Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1170 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I got married to my husband six months ago. I come from a liberal family. We dated for five months before getting married, during which he often got jealous of my male friends, leading to petty arguments. After marriage, everything was fine for the first two months, but then he began doubting my character, accusing me of infidelity, and verbally abusing my family and upbringing. During a particularly bad fight, he grabbed me by the throat. I shouted at him and pushed him away, and he later apologized, blaming his anger. Despite my efforts to prove his allegations wrong and maintain the marriage, I now feel that he will not change, making it difficult to stay with him in the long run. The ongoing issues at home are affecting my professional life. I want a divorce as I have no feelings left for him, but I fear he will make a big issue out of it and try to persuade me to stay. I feel trapped in this marriage. Please guide me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Physical abuse is a NO NO...he does has his 'anger' issues which might need to be dealt with by a professional. Have the two of you sought professional help? Are you willing to do that? Will your husband also agree to that?
But it also seems apparent that you want 'OUT' of this marriage.
BUT what is not clear to me is: Why the fear that he will persuade you to stay? If you have decided, why would you find it hard to stick to your decision OR there is a part of you that is still unsure.
Then it's better to be sure and for that try going to an expert. At least you know that you left no stone unturned before taking that major decision.
And who knows, if things actually start to get better, it might be wonderful, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1170 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Relationship
I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)
Ans:

Dear MK,

This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1170 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

    Relationship
    I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1170 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

    Relationship
    I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)
    Ans:

    Dear MK,

    This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

    It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

    He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

    To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

    Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

    If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

    All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1170 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

    Relationship
     Hello mam,(I want to remain anonymous )I want to ask regarding my relationship with my husband.We got married in 2013 and after a month and so...He started saying I shouldn't mingle with Muslim friends who were my colleagues in my office. I told him they are good people and we've never had such kind of differences. But he got angry and from here one by one he started picking fights for each and everything. Since we are newly weds, I asked if we can explore new nearby(one day trip)places during the weekend, which he didn't do. My parents lived nearby and since we used to stay at home they'd call us on weekends for lunch or dinner. He started fighting for that also. He also started body shaming me saying I have gained weight (and everyone in his home are commenting about my weight). I had only gained 3 kgs after my marriage.He said I have relationships with colleagues even after my engagement, which was not the case. Later he said I shouldn't go out for lunch meetings arranged by the company for the whole team. He said I'm wasting time in the company and there is no bright future. I tried to find a job outside but I couldn't cope up with the demeaning and exhausting behaviour in the house and non-stop workload in the office. I agree I was a bit lazy to find a new job but I couldn't do it. In 2015 I left the job and was jobless for 2 months (this happened drastically after a big fight in his hometown that too for trivial reasons). During these two months he made my life a living hell. He would fight for the smallest of things. I had to take care of the house, his younger brother and sister. There were times when we fought because I took care more of his siblings and not him (I used to wonder why he is being hostile when taking care of his family).In 2016 we started our family planning and by God's grace we had baby in 2017. Even when I was pregnant he used to pressurize me to ask my mom to come and take care of me but my mom used to work in a different city and I was thoroughly taken care by my granny and my father. He had problems with that as well. When he started fighting for this matter, I asked him to bring his mother (I knew it was not possible because it's difficult to leave the home and come take care of me) but he kept on saying weird things and insulting my mother saying she is dominating, irresponsible.After having the baby he left me in his hometown for 1 whole year saying that till I prepare myself for the interview and find a new job he will not live with me. I kept begging him, fought with him and even tried to commit suicide because I didn't want to live there anymore after 8 months. I just wanted to come back and have my family which he denied saying he has financial problems. Ultimately I had to pressurise my parents to intervene and take me and my child to their home.Whenever he felt like seeing his daughter he used to come. Otherwise he totally ignored us. My parents and I begged him to come home and stay but he refused (we had a tight financial situation so we couldn't afford a house). My father arranged a small home without any amenities to keep his house's unwanted things. My husband said he will stay there and not in my parents’ house for which I objected. Yet he stayed there for almost 6 months. Later I found a job and moved to a new house.When the pandemic hit I lost my beloved father and my job. I could have saved him but my husband did not allow me to go to my parents place even after explaining to him the situation that my parents are facing. My father did not die of Covid but due to medical negligence. He wanted me to cook and take care of his family in his hometown.He suggested my mother and brother to take leave of two months and sort out all the legal activities which they couldn't. My brother had to leave for his job overseas and mother back to her job. She used to come every three weeks and ask for my help to get things done. He got angry for that and kept on blaming me that I only take care of my family and not him. After my father's death he started insulting my mother. He even made his father to call my mom and talk cheap with her and my brother.Fast forward to now, we have been fighting non-stop and every week there will be a fight, name calling, vulgar words exchanged. He stops talking to me for months together and there has hardly been any physical or emotional intimacy. Even after I confess, cajole and plead with him to sort out our family, he agrees momentarily and again within a week there will be a new topic to fight on in such a way it goes to extremes.This roller coaster ride -- the fights in our relationship -- has affected my child immensely and sometimes for the sake of the child we plan not to divorce each other. But I'm guilty that I'm not providing my child a healthy environment. That I'm not a good wife. I'm confused whether I should continue in this relationship or quit it for the betterment of the three of us because I cannot take this emotional abuse and have my child watching me cry non-stop. Please guide me if my husband will change in future. Should I try counselling or do I divorce him? Because whenever I keep my hopes positive, he goes back to his old ways.
    Ans:

