Anu Mam, in your video you mentioned about healthy communication.

I have tried many times to initiate communication with my husband but he is very biased. He shuts me down immediately in front of his parents and friends.

It’s very embarrassing when he does that in front of people we know.

He likes to dominate and make fun of me which everyone else seems to enjoy but I don’t.

If I tell him that he feels I am being a spoilsport.

He says I have put on weight and look fat after marriage and I don’t have a job that’s why I am getting all these negative thoughts.

My mother in law also never supports me. She doesn’t tell if her son does something wrong.

If I make one mistake she will blow it out of proportion and discuss in front of everyone. That becomes another topic for argument.

All this is making me very annoyed and affecting our marriage now.

We don’t have a child yet but we are already fighting every day. Please help. I just want to start a happy relationship. But I don’t know how to do it.

Dear Love Guru My husband and I are fighting a lot these days. He keeps saying I am not marriage material. When I ask him what a marriage material wife is, he says someone who put the family and him first. I am a housewife. I look after the house, my children, my husband, my in-laws, who are old. There is just so much I can do and I do my best. My mother-in-law is always complaining about me and my husband insults me in front of the children. I am afraid of what my son and daughter are learning when they see us. I tell him this and that we should always talk in the bedroom but he does not see anything wrong. I am tired of hearing this marriage material thing all the time. How, suddenly, after 15 years, I am not marriage material? Our sex life is not good. I am tired and he is not interested. Please help. I don’t want my marriage to break.

 Hi, Please guide me. I am into 10 years of married life with a son of 7 years, both are working... It's an arranged marriage, but we got 6 months to know each other, initially as usual everything seems to be of roses but then comes with reality check.. We both are extremely incompatible.. our views, thoughts, interest, choices never match.He has the habit of pin pointing on everything I do, it's hard to maintain my calm, as I have to manage school, my son, home everything. He helps in daily chores, we stand together in rough times but otherwise we can't discuss any situation with each other.My mother in law also emotionally abuses me by hurling cheapest meanest nasty comments. My parents never listen to me, they expect me to compromise... I'm tired, frustrated.. could you help?

Dear mam, my husband and I had a love marriage. We dated for five years before getting married and we have been living together for 8 years now. I am working and we have a 5 year old son. He is a very good guy but his parents and relatives who are staying with us are making things difficult for us now. Like you suggested I tried talking to my husband but I feel he is being biased and taken for granted. I tried to adjust and ignore some things but there is a lot of politics going on every day which is affecting both of us. From money issues to privacy and kitchen fights, we are dealing with a lot of things that I am not able to talk and solve. This is affecting my career and my son’s studies too. Every time I start a discussion it leads to a big fight in front of everyone. Ultimately I am cornered and blamed. The patent response is: everyone adjusts. I’m not able to handle it well and no support from anyone. Also I don’t have anyone to talk to whom I can trust. Please help.

 Hello mam,(I want to remain anonymous )I want to ask regarding my relationship with my husband.We got married in 2013 and after a month and so...He started saying I shouldn't mingle with Muslim friends who were my colleagues in my office. I told him they are good people and we've never had such kind of differences. But he got angry and from here one by one he started picking fights for each and everything. Since we are newly weds, I asked if we can explore new nearby(one day trip)places during the weekend, which he didn't do. My parents lived nearby and since we used to stay at home they'd call us on weekends for lunch or dinner. He started fighting for that also. He also started body shaming me saying I have gained weight (and everyone in his home are commenting about my weight). I had only gained 3 kgs after my marriage.He said I have relationships with colleagues even after my engagement, which was not the case. Later he said I shouldn't go out for lunch meetings arranged by the company for the whole team. He said I'm wasting time in the company and there is no bright future. I tried to find a job outside but I couldn't cope up with the demeaning and exhausting behaviour in the house and non-stop workload in the office. I agree I was a bit lazy to find a new job but I couldn't do it. In 2015 I left the job and was jobless for 2 months (this happened drastically after a big fight in his hometown that too for trivial reasons). During these two months he made my life a living hell. He would fight for the smallest of things. I had to take care of the house, his younger brother and sister. There were times when we fought because I took care more of his siblings and not him (I used to wonder why he is being hostile when taking care of his family).In 2016 we started our family planning and by God's grace we had baby in 2017. Even when I was pregnant he used to pressurize me to ask my mom to come and take care of me but my mom used to work in a different city and I was thoroughly taken care by my granny and my father. He had problems with that as well. When he started fighting for this matter, I asked him to bring his mother (I knew it was not possible because it's difficult to leave the home and come take care of me) but he kept on saying weird things and insulting my mother saying she is dominating, irresponsible.After having the baby he left me in his hometown for 1 whole year saying that till I prepare myself for the interview and find a new job he will not live with me. I kept begging him, fought with him and even tried to commit suicide because I didn't want to live there anymore after 8 months. I just wanted to come back and have my family which he denied saying he has financial problems. Ultimately I had to pressurise my parents to intervene and take me and my child to their home.Whenever he felt like seeing his daughter he used to come. Otherwise he totally ignored us. My parents and I begged him to come home and stay but he refused (we had a tight financial situation so we couldn't afford a house). My father arranged a small home without any amenities to keep his house's unwanted things. My husband said he will stay there and not in my parents’ house for which I objected. Yet he stayed there for almost 6 months. Later I found a job and moved to a new house.When the pandemic hit I lost my beloved father and my job. I could have saved him but my husband did not allow me to go to my parents place even after explaining to him the situation that my parents are facing. My father did not die of Covid but due to medical negligence. He wanted me to cook and take care of his family in his hometown.He suggested my mother and brother to take leave of two months and sort out all the legal activities which they couldn't. My brother had to leave for his job overseas and mother back to her job. She used to come every three weeks and ask for my help to get things done. He got angry for that and kept on blaming me that I only take care of my family and not him. After my father's death he started insulting my mother. He even made his father to call my mom and talk cheap with her and my brother.Fast forward to now, we have been fighting non-stop and every week there will be a fight, name calling, vulgar words exchanged. He stops talking to me for months together and there has hardly been any physical or emotional intimacy. Even after I confess, cajole and plead with him to sort out our family, he agrees momentarily and again within a week there will be a new topic to fight on in such a way it goes to extremes.This roller coaster ride -- the fights in our relationship -- has affected my child immensely and sometimes for the sake of the child we plan not to divorce each other. But I'm guilty that I'm not providing my child a healthy environment. That I'm not a good wife. I'm confused whether I should continue in this relationship or quit it for the betterment of the three of us because I cannot take this emotional abuse and have my child watching me cry non-stop. Please guide me if my husband will change in future. Should I try counselling or do I divorce him? Because whenever I keep my hopes positive, he goes back to his old ways.

Dear Anu I have been married for 18 years with 2 teenage daughters. My husband has temper issues and I feel he is a perfectionist. He feels that whatever he says or feels is the only correct way to do it. I have a full time job though he earns much more than me. He travels a lot so I am the one running household, kids’ responsibilities, my own job and taking care of a bedridden father in law but nothing seems to matter. Sometimes I feel no matter how much I do it is never enough. I am wearing out, I have become irritated and cynical because of my marital relationship. I thought his anger will subside and he will mellow down with age but it seems to worsen. Something just keep my mouth shut so that he doesn’t pick up one more thing to put me down. I just don’t want to separate because I have 2 wonderful kids for whom we are one happy family. Please advise.