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Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
MK Question by MK on Aug 05, 2022Hindi
Relationship

I want to keep it anonymous.
I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.
My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.
He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.
To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.
I made our families met and we got engaged.
During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.
After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.
He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.
He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.
I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.
In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.
We started fighting, arguing over petty things.
He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.
We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.
I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.
Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.
I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.
They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.
In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.
He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.
Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.
I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.
Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.
After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.
He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.
He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.
For 4 days this happened continuously.
On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.
If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.
He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.
But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.
He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.
He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.
Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.
The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.
He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.
If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.
Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.
He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.
My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.
I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.
The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.
My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.
Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.
After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.
I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.
He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.
He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.
My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.
He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.
I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.
He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.
To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.
He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.
What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.
(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)

Ans:

Dear MK,

This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Relationship
I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)
Ans:

Dear MK,

This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

    Relationship
    I want to keep it anonymous.I am a 30 years old independent woman married for 5 months only.My husband and I were in same college but were not friends.He had been approaching me for getting married since 2017, but every time I had rejected his proposal, later in February, 2021 I talked to him openly and mentioned my inability to conceive if we get married.To which his response was that he really liked me and is ready to accept me with my inability.I made our families met and we got engaged.During the one year of courtship period, initial 4-5 months were peaceful, but he and I were missing a bond, yet we thought may be with time we will find it.After the initial phase as we started meeting for family functions.He started finding flaws in me. Things like, I stare at other men when I go out, I don’t give him priority, why do I talk to any male friend beyond necessity, why do I praise my senior at office parties etc.He started controlling me in these areas and used to get angry if I talk to my siblings late night.I started feeling trapped and suffocated, and always under the fear that any of my action could make my husband angry.In that anger he seemed like a very different person, someone aggressive.We started fighting, arguing over petty things.He wanted me to change but I was reluctant as those were very normal things for me and I started telling him that this relationship is not working.We are two persons with different mindset and ideologies and since we are unable to reach to a solution over any issue, let’s call it off.I tried to call this wedding off for like 6 times, but he never agreed to this stating that he loves me and he will change his attitude and will not stop me from doing anything.Whenever I tried to break up with him he'd start crying, stating things like you are my only happiness in life, and I would die without you and all.I involved my family into the matter and shared things with them.They used to call my husband to make him understand my expectations from him.In front of them my husband used to admit that he would change his behaviour.He used to stay calm for 5-6 days and then continue with the same attitude.Basically, it was an on and off behaviour from his side and because of that my behaviour was also affected.I was trying to see his positive side as he had accepted me with my inability, so he must be a good person.Somehow, after so many issues, we got married.After marriage, we went for honeymoon, but he showed a different attitude.He started insulting me that I stare at other people, including the waiter.He would fight with me aggressively, and when I cry he'd calm me down stating that this fight is my fault; had I not done this he would not have fought; had I obeyed him he would not have gotten angry. Then he used to make love to me.For 4 days this happened continuously.On the 4th day I told him I cannot stand him and bear his mind numbing torture.If he sees so many flaws in my character we must part our ways, and there is not point of staying together.He agreed but later he started apologising, asking for another chance to this marriage. I agreed.But his behaviour didn’t improve much. We used to live with his parents, he started taking active participation in local politics which used to keep him busy.He started controlling me indirectly for visiting my moms and relatives.He'd taunt me for not sharing my salary with his parents.Later I found out his work is not running smooth and he is not making enough.The issue of staring at men and shaking hands with men while greeting congratulations, was also an issue to him.He'd remain normal as long as I did things as per his wish.If I said or did anything opposite, he'd get aggressive and disrespectful towards me.Love was nowhere around. He never said I am a good looking woman. My husband rarely complimented me though I get many whenever I go out.He seemed not to be bothered about me except for the time I do something he doesn’t like.My mom also supported him. His behaviour started taking a toll on my mental condition and I started feeling uncomfortable around him.I stopped being physical as I was feeling emotionally detached.The fights had broken me, my bare minimum expectations were not fulfilled.My husband also broke relations with my family and was disrespectful to them.Initially he had promised that I will be free to visit my mom whenever I want and he will not seek my salary ever or doubt my character, but nothing turned to be true.After 4 months of torture, I came to my mom's place and told my husband that I cannot live with him.I actually feel much better without him. As soon as he knew that I am leaving him he has surrendered and is admitting that he made mistakes and doesn’t want to lose me.He says I am his only hope in life and he loves me a lot and can’t live without me.He does the same emotional drama every time I try to part ways with him.My family is pressurising me to give him another chance. But my trust is shattered beyond repair.He made my cry, he pushed me into depression.I do not respect him. He accepted me with my inability, but I feel he never liked the real me.He is not ready to admit this fact that we have not been good for each other.To me he seems like a male chauvinist, a dominating and controlling person.He stays grumpy most of the time, behaves well with others but is arrogant with family members.What do I do? I am in utter confusion, I am unable to force myself into a love-less marriage and my family and husband doesn’t understand it.(I am a government officer and my husband runs a small business)
    Ans:

