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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I got married to my husband six months ago. I come from a liberal family. We dated for five months before getting married, during which he often got jealous of my male friends, leading to petty arguments. After marriage, everything was fine for the first two months, but then he began doubting my character, accusing me of infidelity, and verbally abusing my family and upbringing. During a particularly bad fight, he grabbed me by the throat. I shouted at him and pushed him away, and he later apologized, blaming his anger. Despite my efforts to prove his allegations wrong and maintain the marriage, I now feel that he will not change, making it difficult to stay with him in the long run. The ongoing issues at home are affecting my professional life. I want a divorce as I have no feelings left for him, but I fear he will make a big issue out of it and try to persuade me to stay. I feel trapped in this marriage. Please guide me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Physical abuse is a NO NO...he does has his 'anger' issues which might need to be dealt with by a professional. Have the two of you sought professional help? Are you willing to do that? Will your husband also agree to that?
But it also seems apparent that you want 'OUT' of this marriage.
BUT what is not clear to me is: Why the fear that he will persuade you to stay? If you have decided, why would you find it hard to stick to your decision OR there is a part of you that is still unsure.
Then it's better to be sure and for that try going to an expert. At least you know that you left no stone unturned before taking that major decision.
And who knows, if things actually start to get better, it might be wonderful, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2022

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Relationship
I married a man after he cheated multiple times. I knew marriage wouldn’t fix our relationship but I hoped that if we transitioned into marital roles we could bring peace to each other.We have only been married a few months but have argued about money and have trust issues.I have even sought info on divorce. Before we married I worked 3 jobs and paid all the bills. I was unable to fulfil my goal of going back to school because we couldn’t afford it. Now he’s working full time but doesn’t want to pay his share of the bills. He says his money is here for when all my money is spent. We rarely go out. I work from home now and care for my children and his son. I want his loyalty. I want him to be a co-provider for our household. I want us to communicate better.When I get upset and try to talk, he tries to leave and becomes so defensive and disrespectful to me. He won’t tell me his plans all the time and gets upset when I ask. I just want a husband who loves me and wants to be loved by me. I have never not once gone out with my own friends. I have never gotten my hair done. I rarely do things for myself. I hate myself for doing this to myself. Help.
Ans:

Dear GH,

So, there’s someone in your home who lives for free and also wants to go out and seek pleasure and who will not even address the issue at hand.

Why exactly are you with him? He’s in it for the money that you bring in and someone to take care of him and his children and also who overlooks his infidelity.

He certainly has hit the jackpot with you. Now, why exactly do you want to still be with him?

If you feel that he will be willing to be counselled, kindly take him to an expert who can work with him and help you both put your marriage on track, else I am sure you know what situation you are in currently and how this has begun to affect the children as well.

Self-care is something that we don’t pay attention to and slowly it starts to eat away our peace of mind.

Do the right thing for you and for the children as well. Plan now for a future without him and see how prepared you are and whether it is something that you can manage. If not, you will have to accept him for who he is and move along life.

Simply do the right thing. All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Relationship
I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)
Ans:

Dear MK,

This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

    Relationship
    I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

    Relationship
    I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)
    Ans:

