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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have been married for 7 months. I stayed with my husband for 4 months. I have a decent relationship with him. But my mother in law doesn't like me at all. She finds faults and mistakes in everything that I do. I don't get any support from my husband when my mother in law criticises me or uses harsh words. She insults my parents. My husband tries to justify her behaviour when I try to discuss these issues with him. He misunderstands me and doesn't want to listen to me whenever his mother creates issues. He doesn't listen to anyone and he doesn't care about anyone apart from his mother when his mother creates problems. I work for 10 hours at office and take care of him and the household chores. He forgets all my positive sides and highlights my mistakes rudely whenever his mother comes into the picture. I don't find any solution to this. My last solution is filing for a divorce. I want to try to give my best for this relationship. But that is somehow taking a toll on my mental and physical health.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have good respite from all of this while you are at office, right? And then there's the commute to work? Then there's sleep?
So, I guess your interactions with her maybe 2 hours?
For her, she's given up her son; many mothers find it hard cutting the cord from their children and in this case, your husband also has not learned to develop a personality off of her and hence putting him in between the two of you is only going to cause you more stress and invariably he will side with her; he's still getting used to another woman in his life, YOU...Don't test his love for you and compare it with his mother. It will drive him away from you.

Give this all sometime BUT DO NOT get him caught in the middle of all this. Teaching your mother-in-law to behave in a certain way maybe a huge task BUT for you to work around it without letting it bother you is what you must focus on. Possible? YES...Smart relationships are ones like these where you don't go around expecting change in the other person BUT you figure how you can work around and find your peace.
So, since you are going to be around her only for a few hours, start by simply agreeing to what she says. Initially it will be hard, but it will throw her off guard as when she sees that you are not provoked, there will come a time, when she will back off.
Her fault finding is only to prove that she is better than you and that you can't replace her in her son's life. Give her that pleasure by simply nodding your head knowing that it's not your fault. You will see a change in a few days.

The best way to bring people's guard down is to agree to what they say BUT do what you need to. It's just been a couple of months, give it sometime...things settle...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2022

Relationship
Hope you are doing well.I am kinda mentally disturbed and badly need your suggestion. I have been in love and married for 13 yrs. I have a son and a daughter. I'm a working woman.I'm being constantly ill-treated by my mother-in-law. I know such issues exist in every household. But here, it has been a never-ending issue for 13 years now. She is very insecure, when it comes to household chores, my kids and my husband and feels all these areas should be in her control.She feels she is to be given utmost attention and only her thoughts and feelings to be respected and are always right. She insults me, mocks me, and doesn't treat me like a part of the family, though I’m selfless and continue to care for my in-laws and other family members. She keeps hurting me with her words, gestures and behaviour.To her, I'm like a constant pester and she doesn't feel satisfied with any chores or work at home or family. I'm a big mess. She often states 'I’m her` target` and will continue to hurt me verbally and with gestures.My husband doesn't raise questions on his mom's insane behaviour, as she threatens to harm herself.This is a routine she carries out, whenever she wants to. I have zero support from my husband to change his mom and or understand my feelings. Neither should I voice out my views or feelings. I have to look out for her moods and actions and act accordingly, any time.I have no self-respect, no dignity here. It doesn't feel like this is my house or my family, except for my kids. My kids are growing up and I feel I will lose respect amongst them, when she constantly taunts me and insults me for no reason.I have no parents or siblings to share my feelings. I open up with my close friends for a temporary vent out, otherwise, it really doesn't serve any purpose.I feel like I have to live eternally with this mental abuse, as I'm unable to put up with her behaviour and harassment. Acting as if I'm fine every day is killing me.This type of behaviour makes me feel very low and my self-esteem is affected. I feel worthless and my whole life feels like a sheer curse.Please help me get out of this situation and make my mother-in-law mend her behaviour towards me.Awaiting your response.
Ans:

Dear SS,

A story in many patriarchal households!

What can you do to change her and your husband’s attitude on this? Nothing at all.

It’s like a stubborn gene that wants to hold on to age-old beliefs where the mother-in-law rules the home and calls the shots, the son blindly supports his mother’s tantrums.

What can you do when your children also are growing up in this environment?

Here’s where you can put your foot down.

Your children have to learn to respect their mother for who she is. So, stop playing the victim in your situation and take charge.

I am sure the children are at an age where their minds are impressionable and can be beautifully shaped to accept different people in the household.