    Dear VS,

    You are married to a man who gets his self-esteem and validation by showing you in poor light, exercises control by telling you who your professional/social circle should be, makes you weak by detaching you from your parents and those who are your support system.

    Does this put things into perspective for you as to where you are in within your marriage?

    Once you fulfil the above, he might be willing to somewhat accept you, but there will be constant new demands to keep his self-esteem high. It’s all about him, him, and him.

    Does he need to visit a professional who can guide him to a better way of thinking? Yes, but that will happen only when he acknowledges his false sense of existence and flushed ego.

    If that is possible, do visit a professional who can help him ably and then he might be able to see the marriage in a new light and his contribution towards it.

    Till then, this seems to be a battle with a child who is adamant about getting one candy and then another and yet another and then crying out loud when denied.

    The child is absolutely growing up in an emotionally challenging environment and this will obviously affect his growth, both physically and emotionally.

    I am glad you have been thinking about what to do and now you know what an absolute must-have for the marriage is, to continue.

    He must change the way he thinks and acts and treats you like his partner and not someone who was married to him for his sense of validation and self-esteem.

    Be wise, watch and decide!

    All the best!

    ..Read more

    Latest Questions
    Moneywize

    Moneywize   |160 Answers  |Ask -

    Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Sep 27, 2024Hindi
    Listen
    Money
    I’m working woman around 35 age living in Chennai with my son aged 6. How can I save tax on my salary income through investments in mutual funds and other tax-saving instruments under Section 80C?
    Ans: Understanding Section 80C
    Section 80C of the Income Tax Act offers a deduction of up to ?1.5 lakh on your taxable income. This can be claimed by investing in various financial instruments. Here are some popular options that align with your goals:
    1. Public Provident Fund (PPF):
    • Pros: Safe, long-term investment with guaranteed returns.
    • Cons: Lock-in period of 15 years.
    2. Equity Linked Saving Scheme (ELSS):
    • Pros: Potential for higher returns, shortest lock-in period (3 years).
    • Cons: Market-linked risks.
    3. National Pension Scheme (NPS):
    • Pros: Tax benefits, pension income, additional deduction of ?50,000 under Section 80CCD(1B).
    • Cons: Early withdrawal penalties.
    4. Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY):
    • Pros: Dedicated for a girl child, tax-free interest.
    • Cons: Limited to two children, long-term investment.
    5. Employee Provident Fund (EPF):
    • Pros: Employer contribution, tax-free interest.
    • Cons: Limited control over investment.
    6. Tax-Saving Fixed Deposits:
    • Pros: Relatively safe, fixed interest rate.
    • Cons: Lower returns compared to other options.
    Additional Tips:
    • Diversify: Consider a mix of investments to manage risk and potentially maximize returns.
    • Consult a financial advisor: Seek professional advice tailored to your specific financial situation and goals.
    • Consider your risk tolerance: Choose investments that align with your comfort level.
    • Review regularly: Periodically assess your investments to ensure they meet your evolving needs.
    Remember: The best tax-saving strategy depends on your individual circumstances. It's essential to evaluate your financial goals, risk appetite, and time horizon before making investment decisions.

