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Anu

Anu Krishna952 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2022

Asked on - Sep 28, 2022Hindi

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Dear Anu Madam,
Please help me with your urgent advice. I am a 23-year-old good-looking girl from well-to-do Marwari family.
Since 2017 I am in relationship with a 37-year-old who I met in a gym. He is a small-time model.
Within 1 month of meeting, we got physical. However, in August 2021, to my dismay, I came to know that he has two wives and children and that he is in physical relationship with several other girls. This pained me a lot and we broke up. But somehow we got back.
He pleaded sorry for hiding his marriage and cheating with other girls but he said that the other girls had forced him for a physical relationship. He says he is unhappy in marriage and if I marry him, it will give him new way of life. I loved him and decided to get married (he can legally have more wives). But still I felt absurd on my decision because I will face severe parental resistance as he is from different religion and has less money. Yet I made up my mind on marriage and so, six months ago I revealed this to my closest cousin and introduced her to him. I followed up with her to guide me on right decision but my cousin kept buying time. About two weeks ago, while accidentally checking her mobile messages, I found that though I introduced my cousin to my BF to help me, she was cheating on me. From her messages I could see that she persuaded my BF to get physical with her. This shattered me completely and I fought with her. Madam, please advise me. I love this guy and want to marry him. He is my 1st and last love. I am sure he will be a changed guy after our marriage, which will make us both Happy.

Ans:

Dear SK,

So, you want to marry a man who cheats, hides his escapades, and disrespects you?

What kind of life do you think you are going to have with a man who has no respect for women and sleeps with women to gain his self-esteem?

Talking about how you can be a saviour, only makes you a victim, so that you are constantly under his control.

It’s possible that you haven’t been able to see his intentions and that you have reached out to me.

Listen, you have a beautiful life ahead, so not waste it on a man who thinks of nothing and only himself.

Your friend also was able to sell you out so easily only suggest that this man is some sort of a charmer and women easily fall into his trap.

Beware, kindly step up first and respect and honour yourself.

Learn to Love yourself else you will keep falling into the same trap of falling for such men who have nothing to do with women other than use them.

Step out NOW and no explanations required…You are not obligated to give him any.

He will behave like a victim and place you on a pedestal so that you go back to him, STAND your GROUND…Love is pure and this cannot be your first or last love….selfishness cannot be love.

There are more beautiful relationships waiting to embrace you only if you first move on from this toxic relationship, love yourself and use your strength appropriately.

You can do this…be an example for all those girls who choose to celebrate men who are toxic to them. Be a source of strength to all of them.

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Anu

Anu Krishna952 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

Asked on - Oct 14, 2021Hindi

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Anu Mam, in your video you mentioned about healthy communication.

I have tried many times to initiate communication with my husband but he is very biased. He shuts me down immediately in front of his parents and friends.

It’s very embarrassing when he does that in front of people we know.

He likes to dominate and make fun of me which everyone else seems to enjoy but I don’t.

If I tell him that he feels I am being a spoilsport.

He says I have put on weight and look fat after marriage and I don’t have a job that’s why I am getting all these negative thoughts.

My mother in law also never supports me. She doesn’t tell if her son does something wrong.

If I make one mistake she will blow it out of proportion and discuss in front of everyone. That becomes another topic for argument.

All this is making me very annoyed and affecting our marriage now.

We don’t have a child yet but we are already fighting every day. Please help. I just want to start a happy relationship. But I don’t know how to do it.

Ans: Dear SK, commenting on your body image honestly is no one’s business and by no one I also mean your husband.

He absolutely has no right to body shame you and make it a topic of jest.

The nest time, he calls you a spoilsport, please feel free to comment on his looks, his accent, his performance behind close doors and watch what his reaction is.

Sadly, his male ego will be hurt; at least it will give him an idea as to what he has been you through.

Communication as I mention must be firm and assertive; it must convey exactly what you want rather than what you don’t want.

And as far as it goes for you in-laws, ignore their childish behaviour towards you…honestly you cannot control anyone’s thoughts or actions and they are free to do as they please. But what gives them fuel is that you are provoked and hurt.

Is it possible to be unaffected by what people say of you and about you?

Yes, when you own your body image and are unapologetic about it!

Your body, your way…as simple as that and anyone has a problem with that, then it’s their problem!

Be at a lot of peace and act wisely!

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Anu

Anu Krishna952 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2021

Asked on - Oct 01, 2021Hindi

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Hey Anu, Hope everything is well.

To begin with, I'm an introvert. That eventually made me mad alone. That inadvertently made me an existential dread. (Series of predicaments, indeed).

I have been thinking about the human existence. Like, what is the purpose of me writing this?

