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Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
MK Question by MK on Aug 05, 2022Hindi
Relationship

I want to keep it anonymous.
I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.
My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.
He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.
To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.
I made our families met and we got engaged.
During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.
After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.
He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.
He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.
I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.
In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.
We started fighting, arguing over petty things.
He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.
We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.
I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.
Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.
I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.
They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.
In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.
He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.
Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.
I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.
Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.
After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.
He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.
He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.
For 4 days this happened continuously.
On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.
If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.
He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.
But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.
He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.
He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.
Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.
The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.
He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.
If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.
Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.
He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.
My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.
I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.
The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.
My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.
Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.
After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.
I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.
He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.
He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.
My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.
He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.
I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.
He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.
To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.
He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.
What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.
(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)

Ans:

Dear MK,

This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

All the best!

    You may like to see similar questions and answers below

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

    Relationship
     Hello mam,(I want to remain anonymous )I want to ask regarding my relationship with my husband.We got married in 2013 and after a month and so...He started saying I shouldn't mingle with Muslim friends who were my colleagues in my office. I told him they are good people and we've never had such kind of differences. But he got angry and from here one by one he started picking fights for each and everything. Since we are newly weds, I asked if we can explore new nearby(one day trip)places during the weekend, which he didn't do. My parents lived nearby and since we used to stay at home they'd call us on weekends for lunch or dinner. He started fighting for that also. He also started body shaming me saying I have gained weight (and everyone in his home are commenting about my weight). I had only gained 3 kgs after my marriage.He said I have relationships with colleagues even after my engagement, which was not the case. Later he said I shouldn't go out for lunch meetings arranged by the company for the whole team. He said I'm wasting time in the company and there is no bright future. I tried to find a job outside but I couldn't cope up with the demeaning and exhausting behaviour in the house and non-stop workload in the office. I agree I was a bit lazy to find a new job but I couldn't do it. In 2015 I left the job and was jobless for 2 months (this happened drastically after a big fight in his hometown that too for trivial reasons). During these two months he made my life a living hell. He would fight for the smallest of things. I had to take care of the house, his younger brother and sister. There were times when we fought because I took care more of his siblings and not him (I used to wonder why he is being hostile when taking care of his family).In 2016 we started our family planning and by God's grace we had baby in 2017. Even when I was pregnant he used to pressurize me to ask my mom to come and take care of me but my mom used to work in a different city and I was thoroughly taken care by my granny and my father. He had problems with that as well. When he started fighting for this matter, I asked him to bring his mother (I knew it was not possible because it's difficult to leave the home and come take care of me) but he kept on saying weird things and insulting my mother saying she is dominating, irresponsible.After having the baby he left me in his hometown for 1 whole year saying that till I prepare myself for the interview and find a new job he will not live with me. I kept begging him, fought with him and even tried to commit suicide because I didn't want to live there anymore after 8 months. I just wanted to come back and have my family which he denied saying he has financial problems. Ultimately I had to pressurise my parents to intervene and take me and my child to their home.Whenever he felt like seeing his daughter he used to come. Otherwise he totally ignored us. My parents and I begged him to come home and stay but he refused (we had a tight financial situation so we couldn't afford a house). My father arranged a small home without any amenities to keep his house's unwanted things. My husband said he will stay there and not in my parents’ house for which I objected. Yet he stayed there for almost 6 months. Later I found a job and moved to a new house.When the pandemic hit I lost my beloved father and my job. I could have saved him but my husband did not allow me to go to my parents place even after explaining to him the situation that my parents are facing. My father did not die of Covid but due to medical negligence. He wanted me to cook and take care of his family in his hometown.He suggested my mother and brother to take leave of two months and sort out all the legal activities which they couldn't. My brother had to leave for his job overseas and mother back to her job. She used to come every three weeks and ask for my help to get things done. He got angry for that and kept on blaming me that I only take care of my family and not him. After my father's death he started insulting my mother. He even made his father to call my mom and talk cheap with her and my brother.Fast forward to now, we have been fighting non-stop and every week there will be a fight, name calling, vulgar words exchanged. He stops talking to me for months together and there has hardly been any physical or emotional intimacy. Even after I confess, cajole and plead with him to sort out our family, he agrees momentarily and again within a week there will be a new topic to fight on in such a way it goes to extremes.This roller coaster ride -- the fights in our relationship -- has affected my child immensely and sometimes for the sake of the child we plan not to divorce each other. But I'm guilty that I'm not providing my child a healthy environment. That I'm not a good wife. I'm confused whether I should continue in this relationship or quit it for the betterment of the three of us because I cannot take this emotional abuse and have my child watching me cry non-stop. Please guide me if my husband will change in future. Should I try counselling or do I divorce him? Because whenever I keep my hopes positive, he goes back to his old ways.
    Ans:

    Dear VS,

    You are married to a man who gets his self-esteem and validation by showing you in poor light, exercises control by telling you who your professional/social circle should be, makes you weak by detaching you from your parents and those who are your support system.

