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Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I got married to my husband six months ago. I come from a liberal family. We dated for five months before getting married, during which he often got jealous of my male friends, leading to petty arguments. After marriage, everything was fine for the first two months, but then he began doubting my character, accusing me of infidelity, and verbally abusing my family and upbringing. During a particularly bad fight, he grabbed me by the throat. I shouted at him and pushed him away, and he later apologized, blaming his anger. Despite my efforts to prove his allegations wrong and maintain the marriage, I now feel that he will not change, making it difficult to stay with him in the long run. The ongoing issues at home are affecting my professional life. I want a divorce as I have no feelings left for him, but I fear he will make a big issue out of it and try to persuade me to stay. I feel trapped in this marriage. Please guide me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Physical abuse is a NO NO...he does has his 'anger' issues which might need to be dealt with by a professional. Have the two of you sought professional help? Are you willing to do that? Will your husband also agree to that?
But it also seems apparent that you want 'OUT' of this marriage.
BUT what is not clear to me is: Why the fear that he will persuade you to stay? If you have decided, why would you find it hard to stick to your decision OR there is a part of you that is still unsure.
Then it's better to be sure and for that try going to an expert. At least you know that you left no stone unturned before taking that major decision.
And who knows, if things actually start to get better, it might be wonderful, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Relationship
I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)
Ans:

Dear MK,

This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

    Relationship
    I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

    Relationship
    I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)
    Ans:

    Dear MK,

    This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

    It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

    He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

    To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

    Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

    If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

    All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

    Relationship
     Hello mam,(I want to remain anonymous )I want to ask regarding my relationship with my husband.We got married in 2013 and after a month and so...He started saying I shouldn't mingle with Muslim friends who were my colleagues in my office. I told him they are good people and we've never had such kind of differences. But he got angry and from here one by one he started picking fights for each and everything. Since we are newly weds, I asked if we can explore new nearby(one day trip)places during the weekend, which he didn't do. My parents lived nearby and since we used to stay at home they'd call us on weekends for lunch or dinner. He started fighting for that also. He also started body shaming me saying I have gained weight (and everyone in his home are commenting about my weight). I had only gained 3 kgs after my marriage.He said I have relationships with colleagues even after my engagement, which was not the case. Later he said I shouldn't go out for lunch meetings arranged by the company for the whole team. He said I'm wasting time in the company and there is no bright future. I tried to find a job outside but I couldn't cope up with the demeaning and exhausting behaviour in the house and non-stop workload in the office. I agree I was a bit lazy to find a new job but I couldn't do it. In 2015 I left the job and was jobless for 2 months (this happened drastically after a big fight in his hometown that too for trivial reasons). During these two months he made my life a living hell. He would fight for the smallest of things. I had to take care of the house, his younger brother and sister. There were times when we fought because I took care more of his siblings and not him (I used to wonder why he is being hostile when taking care of his family).In 2016 we started our family planning and by God's grace we had baby in 2017. Even when I was pregnant he used to pressurize me to ask my mom to come and take care of me but my mom used to work in a different city and I was thoroughly taken care by my granny and my father. He had problems with that as well. When he started fighting for this matter, I asked him to bring his mother (I knew it was not possible because it's difficult to leave the home and come take care of me) but he kept on saying weird things and insulting my mother saying she is dominating, irresponsible.After having the baby he left me in his hometown for 1 whole year saying that till I prepare myself for the interview and find a new job he will not live with me. I kept begging him, fought with him and even tried to commit suicide because I didn't want to live there anymore after 8 months. I just wanted to come back and have my family which he denied saying he has financial problems. Ultimately I had to pressurise my parents to intervene and take me and my child to their home.Whenever he felt like seeing his daughter he used to come. Otherwise he totally ignored us. My parents and I begged him to come home and stay but he refused (we had a tight financial situation so we couldn't afford a house). My father arranged a small home without any amenities to keep his house's unwanted things. My husband said he will stay there and not in my parents’ house for which I objected. Yet he stayed there for almost 6 months. Later I found a job and moved to a new house.When the pandemic hit I lost my beloved father and my job. I could have saved him but my husband did not allow me to go to my parents place even after explaining to him the situation that my parents are facing. My father did not die of Covid but due to medical negligence. He wanted me to cook and take care of his family in his hometown.He suggested my mother and brother to take leave of two months and sort out all the legal activities which they couldn't. My brother had to leave for his job overseas and mother back to her job. She used to come every three weeks and ask for my help to get things done. He got angry for that and kept on blaming me that I only take care of my family and not him. After my father's death he started insulting my mother. He even made his father to call my mom and talk cheap with her and my brother.Fast forward to now, we have been fighting non-stop and every week there will be a fight, name calling, vulgar words exchanged. He stops talking to me for months together and there has hardly been any physical or emotional intimacy. Even after I confess, cajole and plead with him to sort out our family, he agrees momentarily and again within a week there will be a new topic to fight on in such a way it goes to extremes.This roller coaster ride -- the fights in our relationship -- has affected my child immensely and sometimes for the sake of the child we plan not to divorce each other. But I'm guilty that I'm not providing my child a healthy environment. That I'm not a good wife. I'm confused whether I should continue in this relationship or quit it for the betterment of the three of us because I cannot take this emotional abuse and have my child watching me cry non-stop. Please guide me if my husband will change in future. Should I try counselling or do I divorce him? Because whenever I keep my hopes positive, he goes back to his old ways.
    Ans:

