Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Sivakiran Question by Sivakiran on Jun 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Sir I have completed my 15 years marriage period. I loves my wife so well. Due to over love and affection i have doubted her that is costing our relationship and she asked me for mutual divorce suddenly in November 2023 She want to be a good friend of me only . We have a 14yrs daughter. At present she is with me as good friend only even i said sorry for hurting her. Please suggest how can i avoid divorce. Thank you sir

Ans: It's clear that your love and affection for your wife have always been genuine. However, doubts and insecurities can sometimes cast shadows even in the strongest relationships. Here are some steps to help you navigate this challenging situation and possibly mend the relationship:

1. Understanding the Root Cause
Reflect on what led to your doubts. Was it a specific incident, a pattern of behavior, or perhaps a deeper insecurity within yourself? Understanding the root cause can help in addressing the issue more effectively.

2. Open and Honest Communication
Sit down with your wife and have a candid conversation. Share your feelings and insecurities without placing blame. Listen to her perspective as well. Communication is key to rebuilding trust.

3. Seek Professional Help
Consider seeing a marriage counselor or therapist. They can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your feelings and work on the underlying issues. A professional can offer strategies and exercises to improve your relationship dynamics.

4. Rebuild Trust
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Show her through your actions that you are committed to change. Be consistent, transparent, and reliable. Trust takes time to rebuild, so be patient.

5. Focus on Yourself
Work on your own emotional health and self-esteem. Engaging in activities that make you feel confident and fulfilled can help reduce insecurities and make you a better partner.

6. Respect Her Wishes
If she wants to be friends at this point, respect her wishes. Show her that you value her as a person and not just as your spouse. Sometimes, relationships can be mended when there is less pressure and more mutual respect.

7. Create Positive Experiences Together
Spend quality time together as friends. Engage in activities that you both enjoy and that can bring you closer. Positive shared experiences can rekindle feelings of love and affection.

8. Focus on Your Daughter
Your daughter needs both of you, regardless of the nature of your relationship. Co-parenting amicably and showing a united front can have a positive impact on her well-being. This, in turn, can bring you and your wife closer as you work together for your daughter's best interests.

9. Give It Time
Healing and rebuilding a relationship take time. Be patient and give each other the space needed to process emotions and experiences. Don't rush the process.

10. Accept the Possibility of Change
While it's important to work towards saving your marriage, also accept that the outcome may not be what you hope for. Sometimes, relationships change form, and it's essential to be prepared for all possibilities.

Remember, the journey of mending a relationship requires effort from both sides. By demonstrating genuine change and understanding, you may create an environment where love and trust can flourish once again.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1149 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm a 39 year old man, married and having a daughter. It was an arranged marriage. We started off okay, with some good level of romance initially but plateaued later. First the emotional connect dipped, then her trust dipped and eventually physical intimacy dipped. After childbirth, our sex life hit a low and in past 5 years it has been almost a sexless marriage. I had not been a perfect partner but very much willing to fix my mistakes (I haven't cheated on her, ever). But my wife has been aloof with near zero communication. I never interfered in her independence of any form. I always trusted her but I never felt trusted/wanted/loved. She refuses to have meaningful deep conversations. We do have a lot of financial stress. We considered divorce about 5 years ago but didn't because of our daughter. Last year, I met a colleague and I connected emotionally well with her. I do consider her a good friend but my family (I stay with my parents) think I'm in an affair. This new friend also considers me her friend. Now my wife seems a little jealous of my friend, which is a good sign that there is still some hope to salvage this marriage. People have advised me both ways - to divorce and not to. I really want a happy life for myself and my daughter. I am confused - what should I do?
Ans: Dear JK, I can only imagine the stresses of the situation that you and your wife are in. But it takes two people to make a marriage.

And it would be worthwhile for both of you to understand that childbirth is a very transformative experience for entire family especially the new mother and the baby.

It is of utmost relevance here for them to have the support of the father and the family.

The emotional and physical needs of the man maybe ignored here but do know that your wife/ mother doesn’t do this as a well-thought idea but because her hormones dictate her mind and body.

But of course, if this has been something that has been going on for a while now even after a year of childbirth, it would be wise to have an open communication channel where the two of you understand each other’s needs and see how best as a couple you can fulfil them.