    Does this put things into perspective for you as to where you are in within your marriage?

    Once you fulfil the above, he might be willing to somewhat accept you, but there will be constant new demands to keep his self-esteem high. It’s all about him, him, and him.

    Does he need to visit a professional who can guide him to a better way of thinking? Yes, but that will happen only when he acknowledges his false sense of existence and flushed ego.

    If that is possible, do visit a professional who can help him ably and then he might be able to see the marriage in a new light and his contribution towards it.

    Till then, this seems to be a battle with a child who is adamant about getting one candy and then another and yet another and then crying out loud when denied.

    The child is absolutely growing up in an emotionally challenging environment and this will obviously affect his growth, both physically and emotionally.

    I am glad you have been thinking about what to do and now you know what an absolute must-have for the marriage is, to continue.

    He must change the way he thinks and acts and treats you like his partner and not someone who was married to him for his sense of validation and self-esteem.

    Be wise, watch and decide!

    All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 17, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Dec 14, 2024
    Relationship
    Recently, we had an Arranged Marriage. Before committing for the Marriage, we had a few Months of Courtship Period & got to understand each other well. He seemed to be a very Loving & Caring Person. Once, He asked me whether I was Virgin, I lied saying that I was, because I didn't want to lose such a Wonderful Guy. On our Wedding Night, he got Suspicious as I didn't bleed. Upon further Interrogation, I broke down & confessed the Truth that I had been Sexually Active in my previous Relationships, before getting Married to him. He got Disappointed as he felt Cheated & Betrayed. Since then, he's been sleeping in a seperate Room & not even talking to me properly, there's no Romance between us, at all. He'd also cancelled our Honeymoon Trip to Bali. He comes Home late, often having eaten out, doesn't ask me anything about my Day or even Care about me at all. He's become quite opposite of what he was, during our Courtship Period. Many times, I've tried to break the Ice & build some Chemistry between us, but he told me that he lost all Feelings for me, and he wouldn't even Care if I left him & his House for Good. He was Ready to give me a Divorce, if I wanted to Leave him. But I don't want to throw away this Marriage, I want to try & make it work, but there's no Cooperation at all from his side. He blatantly refused to go for Marriage Counseling with me. In the presence of other Family Members, he tries to act like a normal Husband, just to maintain his image in the Society. But when we both are alone at Home, he acts as if I don't even exist. Now I am getting frustrated, I don't understand what to do? I don't regret all that I did in my Past, I had the Right to Enjoy my Life, when I was Young & Unmarried & I don't owe any Explanation to anyone, about my Past. Now I feel I am being treated too Coldly just for a little White Lie. Did I really do something so Wrong that I don't even deserve to be Loved by the Person, I Married? If it leads to a Divorce, we both have got a lot to lose out on, hence I am trying to avoid the extreme Decision. But I don't have any idea as to how our Marriage can be Repaired & Rejuvenated, when my Husband is not at all interested in the Marriage? Please advise me what to do.
    Ans: Dear Anonymous,
    If you understand him, your virginity meant a lot to him...that was one of his core beliefs that one preserves their virginity until marriage. Now, he feels cheated as what he believes in has gone against him. It seems very old-fashioned to want the bride to 'bleed' on the first night and conclude that she isn't pure...I get your point, but that are his values...
    Can he change and actually look at things differently and save the marriage? YES only if he wants to...he has to commit to it...

    For you, the fear of losing him made you hide the fact. Who's right and who isn't? Neither! It's all a matter of the way you look at it; each one will hold their impressions as the truth. So, he's holding onto what he feels is his truth and unwilling to budge and make the marriage work. What can you do? Perhaps apologize for hurting him; he is hurt and angry, isn't it?

    It may seem trivial and foolish to you that he gives this so much importance in this day and age. You can't shake people off their beliefs. Anything that you hide eventually comes to bite you; so act wisely...
    - talk to him about how you feel about him and the marriage
    - tell him what he means to you and why you hid the facts that was most important to him
    - lastly apologize to him from your heart

    All this may seem 'going over the top' BUT hey, you wish to make the marriage work, right? At times, going that extreme bit can bring back things...So, if there's a 'Feminist' side of you that seems to disagree, keep that at bay for a while and ask: Do I want the marriage?
    If YES, then do what it takes...