    Dear MK,

    This is a classic case of crying out, blaming the spouse for the crying and sending her on a guilt trip, promising to do better, not following through and when she walks out, crying out again.

    It's cyclical and traps you within in the loop.

    He really needs to work out his stuff with a professional, else this is going to be something that you have to deal with repeatedly.

    To not be able to take responsibility for his actions, shifting blame onto you, acting insecure and preventing you from leading your life the way that you are used to -- like talking to your family and friends -- are all red flags.

    Step up, take charge and suggest that he goes to a professional if he wants the marriage to work.

    If he doesn’t and continues the same way, you know what you must do to secure yourself and your life.

    All the best!

    ..Read more

    Anu

    Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

    Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 17, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Dec 14, 2024
    Relationship
    Recently, we had an Arranged Marriage. Before committing for the Marriage, we had a few Months of Courtship Period & got to understand each other well. He seemed to be a very Loving & Caring Person. Once, He asked me whether I was Virgin, I lied saying that I was, because I didn't want to lose such a Wonderful Guy. On our Wedding Night, he got Suspicious as I didn't bleed. Upon further Interrogation, I broke down & confessed the Truth that I had been Sexually Active in my previous Relationships, before getting Married to him. He got Disappointed as he felt Cheated & Betrayed. Since then, he's been sleeping in a seperate Room & not even talking to me properly, there's no Romance between us, at all. He'd also cancelled our Honeymoon Trip to Bali. He comes Home late, often having eaten out, doesn't ask me anything about my Day or even Care about me at all. He's become quite opposite of what he was, during our Courtship Period. Many times, I've tried to break the Ice & build some Chemistry between us, but he told me that he lost all Feelings for me, and he wouldn't even Care if I left him & his House for Good. He was Ready to give me a Divorce, if I wanted to Leave him. But I don't want to throw away this Marriage, I want to try & make it work, but there's no Cooperation at all from his side. He blatantly refused to go for Marriage Counseling with me. In the presence of other Family Members, he tries to act like a normal Husband, just to maintain his image in the Society. But when we both are alone at Home, he acts as if I don't even exist. Now I am getting frustrated, I don't understand what to do? I don't regret all that I did in my Past, I had the Right to Enjoy my Life, when I was Young & Unmarried & I don't owe any Explanation to anyone, about my Past. Now I feel I am being treated too Coldly just for a little White Lie. Did I really do something so Wrong that I don't even deserve to be Loved by the Person, I Married? If it leads to a Divorce, we both have got a lot to lose out on, hence I am trying to avoid the extreme Decision. But I don't have any idea as to how our Marriage can be Repaired & Rejuvenated, when my Husband is not at all interested in the Marriage? Please advise me what to do.
    Ans: Dear Anonymous,
    If you understand him, your virginity meant a lot to him...that was one of his core beliefs that one preserves their virginity until marriage. Now, he feels cheated as what he believes in has gone against him. It seems very old-fashioned to want the bride to 'bleed' on the first night and conclude that she isn't pure...I get your point, but that are his values...
    Can he change and actually look at things differently and save the marriage? YES only if he wants to...he has to commit to it...

    For you, the fear of losing him made you hide the fact. Who's right and who isn't? Neither! It's all a matter of the way you look at it; each one will hold their impressions as the truth. So, he's holding onto what he feels is his truth and unwilling to budge and make the marriage work. What can you do? Perhaps apologize for hurting him; he is hurt and angry, isn't it?

    It may seem trivial and foolish to you that he gives this so much importance in this day and age. You can't shake people off their beliefs. Anything that you hide eventually comes to bite you; so act wisely...
    - talk to him about how you feel about him and the marriage
    - tell him what he means to you and why you hid the facts that was most important to him
    - lastly apologize to him from your heart

    All this may seem 'going over the top' BUT hey, you wish to make the marriage work, right? At times, going that extreme bit can bring back things...So, if there's a 'Feminist' side of you that seems to disagree, keep that at bay for a while and ask: Do I want the marriage?
    If YES, then do what it takes...