Instead of spending time cursing your situation, spend the same time being with your children, bonding with them.

Talk and spend a lot of time going out, watching TV, cooking, reading, listening to music and more.

What will start to happen is that the children will learn to hold space for you when you are down and out. And do take care that while you are bonding with them, never talk ill about their father or their grandmother.

This activity isn’t to distance one from the other but to give you a new way of thinking in the existing circumstances.

Having said this, if your husband is someday ready to talk to you about this, by all means be assertive.

Till then, it’s not necessary to suffer. Either you can fight and get fingers pointed back at you or you can negotiate a situation wisely to maintain the peace at home. You always have that choice.

Whatever you choose, never sit in silence and do nothing. That’s what your children will learn; to suffer in silence. So, time to make some subtle and meaningful changes?

Best wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I have been married for one year. My mother in law has no respect in her talking towards me. She expects me to do all the household things and she doesn't want her daughter to do any kitchen works. Most of the time I feel like she made her son marry me just to do household things. I don't need any appreciation but I can't bear her disrespectful words. And her cunning character and lies. What can I do in such situations
Ans: Dealing with a challenging mother-in-law can be a delicate situation, but it's important to address these concerns to maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse and in-lawsStart by discussing your feelings with your spouse. Share your concerns about your mother-in-law's behavior and how it's affecting you. Ensure that you both are on the same page before addressing the issue with her. When you decide to talk to your mother-in-law, pick a calm and private setting. Avoid confrontations in the heat of the moment, and try to have a rational conversation. Clearly and calmly communicate how her words and actions make you feel. Use "I" statements to express your emotions without blaming her Make it clear what behavior is unacceptable and establish boundaries. Politely but firmly communicate what you are willing and unwilling to tolerate in terms of comments and expectations. If direct communication doesn't yield positive results, consider involving a neutral third party, a trusted family member, to mediate the conversation. Strengthen your relationship with your spouse and build a support system with friends and other family members. Having a strong network can provide emotional support during challenging times. Remember, it may take time to see changes, and it's essential to approach the situation with patience and understanding. Every family dynamic is unique, and finding the right balance may require ongoing effort and communication.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I recently got married. I find it hard to live with my mother in law as she wants to micromanage. My husband keeps telling me that things are gonn be alright once you both understand each other ( His mother and I) due in time. My husband hardly stays at home due to work. I find it unfair that I’m made to adjust to his difficult mother while he continues to go about his life. Although we agreed to stay together with his mother after we are married, now that I’m finding it hard and I have requested him multiple times to do something about it since it’s effecting my mental health. And my point is that since it’s hard for me and since he is my husband why can’t he make some arrangements for me to live separate, example by making excuse of my workplace being too far from his house etc. But what he only says is ‘ Everything will be fine with time’ and I find this statement itself dismissing my difficulties. While he hardly stays at home he leaves me behind to adjust to his difficult mother is also something I find unjust. What shall I do
Ans: You’re absolutely right to voice your concerns; it’s a major transition, and feeling micromanaged can take a toll on anyone. But it’s also clear that your husband feels a sense of duty towards his mother and believes that, over time, things may settle naturally as you get to know each other better. While his optimism might feel dismissive, it’s likely coming from his hope that time will help ease things for both of you.

Taking a step back, it might be helpful to consider his perspective. For him, there’s likely a deep-rooted loyalty and sense of care for his mother, perhaps much like what you might feel if it were your own mother. He might hope that the three of you can coexist peacefully and that, with patience, you and his mother will reach an understanding. It’s possible he’s trying to avoid confrontation, believing it will make things harder for everyone.

Perhaps, try to find a balance that respects both your needs and his family obligations. You could approach him with empathy by acknowledging, “I understand that you want us to grow closer and that it’s important for you to support your mother. I’d feel the same if it were my own mother.” But you can gently express that, despite your efforts, the situation is taking a toll on your mental health and that a temporary solution, like living separately, could actually help everyone in the long run. Let him know that you want to build a strong relationship with his mother, but to do so, a bit of breathing room may help you approach her with more patience and understanding.