    All the best!
    Anu Krishna
    Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
    Drop in: www.unfear.io
    Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

    Asked by Anonymous - Feb 16, 2025
    Relationship
    Dear Anu, Am Shilpa,36 years old.Got married to a friend in 2015.It was a love come arranged.Initially married life was going smooth.I was working before marriage and due to marriage and relocation , discontinued the job. After marriage i started new job even though my husband was against it.Some misunderstanding started between us slowly and most of the adjustments were done by me to avoid fights.After 2 years we were blessed with a baby boy and i had to reluctantly and was also forced to quit job to take care of our kid.And i agreed and things went smoothly again for 3 more years.I got busy with my motherhood. I felt my husband was happy and was changing for the happy family. But i was wrong, he had a physical relationship with his ex college friend. They used to have sex in hotels. They even had sex chats and used to share nude pictures . This broke my heart completely and was disturbed mentally. I wanted to enquire my husband with all the proofs in my hand.without the proof he would prove me mentally retarded women. Initially he asaulted and abused me for blaming on him.But when he knew abt the proofs, he accepted and apologised for his mistake and begged me not to take divorce only for the sake of our son.Even i dropped the idea of divorce thinking the future of our son.Later few months he acted as if he changed himself completely but he always had disrespect on me and my parents. I even suffered domestic violence once which shattered me into pieces. Even then he apologised me and forced me to drop the idea of divorce. I again started to adjust and compromise with my life only because of my kid and his good future as all elders advice. This adjustments continued for few more months.But once i saw his ex girlfriend calls and daughter pics in his mobile, i was again mentally disturbed and after thinking many times, i made up my mind and left him without explanning him . I packed all my luggage and came to my parents with my kid. Now i got a job in which i opted work from home so that i can concentrate on my kid and support myself financially. Am trying to move on but my true love towards him is making it difficult. Please advice me on this Anu mam. The step which i took is right ? After seperation he is harassing me to visit son and kidnapped him 2 times. I really don't want to share my son with him.Please advice what should I do.
    Ans: Dear Shilpa,
    You have done what you needed to in order to protect your child and your sanity. Your husband could never get over his affair and he possibly won't. He maybe never even tried...

    I firmly suggest you go to the cops so that he does not try to take the child away...Also, have you thought about a legal separation? That will offer you and your child enough protection and it will stop his harassment. This is not an easy decision to make BUT what choice is he leaving you with? Kidnapping the child? If by kidnapping you mean that he takes away the child without informing you, please watch out and contact a lawyer. A BIG BIG RED FLAG...Act soon...

    All the best!
    Anu Krishna
    Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
    Drop in: www.unfear.io
    Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

    ..Read more

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    Ans: Ankush, I think I have already answered your question. Anyway, please note, Admission to Mechanical Engineering at mid-tier NITs via CSAB Special Rounds for an OBC-NCL rank of 15 000 is feasible despite a CRL of 52 , since seat allocation for reserved categories follows the category rank. In CSAB 2024, NIT Durgapur’s Other-State mechanical closing rank was 33 265 (General) and its OBC-NCL seats historically close within the 11 000–12 000 band. NIT Patna’s Other-State OBC-NCL mechanical cutoff stood at 51 338 in Round 1, with Home-State OBC-NCL seats closing around 53 621. NIT Goa’s Other-State OBC-NCL mechanical rank closed at 60 029 in Round 1 and 67 845 in Round 2, showing ample margin for a 15 000 OBC-NCL rank. Similar trends apply to NIT Puducherry and NIT Sikkim, whose OBC-NCL mechanical cutoffs exceed 40 000. IIIT and GFTI mechanical streams typically close at much higher ranks, so GFTIs like NIELIT Aurangabad (Electronics Systems) and Institute of Infrastructure, Technology, Research and Management Ahmedabad (Mechanical) also remain options. A BITSAT score of 199 corresponds to a rank beyond 32 000, falling short of all BITS campus cutoffs for CSE and mechanical, so BITS admission is not possible.

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    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9848 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

    Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2025Hindi
    Money
    I need to get my son admitted into Engineering college. The total tution fees along with hostel fees is 30 Lakhs. The first year fees will be taken care with the money I have right now. My PPF is maturing in Mar 26 and the maturity amount will be 23 lakhs. I have MF whose valuation as on date is 65 lakhs. What do you suggest as to how to take care of Son's education....
    Ans: You’ve already built a strong base.

    You have the first-year fees covered. You have PPF maturity in 2026. You have Rs 65 lakhs in mutual funds. This is a position of strength.

    Now let’s look at your situation with a 360-degree view and create a simple, low-stress education funding plan.

    ? Know the Payment Timeline for College Education

    – Total education cost is Rs 30 lakhs for 4 years.

    – First year is already taken care of.

    – That leaves Rs 22 to 23 lakhs needed over the next 3 years.

    – That will likely be paid in parts—one year at a time.

    – So cash flow planning is better than full lump sum withdrawal.

    – Avoid selling full amount now just to keep it aside in a bank.

