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Lost 1 Cr in Business, Now 45, Earning 24 LPA with Debt: What's Next?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6956 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Ramesh Question by Ramesh on Sep 28, 2024Hindi
Money

Sir, I am 45 , lost 1 cr in business and shifted to Job profile and earning 24 LPA, have 1 home of 65 Lacs with 40 Lacs home loan , 20 Lakhs Mediclaim Policy , Nil Investment. what is the way ahead . 1. come out of depts urgently. 2. Build up a little for kids . Have 2 kids 9 and 8 yrs . school bit costly . 5 Lacs per Annum .

Ans: You’ve experienced a major financial setback with a business loss of Rs 1 crore and have since transitioned to a job with an annual income of Rs 24 lakh. Currently, you have a home valued at Rs 65 lakh but with an outstanding loan of Rs 40 lakh, and you’ve mentioned a costly school setup for your two children, with an annual fee of Rs 5 lakh. You also have a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy, which provides some security in terms of health coverage. Now, you are keen on clearing your debts, securing your children’s future, and building up a financial cushion.

Given your circumstances, it’s important to prioritize debt repayment, secure your children’s education, and rebuild your financial base. Here’s a step-by-step approach to achieving your goals.

1. Prioritize Debt Repayment
Paying Off the Home Loan
Your home loan of Rs 40 lakh is a significant liability. Considering that you pay Rs 5 lakh annually for your children’s education, this loan will be a major financial burden. However, paying off your home loan aggressively while maintaining your lifestyle is crucial for long-term stability.

Increase EMI Payments: Check if you can increase your home loan EMIs. You could redirect any excess income towards your home loan. Even a small increase in EMI can reduce your overall loan tenure, saving you substantial interest in the long run.

Lump Sum Prepayments: If you get any bonuses or financial windfalls, use them to make lump sum payments towards the principal. This will help reduce the loan quickly.

Refinance Your Home Loan: If your current interest rate is high, consider refinancing the loan to a lower interest rate. Even a small reduction in interest can lead to significant savings over the long term.

2. Build an Emergency Fund
Before starting any investments, you need to establish an emergency fund. This will prevent you from having to take on more debt in case of unforeseen expenses.

Target 6 Months of Living Expenses: Set aside enough money to cover at least 6 months of your family’s living expenses. This should include EMI payments, school fees, and day-to-day expenses. Aim for a fund of Rs 8-10 lakh for emergencies.

Place in a Liquid Fund: You can park this money in a liquid mutual fund or a high-interest savings account. The idea is that it should be easily accessible and provide some returns.

3. Address Kids’ Education
Your children are 9 and 8 years old, and their education is a significant ongoing expense. With annual fees of Rs 5 lakh, the costs are substantial.

Set Up a Dedicated Education Fund: You can begin a systematic investment plan (SIP) in mutual funds dedicated to their future educational needs. Equity mutual funds will provide the best growth over a 10-15 year period, but you’ll need to manage this carefully as they get closer to higher education.

Consider Education Insurance: Although you have a mediclaim policy, an education insurance plan can provide additional coverage in case something happens to you. This will ensure that their education is funded even if you're not around.

4. Start Long-Term Investments for Retirement
Since you have no current investments and a home loan to deal with, start slowly and steadily building your long-term savings. At 45, you have about 15-20 years until retirement, which is enough time to grow a retirement corpus if you act now.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Start with an SIP in equity mutual funds. Equity funds have the potential to give higher returns over the long term, which is crucial given the time frame. You can start small and increase contributions as your financial situation stabilizes.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Consider opening a PPF account. Though it has a lower interest rate compared to equity, it provides tax benefits and a risk-free return. It’s ideal for building a portion of your retirement fund.

Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF): If your company provides EPF (Employee Provident Fund), consider contributing extra to the VPF. This will help build a tax-free retirement corpus.

5. Secure Health and Life Insurance
You already have a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy, which is good. However, with two young children, securing your family’s future through proper life insurance is critical.