    All the best!
    Anu Krishna
    Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
    Drop in: www.unfear.io
    Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

    ..Read more

    Latest Questions
    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7355 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2024Hindi
    Money
    I am 40 years old female.My monthly income is 75000 and the income of my husband is 87000. I have home loan emi of 40000 and personal loan of 20000. My mutual fund amount is 28000 monthly.I have a daughter of 9 years.For her education ssj is of 60000 yearly (corpus amount of 6.5 lakh).I invested 25k in pf monthly (husband+wife ). Already 40 lakh is deposited in pf account. How to invest to get an account of 10 crore at the age of 60 years?
    Ans: You are in a good position with a combined income of Rs. 1,62,000 per month. Your financial discipline with consistent investments is admirable. However, you have home loan and personal loan liabilities, which need to be considered when planning for long-term wealth creation. Let’s look at the current picture and devise a strategy to accumulate a corpus of Rs. 10 crore by age 60.

    Income and Liabilities
    Monthly Income: Rs. 75,000 (yours) + Rs. 87,000 (husband) = Rs. 1,62,000
    Home Loan EMI: Rs. 40,000
    Personal Loan EMI: Rs. 20,000
    The total EMI outflow is Rs. 60,000 per month, which is a significant portion of your income. Paying off these loans as soon as possible should be one of your priorities, especially the personal loan. Personal loans tend to have higher interest rates than home loans, which means they drain more from your monthly budget.

    Current Investments
    Mutual Fund SIPs: Rs. 28,000 per month
    It's excellent that you're consistently investing in mutual funds. However, the investment amount might not be enough to achieve your Rs. 10 crore goal within the given time frame.

    Provident Fund (PF) Contributions: Rs. 25,000 per month (husband + wife)
    You already have Rs. 40 lakh in your PF account, which is a great start. However, PF typically offers lower returns compared to equity-based investments, and relying too heavily on PF alone may not help achieve your ambitious goal of Rs. 10 crore.

    Daughter’s Education Fund: Rs. 60,000 per year (corpus of Rs. 6.5 lakh)
    Education expenses are an essential goal to secure your daughter’s future. It's crucial to invest this corpus wisely to ensure it grows over time, especially as education costs rise.

    Goal of Rs. 10 Crore by Age 60
    To reach Rs. 10 crore by the time you are 60 years old, you need to invest systematically in a portfolio that offers higher growth potential. Given that you have 20 years to build this corpus, equity-based instruments should be the core of your investment strategy.

    Key Considerations
    Loan Repayment
    Paying off the home loan and personal loan is critical. As mentioned, personal loans have high-interest rates, so it’s better to clear this liability first. Home loans typically have lower interest rates, so they can be tackled later.

    Monthly Investment Capacity
    After clearing the loans, you will have more disposable income that can be channelized into investments. With your current income and considering the existing commitments, you are already investing a significant amount in mutual funds. Once the loans are cleared, this amount can be increased for higher growth.

    Investment Strategy to Achieve Rs. 10 Crore
    Step 1: Prioritize Loan Repayment
    Personal Loan:
    Pay off this loan as quickly as possible. Once this EMI is cleared, you will have Rs. 20,000 available for reinvestment each month.
    Home Loan:
    Although this EMI is higher, focus on making accelerated payments with any surplus funds after clearing the personal loan.
    Step 2: Increase Monthly Investment in Mutual Funds
    Current SIP Allocation: Rs. 28,000 per month
    While you’re investing in mutual funds, the current SIP amount might not be enough to reach Rs. 10 crore. You should aim to gradually increase your SIP as your loan liabilities reduce. Here’s how you can proceed:

    Increase SIP Post Loan Repayment: After paying off the personal loan and reducing the home loan EMI, you can redirect the freed-up funds into SIPs. For instance, if you allocate the Rs. 20,000 currently spent on the personal loan towards SIPs, you can increase your monthly SIP to Rs. 48,000 (Rs. 28,000 + Rs. 20,000).

    Long-Term SIP Increase: As your income grows and your expenses reduce, try to increase the SIP amount by another Rs. 10,000-20,000 over the next few years.

    Step 3: Diversify Mutual Fund Portfolio
    Mid-cap and Small-cap Funds:
    You already have exposure to equity markets, which is great. To maximize returns over the long term, focus on a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Mid-cap and small-cap funds have higher risk, but they can potentially yield higher returns over the long term.