    – Instead, match redemptions with yearly requirements.

    ? Don’t Use Mutual Funds Randomly – Plan Withdrawals Smartly

    – You have Rs 65 lakhs worth of mutual funds.

    – Don’t rush to redeem it all.

    – Instead, identify how much is needed and when.

    – Sell only what’s needed each year, not the entire value now.

    – Equity mutual funds fluctuate. So redeem 4–6 months before fee due.

    – That gives time to handle market volatility.

    – You also save on emotional panic.

    – Use systematic withdrawal if needed for cash flow.

    – Monitor market trends and sell into strength, not weakness.

    ? Don’t Ignore PPF – It’s a Powerful Resource

    – Your PPF is maturing in March 2026.

    – Maturity value is Rs 23 lakhs.

    – You can plan to use it for 3rd or 4th year fees.

    – PPF maturity is tax-free. That’s a big plus.

    – Use this amount for the last part of the education goal.

    – This reduces the burden on your mutual funds.

    – Also, keep the money in PPF until it is fully required.

    – Don’t withdraw early unless there’s a big gap.

    – Redeem mutual funds first if market conditions are favourable.

    ? Keep One Year Fee in a Safer Parking Option

    – Before each academic year starts, move next year’s fees into a safer fund.

    – Use a short-term debt mutual fund or overnight fund.

    – These are not volatile and keep your capital safe.

    – This will help you avoid sudden shocks at the time of fee payment.

    – Redeem equity fund gradually and move it to safety bucket.

    – Avoid waiting until the last minute.

    – Mutual fund NAVs can drop quickly in market panic.

    – Lock in gains ahead of time to ensure stability.

    ? Don’t Take an Education Loan Unnecessarily

    – You have enough personal funds.

    – Loans should be last option, not first.

    – Interest burden will affect your future goals.

    – Paying out of your own wealth is much better.

    – Avoid the mindset of using loan for tax benefit.

    – Tax benefit is small compared to interest cost.

    – Also, repaying loans takes away flexibility.

    – You’re in a position to stay loan-free. Keep it that way.

    ? Maintain Your Other Financial Goals

    – Don’t divert all money into education planning.

    – You may also have retirement or emergency fund needs.

    – Keep Rs 5 to 6 lakhs as emergency fund always.

    – Don’t compromise on long-term financial health.

    – Split your mutual fund portfolio accordingly.

    – Allocate only Rs 22 to 23 lakhs for this goal.

    – Keep the rest for other life goals.

    – Don’t mix long-term and short-term plans in one place.

    ? Don’t Use Sector or Thematic Funds for Education

    – These funds are risky and unpredictable.

    – They are not goal-friendly for short timelines.

    – Their performance depends on external triggers.

    – Education goals need steady, safe growth.

    – Choose hybrid or large-cap oriented active funds for withdrawals.

    – Use debt funds or liquid funds for near-term parking.

    – Don’t hold gold funds or international funds for this purpose.

    – Exit such funds in a phased and timely manner.

    ? Plan Redemptions Tax-Efficiently

    – Mutual fund redemptions have tax impact.

    – Equity fund LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

    – STCG is taxed at 20%.

    – So stagger your withdrawals to reduce tax impact.

    – Avoid selling everything in one financial year.

    – Plan in such a way that you redeem before March each year.

    – Spread the redemption across 3 years.

    – This smoothens tax liability and reduces strain.

    ? Avoid Index Funds and Direct Plans for Such Goals

    – Index funds don’t protect downside.

    – They just mirror market moves.

    – They fall heavily when market crashes.

    – No one controls risk in index funds.

    – Actively managed funds offer better downside protection.

    – They adjust sector weights when needed.

    – Your money gets some risk management from the fund manager.

    – For important goals like education, control is important.

    – Direct plans don’t give you expert guidance.

    – At this stage, you need planned redemption, taxation advice, and risk control.

    – A CFP offering regular plans gives you goal-linked clarity.

    – That support is worth much more than 0.5% saved.

    ? What You Can Do Now – Simple Action Points

    – Identify the exact yearly requirement for your son’s education.

    – Tag Rs 22–23 lakhs worth of mutual funds for this goal.

    – Review those fund types and categories.

    – Exit thematic and volatile funds linked to this allocation.

    – Retain large-cap, hybrid or conservative fund types.

    – Move Year 2 fees into a short-term debt fund now.

    – Plan Year 3 redemptions in early 2025.

    – Keep Year 4 for PPF maturity in March 2026.

    – Rest of your MF portfolio can stay invested for long-term growth.

    – Track your fund performance every 6 months.

    – Don’t get affected by short-term news or market noise.

    – Use a Certified Financial Planner to re-check portfolio alignment.

    ? Balance Emotion with Practicality

    – Education is a deeply emotional goal.