    Dear MK,

    This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

    It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

    He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

    To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

    Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

    If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

    All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

    Relationship
     Hello mam,(I want to remain anonymous )I want to ask regarding my relationship with my husband.We got married in 2013 and after a month and so...He started saying I shouldn't mingle with Muslim friends who were my colleagues in my office. I told him they are good people and we've never had such kind of differences. But he got angry and from here one by one he started picking fights for each and everything. Since we are newly weds, I asked if we can explore new nearby(one day trip)places during the weekend, which he didn't do. My parents lived nearby and since we used to stay at home they'd call us on weekends for lunch or dinner. He started fighting for that also. He also started body shaming me saying I have gained weight (and everyone in his home are commenting about my weight). I had only gained 3 kgs after my marriage.He said I have relationships with colleagues even after my engagement, which was not the case. Later he said I shouldn't go out for lunch meetings arranged by the company for the whole team. He said I'm wasting time in the company and there is no bright future. I tried to find a job outside but I couldn't cope up with the demeaning and exhausting behaviour in the house and non-stop workload in the office. I agree I was a bit lazy to find a new job but I couldn't do it. In 2015 I left the job and was jobless for 2 months (this happened drastically after a big fight in his hometown that too for trivial reasons). During these two months he made my life a living hell. He would fight for the smallest of things. I had to take care of the house, his younger brother and sister. There were times when we fought because I took care more of his siblings and not him (I used to wonder why he is being hostile when taking care of his family).In 2016 we started our family planning and by God's grace we had baby in 2017. Even when I was pregnant he used to pressurize me to ask my mom to come and take care of me but my mom used to work in a different city and I was thoroughly taken care by my granny and my father. He had problems with that as well. When he started fighting for this matter, I asked him to bring his mother (I knew it was not possible because it's difficult to leave the home and come take care of me) but he kept on saying weird things and insulting my mother saying she is dominating, irresponsible.After having the baby he left me in his hometown for 1 whole year saying that till I prepare myself for the interview and find a new job he will not live with me. I kept begging him, fought with him and even tried to commit suicide because I didn't want to live there anymore after 8 months. I just wanted to come back and have my family which he denied saying he has financial problems. Ultimately I had to pressurise my parents to intervene and take me and my child to their home.Whenever he felt like seeing his daughter he used to come. Otherwise he totally ignored us. My parents and I begged him to come home and stay but he refused (we had a tight financial situation so we couldn't afford a house). My father arranged a small home without any amenities to keep his house's unwanted things. My husband said he will stay there and not in my parents’ house for which I objected. Yet he stayed there for almost 6 months. Later I found a job and moved to a new house.When the pandemic hit I lost my beloved father and my job. I could have saved him but my husband did not allow me to go to my parents place even after explaining to him the situation that my parents are facing. My father did not die of Covid but due to medical negligence. He wanted me to cook and take care of his family in his hometown.He suggested my mother and brother to take leave of two months and sort out all the legal activities which they couldn't. My brother had to leave for his job overseas and mother back to her job. She used to come every three weeks and ask for my help to get things done. He got angry for that and kept on blaming me that I only take care of my family and not him. After my father's death he started insulting my mother. He even made his father to call my mom and talk cheap with her and my brother.Fast forward to now, we have been fighting non-stop and every week there will be a fight, name calling, vulgar words exchanged. He stops talking to me for months together and there has hardly been any physical or emotional intimacy. Even after I confess, cajole and plead with him to sort out our family, he agrees momentarily and again within a week there will be a new topic to fight on in such a way it goes to extremes.This roller coaster ride -- the fights in our relationship -- has affected my child immensely and sometimes for the sake of the child we plan not to divorce each other. But I'm guilty that I'm not providing my child a healthy environment. That I'm not a good wife. I'm confused whether I should continue in this relationship or quit it for the betterment of the three of us because I cannot take this emotional abuse and have my child watching me cry non-stop. Please guide me if my husband will change in future. Should I try counselling or do I divorce him? Because whenever I keep my hopes positive, he goes back to his old ways.
    Ans:

    Dear VS,

    You are married to a man who gets his self-esteem and validation by showing you in poor light, exercises control by telling you who your professional/social circle should be, makes you weak by detaching you from your parents and those who are your support system.

    Does this put things into perspective for you as to where you are in within your marriage?

    Once you fulfil the above, he might be willing to somewhat accept you, but there will be constant new demands to keep his self-esteem high. It’s all about him, him, and him.

    Does he need to visit a professional who can guide him to a better way of thinking? Yes, but that will happen only when he acknowledges his false sense of existence and flushed ego.

    If that is possible, do visit a professional who can help him ably and then he might be able to see the marriage in a new light and his contribution towards it.

    Till then, this seems to be a battle with a child who is adamant about getting one candy and then another and yet another and then crying out loud when denied.

    The child is absolutely growing up in an emotionally challenging environment and this will obviously affect his growth, both physically and emotionally.

    I am glad you have been thinking about what to do and now you know what an absolute must-have for the marriage is, to continue.