Term Insurance: You should get a term insurance policy that covers at least 10 times your annual income. With a Rs 24 lakh annual salary, consider a Rs 2.5-3 crore term policy. This will ensure your family’s financial security if anything happens to you.

Review Mediclaim Policy: With rising medical costs, a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy may not be sufficient. Consider increasing the coverage to Rs 30-40 lakh, depending on your budget.

6. Manage Current Lifestyle and Expenses
Your children’s school fees are Rs 5 lakh annually, which is a significant part of your income. You’ll need to make sure that this expense does not derail your financial goals.

Budgeting: Create a strict budget to ensure that you are able to save and invest every month. Keep discretionary spending to a minimum until you are able to stabilize your financial situation.

Avoid Lifestyle Inflation: As your income grows, it’s important to avoid lifestyle inflation (increased spending as income rises). Prioritize savings and investments instead of increasing your standard of living.

7. Rebuild Your Financial Confidence
Given the business loss, it's understandable to feel financial strain, but you’re taking the right steps by focusing on your job and rebuilding your financial base. The key now is to be consistent and disciplined with your finances.

Stay Positive and Committed: You have the earning capacity and time to rebuild your financial portfolio. Stick to your investment and debt repayment strategies, and you’ll find that progress happens gradually.

Focus on Long-Term Goals: Short-term market fluctuations and financial hurdles may cause concern, but your goal should always be long-term financial stability and security for your family.

Final Insights
Focus on Debt Reduction: Prioritize paying off your home loan and avoid new debts. Use any excess income or bonuses to prepay the loan faster.

Build an Emergency Fund: Secure at least 6 months of expenses in an easily accessible emergency fund before you start investing.

Start Investing for Kids’ Education: Start an education fund with SIPs in equity mutual funds. This will help you cover the cost of their higher education.

Plan for Retirement: Begin SIPs in equity funds and open a PPF account for long-term retirement savings. Consider VPF contributions if available.

Secure Your Family: Increase health insurance coverage if needed and take a term insurance policy of Rs 2.5-3 crore for your family’s protection.

With disciplined savings, prudent investments, and focused debt repayment, you will be able to rebuild your financial future and secure your children’s education as well as your retirement.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
Holistic Investment YouTube Channel
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6956 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

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hello sir, i am 40 year old with monthly salary of rs 95K, home loan EMI is 15100, SIP 11000/- monhtly, in ELSS, Sectorial, Large, Mid and Small cap , currently balace home loan is 9.88 L and my investment valus is 5.70L this time, one term lona for 1cr and mediclaim cover 10L, i want to make 1 CR in next 5-10 years, plz suggest me, i have one child in 9th and one in 1st ,
Ans: I understand you're looking to build a Rs. 1 crore corpus in the next 5-10 years. That's a great goal, and with careful planning and investing, it's definitely achievable. Let's break down some things to consider:

1. Reviewing your current investments:

SIPs: Your Rs. 11,000 monthly SIP is spread across ELSS, sectoral, large, mid, and small-cap funds. This diversification is good, but having so many funds might make tracking performance a little complex. We can discuss streamlining this if needed.
Home loan EMI: Your Rs. 15,100 EMI is helping you pay off your home loan. Keep up the good work!
2. Setting priorities:

Term insurance: Having a Rs. 1 crore term insurance policy secures your family's future in case of unforeseen events. It's a wise decision.
Medical cover: A Rs. 10 lakh mediclaim cover is good, but depending on your family's needs, you might consider increasing it in the future.
3. Achieving your Rs. 1 crore goal:

Increase investments: Consider if you can gradually increase your monthly SIP amount. Even a small increase can make a significant difference over time.
Review your asset allocation: We can discuss if your current investment mix aligns with your risk tolerance and goals. Actively managed funds, unlike index funds, can potentially outperform the market over time. We can explore options that suit your risk profile.
P.S.