    – But don’t let fear or urgency drive decisions.

    – Structured planning gives better outcomes.

    – You already have most resources available.

    – Just aligning timing, tax, and safety will give you success.

    – This is not the time to chase high returns.

    – This is the time to protect and use wealth wisely.

    – Avoid surprises by preparing early for each year’s need.

    – You don’t have to sell more than needed.

    – Peace of mind is more valuable than percentage returns.

    ? Finally

    – You’ve done the hard work already.

    – You’ve created wealth. You’re ready for your son’s future.

    – Now just match withdrawals with goals.

    – Keep your mutual fund redemptions phased and tax-smart.

    – Use PPF maturity with a clear timeline.

    – Avoid loans, panic-selling, or overexposure to risk.

    – Stay guided, focused, and balanced.

    – A Certified Financial Planner can help map this in detail.

    – Education is a noble goal. You’ve built the base. You just need smart execution now.

    Best Regards,
    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
    Chief Financial Planner,
    www.holisticinvestment.in
    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    Nayagam P

    Nayagam P P  |9349 Answers  |Ask -

    Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

    Career
    sir i got nit allahabad ee in josaa should I join nit Rourkela eie or nit Trichy ice or nit Rourkela ee in csab?
    Ans: Arijit, I have already answered your question. Anyway, please note, NIT Rourkela’s Electronics & Instrumentation combines rigorous instrumentation, control, and process automation labs with strong industry linkages, achieving approximately 95 percent placement consistency over the last three years and an average CTC of ?19.08 LPA. Its Electrical Engineering programme offers comprehensive power-systems, machines and high-voltage labs, recording similar placement rates near 95 percent with an average package of ?13.62 LPA. At NIT Trichy, Instrumentation & Control Engineering provides advanced sensors, control systems and process instrumentation facilities, securing around 86.7 percent placement in 2024 and benefiting from the institute’s overall median UG package of ?14.35 LPA. All three programmes are AICTE/NBA-accredited, delivered by PhD-qualified faculty, feature modern infrastructure, maintain active recruitment drives, and support strong alumni networks, differing mainly in domain focus, specialization depth, and average compensation.

    Recommendation:
    Considering cutting-edge instrumentation curriculum, highest average packages, and robust core-sector placements, NIT Rourkela’s Electronics & Instrumentation Engineering emerges as the top choice. For balanced power systems expertise with strong recruitability, NIT Rourkela’s Electrical Engineering follows, and NIT Trichy’s Instrumentation & Control Engineering ranks third for its solid but slightly lower placement consistency. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

    Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

    ...Read more

    Nayagam P

    Nayagam P P  |9349 Answers  |Ask -

    Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

    Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
    Career
    My daughter has got admission in Jindal Global Business School for the IPM progamme and Tapmi Banglore for the BBA (Hons) programme. Which college should we consider to take admission in?
    Ans: Jindal Global Business School's Integrated Programme in Management (IPM) is a five-year programme blending BBA (Hons.) and MBA degrees, featuring a comprehensive curriculum with core business fundamentals, specialized tracks in Marketing, Finance, Human Resources, Operations & Supply Chain, and Business Analytics. The programme achieved a 92 percent placement rate in 2023 with 69+ corporate recruiters, securing average packages for Integrated BBA (H) + MBA students at ?7.45 LPA, with the highest international package reaching ?23 LPA. JGBS is accredited by NAAC with A grade and maintains membership in the Association to Advance Collegiate Schools of Business (AACSB), with a distinguished faculty comprising over 540 members from prestigious institutions including IIMs, IITs, Harvard, and Oxford. The programme has been ranked India's #1 BBA programme by Outlook-ICARE Rankings for two consecutive years (2023-2024), scoring 845.12 points out of 1000 across five key parameters: Academic & Research Excellence, Industry Interface & Placement, Infrastructure & Facilities, Governance & Admissions, and Diversity & Outreach. TAPMI Bangalore's BBA (Hons) is a four-year programme with exit flexibility after three years, offering specialized tracks in Finance, Marketing, Operations, Analytics, Human Resources, and Strategy, supported by three mandatory internships, international immrishti Manipal Institute for creativity development. TAPMI holds dual international accreditation from AACSB and AMBA, positioning it among the top 5 percent of global business schools with this prestigious recognition. The BBA (Hons) programme reports dedicated placement assistance during the sixth semester with comprehensive career guidance, achieving internship statistics with average stipends of ?21,000 per month and highest stipends reaching ?32,000 per month. Both institutions excel in essential benchmarks—robust accreditation, experienced international faculty, modern infrastructure, strong industry linkages, and reliable graduate outcomes—yet differ in programme structure, with JGBS offering integrated dual-degree flexibility and established ranking supremacy, while TAPMI provides specialized international exposure through its global university network and proven track record of academic excellence.