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6448 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

    Money
    Sir, I am 45 , lost 1 cr in business and shifted to Job profile and earning 24 LPA, have 1 home of 65 Lacs with 40 Lacs home loan , 20 Lakhs Mediclaim Policy , Nil Investment. what is the way ahead . 1. come out of depts urgently. 2. Build up a little for kids . Have 2 kids 9 and 8 yrs . school bit costly . 5 Lacs per Annum .
    Ans: You’ve experienced a major financial setback with a business loss of Rs 1 crore and have since transitioned to a job with an annual income of Rs 24 lakh. Currently, you have a home valued at Rs 65 lakh but with an outstanding loan of Rs 40 lakh, and you’ve mentioned a costly school setup for your two children, with an annual fee of Rs 5 lakh. You also have a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy, which provides some security in terms of health coverage. Now, you are keen on clearing your debts, securing your children’s future, and building up a financial cushion.

    Given your circumstances, it’s important to prioritize debt repayment, secure your children’s education, and rebuild your financial base. Here’s a step-by-step approach to achieving your goals.

    1. Prioritize Debt Repayment
    Paying Off the Home Loan
    Your home loan of Rs 40 lakh is a significant liability. Considering that you pay Rs 5 lakh annually for your children’s education, this loan will be a major financial burden. However, paying off your home loan aggressively while maintaining your lifestyle is crucial for long-term stability.

    Increase EMI Payments: Check if you can increase your home loan EMIs. You could redirect any excess income towards your home loan. Even a small increase in EMI can reduce your overall loan tenure, saving you substantial interest in the long run.

    Lump Sum Prepayments: If you get any bonuses or financial windfalls, use them to make lump sum payments towards the principal. This will help reduce the loan quickly.

    Refinance Your Home Loan: If your current interest rate is high, consider refinancing the loan to a lower interest rate. Even a small reduction in interest can lead to significant savings over the long term.

    2. Build an Emergency Fund
    Before starting any investments, you need to establish an emergency fund. This will prevent you from having to take on more debt in case of unforeseen expenses.

    Target 6 Months of Living Expenses: Set aside enough money to cover at least 6 months of your family’s living expenses. This should include EMI payments, school fees, and day-to-day expenses. Aim for a fund of Rs 8-10 lakh for emergencies.

    Place in a Liquid Fund: You can park this money in a liquid mutual fund or a high-interest savings account. The idea is that it should be easily accessible and provide some returns.

    3. Address Kids’ Education
    Your children are 9 and 8 years old, and their education is a significant ongoing expense. With annual fees of Rs 5 lakh, the costs are substantial.

    Set Up a Dedicated Education Fund: You can begin a systematic investment plan (SIP) in mutual funds dedicated to their future educational needs. Equity mutual funds will provide the best growth over a 10-15 year period, but you’ll need to manage this carefully as they get closer to higher education.

    Consider Education Insurance: Although you have a mediclaim policy, an education insurance plan can provide additional coverage in case something happens to you. This will ensure that their education is funded even if you're not around.

    4. Start Long-Term Investments for Retirement
    Since you have no current investments and a home loan to deal with, start slowly and steadily building your long-term savings. At 45, you have about 15-20 years until retirement, which is enough time to grow a retirement corpus if you act now.

    Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Start with an SIP in equity mutual funds. Equity funds have the potential to give higher returns over the long term, which is crucial given the time frame. You can start small and increase contributions as your financial situation stabilizes.

    Public Provident Fund (PPF): Consider opening a PPF account. Though it has a lower interest rate compared to equity, it provides tax benefits and a risk-free return. It’s ideal for building a portion of your retirement fund.

    Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF): If your company provides EPF (Employee Provident Fund), consider contributing extra to the VPF. This will help build a tax-free retirement corpus.

    5. Secure Health and Life Insurance
    You already have a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy, which is good. However, with two young children, securing your family’s future through proper life insurance is critical.

    Term Insurance: You should get a term insurance policy that covers at least 10 times your annual income. With a Rs 24 lakh annual salary, consider a Rs 2.5-3 crore term policy. This will ensure your family’s financial security if anything happens to you.