    He must change the way he thinks and acts and treats you like his partner and not someone who was married to him for his sense of validation and self-esteem.

    Be wise, watch and decide!

    All the best!

    ..Read more

    Latest Questions
    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5281 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

    Listen
    Money
    Hi... I am 48 years of age. Currently in hand salary income is 140000. My total monthly savings is 56000. ie post office RD 25k which is going to mature in Jan 2025, bank RD 30k which is going to mature in Dec 2024, sip in MF 6k (started 6 months back). My total expenses is bank EMI 24k per month, other monthly expenses including children's tuition fee 55k. My investment - 2 flats worth rs. 75k, ppf 2L, insurance 10L, Equity 40k Other income - flat rent 8k monthly. Request for proper planning for investment next 12 yrs to achieve 2cr goal. Regards.. RHP
    Ans: Current Financial Overview

    You are 48 years old with an in-hand salary of Rs. 1,40,000 per month. Your savings and investments are as follows:

    Monthly Savings: Rs. 56,000
    Post Office RD: Rs. 25,000 (maturing Jan 2025)
    Bank RD: Rs. 30,000 (maturing Dec 2024)
    SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 6,000 (started 6 months back)
    Your expenses include:

    Bank EMI: Rs. 24,000 per month
    Other Monthly Expenses: Rs. 55,000 (including children's tuition fees)
    Your current investments are:

    Two Flats: Worth Rs. 75 lakhs
    PPF: Rs. 2 lakhs
    Insurance: Rs. 10 lakhs
    Equity: Rs. 40,000
    You also have a rental income of Rs. 8,000 per month from one of your flats.

    You aim to achieve a goal of Rs. 2 crores in the next 12 years.

    Assessment of Current Investments

    You have a mix of real estate, recurring deposits, insurance, and a small amount in mutual funds and equity. While real estate and RDs are safe, they may not provide the high growth needed to achieve your goal. Diversifying into other investment options is crucial.

    Diversification Strategy

    Mutual Funds for Growth

    Increase your SIP contributions in mutual funds. Diversify across large cap, mid cap, and multi cap funds for balanced growth.
    Actively managed funds can provide better returns than direct or index funds. They offer professional management and diversification.
    Public Provident Fund (PPF)

    Continue investing in PPF for tax-free returns. It provides long-term stability and security.
    National Pension System (NPS)

    Consider increasing your contributions to the NPS. It offers tax benefits and a regular pension post-retirement.
    Equity Investments

    Gradually increase your equity investments. Equities can provide high returns over the long term, helping you achieve your financial goals.
    Debt Funds

    Invest in debt funds for stability and regular income. They are less volatile than equities and provide a steady return.
    Optimizing Current Savings

    Post Office RD and Bank RD Maturity

    Once your RDs mature, reinvest the amount in a mix of mutual funds and debt funds. This will provide higher returns and diversification.
    Reviewing Real Estate Investments

    While real estate can be a good investment, consider its liquidity and return potential. Diversify into more liquid and high-growth options like mutual funds and equities.
    Planning for Children's Education

    Education Fund

    Start a separate education fund for your children. Invest in mutual funds and PPF to accumulate the required corpus.
    Insurance and Risk Management

    Adequate Insurance

    Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. This protects your family and investments.
    Steps to Achieve Your Goal

    Increase Monthly SIPs

    After your RDs mature, redirect those amounts to mutual funds. Increase your SIP contributions to Rs. 30,000-40,000 per month.
    Rebalance Portfolio

    Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. This ensures alignment with your financial goals and market conditions.
    Emergency Fund

    Maintain an emergency fund of 6-12 months of expenses. This provides a safety net for unexpected situations.
    Final Insights

    Your current investments are a good start, but diversification is key. Increase your SIP contributions, invest in PPF and NPS, and consider more equity and debt funds. Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. This balanced approach will help you achieve your goal of Rs. 2 crores in 12 years.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

    Chief Financial Planner,

    www.holisticinvestment.in

    ...Read more

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    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5281 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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    Money
    Thankyou for the indepth analysis and encouragement.. im planning to do my sip's in a manner of increasing investment by 15 percent every year .. is it better to do a sip on a mutual fund or begin a tailor-made education policy for an amount of 1 crore for my childs education, within the next 15 years sir? If yes, plz do mention the name of funds, i will do more research
    Ans: You have a noble goal to secure your child's education. Increasing SIP investments by 15% annually is a wise approach.

    Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
    SIPs in mutual funds can offer substantial growth over time.

    Benefits of SIPs
    Compounding: Regular investments compound over time. This leads to exponential growth.

    Rupee Cost Averaging: Investing a fixed amount regularly reduces the impact of market volatility.

    Flexibility: You can start with a small amount and increase it. This matches your plan to increase investments by 15% yearly.

    Liquidity: Mutual funds offer easy liquidity. You can withdraw funds when needed for your child's education.

    Professional Management: Actively managed funds have professional fund managers. They aim to outperform the market.

    Disadvantages of SIPs
    Market Risk: SIPs are subject to market risks. However, long-term investments typically smooth out these risks.
    Education Policy
    Education policies are often insurance products combined with investment.

    Benefits of Education Policy
    Guaranteed Returns: They offer guaranteed returns. This provides a sense of security.

    Insurance Coverage: They often include insurance. This can be beneficial in case of unforeseen circumstances.

    Disadvantages of Education Policy
    Lower Returns: Returns are usually lower compared to mutual funds. This affects the overall growth of your investment.

    Less Flexibility: These policies are less flexible. Early withdrawal may incur penalties.

    High Costs: They come with higher costs and charges. This reduces the net returns.

    Why SIPs are Better
    Higher Returns: Mutual funds, especially equity funds, offer higher returns. This helps in achieving the 1 crore goal faster.

    Flexibility and Liquidity: SIPs provide flexibility in investments. They also offer easy liquidity when needed.

    Professional Management: Actively managed funds can outperform market indices. This leads to better growth.

    Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
    Professional Guidance: A CFP can guide you to choose the best mutual funds. They provide valuable insights and manage your investments.

    Regular Funds: Investing through a CFP offers advisory services. Direct funds lack this professional guidance.

    Disadvantages of Direct Funds
    Lack of Advice: Direct funds do not offer advisory services. This can lead to mismanagement of funds.

    Higher Effort: Managing direct funds requires more effort and knowledge. It may not be suitable for everyone.

    Avoid Index Funds
    Disadvantages: Index funds simply mimic the market. They lack professional management.

    Lower Returns: Actively managed funds often outperform index funds. Fund managers adjust for market conditions.

    Final Insights
    Increasing SIP investments by 15% annually is a wise decision. SIPs in mutual funds offer higher returns, flexibility, and professional management. Education policies, while secure, provide lower returns and less flexibility. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. They can help create a tailored plan to achieve your goal of 1 crore for your child's education.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

    Chief Financial Planner

    www.holisticinvestment.in

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5281 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2024Hindi
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    Hello Gurus, I need one investment strategy. I am 31 years old. Having 1 kid and home maker wife. I am continuously investing 1.5LPA in PPF. In EPF I put 1.44LPA . I have SIPs 17k per month in blue chip, debt fund, equity one. 12.5k RD is also there. I also invested regularly in SGB. I am having 50 unit SGB. I am not having any loan right now. Planning to take a term plan shortly for securing future of my family and kid. Having 2 inherited flat. Having good mediclaim of my whole family and parents. Kindly let me know if i am in right way! Having wish of investing in real estate soon. Pls let me know.
    Ans: Let's assess your current investments and provide a strategy to ensure you are on the right track.

    Current Financial Overview
    Age: 31 years

    Family: Homemaker wife and one child

    PPF Contribution: Rs 1.5 lakh per annum

    EPF Contribution: Rs 1.44 lakh per annum

    SIPs: Rs 17,000 per month (blue chip, debt fund, equity fund)

    Recurring Deposit (RD): Rs 12,500 per month

    SGB Investment: 50 units

    Loans: None

    Insurance: Planning to take a term plan

    Mediclaim: Good coverage for family and parents

    Real Estate: Two inherited flats

    Assessment of Current Investments
    1. PPF and EPF:

    These provide stable, long-term, tax-free returns.