Opening the door to his perspective in this way might soften his stance and encourage him to consider arrangements that balance everyone’s well-being. By approaching the situation together, as a team, you’re more likely to find a solution that honors both his responsibilities and your need for space, making room for a more peaceful family dynamic in the long term.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 12, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't appreciate me. Ours was a love marriage arranged by friends and family. Initially he used to shower me with compliments when I was working. After my delivery, my in-laws did not support me in raising our daughter. They wanted a grandson. They don't say it but it shows in their attitude. They are spreading all kinds of stories about my hygiene, cooking, and conversations with my mother. My daughter is 2 years old. I don't get time to groom myself. I quit my job last year so I could focus on our daughter. I try to help my mother in law in the kitchen whenever I can but she tells my husband that I am lazy, that I am good for nothing. This is causing a lot of fights due to misunderstandings. Now that I don't earn, I feel more guilty and dependent. My confidence is low. I don't remember the last time I visited a salon because my husband is the only earning member in the family. I can't visit my parents as they are also growing old and my daughter is so young. I honestly don't know how to fix these issues staying in this family. What do you think?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is how a 'woman' loses herself under the weight of responsibilities and expectations. The key to quietly gain your independence is to see if you can start working from home as a start point...Take up small projects that you can work around the time that your daughter naps or before she wakes up...
A few months later, you can either think of a play home or a Montessori school where she will spend about 3 hours. All this is going to take a lot of commitment from you; where you have to focus on what you want to do and not on what is happening in your life.
Sadly, you are going to have to turn off the volume from all the comments so that you can be back to being yourself again. One step at time...start NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11060 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

Money
Hi Sir, This is my second question after one and half years. I am running 37 years old. My inhand salary after all deductions is 77k. I have loan emi 32k which is going to end in feb 2027. I don't have any savings and mutual fund. How do i start financial planning and investment? I have my wife,6 years old son and 4 years old daughter. No other dependents. I would like to plan investment for house building after 7 years( my own plot around 1500 sq ft). Kindly advise.
Ans: You are asking this question at the right time. At 37, you still have many earning years ahead. Taking responsibility for your wife and two young children while planning for a future house shows strong commitment towards your family.

Even though you have no savings today, your situation can improve with a structured approach.

» Understanding Your Present Financial Position

Your monthly income and commitments are:

– Monthly income: Rs 77k
– Loan EMI: Rs 32k (till Feb 2027)
– Family of four with two young children

Currently your loan EMI is consuming a large portion of income. So the first phase of planning should focus on stability and protection.

» Build Emergency Fund First

Before investing, you must create an emergency fund.

This fund protects your family if:

– Job loss happens
– Medical emergency occurs
– Unexpected expenses arise

Try to accumulate at least 6 months of expenses.

Start small.

– Save around Rs 5k to Rs 8k monthly
– Keep this in a liquid fund or safe savings instrument

Do not use this money for any other purpose.

» Protect Your Family with Insurance

Since you are the only earning member, protection is critical.

You should have:

– Pure term insurance of at least Rs 1 crore
– Family health insurance cover for wife and children

Without these protections, one unexpected event can destroy financial plans.

Insurance is the foundation of financial planning.

» Begin Investment Through SIP

Once the emergency fund starts building, begin systematic investment.

Mutual funds are suitable for long-term goals like children education and house construction.

Prefer actively managed diversified equity funds.

Benefits of actively managed funds:

– Professional fund managers select quality companies
– Portfolio changes based on market conditions
– Aim to generate returns higher than market average

Start with small SIP.

Even Rs 5k to Rs 10k per month is a good beginning.

Over time you can increase it.

» House Construction Goal After 7 Years

You already own the plot. That is a big advantage.

Construction cost after 7 years may be substantial.

So your strategy should be:

– Continue SIP in equity funds for growth
– Increase investment once EMI ends in Feb 2027

When your EMI of Rs 32k stops, that amount becomes your biggest opportunity.

If you redirect that EMI into investments:

– Wealth can grow much faster
– House construction fund can accumulate steadily

» Planning for Children Education

Your children are 6 and 4 years old.

Higher education will come after 10 to 15 years.

This long time horizon is perfect for equity mutual funds.

Start small SIPs now in diversified funds and gradually increase contributions every year.

The power of compounding will work strongly over this time.

» Keep Investments Simple

Avoid spreading money across too many instruments.

A simple structure works best:

– Emergency fund for safety
– Equity mutual funds for long-term goals
– Limited exposure to other assets

Simplicity helps you stay disciplined.

» Tax Awareness

When you redeem equity mutual funds:

– Long term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%
– Short term gains taxed at 20%

Holding investments for longer periods reduces tax burden.

» Finally

Your financial journey should start step by step.