    Hybrid and Balanced Advantage Funds:
    These funds can offer a good mix of equity and debt, ensuring some stability to your portfolio. It would be ideal to allocate around 20-30% of your SIP towards these funds, especially during market volatility.

    Sectoral and Thematic Funds:
    Depending on your risk tolerance, you can add a small portion (5-10%) of sectoral funds like technology, FMCG, or healthcare. These funds can potentially outperform the broader market, but they come with higher risk.

    Step 4: Increase Provident Fund Contributions
    While PF is a safe investment, it offers lower returns compared to equity-based investments. However, since you already have a substantial amount in PF (Rs. 40 lakh), increasing your PF contributions gradually can be part of your strategy to secure a part of your retirement corpus.

    Diversify PF Investments:
    Although PF provides fixed returns, you can consider diversifying some portion of your retirement savings into other tax-advantaged options like National Pension System (NPS). NPS offers exposure to equity markets along with tax benefits.
    Step 5: Invest in Tax-Advantaged Accounts
    You may want to explore additional tax-saving instruments such as:

    National Pension System (NPS):
    NPS can be a good addition to your portfolio for retirement savings, especially because it offers tax deductions and exposure to equity markets. NPS also allows you to accumulate wealth while reducing your taxable income.

    ELSS Funds:
    Consider allocating a portion of your mutual fund investments towards Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) for tax benefits under Section 80C.

    Step 6: Asset Allocation
    To achieve long-term goals like a Rs. 10 crore corpus, your asset allocation should heavily favor equity, with about 60-70% invested in equity mutual funds (mid, small, and large-cap). You can keep 15-20% in hybrid or balanced advantage funds, and the remaining 10-15% can be in debt instruments or tax-saving funds.

    Step 7: Regular Portfolio Rebalancing
    Rebalancing:
    Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio. If a particular fund has underperformed or become too volatile, consider shifting your allocation to better-performing funds.

    Monitor Performance:
    Regularly check the performance of your mutual fund investments. Based on the market conditions, you may need to make adjustments to your portfolio to maximize returns.

    Step 8: Additional Investments
    Other Options:
    If you have additional savings after increasing your SIP and clearing the loans, you can consider diversifying into gold, international equity funds, or debt funds for stability.
    Final Insights
    You are on a strong path with disciplined investments, but to reach your goal of Rs. 10 crore by age 60, you will need to increase your investment significantly, especially in mutual funds. Prioritize clearing your loans, then focus on increasing your SIP amounts. A diversified portfolio with an emphasis on mid-cap, small-cap, and hybrid funds will help you achieve the required growth. Regular portfolio reviews, coupled with a disciplined approach, will ensure that you stay on track.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

    Chief Financial Planner

    www.holisticinvestment.in
    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7355 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2024Hindi
    Money
    I am 50 years old and planning to retire this year. My liabilities include : 1) Higher education of my daughter and Son 2) Their marriage My assets include: 1) One house worth 10 crore plus rental income of 30000/- per month 2) Second house due for completion worth 2.5 cr 3) AIF worth 1.5 cr 4) FDs worth 40 lakhs 5) Equity holding worth 1.5 cr 6) MF worth 70 Lakhs with SIP of 40000/- per month going on 7) Mediclaim cover of 50 lakhs 8) Ppf worth 30 lakhs 9) Life insurance policies worth with 2 cr life cover Going forward how should I plan my portfolio growth and regular income
    Ans: At 50, your priorities include securing retirement income, meeting your children’s goals, and growing your wealth. Here’s a detailed plan to achieve these goals while maintaining financial stability and peace of mind.