    Continue maxing out contributions to these accounts.

    2. SIPs in Mutual Funds:

    Diversified across blue chip, debt, and equity funds.

    Ensures balanced risk and potential for growth.

    3. Recurring Deposit:

    Provides stable and guaranteed returns.

    Good for short to medium-term goals.

    4. Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB):

    Provides safety and steady returns.

    Acts as a hedge against inflation.

    Recommendations
    1. Continue Current Investments:

    Maintain contributions to PPF and EPF.

    Keep SIPs in mutual funds for diversified growth.

    Continue investing in RD and SGB for stability and security.

    2. Term Plan:

    A term plan is essential for securing your family's future.

    Ensure coverage is adequate to meet future financial needs.

    3. Increase SIP Amounts:

    As income grows, increase SIP contributions.

    This enhances the growth potential of your investments.

    4. Avoid Real Estate:

    Real estate involves high costs and liquidity issues.

    Focus on liquid and high-growth investments instead.

    Additional Investment Strategies
    1. Emergency Fund:

    Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6 months of expenses.

    This provides a financial cushion against unforeseen events.

    2. Child's Education and Marriage:

    Start an SIP in a diversified equity mutual fund.

    This will cater to long-term goals like education and marriage.

    3. Retirement Planning:

    Consider starting an NPS account.

    It offers additional tax benefits and supports retirement goals.

    4. Health Insurance:

    Ensure your mediclaim policy covers all critical health needs.

    Review the policy regularly for adequate coverage.

    Risk Management
    1. Diversification:

    Ensure your portfolio is diversified across asset classes.

    This reduces risk and improves potential returns.

    2. Regular Review:

    Review your investment portfolio every 6 months.

    Adjust based on performance and changing financial goals.

    Tax Planning
    1. Tax-Saving Investments:

    Utilize Section 80C to its fullest with PPF, EPF, and ELSS.

    Explore other tax-saving instruments like NPS and health insurance.

    2. Efficient Withdrawal Strategy:

    Plan withdrawals from investments to minimize tax liability.
    Final Insights
    You are on the right track with diversified investments and no debt. Focus on increasing SIP contributions, maintaining emergency funds, and securing adequate insurance. Avoid real estate and continue with your current strategy for steady growth and financial security.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

    Chief Financial Planner

    www.holisticinvestment.in

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5281 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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    Money
    Hi Mam, I'm 43+, Monthly take home is around 3.20 Lacs, Currently i have invested in Shares (Current Portfolio is around 1.75 Crs). EMI is around 1.1 lacs P/m (Home loan 1 - 50K per month till 2037, 30K car loan till 2027 (Planning to close this year by paying 13 lacs, please suggest if this option of preclosure is good or EMI is good, will be paying this amount by selling some shares), 30k per month of home 2 till 2040., Recently i have started investing in SIP 1 lacs P/M, and balance 1.20 lacs goes in house, kids education expense. Have EPF balance of 40 lacs as on date. As mentioned above recently i have started investing in SIP (From Oct 2023 onwards), which is at the tune of 1 lacs per month. SIP are Franklin India Prima Fund regular Plan - Growth - 25K, ICICI Prudential Small cap fund retail plan G - 25K, Kotak Multicap fund regular plan growth - 15K, DSP Blackrock mid cap fund regular plan growth - 10 K, and Parag Parikh Flexi Cap fund - Regular plan growth - 25 K. Will increase the SIP investment by 10% every year going forward. Sir, My question is with current SIP investment will i be able to generate 10~12 Cr corpus fund by retirement (Assuming that i will be in Job and working for next 15 years). Current Share portfolio is for long term investment only (assuming i get 12~15% of return every year). Please note : will be spending around 1~1.5 cr for my Son education in engineering from 2027 to 2031, 50% will be spend from savings and balance 50% from education loan.
    Ans: Financial Snapshot
    Age: 43+
    Monthly Take Home Salary: Rs 3.20 lakhs
    Current Investment in Shares: Rs 1.75 crores
    EMI Payments: Rs 1.1 lakhs per month
    Home Loan 1: Rs 50,000 till 2037
    Car Loan: Rs 30,000 till 2027 (planning to close this year)
    Home Loan 2: Rs 30,000 till 2040
    Monthly SIP Investment: Rs 1 lakh (started Oct 2023)
    Monthly Household and Education Expenses: Rs 1.20 lakhs
    EPF Balance: Rs 40 lakhs
    Expected Expenses for Son's Education: Rs 1-1.5 crores (2027-2031)
    Assessing Current Investments
    Share Portfolio:

    Value: Rs 1.75 crores
    Assumed Annual Return: 12-15%
    Long-term growth potential is strong. Continue holding for compounding benefits.
    SIP Investments:

    Started in Oct 2023
    Current SIP of Rs 1 lakh per month in a diversified mix of funds
    Analyzing Loan Preclosure Option
    Car Loan Preclosure:

    Current EMI: Rs 30,000 per month till 2027
    Preclosure Amount: Rs 13 lakhs (consider selling some shares)
    Pros of Preclosure:

    Reduces monthly EMI burden
    Saves interest costs
    Cons of Preclosure:

    Selling shares might impact portfolio growth
    Evaluate if share sale aligns with long-term goals
    Recommendation:

    If interest rate on car loan is high, preclosure can be beneficial.
    Ensure share sale does not significantly affect long-term portfolio growth.
    Evaluating SIP Investments
    Current SIP Allocation:

    Franklin India Prima Fund: Rs 25,000
    ICICI Prudential Small Cap Fund: Rs 25,000
    Kotak Multicap Fund: Rs 15,000
    DSP Blackrock Mid Cap Fund: Rs 10,000
    Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Rs 25,000
    Plan to Increase SIP by 10% Annually:

    This is a good strategy. It helps to combat inflation and increase your corpus over time.
    Active vs. Index Funds:

    Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:
    Potential to outperform market
    Professional management
    Disadvantages of Index Funds:
    Passive tracking of the market
    No chance to outperform during market rallies
    Projected Retirement Corpus
    Assumptions:

    Monthly SIP: Rs 1 lakh (increasing by 10% annually)
    Investment Horizon: 15 years
    Average Annual Return: 12-15%
    Projection:

    Estimated Corpus at Retirement:
    With a 12% annual return: Approximately Rs 10-12 crores
    With a 15% annual return: Potentially higher than Rs 12 crores
    Financial Planning for Son's Education
    Expected Expenses:

    Rs 1-1.5 crores over 4 years (2027-2031)
    Plan to use 50% savings and 50% education loan
    Recommendation:

    Start a dedicated education fund
    Consider balanced or hybrid funds for stability and growth
    Ensure this fund aligns with the investment horizon and risk tolerance
    Final Insights
    Your current investment strategy is strong.
    Increasing SIP contributions annually is a prudent move.
    Evaluate the car loan preclosure option based on interest rates and long-term goals.
    Maintain a diversified portfolio to balance risk and growth.
    Regularly review your investments with a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.
    By following these steps, you should be well-positioned to achieve a corpus of Rs 10-12 crores by retirement. Additionally, planning for your son's education expenses with a dedicated fund will ensure financial stability.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

    Chief Financial Planner,

    www.holisticinvestment.in

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5281 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

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    How to invest money in mutual fund and stock market
    Ans: Investing in mutual funds and the stock market can be rewarding. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you get started.

    Understanding Mutual Funds
    Mutual funds pool money from many investors. Professional managers invest this money in stocks, bonds, or other assets.

    Benefits of Mutual Funds
    Diversification: Reduces risk by spreading investments.

    Professional Management: Experts manage your money.

    Flexibility: Various types to suit different goals.

    Steps to Invest in Mutual Funds
    Define Your Goals: Know your financial goals and time frame.

    Assess Risk Tolerance: Understand your risk capacity.

    Choose the Right Fund: Based on your goals and risk tolerance.

    KYC Compliance: Complete Know Your Customer (KYC) process.

    Open an Account: With a mutual fund company or a certified financial planner.

    Start SIP: Set up a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) for regular investments.