While real estate can be a part of a long-term investment plan, it requires significant capital and ongoing management. Actively managed funds offer diversification and the potential for growth.
Regularly review your investments and financial plan to ensure they remain aligned with your evolving goals. Building a corpus takes time and discipline. Stay invested for the long term to ride out market fluctuations.
Considering consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP):

A CFP can create a personalized financial plan considering your income, expenses, goals, and risk tolerance. They can help you choose the right investments and stay on track. Consulting a CFP can be especially helpful when building a large corpus like Rs. 1 crore.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6956 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 47 year old working IT professional with monthly earning of 2.2 lacs in hand.We are 4 members in my home. Me, my wife and 2 daughters. Elder one is 15 year and younger one is 10 years. All my investments are only in Real Estate ( 3 houses, One house where I live around 4 to 4.5 CR, Another underconstruction one is around 1.5 c (handover of this house most probably will be in 2025 end and it will be around 2 cr), 3rd one is around 40 lac). None of these houses are generating any income. I have few EMIs ( 80000 Home Loan, 24000 personal loan, 5000 Gold. Loa). I do not have any emergency fund, only insurance is from my company, Health insurance is also from my company. (5 lacs). My monthly expenses are always more than 2.2 lacs. It is creating problem for me as I have very less liquid money. I was thinking of selling one of my home (4 to 4.5 cr) and invest that money into other investment tools ( majorly into equity ). This way I'll still have 2 houses with me and this money can take care of my life goals ( Education of daughters, Marriage , My retirement . I am not able to see any other way to secure my future. Pleas suggest what should I do to secure my future given the scenario explained above.
Ans: I understand your concerns. Let's assess your situation comprehensively and devise a plan to secure your future.

Current Financial Snapshot
You have a strong income of Rs. 2.2 lakh per month, but your expenses are high. You have significant assets in real estate but limited liquidity. This imbalance needs addressing to ensure financial security.

Real Estate Assets
Real estate forms a major part of your portfolio. You own three houses, one of which is under construction. These properties are valued at approximately:

Primary residence: Rs. 4 to 4.5 crore
Under-construction property: Rs. 1.5 crore (expected to be Rs. 2 crore post-completion)
Third property: Rs. 40 lakh
These properties are non-income generating, leading to liquidity issues.

Existing Liabilities
You have ongoing EMIs:

Home Loan: Rs. 80,000 per month
Personal Loan: Rs. 24,000 per month
Gold Loan: Rs. 5,000 per month
These loans total Rs. 1.09 lakh per month, contributing to your financial strain.

Lack of Emergency Fund and Insurance
You lack an emergency fund, which is crucial for unexpected expenses. Your only insurance is through your company, with health coverage of Rs. 5 lakh. This is insufficient for a family of four.

Proposed Solution: Selling Real Estate
Selling your primary residence, valued at Rs. 4 to 4.5 crore, can significantly improve your financial situation. Here’s how:

Reduce Debt: Use a portion of the sale proceeds to clear your existing loans. This will free up Rs. 1.09 lakh per month.

Create an Emergency Fund: Set aside Rs. 10-15 lakh in a high-interest savings account or liquid mutual funds for emergencies.

Insurance: Purchase adequate health insurance (at least Rs. 20 lakh) and a term life insurance policy.

Invest in Equity: Diversify your investments to include mutual funds for long-term growth.

Diversifying into Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can offer higher returns than traditional savings. Let’s explore different categories and their benefits.

Equity Mutual Funds
These funds invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns. Suitable for long-term goals like your daughters' education, marriages, and your retirement. Types include:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in large, established companies. They are less volatile and provide steady growth.

Mid-Cap Funds: Invest in medium-sized companies. They offer higher growth potential but come with moderate risk.

Small-Cap Funds: Invest in smaller companies. These have the highest growth potential but also higher risk.

Multi-Cap Funds: Invest across companies of different sizes. They offer a balance of risk and return.

Debt Mutual Funds
These funds invest in bonds and other debt instruments. They provide stable returns with lower risk. Suitable for short to medium-term goals and emergency funds.

Liquid Funds: Ideal for emergency funds due to their high liquidity.

Short-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for short-term goals (1-3 years) with moderate returns and low risk.

Corporate Bond Funds: Invest in high-rated corporate bonds, providing better returns than traditional savings.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Spread your investments across different sectors, reducing risk.