    Review Mediclaim Policy: With rising medical costs, a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy may not be sufficient. Consider increasing the coverage to Rs 30-40 lakh, depending on your budget.

    6. Manage Current Lifestyle and Expenses
    Your children’s school fees are Rs 5 lakh annually, which is a significant part of your income. You’ll need to make sure that this expense does not derail your financial goals.

    Budgeting: Create a strict budget to ensure that you are able to save and invest every month. Keep discretionary spending to a minimum until you are able to stabilize your financial situation.

    Avoid Lifestyle Inflation: As your income grows, it’s important to avoid lifestyle inflation (increased spending as income rises). Prioritize savings and investments instead of increasing your standard of living.

    7. Rebuild Your Financial Confidence
    Given the business loss, it's understandable to feel financial strain, but you’re taking the right steps by focusing on your job and rebuilding your financial base. The key now is to be consistent and disciplined with your finances.

    Stay Positive and Committed: You have the earning capacity and time to rebuild your financial portfolio. Stick to your investment and debt repayment strategies, and you’ll find that progress happens gradually.

    Focus on Long-Term Goals: Short-term market fluctuations and financial hurdles may cause concern, but your goal should always be long-term financial stability and security for your family.

    Final Insights
    Focus on Debt Reduction: Prioritize paying off your home loan and avoid new debts. Use any excess income or bonuses to prepay the loan faster.

    Build an Emergency Fund: Secure at least 6 months of expenses in an easily accessible emergency fund before you start investing.

    Start Investing for Kids’ Education: Start an education fund with SIPs in equity mutual funds. This will help you cover the cost of their higher education.

    Plan for Retirement: Begin SIPs in equity funds and open a PPF account for long-term retirement savings. Consider VPF contributions if available.

    Secure Your Family: Increase health insurance coverage if needed and take a term insurance policy of Rs 2.5-3 crore for your family’s protection.

    With disciplined savings, prudent investments, and focused debt repayment, you will be able to rebuild your financial future and secure your children’s education as well as your retirement.

    Best Regards,
    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
    Chief Financial Planner
    www.holisticinvestment.in
    Holistic Investment YouTube Channel

    ...Read more

    Milind

    Milind Vadjikar  |240 Answers  |Ask -

    Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

    Listen
    Money
    First of all I want to thank you sir for sharing your advice to the persons in need.I am Shiva and I am 28 years old. My father took a home loan of 35 lakhs in January 2019 .My father's current salary is 87000 rupees after deductions .My father is paying monthly installment of 33500 rupees for home loan.My father doesn't have pension and will retire in 2years. My salary is 50000 rupees after my deductions and I have term life insurance of 1.8 cr. my brother's salary is 1 lakh after deductions and both of us are married .After retirement of my father ,he will lumpsum of 40 lakhs and we do not want to use that to pay our home loan as there was no pension for my parents. How can we pay our home loan without affecting our children education and how can we manage my expenses for my parents and also for ourselves.I and my brother are interested in investing in mutual funds .My brother has health insurance of 10 lakhs which includes my parents .please suggest a way to manage our home loan , children education expenses and we want to become debt free as soon as possible and want to build our wealth. Please give your valuable advice sir.I will be eagerly waiting for that. Thanking you, Shiva
    Ans: Hello;

    You are most welcome for seeking probable answers to your queries.

    After the retirement of your father he may buy immediate annuity from a life insurance company. Considering annuity rate of 6% he can expect to receive a monthly payout of 20 K immediately from next month. (You can try to shop around and negotiate for a better annuity rate).

    Out of the monthly payout of 20 K your parents may keep 10 K for own expenses and balance 10 K may be earmarked towards loan emi.

    Since home loan emi is 33.5 K, I suggest yourself and your brother can share the balance amount(23.5 K) in equal proportion(11750 per person, per month).

    As rightly pointed out your family should focus on early repayment of this home loan by pre paying the principal as much as possible.

    If the loan repayment tenure is more than 10 years then yourself and brother may be added as co-owners of the property alongwith your father.

    This can then enable yourself and your brother to seek income tax deductions on account of home loan repayment.

    This will involve stamp duty, registration and legal expenses so it will make sense only if loan repayment term is more then 10 years.

    It would be better if you seek advice from a CA to pursue this option.