    Recommendation: Considering India's #1 BBA ranking for two consecutive years, superior placement statistics with 92 percent success rate, comprehensive integrated dual-degree structure, and exceptional research-driven faculty from global institutions, Jindal Global Business School's IPM programme emerges as the optimal choice for holistic business education and career prospects. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

    Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

    ...Read more

    Kanchan

    Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

    Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
    Relationship
    We haven't had sex in 6 months. Are we even a couple anymore? It's not that I haven't tried. In fact, I've made the effort so many times. I have dropped hints, dressed up in pretty outfits. But my husband always says he's too tired, too stressed, or just not in the mood. We're only in our early 30s, married for five years. We have a 4 year old son. I think the gap widened after my son turned 2. I'm starting to feel rejected and unwanted. Are we just going through a rough patch?
    Ans: Yes, it’s possible this is a rough patch. The transition from being partners to parents often shifts emotional energy toward caregiving, survival, and responsibility. Many couples go through seasons where intimacy takes a back seat—due to stress, exhaustion, resentment, unspoken hurts, or even changing hormones. But six months of no sexual intimacy, especially when one partner is still trying, is not just a phase to wait out. It’s a signal—something deeper may be going on emotionally, physically, or relationally with your husband.

    The most important thing now is to move from subtle hints to open-hearted conversation. Not confrontation, not blame. But a real, calm moment where you say something like:

    "I’ve been feeling increasingly distant from you—not just physically, but emotionally. I know life has been exhausting and we’re both stretched. But I miss being close to you. I miss feeling wanted, seen, connected. Can we talk about what’s going on between us? Not to pressure or fix it overnight, but just to understand where we are?”

    You're not asking for sex. You’re asking for honesty, presence, and partnership. And if your husband is emotionally closed or dismissive, it may help to involve a couple’s therapist—someone neutral who can help unpack any barriers between you two.

    This isn’t just about sex. It’s about closeness, and the quiet loneliness that’s creeping in despite being married and sharing a home and child. Don’t keep absorbing that pain in silence. You deserve connection, not confusion. And your marriage deserves a chance to heal, not just survive.

    You're not overreacting. You're paying attention—and that’s the first step toward change.

    ...Read more

    Kanchan

    Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

    Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2025Hindi
    Relationship
    Hi Shalini, I am in an awkward position. I am 34, single. I have been chatting under a false identity with a guy who is cute and charming. In the last 2 years, we got really close where he told me a lot of things about his personal life, how he was coping with an ugly divorce and politics at work. Without realising we helped each other get better in our lives. In fact, he has been my greatest cheerleader, pushing me to do better at work, even get a promotion. While he has been honest about his intentions, I have never shared my real name. I got the shock of my life, when he sent me his recent picture. This guy turned out to be my current boss. It can't be a coincidence right? I feel so wrong to have led him on. Now I can't even send him a picture or should I just send it? He is in his early 50s and I am pretty junior to him at work. Will he think I manipulated him? Ever since I have known that I am dating my boss, I have been avoiding him. I have also noticed that he is distant and stressed at work. I feel guilty. What should I do? It's been two weeks and I have kind of ghosted him, he is worried sick and wants to know if I am alright. He texts me almost every day and night. He thinks I don't like him because of how he looks, but I don't have the courage to tell him that I was talking to him pretending to be someone else, while we worked in the same office. How do I explain this without hurting both of us?
    Ans: The longer you avoid the situation, the more painful it will become for both of you. Ghosting him may feel like self-protection, but to him, it’s abandonment—especially after the emotional bond you both developed. And more than anything, that silence feeds his worst fear: that he is unlovable.

    So, what can you do? You begin with honesty, not by confessing everything at once, but by taking responsibility gently. You can say something like:
    "There’s something very difficult I need to share, because I value the connection we’ve had and the kindness you’ve shown me. When we first started talking, I didn’t expect it to mean so much. I used a different name and didn’t realise who you really were until recently. That discovery shocked me, and I’ve been scared—of your reaction, of mine, of the consequences. But I also feel immense guilt, because the connection was real for me. You’ve been someone I admire deeply, and I didn’t want to disrespect or mislead you."

    This is not about asking him to forgive you or continue anything. This is about closing the gap between who you were and who you are now—with courage, clarity, and care.

    He may feel betrayed. He may take time to process it. He may even need space. But you will have done the right thing by coming clean. And regardless of what happens next—whether the connection continues or not—you will walk away knowing that you chose truth over fear.

    Also, give yourself grace. You’re human. We all make decisions that seem easier in the moment but become difficult to carry later. What matters now is how you handle the truth—not just for him, but for your own growth and peace.

