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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1391 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 21, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
S Question by S on Jun 21, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

In every woman's life mother-in-law is the villain.

Similar situation happened in my life just 3 months back.

But here in my case I waited till 5 years and I have given a child to my husband. But there is no change in the situation.

Rather it became critical in such a way that my husband started harassing me physically, mentally.

Now, he is asking for mutual divorce.

I need suggestion from you how you handled the situation.

Ans: Dear S, how have you come to the conclusion that the mother-in-law is the villain in every woman’s life?

Have you checked with every woman or is this statement based on your experience and of a few others around you?

Making generalised statements like these, can play the villain in infusing more unwanted thoughts and situations in your life more that the people involved in it.

When you say, ‘I gave a child to my husband,’ does it mean that you were not ready to be a mother then?

I am sure you had a choice to say NO if you were not ready.

When we begin to play ‘victim’, it is easy to keep pulling instances that prove how unfairly we have been treated and play that over and over again till it feels absolutely true.

Instead, why don’t you list the problem accurately?

Assuming right now (as I don’t have much details from you), that you have been treated unfairly and that your husband has harassed you mentally and physically, if divorce is what he wants, do you also feel the same?

If you want to save your marriage, then look for a family therapist who can definitely help with that. But if you feel that you have reached the end of the runway and can’t take it anymore, maybe a mutual consent divorce maybe a better option.

Whatever that the two of you decide, remember that there is a child who is part of this entire situation and needs love and reassurance from both parents that he/she will still get a loving home to grow up in.

Most often couples who argue forget the repercussions that this has on a child and the egos get the better of them.

Whatever you do, there is ‘NO OTHER’ that can come into a marriage, no mother-in-law or anyone else.

Bringing anyone in complicates the marriage and any decision taken because of their treatment towards you cannot contribute to a failure in your marriage.

So choose wisely and take wise steps to do what’s best for your marriage, life and your child.

All the best for a clear mind and a great life!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I have been married for one year. My mother in law has no respect in her talking towards me. She expects me to do all the household things and she doesn't want her daughter to do any kitchen works. Most of the time I feel like she made her son marry me just to do household things. I don't need any appreciation but I can't bear her disrespectful words. And her cunning character and lies. What can I do in such situations
Ans: Dealing with a challenging mother-in-law can be a delicate situation, but it's important to address these concerns to maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse and in-lawsStart by discussing your feelings with your spouse. Share your concerns about your mother-in-law's behavior and how it's affecting you. Ensure that you both are on the same page before addressing the issue with her. When you decide to talk to your mother-in-law, pick a calm and private setting. Avoid confrontations in the heat of the moment, and try to have a rational conversation. Clearly and calmly communicate how her words and actions make you feel. Use "I" statements to express your emotions without blaming her Make it clear what behavior is unacceptable and establish boundaries. Politely but firmly communicate what you are willing and unwilling to tolerate in terms of comments and expectations. If direct communication doesn't yield positive results, consider involving a neutral third party, a trusted family member, to mediate the conversation. Strengthen your relationship with your spouse and build a support system with friends and other family members. Having a strong network can provide emotional support during challenging times. Remember, it may take time to see changes, and it's essential to approach the situation with patience and understanding. Every family dynamic is unique, and finding the right balance may require ongoing effort and communication.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1391 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I have been married for 7 months. I stayed with my husband for 4 months. I have a decent relationship with him. But my mother in law doesn't like me at all. She finds faults and mistakes in everything that I do. I don't get any support from my husband when my mother in law criticises me or uses harsh words. She insults my parents. My husband tries to justify her behaviour when I try to discuss these issues with him. He misunderstands me and doesn't want to listen to me whenever his mother creates issues. He doesn't listen to anyone and he doesn't care about anyone apart from his mother when his mother creates problems. I work for 10 hours at office and take care of him and the household chores. He forgets all my positive sides and highlights my mistakes rudely whenever his mother comes into the picture. I don't find any solution to this. My last solution is filing for a divorce. I want to try to give my best for this relationship. But that is somehow taking a toll on my mental and physical health.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have good respite from all of this while you are at office, right? And then there's the commute to work? Then there's sleep?
So, I guess your interactions with her maybe 2 hours?
For her, she's given up her son; many mothers find it hard cutting the cord from their children and in this case, your husband also has not learned to develop a personality off of her and hence putting him in between the two of you is only going to cause you more stress and invariably he will side with her; he's still getting used to another woman in his life, YOU...Don't test his love for you and compare it with his mother. It will drive him away from you.