    Dear VS,

    You are married to a man who gets his self-esteem and validation by showing you in poor light, exercises control by telling you who your professional/social circle should be, makes you weak by detaching you from your parents and those who are your support system.

    Does this put things into perspective for you as to where you are in within your marriage?

    Once you fulfil the above, he might be willing to somewhat accept you, but there will be constant new demands to keep his self-esteem high. It’s all about him, him, and him.

    Does he need to visit a professional who can guide him to a better way of thinking? Yes, but that will happen only when he acknowledges his false sense of existence and flushed ego.

    If that is possible, do visit a professional who can help him ably and then he might be able to see the marriage in a new light and his contribution towards it.

    Till then, this seems to be a battle with a child who is adamant about getting one candy and then another and yet another and then crying out loud when denied.

    The child is absolutely growing up in an emotionally challenging environment and this will obviously affect his growth, both physically and emotionally.

    I am glad you have been thinking about what to do and now you know what an absolute must-have for the marriage is, to continue.

    He must change the way he thinks and acts and treats you like his partner and not someone who was married to him for his sense of validation and self-esteem.

    Be wise, watch and decide!

    All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 19, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Aug 15, 2024Hindi
    Listen
    Relationship
    I am a 36-year-old woman who deeply valued the sanctity of marriage. I chose my husband carefully, valuing his polite nature, strong character, and religious values over material wealth, believing I had found a partner who aligned with my values.However, shortly after the marriage, I noticed red flags. His family seemed overly focused on my financial status, I overlooked all the taunts , disrespect everything initially, believing that as long as my husband was good to me, I could adjust. I treated his family as my own, I always buys them thoughtful gifts but that were never acknowledged or appreciated, even though my husband has never bought me any gifts to date. Despite this, I felt undeserving of their negativity.A few weeks into the marriage, I realized that my husband’s interest was also more about my financial contributions than love. He avoided responsibility and showed little concern for our future. Although he presents himself as a man of strong religious values, these values disappear when financial and cultural issues arise. He treats me like an outsider, and our relationship feels more like that of roommates.When I began to take a stand, things worsened. He failed to validate my emotions, frequently starting arguments and using hurtful language. He turns into something else during arguments, which scares me. Most of the time he treats me poorly, I even had to beg for his time . He also shares our private matters with his family, creating tension and emboldening their disrespect. Despite my efforts to bridge the gap, he remained silent when his mother disrespected me infrontof him, failing to defend me.My growing insecurity about losing my job, which is crucial for financial stability, has driven me to focus more on my career, even though I once prioritized family over everything.After almost 3 years of trying, I find myself in a situation I never imagined. The love and respect I hoped for are absent, and separation, once unthinkable, now seems possible. One part of me has accepted remaining alone forever rather than compromising my values or having children with such a man, while another part still hopes he might change if he starts loving me truly, despite doubts he will ever stand up for me as he only wants to be a good son.Should I stay in this marriage and work through the issues, or is it time to leave?
    Ans: Dear Anonymous,
    Ask yourself:
    What if I stay in this marriage, what will gain and what will I lose?
    What if I walk out of this marriage, what will I gain and what will I lose?