    ...Read more

    Kanchan

    Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

    Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2025Hindi
    Relationship
    I'm 21(M) B.tech(2year) and I have been stuck in fantaasies from all my years of childhood. I use to compare myself to many other people across in many areas(study, looks, their friendships, social network, bravery, fight, love..etc) cause those were the things which I also wanted but never got it! I was a very shy(insecure) , socially nervous, scared kid. I kept all inside of me & just tried to get good marks in exams... this made me inactive in other areas(cause I always wanted to be best, but never tried), bitter, sour in myself and still it's same but the fantaasies & Insecurity, doubt, inactivity, fear of failure and sometimes fear of success has caused me to a Miserable Life. Now I'm just like a lonely, sad, lazy, overthinker person but still I always try to make a better version of myself..(read positive book, self-help, meditation, gym, being social) but after 3-4 days the consistency breaks and due to lack of guide I get back to previous state of mine. I try to improve but being in my comfort zone, the fear of uncertainty in out of comfort zone make my thought/self-talk Terribly scared, nervous and full of disbelief in myself & I quit! Unless there is some external pressure/urgency. And in all these the job, future, skill are all like Dark! Tell me something...
    Ans: The inconsistency you feel isn’t a reflection of weakness. It’s a result of being caught between two parts of yourself—one who wants to evolve, and one who is afraid to lose the comfort of old beliefs, even if they no longer serve you. That internal conflict is heavy, especially without a guiding voice to help you sort through it. You’re not alone in that—many young adults feel exactly this way, especially those with big dreams and high sensitivity to their environment.

    Rather than trying to “fix” your personality or “force” your discipline, start by restoring trust in yourself. Trust doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from showing up consistently for yourself in small, simple ways without pressure to perform. Your fear of failure and even your fear of success are both rooted in the same place: the doubt that you are enough as you are.

    It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to not have all the answers. The goal isn’t to become a different person—it’s to become more at peace with the person you are becoming. Self-leadership starts here: by choosing compassion over criticism, patience over pressure, and honesty over performance. Even if your steps are small and scattered, they are steps forward.

    You don’t need external urgency to change. You need internal safety to try. So let’s shift the story you’re telling yourself. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You are learning, growing, and unlearning decades of conditioning—and that’s not only brave, it’s transformative.

    Keep going. Gently, but steadily. And every time you fall back into old patterns, remind yourself: coming back is progress too. The journey to emotional strength is not about never falling—it’s about returning to yourself, again and again, with love.

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9848 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

    Money
    Hi Sir. Hope you are doing well and thanks for the earlier great replies. My issue now is the fact that since i had more then 13 Mutual funds and all of them under Regular scheme and all this time, not a single fund manager called me nor guided me so i thought it foolish to pay for a service that i didn't get. Now i have cancelled all the SIPs but not withdrawn. So i have already invested in 1) Nippon India Gold Savings Fund -Direct- Rs 5000 2) HDFC Manufacturing Fund - Direct - Rs 5000. I am shying away from both Mid caps and Small caps as in most of the news it mentions that they are very much overvalued. Since i am planning to invest in another house, i might need this money and i dont want a major shock at the time of redemption. Now that you know my background, my question is- 1) can you suggest me some Mutual funds that are balanced both in terms of safety and growth? and 2) How many active mutual funds that one should ideally have? Is 13 a little too much. Large caps dont seem to give good returns in my view. Kindly share your thoughts.
    Ans: You’ve already taken some wise steps.

    You’ve invested. You’ve questioned the value received. You’ve paused, not withdrawn. That’s mature thinking.

    Let’s build a 360-degree response, based on your needs and plans ahead.

    ? Regular Plan vs Direct Plan – Your Experience Matters

    – You had over 13 mutual funds under regular plans.

    – You didn’t get any guidance from those associated with the fund houses.

    – That’s a genuine disappointment and very valid concern.

    – But this is not a problem with regular plans themselves.

    – The issue lies in choosing the wrong distributor or agent.

    – Regular plans offer one big benefit: personalised advisory.

    – But only if it comes from a Certified Financial Planner with accountability.

    – If the CFP is involved, they guide you, monitor your portfolio, and advise proactively.

    – Direct funds remove the support system.

    – They expect you to do research, reviews, and rebalancing yourself.

    – This is risky unless you’re experienced and emotionally detached from markets.

    – So don’t judge regular plans as bad.

    – Choose the right person behind the plan instead.

    – A MFD with CFP certification gives goal-based strategies, not product pushing.

    ? Why 13 Mutual Funds is Excess

    – Investing in too many funds leads to portfolio overlap.

    – You may have five funds holding the same stocks.

    – That kills the purpose of diversification.

    – It adds confusion and dilutes tracking.

    – Also, too many funds don’t always mean better returns.

    – In fact, performance gets harder to monitor.

    – Ideally, 5 to 7 funds are enough for most goals.