Give this all sometime BUT DO NOT get him caught in the middle of all this. Teaching your mother-in-law to behave in a certain way maybe a huge task BUT for you to work around it without letting it bother you is what you must focus on. Possible? YES...Smart relationships are ones like these where you don't go around expecting change in the other person BUT you figure how you can work around and find your peace.
So, since you are going to be around her only for a few hours, start by simply agreeing to what she says. Initially it will be hard, but it will throw her off guard as when she sees that you are not provoked, there will come a time, when she will back off.
Her fault finding is only to prove that she is better than you and that you can't replace her in her son's life. Give her that pleasure by simply nodding your head knowing that it's not your fault. You will see a change in a few days.

The best way to bring people's guard down is to agree to what they say BUT do what you need to. It's just been a couple of months, give it sometime...things settle...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

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Money
I have 20 lakhs in my account and a house in my name. At present I am not earning. I have taken SBI Life smart wealth builder with installment of 1Lakh, for 12 years and premium payment term of 7 years. Applicable tax rate is 18%. I also invested in MF and taken a health insurance. I am thinking if it would be wise to continue with the SBI life. If I close SBI life and invest that in MF will it be beneficial for me? I have taken a break from my career due to health issues, and planning to continue with my job soon with an expected income of 40-50k. I am 50 years old. I need to take care of my son's (18 years) higher studies and plan for my retirement.
Ans: You are in a transitional phase with important financial goals. Let’s assess your options to make informed decisions.

Assessing SBI Life Smart Wealth Builder Policy
High Cost of Policy: The policy includes administration charges, fund management fees, and taxes of 18%.

Limited Returns: ULIPs often provide lower returns compared to actively managed mutual funds.

Lock-in Period: Your policy locks funds, restricting liquidity for immediate goals.

Surrender Value: Check the surrender value. Early surrender might lead to penalties and reduced returns.

Potential Benefits of Investing in Mutual Funds
Higher Returns: Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, often outperform ULIPs over time.

Flexibility: You can withdraw funds based on your needs, offering better liquidity.

Diversification: Mutual funds provide exposure to different asset classes, reducing risk.

Cost Efficiency: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner minimises hidden charges and optimises returns.

Managing Your Rs. 20 Lakh Corpus
Emergency Fund: Set aside Rs. 5-6 lakhs in liquid funds or fixed deposits for emergencies.

Education Planning: Allocate funds in short-term debt mutual funds or recurring deposits for your son’s higher studies.

Retirement Corpus: Invest the remaining amount in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for long-term growth.

Health Insurance Adequacy: Review your existing health insurance to ensure sufficient coverage.

Planning Your Income Resumption
Once you resume work, save at least 20-30% of your income.

Prioritise retirement contributions alongside education planning.

Use surplus income to reduce financial dependency on investments.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual Funds: Equity mutual funds provide tax benefits but watch for LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh (taxed at 12.5%).

Surrendering ULIP: Check tax implications on surrender proceeds. ULIPs offer tax exemption if premiums don't exceed 10% of the sum assured.

Health Insurance: Claim Section 80D deductions for premiums paid.

Strategic Steps Forward
Review the policy surrender value. If penalties are high, consider continuing till break-even.

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for a detailed portfolio review.

Set realistic timelines for education and retirement goals.

Maintain separate funds for short-term needs and long-term growth.