    Given that you have seen the Red Flags and for reasons, you still are left wondering what you should be doing...Of course, if you feel that things might improve, your husband first needs to acknowledge that he has to change and also understand why he has to change. Right now, the way you describe, he seems to be on his own trip behaving oddly enough and not as a husband must. Do what needs to be done for him to realize this and also for the sake of your own sanity, do put a timeline to this entire thing, so that your patience is not tested. After that, you will have known that you have everything and more in order for him to realize and change and then taking decisions become easier and purposeful

    All the best!
    Anu Krishna
    Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
    Drop in: www.unfear.io
    Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

    ..Read more

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    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10876 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 09, 2025

    Money
    Im aged 40 years and my husband is aged 48 years. We have one son aged 8 years and daughter aged 12 years. We both are in business. What should be the ideal corpus to meet their education at the age of 18 years for both children? Present business income we can save Rs.50000 pm
    Ans: You are thinking early. That itself is a smart step. Many parents postpone planning and later struggle with loans. You are not in that situation. So appreciate your approach.

    You asked about ideal corpus for higher education. Education cost is rising fast. So planning early avoids financial pressure later.

    You have two kids. Your daughter is 12. Your son is 8. You have around six years for your daughter and around ten years for your son. With this time frame, you need a proper structured plan.

    » Understanding Future Education Cost

    Education inflation in India is high. It is increasing year after year. Even professional courses are becoming costly. College fees, hostel fees, books, digital tools and transportation also add cost.

    You need to consider this inflation. Higher education cost will not remain at today’s value. It will grow.

    So if today a standard undergraduate program costs around a few lakhs, in six to ten years the cost may go much higher. That is why estimating corpus should consider this future cost.

    You don’t need exact numbers today. You need a target range to plan. A comfortable range gives clarity.

    » Typical Cost Structure for Higher Education

    Higher education cost depends on:

    – Private or government institution
    – Course type
    – City or abroad option
    – Duration

    For engineering, medical, management or technology courses, cost goes higher. For government colleges the cost is lower but seats are limited. Private colleges are more accessible but expensive.

    So planning based only on government college assumption may create funding gaps. Planning based on private college range gives safer margin.

    » Suggested Corpus for Both Children

    For your daughter, considering next six years gap and inflation, a target range should be higher. For your son, you have more time. So his corpus can grow better because compounding works more with time.

    For a comfortable education corpus that covers most course possibilities, many families plan for a higher number. It gives flexibility to choose better college without stress.

    So you can aim for a larger goal for both children like this:

    – Daughter: Target a strong education fund for next six years
    – Son: Target a similar or slightly higher fund for the next ten years because future costs may be higher

    You may not need the whole amount if your child chooses a less expensive route. But having extra cushion gives peace.

    » Your Savings Ability

    You mentioned you can save Rs.50000 monthly. That is a strong saving capacity. But this saving should not go entirely to a single goal. You will also need future retirement planning, emergency fund and other life goals.

    Still, a reasonable portion of this amount can be allocated towards education planning. Some families divide savings based on urgency and time horizon. Since daughter’s goal is near, she may need a more stable allocation.

    Your son’s goal is long term. So his part can stay in growth asset for longer.