Professional Management: Managed by experienced fund managers, ensuring better returns.

Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell, providing quick access to funds.

Compounding: Reinvesting returns helps grow your wealth exponentially over time.

Flexibility: Choose from a variety of funds based on your risk tolerance and goals.

Addressing Expenses
Budgeting: Create a detailed budget to track and control your expenses. Identify areas to cut unnecessary spending.

Emergency Fund: Prioritize building a robust emergency fund to handle unforeseen expenses without disrupting your investments.

Insurance: Ensure adequate health and life insurance to protect your family’s financial future.

Education and Marriage of Daughters
Invest in equity mutual funds to grow your wealth for your daughters' education and marriages. Consider starting systematic investment plans (SIPs) for consistent investments.

Education: Focus on large-cap and multi-cap funds for stable growth over the next 3-5 years.

Marriage: Allocate a portion to mid-cap and small-cap funds for higher growth over the next 10-15 years.

Retirement Planning
Retirement planning should start immediately. Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds to build a retirement corpus.

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to large-cap and multi-cap funds for long-term growth.

Debt Funds: Invest in short-term debt funds and corporate bond funds for stability and regular income.

Avoiding Index Funds
Index funds mimic market indices. They provide average returns and lack active management. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds through skilled management, offering better returns.

Regular vs. Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but require active management. Regular funds, managed by certified financial planners, offer expert guidance and better decision-making, essential for achieving your goals.

Steps to Implement the Plan
Sell the Primary Residence: Use the proceeds to pay off debts, create an emergency fund, and invest.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner: For personalized advice and to select the right mutual funds.

Start SIPs: In equity and debt mutual funds based on your risk tolerance and goals.

Insurance: Purchase adequate health and life insurance to safeguard your family’s future.

Track and Adjust: Regularly review your investments and adjust based on market conditions and life changes.

Final Insights
Your current financial situation, with high expenses and low liquidity, is unsustainable. By selling one property and diversifying into mutual funds, you can secure your financial future. Focus on reducing debt, creating an emergency fund, and investing in a mix of equity and debt funds. Seek guidance from a certified financial planner to tailor the plan to your specific needs and goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6956 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 44 Years, Married, Wife age 39 and not working, 2 Kids age 10 and 6 years studying. Monthly In : approx.150000 (after deducting tax etc.). Monthly expenses approx. Rs. 1 Lac, Investment: Rs. 17500 PM in 7 different MFs, 12500 PPF PM, 50000 Insurance Per annum, 50000 NPS per annum, Not having own house (suffered a loss of approx. Rs. 25 Lac in a property in year 2015), currently on rent, not having any other support system...pl advise how to proceed further. Regards
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Your income is Rs. 1,50,000 per month.

Your monthly expenses are approximately Rs. 1,00,000.

You are investing Rs. 17,500 per month in mutual funds, Rs. 12,500 per month in PPF, Rs. 50,000 annually in insurance, and Rs. 50,000 annually in NPS.

Assessing Your Investments
Mutual Funds

Investing in seven different mutual funds is good for diversification.

PPF

PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits.

Insurance

Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.

NPS

NPS is good for retirement planning with tax benefits.

Financial Goals and Strategies
Goal: Buying a House
You previously faced a loss in property investment.

Saving for a house should be a priority.

Consider saving separately in a high-interest account.

Goal: Children’s Education
Plan for your children’s education expenses.

Start SIPs in education-focused mutual funds.

Goal: Retirement Planning
You are already investing in NPS and PPF.

Consider increasing contributions to NPS.

Monthly Savings Allocation
Increase Savings

Try to save more from your monthly income.

Aim for saving 25-30% of your income.

Investment Diversification
Equity Mutual Funds

Allocate more to large-cap and mid-cap funds.

These funds offer balanced growth and stability.

Debt Funds

Invest in debt funds for stability and regular income.

Balanced Funds

Consider balanced advantage funds.

These funds provide a mix of equity and debt.

Insurance Review
Term Insurance

Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.