It is normal for a human to seek validation and attention from the external when his needs are not fulfilled at home. But the complications that can arise from that are something that you are well aware of.

You are an adult and you know what’s best for you and your family.

Having said this, if the choice is to make the marriage work, please don’t engage in finger pointing and instead think of ways to spice up your relationship.

Find someone to care for your child while you and your wife take a holiday.

If this also doesn’t work, I would suggest couples marital therapy where a professional may guide you to rebuilding your marriage.

Happy rebuilding and it’s worth working at it!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |326 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am married person since 2015. From last 2 to 3 years it is not working properly. Due to some following problems, 1. I am only one boy in my family. I don’t have any brother or sister. My father is also passed away, so there is need of child in my family because now I am at the age of 30. But my wife is not physically strong. There is always some health issue with her. 2. There is education gap too in between us. She is metric level education and I am engineer. Due to this we don’t have that much effective communication leads to conflicts in every situation. She never give respect to my mother and never do regular house works to and at the end of the day again conflicts arises between my mother and my wife. 3. I want to give divorce to her but unfortunately she is purposely not ready for that because she knows very well that she will never been happy in another house like my house. 4. Same problem when I discussed with her mother and father, they straight forward refuse to give divorce; they said, “if you have any problems or want to give divorce then go to those person who are responsible for marriage or who finalize your marriage”. Lastly, I am now at dead end and don’t know the solution of how to escape from this situation.
Ans: Dear Rajesh,
First and foremost, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, as well as that of any potential children involved. While divorce may seem like the only solution, it's also worth considering seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling or therapy, to try to address the issues in your relationship and explore potential avenues for improvement.

If communication is a significant challenge due to education and cultural differences, a therapist or counselor can help facilitate more effective communication and understanding between you and your wife. They can also provide guidance on how to navigate conflicts and differences in a constructive manner.

Additionally, it may be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a religious or community leader, to mediate discussions between you, your wife, and your respective families. They may be able to provide support and guidance in finding a resolution that is mutually acceptable and respects the well-being of all parties involved.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue divorce or to work on improving the relationship is a deeply personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to take the time to carefully consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals as needed.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1149 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu! I am 46 yrs old. I am married and have two daughters. I fell in love with a woman of 3-4 yrs younger to me, around 8 yrs ago. She was not happy with her marriage and she took divorce as I helped her to come over her trauma. It was very fine relationship between both of us. Now she is asking me to give divorce to my wife and to get marry with her. I really love my wife and her also, b'coz she also loves me so much and so do I. What to do now as my wife doesn't want to accept her and neither she wants to accept my wife.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No man would want to be where you are; seriously!
Now, how you got yourself in this mess is anybody's guess...but for the sake of your family (things are going well for you), make a decision that works best for everyone; at least in the long term. (It is ethically not right for me to make a decision for you).

It maybe unfair to either of the women and you are going to have to bear the consequences...
Now, I am not judging you or what you have done but you obviously knew all along that being in love with the other lady was a choice...also, now the expectation that she has from you is something that is uncomfortable to you.
Did she ever get this message from you that if she divorced her husband, that you will also divorce your wife and join her?
More than love, this has become neediness with demands...

Bottom line: Make a decision, stick by it and also help either of them tide over this! You owe them both that!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1149 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 31, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
i am married for 20 years and have a 13 year old daughter, there is no physical connection with my wife for the last 10 years. i have got into a relationship twice in last 8 years. the first one didn't go through. i am in my 2nd relation now which i want to take it ahead for the rest of my life. my wife knew my first relationship and she has a doubt about my 2nd relation. considering the non cooperation in house hold activities and marital responsibilities , i decided to call it quits and asked for divorce and she is adamant, not willing to give divorce saying that if she divorces me i will remarry and it should not happen as i should suffer as she so also suffering. my parents and her parents tried their level best to patch up, but in vain. i am staying alone separately from a year. what should be next step in trying for mutual consent for the divorce?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This may sound a bit harsh and judgemental to you but if there was trouble in the marriage, was it not possible to actually have a conversation with your wife about it? After 2 relationships outside of marriage to escape the trouble, how did you assume that your wife is going to excited about the prospects of a divorce?
It's always better talking things through and agree mutually rather than go behind someone's back to get what you want.
The best option since you have mentioned divorce is to contact a lawyer and proceed as per their advice.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |555 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x