    » Choosing the Right Investment Style

    A long term goal like your son’s education needs equity exposure. Equity gives better potential for long term growth. It beats inflation better than fixed deposits.

    But for your daughter, pure equity can create risk because goal is nearer. Market fluctuations may affect final corpus. So she needs a balanced asset mix.

    So investment approach must be different for both.

    » Asset Allocation Strategy

    For your daughter with six year horizon:

    – Higher allocation to a balanced type category
    – Some allocation to equity through diversified categories
    – Step down equity allocation in final three years

    This structure protects capital in later years.

    For your son with ten year horizon:

    – Higher equity allocation at start
    – Continue systematic investing
    – Reduce risk allocation gradually closer to goal period

    This helps growth and protection.

    » Avoiding Wrong Investment Products

    Parents often buy traditional insurance plans or children policies for education. These policies give low returns. They lock money and reduce wealth creation potential.

    So avoid purely insurance based products for education goals. Insurance is separate. Investment is separate. This separation creates clarity and better growth.

    If you already hold any ULIP or investment insurance product, it may not be efficient. Only if you have such policies then you may review and consider if surrender is needed and reinvest in mutual funds. If you don’t have such policies, no need to worry.

    » Role of Actively Managed Mutual Funds

    For long term goals, actively managed mutual funds offer better flexibility and expert management. They are designed to outperform inflation. A regular plan through a mutual fund distributor with CFP support helps with guidance. They also track your goal and give advice in volatile phases.

    Direct funds look cheaper on expense ratio. But they lack advisory support. Long term investors often make emotional mistakes in direct investing. They stop SIPs or switch wrong schemes. So advisory backed investing avoids costly behaviour mistakes.

    Index funds look simple and low cost. But they only follow the market. They don’t protect during corrections. There is no strategy or research. Actively managed funds adjust holdings based on market research and valuation. For life goals like education, smoother growth and strategy are needed.

    So regular plan with advisory support helps you avoid unnecessary emotional decisions.

    » Importance of Systematic Investing

    A fixed monthly SIP gives discipline. It also benefits from market volatility. When markets fall, SIP buys more units. In rise phase, the value grows.

    A structured SIP helps both goals. For daughter, SIP should shift towards low volatility funds slowly. For son, SIP can run longer in growth-oriented funds before reducing risk.

    Your contribution amount may change based on future business income. But start now with whatever comfortable.

    » Protecting the Goal With Insurance

    Since you both are running business, income stability may fluctuate. So ensuring life security is important. Term insurance is the right option. It is low cost and high coverage.

    This ensures child’s education is protected even if income stops.

    Medical insurance also matters. A medical emergency should not break education savings.

    » Reviewing the Plan Periodically

    A fixed plan is good. But markets and life conditions change. So review once every twelve months.

    Points to review:

    – Are SIPs running on time?
    – Is allocation suitable for goal year?
    – Any need to shift from equity to safer category?
    – Any tax planning advantage needed?

    But avoid checking portfolio every week. Frequent checking creates stress.

    » Education Goal Withdrawal Plan

    As the daughter’s goal comes close:

    – Stop SIP in high risk category
    – Start shifting profit to debt type fund over systematic transfers
    – Keep final year money in safe option like liquid category

    Same formula should be applied for your son when his goal approaches.

    This protects against last minute market crash.

    » Emotional Side of Planning

    Education is an emotional goal. Parents feel pressure to provide the best. But planning removes fear.

    Saving consistently gives confidence. Having a plan helps avoid panic decisions. It also brings clarity of future expense.

    This planning sets financial discipline for your children as well.

    » Taxation Factors

    When redeeming funds for education, tax rules will apply. For equity fund withdrawals, long term capital gains above exemption are taxed at 12.5% as per current rules. For short term within one year, tax is higher.

    For debt investments, gains are taxed as per your tax slab.

    So plan the withdrawal timing to reduce tax.

