Institute of Technology (CBIT), Vasavi College of Engineering, MVSR Engineering College, and Gokaraju Rangaraju Institute of Engineering and Technology. These institutions are well-regarded for their academics and placements.

Among these, JNTUH and Osmania University are premier government colleges with strong faculty and infrastructure. CBIT and Vasavi are reputed private colleges with good placement records. Your daughter should check branch-wise cutoffs during counseling to select the best fit. Based on her education in Hyderabad for the last two years, your daughter most likely qualifies as a local candidate for TS-EAMCET. Hope, you would have got her Aadhar Card transferred to her Hyderabad address from Bengaluru. All the best for your daughter's admission and a bright future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |5347 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2025
Career
My son got 98.25 percentile in jee mains. Can he get descent can branch. Should he take a drop? Please suggest
Ans: You have not mentioned above his performance in JEE-Advanced & Expected Score. Drop is not very advisable. Anyway, here is, How to Predict Your Son's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Have some other options also as back-ups instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your son's admission and a bright future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |5347 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 28, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |5347 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2025
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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