    Current Financial Strengths
    Diversified Asset Base
    Your portfolio includes real estate, equity, mutual funds, and fixed deposits.
    Assets like AIF, PPF, and life insurance offer additional diversification.
    Stable Rental Income
    Rs 30,000 monthly rental income provides a consistent cash flow.
    Comprehensive Health and Life Cover
    Mediclaim of Rs 50 lakh ensures healthcare expenses are well-covered.
    Life insurance of Rs 2 crore protects your family’s financial future.
    Areas for Improvement
    Overexposure to Real Estate
    A significant portion of your wealth is locked in illiquid assets like real estate.
    Rental income may not grow in line with inflation.
    Insufficient Liquidity
    While you have a large asset base, liquid cash for immediate needs seems limited.
    Need for Inflation-Adjusted Income
    With retirement ahead, ensuring inflation-adjusted income is critical.
    Recommendations for Portfolio Growth
    Consolidate Real Estate Holdings
    Consider selling the second house after completion to unlock liquidity.
    Redeploy proceeds into financial instruments for better returns and liquidity.
    Increase Exposure to Mutual Funds
    Allocate funds from real estate or AIF into actively managed equity funds.
    Focus on large-cap and balanced advantage funds for stable, long-term growth.
    Strengthen Debt Portfolio
    Increase allocation to debt mutual funds for stable returns and capital safety.
    Ensure liquidity through short-term debt funds or fixed-income instruments.
    Planning for Children’s Goals
    Higher Education
    Use proceeds from fixed deposits and PPF for education expenses.
    These are low-risk instruments suitable for short- to medium-term needs.
    Marriage Expenses
    Start a targeted investment plan for marriages using balanced advantage funds.
    Gradually move these funds to safer options as the events near.
    Securing Regular Retirement Income
    Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
    Set up SWPs from mutual fund investments for steady monthly income.
    This provides tax-efficient cash flow while preserving capital.
    Rental Income
    Retain rental income as part of your overall income strategy.
    Consider enhancing property value to increase rental yield.
    PPF and FDs
    Use PPF maturity and FD interest for emergency funds or specific short-term needs.
    Addressing Tax Efficiency
    Equity Mutual Funds
    Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh will be taxed at 12.5%.
    Systematic withdrawals from mutual funds should consider tax implications.
    Debt Mutual Funds
    Gains from debt funds will be taxed as per your income tax slab.
    Insurance and Contingency Planning
    Maintain Adequate Health Cover
    Rs 50 lakh mediclaim is sufficient for now.
    Reassess based on inflation in healthcare costs.
    Life Insurance Review
    Your life cover seems adequate for liabilities.
    Ensure policies remain active until critical liabilities are settled.
    Optimising Asset Allocation
    Suggested Allocation Strategy
    Equity Funds: 40% of the portfolio for long-term growth.
    Debt Instruments: 40% for stability and regular income.
    Liquid Funds: 10% for emergencies.
    Other Investments: 10% in alternative assets like AIF or gold.
    Periodic Review
    Review your portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner.
    Adjust allocation as per changing market conditions and personal needs.
    Final Insights
    Your financial situation is strong and diversified. Focus on enhancing liquidity, reducing real estate exposure, and optimising your asset allocation. A disciplined and well-planned strategy will ensure a secure and comfortable retirement while meeting your family’s needs.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

    Chief Financial Planner,

    www.holisticinvestment.in
    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7355 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

    Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024Hindi
    Money
    Hello Sir, I need your feedback on my current investment. I am 38yrs old. These are my current investment and need to know where I should invest more for mid term and long term goal LIC - 5000 each for me and wife every month MF - SBI magnum midcap - INR 5000 ICICI PRUDENTIAL BLUECHIP - INR 3000 Motilal Oswal Midcap - INR 2000 Parag Parikh Flexi cap - INR 3000 Quant Small Cap - INR 2000 PPF - 2000
    Ans: Your investment strategy covers a mix of LIC policies, mutual funds, and PPF. It's great that you're diversifying your investments and considering long-term growth. Below is an evaluation of your current portfolio:

    Life Insurance Policies (LIC)
    Premiums: Rs. 5,000 each for you and your wife per month.
    While life insurance is necessary, the LIC policies you have may not be the best investment vehicles. These policies often offer lower returns compared to other financial instruments like mutual funds. The key issue is the combination of insurance and investment, which generally doesn't provide enough growth potential.
    If the life cover is adequate, you might consider reducing your LIC investment and reallocating funds into mutual funds, which offer better growth potential and liquidity.

    Mutual Fund Portfolio
    Your current mutual fund investments are a balanced mix of different types of funds. Here’s a breakdown:

    SBI Magnum Midcap (Rs. 5,000):
    A good choice for medium to long-term growth, as midcap funds have the potential to deliver strong returns over time. Midcap stocks tend to outperform large caps during bull markets. However, they come with more volatility. This fund can be kept as part of your portfolio for growth over 5-10 years.

    ICICI Prudential Bluechip (Rs. 3,000):
    Large-cap funds, such as this one, are generally stable and low-risk. This is a good choice to ensure that a portion of your portfolio remains stable. Bluechip stocks usually provide regular returns, although not as aggressive as midcap or small-cap funds.

    Motilal Oswal Midcap (Rs. 2,000):
    Another midcap fund is a good strategy for diversification. However, your overall midcap allocation (Rs. 7,000) is on the higher side for your risk profile. You might want to reduce the midcap exposure slightly and balance it with large-cap or hybrid funds.