    Despite the monthly payout of 11750, you and your brother will have surplus funds to invest for other goals.

    Good to know that your parents are covered under healthcare insurance.

    Your parents may not have left a huge fortune for you both but they have ensured best education for you by virtue of which you are decently settled in life. Keep that in mind.

    Happy Investing!!

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6448 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2024Hindi
    Money
    Sir I am age of 50 , present I am having own 2 house of buit up area 30 x40 , and gold 30 lakhs and fd of 10 lakhs and lic will come in next year around 40 lakhs , I have to kids one is studying in B.E 2nd yr, and one more 8th std , I have only 10 yrs in my hand I will get retired, presently I started 25000 sip and one ppf of 5k ,is it enough fr my next retirement life....
    Ans: You have 10 years until retirement and are keen on assessing your current financial situation. With two kids, one in college and the other in school, it’s important to ensure that your retirement and their future are secure. Let’s analyze your financial position and evaluate whether your current plan is enough for a comfortable retirement.

    Current Financial Position
    Let’s take a quick look at your assets and existing savings:

    Two Houses: You own two houses with a 30x40 built-up area. While real estate adds to your net worth, they may not provide immediate liquidity for retirement. We will focus on financial assets for now.

    Gold Worth Rs 30 Lakh: Gold is a good long-term investment. It acts as a hedge against inflation, but it shouldn’t be the sole focus for retirement planning.

    Fixed Deposit of Rs 10 Lakh: This is a stable, low-risk investment. However, fixed deposits generally offer lower returns, which might not be sufficient in the long run.

    LIC Maturity Next Year: You expect Rs 40 lakh from your LIC maturity next year. This can be a good lump sum amount to invest further for your retirement.

    Current SIPs: You’ve started a Rs 25,000 monthly SIP. This is a great step towards building your retirement corpus, especially in equity mutual funds.

    PPF Contribution: You are contributing Rs 5,000 per month to PPF. This provides a safe and guaranteed return, ideal for retirement stability.

    Assessing Your Retirement Goals
    To determine if your current investments are enough, let’s break down some key factors:

    1. Retirement Corpus Requirement
    Based on your current lifestyle, you will need a retirement corpus that can generate enough income to cover your post-retirement expenses. Assuming your expenses continue to grow with inflation, you will need to account for this in your savings plan.

    At retirement, you will need:

    Monthly Income for Living Expenses: Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement. This includes your daily living costs, medical expenses, and any other regular commitments. Typically, you should plan for at least 70-80% of your current monthly expenses, adjusted for inflation.

    Inflation: Consider an inflation rate of 6-7% over the next 10 years. This will erode the value of money, meaning you’ll need a higher corpus to maintain the same standard of living.

    2. Education Expenses for Your Kids
    Your children’s education will likely require significant funding. With one child in BE 2nd year and another in 8th standard, you must plan for both higher education expenses. Factor this into your savings to avoid dipping into your retirement corpus later.

    Allocate a portion of your investments for their education costs. Higher education can be expensive, so it’s important to set aside a separate fund for this purpose.
    3. Health and Medical Emergencies
    Medical costs tend to rise with age. Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for you and your spouse. This can safeguard your savings against unforeseen medical expenses.

    If you haven’t already, consider increasing your health insurance coverage to Rs 20-25 lakh to cover any medical emergencies.

    Evaluating Your Current Investments
    Now, let’s assess whether your current investments are aligned with your retirement goals.

    1. SIP Contributions
    A monthly SIP of Rs 25,000 is a good start. Over the next 10 years, this can grow significantly, thanks to the power of compounding. Continue this investment in equity mutual funds to benefit from long-term market growth. You can expect a higher return from equity funds compared to traditional investments.

    Consider increasing your SIP contributions annually. As your salary or income grows, increase your SIP by 10-15% each year. This “step-up” approach will ensure your investments keep pace with your growing needs.
    2. Public Provident Fund (PPF)
    You are contributing Rs 5,000 per month to PPF. This is a safe and tax-efficient investment that provides guaranteed returns. The current interest rate for PPF is around 7-7.5%. While this is stable, it might not be sufficient on its own to meet your retirement goals. However, it provides a good balance against your riskier equity investments.