What are we when compared to the universe? Well, many questions yet to come but no, I don't want you to think the same. Anyway, coming back to the point, nothing seems worth to me.

I don't know why people are suffering out there. I don't why politicians, well I guess you know about it.

What I want is the answers. how can I come out of this existential crisis? How can I perceive things in more valuable ways?

Ans: Dear S K, Thank you for enquiring about me. I am very well, thank you and trust that you and your loved ones are well.

It's great that you are on a journey to questioning and deep reflections. Herein lies the answers and more questions as well; because once you think you 'have it', there's something more than crops up and then you have to start all over again.

We all have our perspectives on human existence and we are all right to think the way we do as it's our personal journey that we go through which involves feelings, emotions, experiences and so on.

My perspectives are:

We are all here for a purpose; a higher purpose as we work through this earthly life.

It is our responsibility to become aware as we wade through our experiences and emotions to rediscover ourselves and show up as an authentic version rather than hide behind a façade.

As we take on this journey, we may encounter many challenges and it’s up to us if we want to face them, circumvent them or fight against them. My experiences have taught me to embrace them as they are as when we avoid or fight, we dissipate into nothing and learn nothing and as a result do not evolve.

So, going through each challenge, drops the external layers and you reach within to the ESSENCE that shines brightly.

In short, that’s when you begin to touch base with what your true purpose in life is and then you will start living it.

For you to perceive things to keep your emotional health, drop rules from the rule book; which means drop all the 'should be' 'should have been' etc.

Look at what IS and embrace it and live it. People externally like politicians, give you examples on how you can work with your existing rule book and evolve through it.

So, as far as it goes, allow yourself time to reflect and also enjoy life; keeping a right balance... else the obsession to discover will take you over and you might start putting deadlines to find your purpose and understand the Universe and its miraculous ways of working.

Start to enjoy the process of your inner journey and also appreciate the simpler things in life and you will move towards an equilibrium state that will hold you in good stead.

Happy Discoveries!

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Anu

Anu Krishna952 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 27, 2020

Asked on - Oct 27, 2020Hindi

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Dear Guru, I'm working as an executive assistant to the director with an Indian subsidiary.

Due to pandemic there's this work from home happening right from the start of lockdown.

At present and till date have to manage my work along with two other colleagues work too. Moreover in addition my boss is leaving too.

All this is so critical that it's stressing me mentally and physically. I'm not able to bear that loss of him leaving in such a scenario.

Though him being married I somewhere liked him from the bottom of my heart.

Initially he tried impressing me through his kind words and behaviour. But in the last one year he suddenly changed bcoz there were certain things happening between him and the management which I was completely unaware of only to learn recently that his job contract wasn't renewed by the management and hence he along with his wife opted for an alternative.

He showed his anger by ignoring/avoiding me. Somewhere I feel that even he didn't wish to leave the company.

I don't wish to break his marriage but I love him (one sided) still dunno if he does or not.

Of late we had tiffs over the phone on work issues and I deleted his number from my contact list saying Goodbye.

He fumed and sent me e-mails in the morning about things to handover as he is leaving :)

Earlier when I had a tiff over msgs that time he called my colleague and asked him to take the handover.

Hope I get some response on the stated issues.

Ans: Dear SK, Why do some of us get caught in a web where we don’t know where we stand in someone else’s life?

I am not going to judge you or lecture you as to your one sided-affection as that is a choice that you have made. But, why give someone so much power to rule your mind that they seem to take the driver’s seat and take decisions for you? Your job, you love…your emotions.

Do remember, that you cannot be an option is someone’s life which is what has happened here.

The hit to your self-esteem has been for you to act in disappointment/anger where you have dropped his number off your list with a curt ‘bye greeting’ which has irked him and his ego.

What were you doing? Throwing the spotlight back onto yourself where you have given him a chance to antagonize you at work?

Can you even complain about it in public? And especially when you knew his loyalties lie with his wife which he made it evidently clear by them taking decisions jointly for their future.

All that has happened, is you being at the receiving end, by laying out your emotions for a little attention from him.

And well, he possibly was enjoying some of it as well. If you were to rewind the clock, go back in time, and ask yourself: What can I do? What must I do where I can keep my emotions healthy and protect my emotional boundaries? Do exactly that now.

Nothing is lost. I can’t promise that he will be back to giving you the attention that you have been used to; all I can say is find some healthy options and grow your social circle.

You may meet someone interesting or you may simply find someone who shares common interests irrespective of gender.

Bottomline; get unstuck from this unhealthy string, cut and maintain that healthy boundary, stick to your work and create a circle of friends and family that care for you. That will be your strength and helo in making better decisions the next time.

Be happy and make the best of life!

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