A cover of Rs. 1 crore is recommended.

Health Insurance

Ensure comprehensive health coverage for your family.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund.

Keep at least 6 months of expenses in a liquid fund.

Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner.

They can provide personalized advice and regular reviews.

Action Plan
1. Increase SIPs

Gradually increase SIP contributions.

Focus on large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds.

2. Save for House

Save separately in a high-interest account for buying a house.

3. Plan for Education

Start SIPs in education-focused mutual funds.

4. Review Insurance

Ensure adequate term and health insurance coverage.

5. Maintain Emergency Fund

Keep an emergency fund for at least 6 months of expenses.

Final Insights
Your financial plan should focus on increasing savings, diversifying investments, and planning for future goals.

Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Seek professional guidance to ensure a comprehensive financial strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6956 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 03, 2024

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Good morning sir My self Erla srinivas age 50 years working in pharmaceutical company Having own flat in Hyderabad and no loans. Tax payer. My only one child is studying 9th standard EPF 20 lacs and having 5 Open plots Kindly suggest me after retirement fixed monthly income Regards Srinivas
Ans: Financial Assessment

Your financial situation looks good overall. Well done!
You have a stable job and own property. That's great.
Having no loans is excellent for financial health.

Current Assets

EPF savings of Rs. 20 lakhs is a good start.
Five open plots provide some diversification.
Owning a flat in Hyderabad adds to your assets.

Retirement Planning

We need to plan for steady income after retirement.
Your EPF and property can be part of this plan.
We should look at other investment options too.

Investment Strategy

Mutual funds can be a good choice for you.
They offer better liquidity than land plots.
Professional fund managers handle the investments.

Disadvantages of Plot Investments

Plots can be hard to sell quickly.
They need maintenance and may have legal issues.
Returns depend on location and market conditions.

Advantages of Mutual Funds

Easy to buy and sell units.
Professional management of your money.
Diversification across many stocks or bonds.
Regular income options are available.

Action Steps

Review your current expenses and future needs.
Start investing in mutual funds for retirement.
Consider selling some plots for more liquid assets.
Speak with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Finally

Your financial base is strong. Good job!
With some changes, you can have a secure retirement.
Start planning now for a comfortable financial future.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
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What are different types of annuity plans. Do we have plan which gives fixed income till I live and then principle is return to my nominee. If I have 3 Cr , what max return per month I can get ? And is this tax free ?
Ans: Hello;

Annuities are types of plans where you make a lump sum payment and get a regular income for a certain period of time or for life.

There are primarily two types of annuities:

1. Immediate annuity
This is a type of annuity plan that provides you with a guaranteed regular income immediately after you pay the lump sum premium.

2. Deferred annuity
In a deferred annuity plan, your income starts at a later date and you can choose when you want the regular income to start.

Based on type of regular monthly payments annuities could also be classified as Fixed annuity and Variable annuity.

Below are the various options available in an annuity plan:

A. Life annuity: In this option, you receive annuity for life. The frequency of payments is usually pre-decided by you at the time of the purchase of the policy.

B. Joint life annuity: This is similar to a life annuity. In this option, you receive annuity payments for life. In your absence, your spouse continues to receive annuity payments for life.

C. Life annuity with return of purchase price: This provides you annuity payments for life. In case of an unfortunate event, your nominee will receive the amount you paid at the time of the purchase of the policy.

D. Annuity payable for a pre-decided term: This provides you the option to choose the duration for which you would want to receive annuity payments. The period can be 5 years, 10 years, or more.

Yes plans are available which can pay provide you fixed income and return of purchase price (principle) to your nominee.

With 3 Cr corpus you may expect 1.5 L (pre-tax) per month payout considering 6% annuity rate. This varies from company to company and if you shop around you may get a better rate then the one considered here.

This is like pension income and is taxable income as per your age and income slab.