    Continue your PPF contributions, but rely on it as the stable portion of your retirement corpus. It will act as a safety net in your portfolio.
    3. Fixed Deposits (FD)
    You have Rs 10 lakh in fixed deposits. While this is a low-risk option, fixed deposits typically offer lower returns. Over time, inflation will erode the purchasing power of these funds.

    Consider moving a portion of your FD into better-performing instruments like debt mutual funds, which offer slightly higher returns and are still relatively safe.
    4. LIC Maturity
    You expect Rs 40 lakh from LIC next year. This is a significant amount, and how you invest it will be crucial for your retirement. Lump-sum investments in mutual funds, balanced between equity and debt, can help grow this corpus efficiently.

    Equity Mutual Funds: Consider investing a portion of the Rs 40 lakh into equity mutual funds. This will give you market-linked growth, essential for building a larger retirement corpus.

    Debt Mutual Funds: For the more conservative part of your portfolio, invest in debt mutual funds. These are less risky and provide stable returns, balancing your overall investment.

    5. Gold as a Backup
    You have Rs 30 lakh in gold. While gold is a good hedge against inflation, it’s not a liquid asset that can easily fund regular retirement expenses. You can keep it as a backup or sell it during emergencies if needed. Avoid depending solely on gold for your retirement.

    Recommendations for a Secure Retirement
    Here are some key actions you should consider:

    1. Increase Your SIP Contributions
    As mentioned earlier, consider increasing your SIP contributions each year. A gradual increase will help grow your retirement corpus significantly. You might also want to explore investing in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid mutual funds for diversification.

    2. Diversify with Debt Mutual Funds
    Debt mutual funds are a safer option for the conservative portion of your portfolio. As you approach retirement, you’ll need to gradually shift your equity investments towards debt to reduce risk. Start with a 10-20% allocation in debt funds now, increasing it as you near retirement.

    3. Create a Separate Fund for Children’s Education
    Ensure you have separate investments for your children’s education. You can start a dedicated SIP for this purpose, or invest a portion of your LIC maturity and FD towards their higher education needs.

    4. Health Insurance
    Increase your health insurance coverage if it is insufficient. Medical expenses tend to rise with age, and a higher health insurance cover will prevent you from dipping into your retirement funds.

    5. Emergency Fund
    Keep at least 6 months of your living expenses in an emergency fund. This fund should be easily accessible and should cover any unexpected expenses, such as job loss or medical emergencies.

    6. Avoid Real Estate Investments
    As you already own two houses, you should avoid putting more money into real estate. Real estate is not very liquid, and it may not generate the regular income you need during retirement. Focus on financial assets like mutual funds for liquidity and growth.

    7. Regularly Review Your Plan
    Review your investment portfolio every year. Rebalance it to ensure that your equity-to-debt ratio remains appropriate for your risk appetite and changing goals. As you get closer to retirement, shift more towards conservative investments.

    Final Insights
    Your current investments are a great starting point, but there is room for improvement. By increasing your SIP contributions, diversifying into debt funds, and planning for your children’s education separately, you will be on track to meet your retirement goals. Ensure that you have enough health insurance and keep a portion of your assets in safe investments like PPF and debt funds. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to ensure that your investments are aligned with your goals.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
    Chief Financial Planner,
    www.holisticinvestment.in
    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6448 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

    Money
    Dear Experts, I am 33 years old now my salary is 35000 per month, i haven't made any investments as of now, I have 1 year girl baby now i wanted to invest now please suggest how i will get 2 to 3 crore while i get retired and my daughter future plan
    Ans: You are 33 years old, earning Rs 35,000 per month. Your goal is to accumulate Rs 2 to 3 crore for retirement while also planning for your daughter’s future. Let's break down the process to help you achieve these goals, keeping in mind both your long-term financial security and your daughter's education and other expenses.

    Retirement Planning: Building a Rs 2 to 3 Crore Corpus
    A time horizon of 25-30 years for retirement gives you an opportunity to build significant wealth. Here's how you can approach this:

    1. Start with Equity Mutual Funds
    Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term wealth creation. Since you have a long investment horizon, equities can deliver inflation-beating returns. A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in diversified equity funds can help you build your retirement corpus.

    Make sure to invest a percentage of your monthly income towards equity mutual funds. Start with at least 20-30% of your salary (Rs 7,000 to Rs 10,000 per month). You can increase this amount as your income grows.