    Tax planning near goal year is very important.

    » What You Can Do Next

    – Start separate investments for each child
    – Use SIP for disciplined investing
    – Choose growth-oriented asset for son
    – Choose balanced and phased investment approach for daughter
    – Review allocation yearly
    – Protect the goal with insurance cover

    Following these steps helps achieve the target corpus smoothly.

    » Finally

    You are already thinking in the right direction. You have time for both goals. You also have a good saving frequency. So you can build a strong education fund without stress.

    Your children’s future will be secure if you continue with a structured and disciplined plan.

    Stay consistent with your savings. Make investment choices carefully. Review and adjust calmly over time.

    This journey will help you reach your ideal corpus for both children.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

    Chief Financial Planner,

    www.holisticinvestment.in

    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10876 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 09, 2025

    Asked by Anonymous - Dec 09, 2025Hindi
    Money
    Hi Sir, Regarding recent turmoils in global economic situation and trends, Trump's tariffs, relentless FII selling, should I be worried about midcap, large&midcap funds that I have in my mutual fund portfolio? I have been investing from last 4 years and want to invest for next 10 years only. And then plan to retire and move to SWP. I'm targeting a 10%-11% return eventually. And I don't want to make lower returns than FD's. Is now the time to switch from midcap, laege&midcap to conservative, large, flexi funds? Please suggest.
    Ans: You have asked the right question at the right time. Many investors panic only after damage happens. You are thinking ahead. That is a strong habit.

    You also have clarity about your goal, time horizon and expected returns. This mindset will help you handle market noise better.

    » Current Market Sentiment and Global Events
    The global economy is seeing stress. There are trade decisions, tariff announcements, and geopolitical issues. Foreign institutional investors are selling. News flow looks negative.
    These events can cause short term volatility. Midcaps and small caps usually react faster during these phases. Even large caps show some stress.
    But markets have seen many crises in the past. Elections, governments, conflicts, pandemics, financial crashes and tariff wars are not new events. Markets always recover over time.
    Short term movements are unpredictable. Long term wealth creation depends more on patience and asset allocation.

    » Your Time Horizon Matters More Than Market Noise
    You have been investing for 4 years. You plan to invest for the next 10 years. That means your remaining maturity is long term.
    For a 10 year goal, equity is suitable. Midcap and large and midcap funds are designed for long term investors. They are not meant for short periods.
    If your time horizon is short, it is valid to worry about downside risk. But with 10 more years ahead, temporary volatility is normal and expected.
    Short term fear should not drive long term decisions.

    » Should You Switch to Conservative or Large Cap Now?
    Switching based on panic or temporary news is not ideal. When you switch now, you lock the current lower value permanently. You also miss the recovery phase.
    Large cap and flexi cap funds offer stability. But they also deliver lower growth potential during bull runs compared to midcaps.
    Midcaps usually fall deeper when markets drop. But they also recover faster and often outperform in the next cycle.
    Switching now may protect emotions but may reduce long term wealth creation.

    » Target Return of 10% to 11% is Reasonable
    Aiming for 10%-11% return with a 10 year investment horizon is realistic.
    Fixed deposits now offer around 6.5% to 7.5%. After tax, the return becomes lower.
    Equity funds have potential to generate better returns compared to FD over a long tenure. Midcap allocation contributes to this return potential.
    So moving fully to conservative funds may reduce your ability to beat inflation comfortably.

    » Impact of FII Selling
    FII selling creates pressure on the market. But domestic investors including SIP flows are strong today. India is seeing strong structural growth.
    Retail investors, mutual funds and systematic flows act as stabilizers.
    FII selling is temporary and cyclical. It is not a permanent trend.

    » Economic Slowdowns Create Opportunities
    Corrections make valuations reasonable. This can benefit long term SIP investors.
    During downturns, your SIP buys more units. During recovery, these units grow.
    This mechanism works best in volatile categories like midcaps.
    Stopping SIP or switching during dips blocks this benefit.