    – Fund count depends on goals, not market fear or FOMO.

    – Less funds with proper allocation perform better than a scattered portfolio.

    ? Fear of Mid and Small Caps – Your Caution is Logical

    – News mentions overvaluation in mid and small caps.

    – It’s partially true, especially in short-term perspective.

    – These funds give higher growth, but come with sharper falls.

    – Since you’re planning to buy a house, you need safer growth.

    – You cannot afford capital loss when you need liquidity.

    – So you’re right in avoiding these for now.

    – Your awareness shows maturity. That’s a strength.

    ? Current Funds in Direct Plan – Key Observations

    – You mentioned investing in Gold Savings and Manufacturing funds.

    – Both are sector-focused or thematic in nature.

    – Gold fund tracks international gold prices indirectly.

    – Manufacturing fund is theme-based and comes with high sector risk.

    – These are not ideal for short-term or house-linked goals.

    – These should not be your core portfolio.

    – You should avoid thematic or sector funds unless you have other base funds.

    – Since real estate purchase is likely, shift your focus to hybrid funds now.

    – These offer balance between growth and safety.

    – Also, they handle short-term volatility better.

    ? Balanced Fund Category – Ideal for Your Current Need

    – You need a mix of growth and capital safety.

    – Hybrid funds (also called balanced funds) offer this mix.

    – They combine equity and debt in one product.

    – There are types of hybrid funds: conservative, balanced, aggressive.

    – Choose based on your time frame and risk comfort.

    – A certified planner can help fine-tune this selection.

    – These funds adjust exposure based on market mood.

    – They help protect you from big shocks at redemption.

    – They also reduce emotional panic during market noise.

    – For home-related goals, hybrid is a sensible category to start.

    ? Large Caps – Don’t Judge Them on Recent Performance

    – Many feel large caps are underperforming.

    – But their role is different from mid or small caps.

    – They bring stability, not excitement.

    – In market correction, large caps fall less.

    – That’s why they remain core part of any smart portfolio.

    – Don’t remove them completely. Use them with right expectation.

    – If you chase returns only, you’ll move portfolio every year.

    – That hurts wealth creation.

    – Stick with proven active large cap funds chosen via proper research.

    – A fund’s past one-year return is not the right way to judge.

    ? Keep Your Investment House-Goal Ready

    – You said you might need funds for buying another house.

    – So you must avoid funds with high equity exposure now.

    – Any money needed within 3 years should not go into pure equity.

    – Use conservative hybrid funds or short-term debt funds instead.

    – These give low-to-moderate growth with limited volatility.

    – That helps you when you redeem the funds later.

    – You won’t get any major shocks.

    – Capital safety becomes more important than chasing returns.

    – Once house purchase is done, you can take higher equity exposure again.

    ? Mutual Fund Portfolio Structure – Keep It Clean

    Equity allocation: Choose 2 or 3 diversified active equity funds.

    Hybrid allocation: Choose 1 or 2 based on time frame.

    Debt allocation: If goal is near, add 1 short-term or dynamic debt fund.

    Avoid sector funds, international funds, NFOs, and FOMO-driven launches.

    No need to hold more than 5–7 mutual funds.

    Keep one fund per category. Don’t duplicate.

    Stick to regular plans only via a committed CFP.

    Review every 6 months. Don’t overreact to news or media noise.

    ? Avoid Direct Plans – Especially When Goals Are Emotional

    – Direct plans offer low expense ratio. But there is no support.

    – It suits those who study markets, monitor funds, and know asset allocation.

    – But most investors don’t have that time or bandwidth.

    – When goals like buying a house or child education come, panic starts.

    – Direct plans offer no guidance at that stage.

    – A CFP helps you with exit planning, taxation, rebalancing, and goal alignment.

    – Paying a little extra gives clarity, confidence, and peace of mind.

    – With regular plans via CFP, you gain professional handholding.

    – That is more valuable than 0.5% savings in expense ratio.

    ? Final Insights

    – You’ve done more right things than you give yourself credit for.

    – You paused SIPs. You questioned your old strategy. You stayed invested.

    – That itself shows you are thinking wisely now.

    – Rebuild your portfolio with 5–7 active funds only.

    – Avoid direct plans. Choose regular route with a Certified Financial Planner.

    – Exit from sector or thematic funds slowly, if they don’t match your goals.

    – Shift towards balanced hybrid or short-term debt options for near-term goals.

    – Don’t chase return percentages. Chase risk control and goal alignment.

    – You will create wealth by staying invested, reviewing smartly, and getting expert support.

    – Avoid being your own advisor in complex times.

    – Take help. Grow steady. Stay confident.

    Best Regards,
    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
    Chief Financial Planner,
    www.holisticinvestment.in
    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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