Finally
Your proactive approach will create a strong financial foundation. By reallocating your resources wisely, you can secure your son’s education and your retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am going to retire soon with retirement fund of 2 Cr along with pension sufficient for me and my spouse. I have own builder flat in Delhi and health coverage. I have one married daughter who is well settled with 2 kids under 5 years. One flat in my building is on sale for 2 Cr. I need advice for investment for 2Cr retirement fund . Should I buy the flat in my building or should I invest 2 Cr in senior citizen saving scheme, post office MIS , fixed deposit in Bank. My spouse of same age is also earning equally.
Ans: Retirement is a significant phase of life, and your financial decisions now will shape your future security and lifestyle. Let’s analyse your situation and investment choices.

Assessing Your Current Position
You have a retirement fund of Rs. 2 crore, which is substantial.

Your pension adequately covers your and your spouse’s living expenses.

Your spouse’s earnings provide an additional safety net.

You own a flat in Delhi and have health insurance coverage.

You have no immediate financial dependency, as your daughter is well-settled.

Should You Invest in Real Estate?
Avoid investing Rs. 2 crore in another flat, even if it is in your building.

Real estate offers low liquidity, making it harder to access funds in emergencies.

Rental income might not justify the high capital investment, considering property management costs and potential downtime.

Real estate lacks diversification compared to other investments, increasing risk.

Alternative Investment Options
1. Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS is a secure option offering fixed returns for retirees.

Invest up to the permissible limit for predictable and regular income.

It is a low-risk investment backed by the government.

2. Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (MIS)
Post Office MIS provides guaranteed monthly income.

It is another safe choice for retirees with capital preservation as a priority.

Returns, though lower, are steady and reliable.

3. Bank Fixed Deposits
Fixed deposits (FDs) offer fixed returns and flexible tenures.

Senior citizen FDs provide slightly higher interest rates.

Split the funds across different banks for better safety and liquidity.

4. Balanced Investment in Mutual Funds
Invest in a mix of debt and equity mutual funds for moderate growth and stability.

Actively managed funds through an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner can optimise returns.

Debt mutual funds provide stable returns while equity offers growth potential.

Avoid direct funds due to their complexity and the need for constant monitoring.

5. Liquid Funds and Emergency Reserve
Allocate a portion to liquid funds for quick access in emergencies.

These funds are more effective than savings accounts for parking surplus money.

Maintain an emergency reserve for at least 24 months of expenses.

6. Inflation-Protected Investments
Some funds and bonds are designed to protect against inflation erosion.

These investments ensure your purchasing power remains intact over time.

Tax Considerations
Plan investments to minimise tax liabilities under your income bracket.

Be aware of the latest tax rules on mutual funds and fixed deposits.

Capital gains from equity investments over Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Fixed deposit interest is taxed as per your income slab. Plan withdrawals accordingly.

Succession Planning and Gifting
Consider creating a detailed estate plan to avoid future legal hassles.

Set up nominations and update wills to ensure smooth wealth transfer.

You may gift small amounts to your daughter or grandchildren under tax-free limits.

Final Insights
Investing your Rs. 2 crore retirement fund wisely ensures peace of mind and financial stability. Opt for a diversified approach balancing safety, liquidity, and moderate growth. Avoid locking all funds into real estate to keep your portfolio flexible. Thoughtful planning now will safeguard your golden years and your family’s financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |435 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I argue with my partner, it quickly escalates into something bigger than it should be. I don't express how much I love them, but I feel like our communication is breaking down. How can I improve this situation?
Ans: It’s clear that you deeply care about your partner and the health of your relationship, but recurring arguments and a lack of expressed love are creating a disconnect. To nurture love and clarity in your communication, it’s essential to create an emotional space where both of you feel safe, valued, and understood—even during disagreements.

When arguments arise, they often escalate because emotions are heightened, and both people feel the need to defend their perspective. To shift this dynamic, start by focusing on emotional regulation in those moments. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re both on the same team, even if you see things differently. This small pause can prevent reactive words or actions that might escalate the conflict further.

