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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear expert I am 52 year lady divorcee. Looking for a partner for remarriage. Whomever i meet, everything goes on well for few days or months and somehow breaks. The men feel so insecure about me and they breakup even when i talk of solutions and taking forward as life is short and we need a partner to survive. I am not able to find a man who can think better at this stage of life. If you can suggest what should be done to make them understand and most of the men look for only physical pleasure even at later part of life instead of looking for a partner in all respects. What should be done to find the right partner.

Ans: It's understandable that finding a suitable partner at this stage in life can be challenging, especially when your intentions and expectations don't align with those of the men you meet. The key to finding the right partner lies in a combination of self-awareness, clear communication, and patience.

First, it's important to ensure that you are clear about your own needs and desires. Reflect on what you're looking for in a partner beyond companionship. What values and traits are essential for you? Being clear about these aspects will help you identify potential partners who are genuinely compatible.

When you meet someone new, be upfront about your expectations early on. This doesn’t mean overwhelming them with demands, but rather having open and honest conversations about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Express that you are seeking a meaningful, long-term partnership rather than something solely based on physical attraction. This clarity can help filter out those who are not on the same page.

It’s also crucial to recognize that some men may feel insecure or uncertain for various reasons. They might have their own past experiences or fears that impact their ability to commit. While you can offer reassurance and support, remember that it’s not your responsibility to fix or change them. Focus on finding someone who is emotionally mature and ready for the kind of relationship you desire.

Building a strong connection takes time. Be patient and allow relationships to develop naturally. It’s okay if things don’t work out with some people—each experience can be a learning opportunity that brings you closer to finding the right partner.

Consider expanding your social circles and exploring new ways to meet potential partners. This could be through social events, community groups, or online dating platforms that cater to mature singles looking for serious relationships. Engaging in activities you enjoy can also help you meet like-minded individuals.

Finally, remember to stay positive and keep an open heart. It can be disheartening when relationships don’t work out, but maintaining a hopeful and optimistic outlook will make the journey more pleasant and increase your chances of finding the right partner.

By being clear about your needs, communicating effectively, and staying patient, you are more likely to attract a partner who is looking for the same deep and meaningful connection you desire.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 07, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 03, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
hello, I am 36 years old divorcee. I was in a relationship for 3 years with one person after 2 years of my divorce and he ditched me by saying that he is not ready for any commitment (as he is going through his divorce too). Now, I am completely devastated because I invested way more than I should on him. I tried different matrimonial sites for searching good mate/partner but eventually everyone I met turned out to be sex oriented. It's been year of my breakup with my ex, but I still crave for him. why? And day by day I am loosing hope to get settle down in my family bcz of finding such non-serious and one tracked minded males. what to do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, you have invested more than what you could have...but don't we all do that when we want something to succeed.
After your divorce, maybe you wanted the next relationship to succeed and you gave it your all. But the man was not yet ready for his own reasons. What can you do about it? You were true in your intent...leave it at that without dissecting every element and turning its shadow onto future opportunities.

Move on; it's tough but understand that if you keep pining and obsessing over someone who is not available, you are only going to feel the pain again. For now, make that a closed chapter.
And once you close that chapter, only then you will be willing to explore newer opportunities with a full heart and an open mind. Yes, I do agree that you will find many wanting physical connections and not a relationship. But not all are inclined that way.
Once you direct your energies into a new avenue, it will yield results...and yes, I do believe in what I am saying here! Not all apples are rotten though a few might be and yet you don't dismiss eating apples, do you?
Get the drift?

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8342 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2025
Money
Greetings!!!! I am 43 years Old, I had started 10k per month TATA AIA SIP in previous year for total 7years Plan. I want to education plan for my 1 kid who is 6 years old now. Please advice and guide me about more investments plan, as i am still confused about future growth and any plan for my wife age 38years.
Ans: You're at a critical financial stage. Planning for your child’s education and securing your family’s future are both top priorities. You've already started a ULIP, which is a start. But let’s take a deeper 360-degree view of your situation.

Below is a detailed plan, broken into simple sections for better clarity.



Assessment of Your Current ULIP Investment

You're investing Rs. 10,000 per month in a 7-year ULIP.



ULIPs mix insurance with investment. That reduces the growth power of your money.



Charges like premium allocation, fund management, and mortality charges reduce returns.



Your actual invested amount is much lower in the first few years.



ULIPs have limited flexibility in fund switching and partial withdrawal rules.



Maturity benefits are taxed if the annual premium exceeds Rs. 2.5 lakh. Be cautious of this.



A ULIP is not ideal for education goals or long-term wealth building.



As a Certified Financial Planner, I suggest surrendering this policy and moving funds to mutual funds.