    Parag Parikh Flexi Cap (Rs. 3,000):
    A flexible-cap fund is an excellent option. It provides flexibility in investing across different market caps, including large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. This allows you to benefit from growth across market segments. You can consider increasing the allocation to this fund to help enhance your portfolio's growth.

    Quant Small Cap (Rs. 2,000):
    Small-cap funds have the potential for high returns but come with high volatility. A small allocation in a small-cap fund is acceptable, but you should be cautious about increasing this exposure. Small-cap stocks are riskier and can lead to significant short-term losses.

    Public Provident Fund (PPF)
    Contribution: Rs. 2,000 per month.
    PPF is an excellent low-risk, long-term investment option, providing tax benefits under Section 80C and a fixed interest rate. Given that you are investing for the long term, the PPF will complement your equity investments by offering stability and tax-free returns. However, the growth is relatively slow compared to mutual funds, so it should remain a small portion of your portfolio.

    Where Should You Invest More?
    To achieve your mid-term and long-term financial goals, it's important to balance your investments between equity (for growth) and fixed-income instruments (for stability). Below are some suggestions:

    Mid-Term Goals (5-7 Years)
    Increase Allocation in Hybrid Funds

    Consider investing in hybrid or balanced advantage funds. These funds invest in both equity and debt, offering a mix of growth and stability. Hybrid funds are less volatile than pure equity funds and provide better returns than traditional debt instruments.
    Increase Exposure to Large-Cap Funds

    Since your current large-cap exposure is limited, you may want to allocate an additional Rs. 3,000-5,000 towards large-cap funds. Large-cap funds provide steady growth and will balance out the risk in your portfolio, especially when mid-cap and small-cap funds experience volatility.
    Consider Debt Funds for Stability

    You might want to consider adding a small portion of debt funds (Rs. 3,000-5,000) to provide stability to your portfolio. Debt funds are lower risk and will help smoothen the overall volatility, especially in periods of market uncertainty.
    Increase SIP in Parag Parikh Flexi Cap

    This is a well-diversified fund that can help you gain exposure to a range of market caps. You may want to increase your allocation in this fund to further enhance long-term growth potential.
    Long-Term Goals (7+ Years)
    Continue SIP in Midcap and Small Cap Funds

    Midcap and small-cap funds can provide excellent returns over the long term. However, these funds are more volatile, so it’s crucial to maintain a diversified portfolio. Consider maintaining your current allocation, but do not increase it significantly.
    Review Asset Allocation Every Year

    As you approach your long-term goals, review your asset allocation periodically. Over time, as you accumulate wealth and reach different financial milestones, you might want to shift towards more stable investments like large-cap and hybrid funds.
    Increase Investment in PPF

    While equity investments offer higher returns, the guaranteed returns of PPF can be a good hedge against market volatility. You can consider increasing your PPF contribution gradually as your income grows.
    Focus on Retirement Planning

    You should start planning for your retirement with more focus. For this, consider investing in instruments like NPS (National Pension System) or other retirement-specific funds. These provide long-term wealth accumulation with tax benefits.
    Rebalancing the Portfolio
    Risk Assessment: You have a higher allocation in midcap and small-cap funds, which increases the volatility of your portfolio. For your risk profile, it is essential to balance this by increasing your exposure to large-cap, hybrid, and debt funds. This will smoothen your portfolio’s returns and reduce risk.

    Diversification: While your fund selection is relatively diversified, there is still room for improvement. You may want to add a few more funds in the international equity space or other sectors like FMCG, pharma, or technology, depending on your risk tolerance.

    Avoiding Overexposure to LIC Policies
    As mentioned earlier, LIC policies are often a combination of insurance and investment. While they provide life cover, the returns are typically lower than those of mutual funds. If you have sufficient life cover from other sources, consider reducing the premium amount for LIC and reallocating the funds towards equity mutual funds for better returns over the long term.