Outside of conflicts, consider the daily emotional climate of your relationship. If love isn’t being expressed regularly, your partner may feel insecure or disconnected, which can intensify disagreements. Begin to nurture love by weaving simple but heartfelt expressions of care into your everyday interactions. This might be as simple as saying, “I appreciate you,” giving a warm hug, or acknowledging something they did, however small. These gestures build emotional reserves that make handling tough conversations easier because they remind both of you of the underlying bond.

When it comes to communication, try reframing the way you approach disagreements. Speak from your feelings rather than placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re not listening to me,” try, “I feel unheard, and it’s making me frustrated.” This subtle but powerful shift fosters understanding rather than defensiveness. Equally important is listening with an open mind. Practice reflecting back what your partner shares to show you’re truly hearing them. For example, “I hear that you’re upset because you feel I didn’t prioritize you—am I understanding that correctly?”

Love is nurtured in the moments between conflicts—through trust, small acts of kindness, and consistent emotional support. Reflect on what makes your partner feel loved and cherished, and intentionally incorporate those actions into your daily life. At the same time, share what you need emotionally so they understand how to nurture you too. This mutual exchange strengthens your connection and creates a deeper sense of partnership.

Finally, consider having a calm, heartfelt conversation about how you both want to handle conflicts and express love moving forward. Creating shared goals for your relationship can bring clarity and purpose, helping you both feel aligned. By approaching your relationship with patience, empathy, and intentional care, you can not only resolve current challenges but also nurture a love that feels steady, secure, and fulfilling.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7254 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 33. A mom to a 5 months old. I have been working since I was 24 in education industry. I have accumulated a corpus of 1.4 cr ( solely mine) and a house registered jointly in my name and my husband's name. Now if I choose to be a stay at home mom for next 3 yrs. How much will my finances be affected? Could you please let me know.
Ans: Taking a career break for three years will have financial implications. Let us assess it from multiple perspectives to provide insights.

Income Loss Impact
Your current income will cease for three years, reducing your cash flow.

This pause might impact your future earning potential, depending on re-entry challenges in your industry.

Evaluate if your husband's income and your savings can sustain your family needs during this break.

Corpus Utilisation and Growth
A Rs. 1.4 crore corpus is commendable. Assess its current allocation for better optimisation.

If untouched, this corpus can grow significantly over three years through strategic investment.

Avoid dipping into the corpus unless absolutely necessary, as it can reduce future compounding benefits.

Household Budget Planning
Ensure your household expenses are managed within your husband’s income.

Create a detailed budget, listing mandatory expenses like EMIs, child needs, and lifestyle costs.

Plan for inflation while allocating funds for fixed expenses over the next three years.

Emergency Fund Importance
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least 12 months' expenses.

Use a combination of fixed deposits and liquid funds for this purpose.

Avoid using your primary corpus as an emergency reserve.

Investment Portfolio Review
Review the current allocation of your Rs. 1.4 crore. Balance between equity and debt based on your goals.

Equity allocation can grow your wealth but keep debt for stability.

Invest in actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner to optimise returns.

Impact on Long-term Goals
Pausing your career may delay achieving some financial goals.

Align your current investments to meet goals like child education or retirement.

Regularly monitor the performance of your investments and adjust as required.

Tax Implications
Check the tax efficiency of your investments during the break.

Consider tax-saving instruments to reduce liability on your husband’s income.

Be aware of the latest tax rules on mutual fund capital gains.

Insurance and Contingency Planning
Review health and term insurance for adequate coverage for your family.

Ensure your husband is adequately covered with term insurance since he will be the sole earner.

Plan for additional medical expenses associated with child care during this time.

Re-Entry Considerations
Stay updated with industry trends to ensure a smooth return to work after three years.

Enhance skills during the break, if possible, to make re-entry easier and impactful.

Consider part-time or freelance work during the break to keep connected with the profession.

Finally
Taking a break to focus on motherhood is a beautiful choice. Planning carefully will ensure your finances remain stable during this period. With a structured approach, you can balance your family needs and long-term financial goals seamlessly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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