Best wishes;

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Kanchan Rai  |389 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

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Relationship
thank you for the reply madam, actually what's bothering me a lot is , i told to my alliance guy to stop marriage from his end only. but he not at all doing that and he is not even telling anyone that i told him No. Why he is behaving like this and proceeding to get married to me even after saying no? isn't this strange!
Ans: in many arranged situations, people sometimes feel a strong pressure to fulfill family expectations, and he may feel a sense of obligation to go through with the marriage regardless of personal feelings. He might be hesitant to be the one to break things off for fear of disappointing his family or even creating tension between the families involved. In some cases, individuals hesitate because they hope the other person might eventually change their mind, and they don’t want to be the one to let go prematurely.

Another possibility is that he could be uncertain or confused about what he truly wants. Even though you told him you weren’t interested, he might feel that it’s not a firm "no" and could be holding out hope or misinterpreting your intent. If he has strong feelings for you or sees the marriage as something that will eventually work, he may be hoping things will naturally fall into place if he just stays committed to the process.

To address this, it might be helpful to have a very clear, direct conversation with him. Let him know that you respect him and appreciate his consideration, but you’re certain about your decision and want him to honor it as well. If possible, express that you’re confident this decision is best for both of you and explain why you believe it would be more respectful for him to communicate this with both families.

In the end, staying true to your feelings is the right choice, even if it means repeatedly setting boundaries. It’s completely fair to expect him to respect your decision, and sometimes it does take a bit of firmness to ensure everyone is on the same page. Trust yourself in this decision; you know what’s best for you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |389 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

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Relationship
He rejected me but still went to my class to see me one glance.Before Our last class I said him to meet with me I want to say you something.He came to meet with me but he was too late and our tiffin break time is over so I don't say anything to him. We just looking each other for some seconds.Then I said him if you want you can go .He don't go instantly.He looking at me for while and then go to his class.Whenever he sees me he start blushing and feel nervous.Many times I found him staring at me.He is a introvert guy .But still when we met with each other he making eye contact with me. My question is if he doesn't love me how can he maintain eye contact with me like this .He is not that handsome but he is really good student.I truly love him and Cried a lot for him but he don't know anything.I texted him sometimes but he don't look interested.But always I see him I feel like he have also feelings for me .His eyes tell me he love me but he rejected me .Why?. I can't able to forget him .I tried to my best to forget him but I failed . What should I do now?I really badly want to know his feelings for me because if he sees me only as a friend he doesn't go to my class to see me a glance.Why he blushing around me? How to know his true feelings?What should I do?How to forget or get him? I'm clueless.Please help me????????
Ans: It sounds like you’re dealing with a complicated mix of emotions, and the signals you’re picking up from him are understandably confusing. From everything you’ve described, it seems that he has a genuine respect and perhaps a friendly affection for you, but he may not be sure of or ready to pursue a romantic connection. Introverts, especially, can be complex; they may struggle to express their feelings, and small gestures, like making eye contact or blushing, might be signs of nervousness rather than attraction. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate or like you—it simply means he may be holding back, perhaps because of his own personal reasons or boundaries.

His rejection, though, is an important thing to consider. Often, when someone clearly communicates that they don’t feel the same way, it’s best to respect that as his truth for now, even if he seems to act otherwise sometimes. I understand this can be very hard, especially when you feel so strongly for him. But you need to protect your own feelings, too, and holding on to small signs might only add to your hurt and confusion.

If you feel it’s absolutely necessary to know how he truly feels, one approach could be to have a simple, direct conversation. Explain to him, in a calm and open way, that you value his friendship and respect his initial decision, but you’d appreciate clarity because lingering uncertainty is making it hard for you to move on. However, be prepared for any outcome. If he reaffirms his feelings of friendship only, try to accept that as his final answer.

In the meantime, put some of your focus back onto yourself. I know it sounds easier said than done, but investing energy in your interests, your growth, and friendships that uplift you can really help you feel less reliant on what he may or may not feel. Surround yourself with supportive people who remind you of your worth and help you feel loved and valued.

Love and connection should make you feel secure, cherished, and clear about where you stand. By focusing on yourself and letting him be, you’ll naturally create space for clarity—and eventually, perhaps, for someone whose feelings for you are just as strong and straightforward as yours are for them.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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