You can continue till 5 years to avoid surrender charges if already started.



But do not renew after the 7-year term. Don't increase contributions in this ULIP.



Planning for Your Child’s Higher Education

Your child is 6 years old. You have around 11-12 years.



College education in India or abroad can cost Rs. 30–60 lakhs or more.



Instead of ULIPs, invest in diversified mutual funds. This will give better inflation-adjusted returns.



Use a mix of large cap, flexi cap and small cap mutual funds.



Start SIPs in these funds with a long-term horizon of 10-12 years.



You may also consider goal-based child education funds that are actively managed.



Don't invest in direct funds. They look cheaper, but don’t offer guidance.



Always invest through a Certified Financial Planner via a regular plan.



Your investment will stay aligned with your goal as the planner will guide with rebalancing.



Use a dedicated SIP only for child’s education goal. Don’t merge it with retirement planning.



Suggested Action Plan for Child’s Education

Shift future contributions from ULIP to SIPs in active funds.



Start with Rs. 20,000 per month SIP only for education.



Review this SIP every year and increase it by 10%-15% annually.



Add lump sums like bonuses or yearly increments into the same goal fund.



In the last 2 years before the education goal, shift to debt funds slowly.



This will protect your accumulated amount from equity volatility.



Investment Plan for Your Wife (Age 38)

She has a long horizon. She can invest for both retirement and her independent needs.



Open a separate mutual fund folio in her name.



Start SIPs in flexi cap, large & midcap, and hybrid funds in regular plans.



You can start with Rs. 10,000 per month and increase gradually.



You may also use her PPF account for additional tax-free corpus.



Avoid investing in gold, insurance policies, or real estate for her.



Ensure she has her own health insurance and a term insurance if she’s working.



If she’s not working, then create an emergency fund in her name.



That gives her independence and safety if she needs cash.



Family Protection with Insurance

You did not mention your term cover. You must have it if not already.



Ideal cover should be 15–20 times your yearly income.



ULIPs or LIC endowment policies should not be considered for protection.



Avoid investment-linked insurance plans. Keep insurance and investment separate.



Review your existing insurance covers. Add riders like critical illness and accident if needed.



Tax Efficient Planning

Use Section 80C wisely. Don’t just rely on ULIP or LIC plans.



Max out PPF, ELSS mutual funds, and children tuition for tax saving.



Invest in actively managed ELSS funds for better returns than ULIPs.



Avoid index funds for tax planning. They may underperform in volatile markets.



Debt funds are taxed as per slab now. Use carefully if short horizon.



Track capital gains if you sell mutual funds. Use new tax rules for equity funds:



  - LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

  

  - STCG taxed at 20%



Plan redemptions well in advance to manage taxes efficiently.



Retirement Planning (For You and Wife)

Start a separate SIP for your retirement corpus. Do not merge with other goals.



You have 17 years for retirement. That’s good for wealth accumulation.



Invest in a mix of actively managed flexi-cap and large-cap funds.



Add hybrid funds to reduce volatility as you near retirement.



Continue EPF, and increase VPF if possible. It is tax-free and safe.



Don't consider NPS if liquidity is important. Maturity rules are rigid.



Use mutual funds with regular advice to stay on track till age 60.



Exit ULIPs and Poor Insurance Products

You mentioned TATA AIA ULIP. Continue for 5 years to avoid penalty.



After that, exit and move funds to SIP in mutual funds.



If you or wife have LIC endowment, Jeevan Saral, or ULIPs, surrender them.



Reinvest maturity amount into SIPs in regular mutual fund plans.



Do not fall for insurance agents who pitch plans as tax saving or guaranteed.



Emergency Fund and Liquidity

Keep at least 6 months of family expenses in a liquid mutual fund.



Don’t use your SIP or education fund as emergency source.



You may open a separate savings bank linked sweep account for this.



This fund will help if there is any job loss, health issue, or urgent need.



What Not to Do

Don’t invest in new ULIPs or insurance-linked plans.



Avoid direct mutual fund investments. You won’t get guided rebalancing.



Do not use your child’s education fund for house down payment.



Don’t pick index funds. They underperform in sideways or bear markets.



Don’t buy land or gold as an investment for your goals.



Final Insights

You are at a very strategic life stage. You have time and income strength.



ULIPs will not help you grow wealth. Shift to goal-based mutual fund SIPs.



Separate goals: child education, your retirement, wife’s security, and emergencies.



Invest only through a Certified Financial Planner for customised long-term support.



Review all goals every year. Increase SIPs with income.



Protect family with pure term insurance and health insurance.



Focus on building wealth in regular mutual funds, not through insurance products.



Real financial freedom comes when goals are funded without stress.



You have a clear head start. Use it with discipline and right guidance.



Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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