Focus on these priorities:

– Build emergency fund first
– Take term insurance and health insurance
– Start small SIP in actively managed equity funds
– After Feb 2027, redirect EMI amount into investments
– Gradually build corpus for house construction and children education

Consistency is more important than starting with big amounts.

If you remain disciplined, your financial situation can change significantly in the next 7 to 10 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2026Hindi
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11060 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

Money
I am 36 years old and now I am getting in hand 60k staying at Bangalore .I have 18.5 lakhs in my bank account. Room rent 10k household expenses 12 k invested 10k in sip. Please guide me how to and where to invest this amount..layoff also going on in my it company. Please suggest for my safe future . I have a 3 year boy his health also not good .
Ans: Your situation shows responsibility and awareness. At age 36, earning Rs.60,000 per month, maintaining savings of Rs.18.5 lakhs, and already investing through SIP shows good financial discipline. Also, your concern about job stability and your child’s health shows that you are thinking about your family’s long-term security. With a few structured steps, you can strengthen your financial safety and future stability.

» Your Current Financial Position

– Monthly in-hand income: around Rs.60,000
– Rent: Rs.10,000
– Household expenses: Rs.12,000
– SIP investment: Rs.10,000
– Savings in bank: Rs.18.5 lakhs

This means you are living within your income and also saving regularly. That is a very positive starting point.

However, because there are layoffs in the IT sector and you also have family responsibilities, the focus should be on safety, stability, and long-term growth.

» Build a Strong Emergency Fund First

Job uncertainty and your child’s health condition make an emergency reserve very important.

– Keep around 9 to 12 months of expenses as emergency fund
– Your monthly expenses are roughly Rs.22,000 to Rs.25,000
– So maintaining around Rs.3 to 4 lakhs as emergency reserve is sensible

This money should stay in safe and liquid options so that you can access it immediately during job loss or medical needs.

Do not invest this emergency money in risky assets.

» Health Protection for Your Family

Since your child already has health concerns, health insurance becomes very important.

– Take a good family health insurance plan that covers you, your spouse, and your child
– Choose a policy with adequate coverage because medical costs in cities like Bangalore are high
– If your company provides health insurance, do not depend only on that because it stops when you leave the job

Medical protection protects your savings from getting wiped out.

» Use Your Rs.18.5 Lakhs Carefully

You do not need to invest the full amount immediately.

A balanced approach works better.

– Keep around Rs.3 to 4 lakhs as emergency fund
– Keep some amount in safe instruments for short-term needs
– Gradually deploy the remaining money into diversified mutual funds through a systematic transfer approach

This helps you avoid investing a large amount at the wrong market timing.

» Continue and Slowly Increase SIP Investments

You are already investing Rs.10,000 per month in SIP. That is a very good habit.

Over time, you can improve it.

– Increase SIP whenever salary increases
– Focus on diversified equity mutual funds for long-term wealth creation
– Keep your investment horizon at least 10 to 15 years

Equity mutual funds help beat inflation and build long-term wealth for goals like your child’s education.

Actively managed funds are helpful because professional fund managers analyse companies, manage risks, and adjust portfolios based on market conditions. This active management helps investors during uncertain markets.

» Create Separate Goals for Your Child

Your child is only 3 years old. This gives you a long time horizon.

You can create separate investments for:

– Child education
– Child health security
– Long-term family wealth

Starting early helps you accumulate wealth gradually without putting pressure on your monthly budget.

» Improve Career Security

Financial planning is not only about investments. Income stability is equally important.

– Upgrade your skills within the IT industry
– Maintain a secondary emergency skill or certification
– Build professional connections in your industry

This increases your chances of faster recovery even if layoffs happen.

» Avoid Risky Decisions Now

Because your income is moderate and job stability is uncertain, avoid:

– High-risk stock trading
– Investing entire savings in one asset class
– Sudden large investments without planning
– Borrowing money to invest

Your focus should be stability and disciplined growth.

» Work With a Structured Financial Plan

A proper financial plan helps align:

– emergency planning
– insurance protection
– goal-based investments
– tax planning
– retirement planning

A Certified Financial Planner can help structure these elements together so that every rupee you save works toward your long-term financial security.

» Finally

You are already on the right track. Many people at age 36 do not have Rs.18.5 lakhs in savings or a disciplined SIP habit. Your awareness about risk, family needs, and future planning is a strong foundation.

With a balanced approach of emergency protection, proper insurance, disciplined mutual fund investing, and career stability, you can build a safe and strong financial future for your family and your child.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10941 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

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