    Invest in funds that focus on:

    Large-cap and mid-cap stocks to balance risk and reward.

    Diversified portfolios with exposure to different sectors.

    Equity mutual funds offer compounding benefits over time. The longer you stay invested, the greater your potential returns.

    2. Increase Your SIP Annually
    As your salary increases, increase the amount you invest. Even a 10% increase in your SIP annually will have a significant impact over 25-30 years. This is called the step-up SIP approach.

    3. Tax-Saving Investments
    You can also consider investing in Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) under Section 80C for tax benefits. ELSS has a lock-in period of 3 years and offers equity-like returns. The tax-saving aspect makes it an attractive option as you build your retirement corpus.

    4. Keep Debt Funds for Stability
    Although equity funds offer higher returns, it’s good to have some portion of your investment in debt mutual funds for stability. This will help balance market volatility. Start with 10-20% in debt funds. You can increase this allocation as you approach retirement.

    Planning for Your Daughter's Future
    1. Education Planning
    Your daughter’s higher education will likely require a substantial sum when she turns 18. You need to start early to accumulate this amount without putting pressure on your finances.

    Equity Mutual Funds for Long-Term Education Planning
    A separate SIP for your daughter’s education can be started in equity mutual funds. Education inflation is quite high, and equity investments will help you stay ahead of rising costs. A monthly SIP of Rs 5,000 to Rs 7,000 could be a good start.

    Consider Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
    You are already contributing to Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY), which is a great scheme for your daughter. Continue contributing the maximum possible each year (Rs 1.5 lakh per annum), as this offers a guaranteed return and tax benefits. SSY can form the low-risk component of your daughter’s education plan.

    2. Insurance for Protection
    Ensure that you have adequate term insurance coverage. You are the primary breadwinner, and your daughter’s future is dependent on your income. A term insurance cover of at least 10 times your annual salary is essential to secure your family’s financial future. Term plans are affordable and should be a priority.

    3. Health Insurance for the Family
    In addition to life insurance, comprehensive health insurance for your family is essential. Medical emergencies can deplete your savings, so it's better to be prepared. Family floater plans can provide coverage for you, your spouse, your daughter, and your mother. Opt for a policy that covers critical illnesses as well.

    Regular Monitoring and Adjustment
    1. Review Your Investments Annually
    It’s important to track your investments and adjust as needed. Equity funds may need rebalancing based on market performance and your changing risk profile. As you approach retirement, you should gradually shift your portfolio to more stable debt funds.

    2. Emergency Fund
    Keep at least 6 months’ worth of expenses in an emergency fund. This will provide a financial cushion during unexpected situations. This fund should be liquid and easily accessible, such as in a liquid mutual fund or savings account.

    3. Avoid Unnecessary Loans
    Try to minimize or avoid unnecessary loans, especially for lifestyle expenses. Paying high-interest loans can drain your resources and slow down your wealth-building process.

    4. Stay Disciplined with Long-Term Goals
    Discipline is key to achieving long-term financial goals. Avoid the temptation to redeem your investments prematurely. Equity markets can be volatile in the short term but tend to deliver robust returns over the long term.

    Final Insights
    You are at the perfect stage to start investing for both retirement and your daughter's future. By allocating your resources wisely, you can meet your long-term goals of accumulating Rs 2 to 3 crore and securing your daughter’s education and future.

    Start with equity mutual funds through SIPs for long-term wealth creation.

    Consider Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana for your daughter’s secure future.

    Balance your portfolio with some debt investments for stability.

    Ensure you have sufficient insurance coverage to protect your family.

    Regularly review and increase your SIP contributions as your salary grows.

    With disciplined savings and strategic investments, you can achieve both your retirement goal and secure your daughter’s future. Remember, the earlier you start, the better your chances of reaching your targets.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
    Chief Financial Planner,
    www.holisticinvestment.in
    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

    Close  

    You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
    Login

    A verification OTP will be sent to this
    Mobile Number / Email

    Enter OTP
    A 6 digit code has been sent to

    Resend OTP in120seconds

    Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
    Sign up

    By signing up, you agree to our
    Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

    Already have an account?

    Enter OTP
    A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

    Resend OTP in120seconds

    x