    » Midcap Cycles Are Natural
    Midcap funds move in cycles. They have phases of strong growth followed by correction. The correction phase is painful but temporary.
    Every cycle contributes to future upside. Staying invested during all phases is important.
    Many investors exit during downturns and enter again after markets rise. This behaviour produces lower returns than the mutual fund performance.

    » Role of Portfolio Balance
    Instead of exiting fully, review your asset allocation. You can hold a mix of:
    – Large cap
    – Flexi cap
    – Midcap
    – Large and midcap
    This gives stability and growth potential.
    Midcap should not be more than a suitable percentage for your age and risk tolerance. Since you are 36, some meaningful midcap exposure is fine.
    If midcap exposure is very high, you can reduce slightly and move that portion to flexi cap or large cap funds slowly through a systematic transfer. Do not do a lump sum shift during panic.

    » Behavioural Discipline Matters More Than Fund Selection
    Market cycles test investor patience. Consistency in SIP and holding through declines builds wealth.
    Most investors do not fail due to bad funds. They fail due to fear-based decisions.
    Your approach should be systematic, not emotional.

    » Do Not Compare with FD Frequently
    FD gives predictable return. Equity gives volatile but higher potential return.
    Comparing FD returns every time the market falls leads to wrong decisions.
    FD is for safety. Equity is for growth. They serve different purposes.
    Your retirement plan and SWP plan depends on growth. Only equity can provide that growth.

    » Should You Change Strategy Because Retirement is 10 Years Away?
    Now is not the time to exit growth segments. You are still in accumulation phase.
    When you reach the last 3 years before retirement, then reducing equity exposure step by step is required.
    At that stage, a glide path helps preserve gains. That time has not yet come.
    So continue building wealth now.

    » Market Timings and Shifts Rarely Work
    Many investors try to predict markets. Most of them fail.
    Switching based on news looks logical. But news and market timing rarely align.
    Staying consistent with your asset allocation gives better results than frequent changes.

    » Portfolio Review Approach
    You can follow these steps:
    – Continue SIPs in all categories
    – Avoid stopping based on short term fears
    – If midcap allocation is above comfort level, shift only small portion gradually
    – Review allocation once in a year, not every month
    This structured approach prevents emotional decisions.

    » Tax Rules Matter When Switching
    Switching between equity funds involves tax impact.
    Short term capital gains tax is higher.
    Long term capital gains above the exemption limit are taxed at 12.5%.
    Switching without purpose can create avoidable tax leakage.
    This reduces your compounding.

    » When to Worry?
    You need to reconsider only if:
    – Your goal horizon becomes short
    – Your risk appetite changes
    – Your allocation becomes unbalanced
    Not because of headlines or temporary corrections.

    » Your Retirement SWP Plan
    Once your accumulation phase is completed, you can shift to:
    – Conservative hybrid
    – Flexi cap
    – Balanced allocation
    This will support a smoother SWP.
    But this transition should happen only closer to the retirement start date. Not now.

    » SIP is Designed for Turbulent Years
    SIP works best when markets are volatile. The hardest years for emotions are the most powerful for compounding.
    Your long term discipline is your strategy.
    Do not interrupt it.

    » What You Should Do Now
    – Stay invested
    – Continue SIP
    – Avoid panic selling
    – Review allocation once a year
    – Use a steady plan, not reactions
    This will help you reach your target return range.

    » Finally
    You are on the right path. The current volatility is temporary. Your 10 year horizon gives enough time for recovery and growth.
    Switching right now based on fear may reduce your future returns. Staying invested and continuing SIPs is the sensible approach.
    Your goal of better return than FD is realistic. Equity can deliver that with patience.
    Stay calm and systematic.
    Best Regards,
    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
    Chief Financial Planner,
    www.holisticinvestment.in
    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    Radheshyam

    Radheshyam Zanwar  |6739 Answers  |Ask -

    MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 09, 2025

    DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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