    Monitor and Review: Regularly check and adjust your portfolio.

    Types of Mutual Funds
    Equity Funds: Invest in stocks. Suitable for long-term goals.

    Debt Funds: Invest in bonds. Suitable for short-term goals.

    Hybrid Funds: Combine stocks and bonds. Balanced approach.

    ELSS Funds: Equity Linked Savings Scheme. Offers tax benefits.

    Understanding Stock Market Investments
    Investing in stocks means buying shares of companies. You become a partial owner of the company.

    Benefits of Stock Market Investments
    High Returns: Potential for significant gains.

    Ownership: You own a part of the company.

    Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell shares.

    Steps to Invest in the Stock Market
    Educate Yourself: Learn about the stock market and how it works.

    Open a Demat and Trading Account: With a brokerage firm.

    Research Stocks: Study companies, their performance, and future prospects.

    Start Small: Begin with a small investment to understand the process.

    Diversify: Don’t put all your money in one stock.

    Regular Monitoring: Keep track of your investments.

    Stay Informed: Follow market news and trends.

    Disadvantages of Direct Stocks Over Mutual Funds
    High Risk: Individual stocks are more volatile and can lead to significant losses.

    Time-Consuming: Requires constant research and monitoring.

    Lack of Diversification: Investing in a few stocks doesn’t spread risk effectively.

    Emotional Decisions: Investors may make impulsive decisions based on market swings.

    Requires Expertise: Understanding the market and picking the right stocks needs knowledge.

    Tips for Successful Investing
    Long-Term Focus: Avoid short-term market fluctuations.

    Consistent Investing: Regular investments yield better results.

    Avoid Herd Mentality: Don’t follow the crowd blindly.

    Stay Informed: Keep learning and adapting to market changes.

    Seek Professional Advice: A certified financial planner can provide valuable guidance.

    Final Insights
    Investing in mutual funds and the stock market requires knowledge, discipline, and regular monitoring. By following these steps and staying informed, you can make sound investment decisions and achieve your financial goals.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

    Chief Financial Planner,

    www.holisticinvestment.in

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5281 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

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    Im 32 year old working with a companty. I ve started two sips ( 5000 each from May 2024) both in Small Cap ( Nippon Small Cap and Tata Ethical Fund . Is this correct way to do inveor i need diversification.
    Ans: Current Investment Overview

    You are 32 years old and working with a company. You have started two SIPs of Rs. 5,000 each, both in small cap funds: Nippon Small Cap and Tata Ethical Fund, since May 2024. It's great that you have taken the initiative to invest regularly through SIPs.

    Need for Diversification

    Investing in small cap funds can offer high returns but also comes with higher risk. It's important to diversify your investments to reduce risk and achieve more balanced growth. Here's why and how you can diversify:

    1. Diversification Benefits

    Risk Reduction: Diversification helps spread risk across different asset classes.

    Balanced Growth: Different types of funds perform well at different times. Diversification ensures you benefit from various market conditions.

    Stability: A diversified portfolio provides more stability and consistent returns over the long term.

    2. Suggested Diversification Strategy

    To achieve diversification, consider adding funds from different categories:

    Large Cap Funds

    Why: Large cap funds invest in well-established companies. They offer more stability and lower risk compared to small cap funds.

    Suggested Allocation: Allocate around 30-40% of your monthly investment to large cap funds.

    Mid Cap Funds

    Why: Mid cap funds invest in medium-sized companies. They provide a balance between the high growth potential of small caps and the stability of large caps.

    Suggested Allocation: Allocate around 20-30% of your monthly investment to mid cap funds.

    Multi Cap or Flexi Cap Funds

    Why: These funds invest across large, mid, and small cap stocks, providing diversification within the equity segment.

    Suggested Allocation: Allocate around 20-30% of your monthly investment to multi cap or flexi cap funds.

    Debt Funds

    Why: Debt funds offer stability and regular income. They reduce the overall risk of your portfolio.

    Suggested Allocation: Allocate around 10-20% of your monthly investment to debt funds.

    3. Reviewing Your Portfolio

    Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and market conditions. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you optimize your investment strategy.