    Final Insights
    You are on the right track with your investments, but a few tweaks can help you achieve your financial goals more efficiently. By diversifying your portfolio further, increasing exposure to large-cap funds, and considering hybrid funds for mid-term goals, you can ensure a balanced approach for growth and stability. Continue investing regularly, keep reviewing your portfolio, and increase your SIP contributions as your income grows.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

    Chief Financial Planner

    www.holisticinvestment.in
    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7355 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

    Listen
    Money
    I am 44. I am investing in 7 SIPS Total of 27100 as Below - Motiwal Oswal Midcap 5k, Parah Parikh Flexi cap 5K, HDFC Mid-cap opportunities 3100, Canara Robeco Mid-cap 4k, mahindra Munulife Mid-cap 2k, JM Flexicap 2K, ICICI Prudential Bluechip 4K, Nippon India Small Cap 2k. what should I do more to get 2 Crores by the end of 2035?
    Ans: You are investing Rs 27,100 across a mix of mid-cap, flexi-cap, small-cap, and large-cap funds. With your goal of Rs 2 crore by 2035, your portfolio needs alignment with return expectations and risk management. Let's assess your portfolio and make recommendations for improvement.

    Key Observations on Your Existing Investments
    Strengths
    Diversified Approach: Your investments span multiple fund categories, reducing risk concentration.

    Consistent Contributions: SIPs ensure disciplined investing and benefit from rupee cost averaging.

    Equity Focus: Allocating to mid-cap, flexi-cap, and small-cap funds provides long-term growth potential.

    Weaknesses
    Overlapping Funds: Investing in multiple funds within the same category (mid-cap) may create redundancy.

    Potential Overexposure: High allocation to mid-cap and small-cap funds increases portfolio volatility.

    Underallocation to Large-Cap: Large-cap funds provide stability, especially as you approach your goal.

    Recommendations to Improve Your Portfolio
    Optimise Fund Selection
    Reduce Mid-Cap Overlap: Consolidate mid-cap investments to 1-2 high-performing funds.

    Enhance Large-Cap Allocation: Increase your allocation to large-cap funds for stability.

    Diversify into Hybrid Funds: Include hybrid funds to balance equity risks with debt stability.

    Increase SIP Amount
    Step-Up SIPs Annually: Gradually increase your SIP amount by 10-15% each year.

    Top-Up Contributions: Allocate any bonuses or windfall gains towards investments.

    Long-Term Investment Discipline
    Stay Invested: Maintain a long-term horizon to benefit from compounding.

    Avoid Frequent Changes: Stick to your plan and review the portfolio annually.

    Taxation Considerations
    Equity Mutual Funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.

    Rebalancing Impact: Consider tax implications when consolidating or switching funds.

    Steps to Achieve Rs 2 Crore Goal
    Consolidate Mid-Cap Funds

    Retain the best-performing mid-cap fund based on past performance and consistency.
    Redeploy funds from overlapping schemes into large-cap and hybrid funds.
    Enhance SIP Allocation

    Target a SIP amount of Rs 35,000-40,000 to ensure meeting the goal.
    Adjust the amount periodically based on your income growth.
    Diversify Portfolio

    Add one large-cap fund and a balanced advantage fund to your portfolio.
    Consider a debt fund to create stability and liquidity.
    Monitor and Rebalance

    Review your portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner.
    Ensure the portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and goals.
    Final Insights
    Achieving Rs 2 crore by 2035 is realistic with a well-structured strategy. Focus on optimising your portfolio, increasing SIP amounts, and maintaining discipline. Seek professional advice to regularly evaluate and adjust your portfolio.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

    Chief Financial Planner,

    www.holisticinvestment.in
    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    Ramalingam

    Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7355 Answers  |Ask -

    Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

    Money
    Hello Sir OR Madam , I am 40 years old self employed , here are my financial status Loan around Business loan -16 lacs 30 K , Mortgage loan -25 Lacs (Flat value is 40 lacs presently ,Monthly business income around 1-2 lacs , Investments are around 1-2 lacs per year Including LIC and SIP , Now how can i plan to exit from the loans and can give a better future to my childrens , I want to retire at the age of 50.
    Ans: You are in a position where you have some challenges but also significant opportunities. As a self-employed individual, you are managing both business and mortgage loans. Your current business income is Rs. 1-2 lakh per month, but it may fluctuate, which calls for better planning and discipline to ensure a stable financial future.

    Business Loan: Rs. 16.3 lakh
    Mortgage Loan: Rs. 25 lakh
    Property Value: Rs. 40 lakh
    Monthly Business Income: Rs. 1-2 lakh
    Investments: Around Rs. 1-2 lakh per year, including LIC and SIP.
    Step 1: Paying Off the Loans
    Your primary goal is to get rid of these loans and build wealth for the future. It is essential to focus on loan repayment while continuing to invest for your children’s future and your retirement. Here’s a structured approach:

    Prioritize Loan Repayment
    Business Loan: Your business loan of Rs. 16.3 lakh is significant, and its repayment should be prioritized. However, since it is a business loan, the repayment should be balanced against the growth of your business. Review the loan tenure and interest rate. If the loan has a high interest rate, try to make prepayments to reduce the principal.

    Mortgage Loan: The mortgage loan of Rs. 25 lakh is tied to your flat, which is worth Rs. 40 lakh. Since this is your home, maintaining this loan balance might be less urgent than the business loan, but it still requires focus. Aim to pay down the mortgage loan more aggressively as soon as the business loan is cleared.

    Loan Prepayment Strategy
    Start Small, Scale Up: Begin by making small, consistent prepayments towards both loans. With a monthly income of Rs. 1-2 lakh, allocate a percentage towards loan repayment each month. As your income increases or becomes stable, you can increase the prepayment amount.

    Emergency Fund: Keep an emergency fund aside, preferably of around Rs. 3-4 lakh, so that you don't need to dip into your savings or loans during difficult months. This can also provide a safety net for your business.

    Refinance or Consolidate
    Loan Restructuring: If your loans carry high-interest rates, consider refinancing. This can lower your EMIs or interest burden. Consolidating your loans into a single loan can also reduce monthly outflows.

    Asset Sale: Since the value of your flat is Rs. 40 lakh, assess if selling or downsizing is a viable option to pay off loans, particularly the mortgage loan. If you have spare assets or investments, consider liquidating them to clear off high-interest debt.

    Step 2: Investment Planning
    You are already investing around Rs. 1-2 lakh per year, including SIPs and LIC. However, since your primary objective is to clear loans and secure your children's future, here’s how to adjust your investment strategy.

    Focus on Equity Mutual Funds
    Invest in Actively Managed Funds: Since you are self-employed and have variable income, it's essential to create a portfolio that can withstand market fluctuations. Invest in actively managed funds that provide better flexibility compared to index funds. These funds can outperform in volatile markets and ensure long-term growth.

    Increase SIP Contributions: You can slowly increase your SIP contributions as your income increases or as you start paying off the loans. Since your retirement target is at 50, you have a 10-year horizon to build your corpus for retirement. Start with Rs. 10,000-15,000 per month, and increase it progressively.

    Children's Future
    Education Fund: Your children's education is one of your top priorities. It is crucial to start saving for their education as early as possible. Focus on SIPs in equity funds with a horizon of 12-15 years.

    Start a Child-Centric Fund: Consider opening a separate SIP account for your children's future expenses. You can invest in a combination of equity and hybrid funds that align with their education and marriage goals.

    Retirement Planning
    PPF & NPS: For retirement, it is important to take advantage of tax-efficient options like PPF and NPS (National Pension Scheme). While you are self-employed and don’t have access to EPF, NPS is a good option to build a retirement corpus. Invest in both PPF and NPS regularly. They will not only help you accumulate wealth but also provide tax benefits.

    Create a Balanced Portfolio: Allocate your retirement savings into a diversified portfolio of equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This will provide growth potential along with stability.

    Risk Management
    Life Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage for yourself and your family. This will protect your family in case of an unfortunate event and provide them with financial security. If you already have LIC policies, check if the coverage is adequate, and align them with your current needs.

    Health Insurance: Also, ensure that you have comprehensive health insurance coverage for your family. This is crucial to avoid dipping into your savings or retirement funds in case of medical emergencies.

    Step 3: Retirement at 50
    You want to retire by 50, which gives you 10 years to build your corpus. This is achievable with the right focus and planning.

    Debt-free by 50: If you focus on paying off the loans aggressively over the next few years, you should be free of debt by the time you retire. This will reduce your expenses and provide a stable foundation for your retirement.

    Build a Retirement Corpus: By contributing consistently to your retirement savings, you should aim for a corpus that can generate monthly income equivalent to your current expenses. Once your children are financially independent, you will have fewer responsibilities, and the amount required for monthly living will reduce.

    Post-Retirement Income: Upon retiring, focus on systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs) in equity and hybrid mutual funds. This will help you generate regular income while allowing your capital to grow.

    Final Insights
    Your financial journey is a balancing act between clearing debts, building savings for the future, and ensuring your children’s well-being. By focusing on loan repayment and gradually increasing your investments in mutual funds, you can achieve your financial goals.

    Your retirement at 50 is achievable, but you will need to adopt a disciplined approach towards debt reduction and investment growth. Prioritize clearing high-interest loans and consistently investing for long-term wealth creation.

    Best Regards,

    K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

    Chief Financial Planner

    www.holisticinvestment.in
    https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

    ...Read more

    DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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