    Final Insights

    Your current investment in small cap funds shows a willingness to take on higher risk for potential high returns. However, it's important to diversify your portfolio to achieve balanced growth and reduce risk. Add large cap, mid cap, multi cap, and debt funds to your investment mix. This will provide stability and help you achieve your financial goals more effectively.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

    Chief Financial Planner,

    www.holisticinvestment.in

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5281 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi
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    I AM 42 YEAR WITH 12 YEAR OLD GIRL Child, I HAVE STARTUP BUSINESS WITH 1.5 LAKH Montly INCOME, FD ABOUT 1 CR WITH 50K INCOME MONTHLY FOR HOME Expenses & 20 Lakh FD in POSTAL MIS with INCOME OF 10K MONTH AND POSTAL FD GIVES 1.2 LAKH FOR MANAGEING SCHOOL FEE , SUKANYA SAMURDHI 20K YEAR , NO LOANS, PLANING FOE HOME AND GET RETIRE BY 2031 , PLEASE GUIDE ME ON RETIREMENT income
    Ans: Planning for retirement involves strategizing investments to generate a stable income. Let's explore your current situation and steps to achieve your goals.

    Current Financial Situation
    Age: 42 years

    Child: 12-year-old girl

    Monthly Income: Rs 1.5 lakhs from startup business

    Fixed Deposits (FD):

    Rs 1 crore with Rs 50,000 monthly income for home expenses
    Rs 20 lakhs in Postal MIS with Rs 10,000 monthly income and Rs 1.2 lakhs for managing school fees
    Sukanya Samriddhi Account: Rs 20,000 per year

    No Loans

    Goals
    Home Purchase: Planning to buy a home
    Retirement: Plan to retire by 2031
    Steps to Plan Retirement Income
    1. Evaluate Monthly Expenses
    List all monthly expenses, including home, utilities, education, and lifestyle.

    Estimate post-retirement expenses. Include inflation in calculations.

    2. Assess Current Investments
    Your FDs provide a stable income but have limited growth potential.

    Sukanya Samriddhi offers good returns but is for your daughter’s future.

    Consider more growth-oriented investments for retirement.

    3. Diversify Investments
    Equity Mutual Funds: Invest in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. They provide better returns than fixed deposits.

    Debt Funds: Include debt funds for stability. They balance the portfolio and reduce risk.

    Balanced Funds: Invest in balanced funds that mix equity and debt. They offer growth with moderate risk.

    4. Increase Contributions
    Increase contributions to equity mutual funds. Start SIPs to benefit from compounding.

    Invest part of the FD maturity amount in diversified mutual funds. This enhances growth potential.

    5. Professional Management
    Actively Managed Funds: Choose actively managed funds. Fund managers aim to outperform the market.

    Regular Funds: Invest through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They offer valuable advice and manage your investments.

    6. Avoid Index Funds
    Disadvantages: Index funds lack professional management. They simply mimic the market.

    Lower Returns: Actively managed funds often outperform index funds. Managers can adjust for market conditions.

    7. Plan for Home Purchase
    Budgeting: Create a budget for the home purchase. Ensure it does not strain your finances.

    Loan Options: Consider home loan options if necessary. However, aim to minimize debt.

    8. Emergency Fund
    Maintain an emergency fund. Cover at least 6 months of expenses. Keep it in liquid funds for easy access.
    9. Regular Review
    Monitor Investments: Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.

    Adjust Goals: Reassess goals and strategy based on life changes. Be flexible.

    10. Estimate Retirement Corpus
    Required Corpus: Estimate the corpus needed for retirement. Consider lifestyle, inflation, and life expectancy.

    Investment Strategy: Aim for a mix of equity and debt investments. Equity for growth, debt for stability.

    Final Insights
    Your current financial position is strong. You have steady income from FDs and your business. To ensure a comfortable retirement, diversify your investments into equity and debt mutual funds. Avoid index funds and direct funds. Regularly review and adjust your strategy.

    Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. They can help create a tailored plan to meet your goals.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

    Chief Financial Planner,

    www.holisticinvestment.in

    ...Read more

    DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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