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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
JV Question by JV on Nov 01, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu I am 30 years old. I have done LLB and was not interested to practice in court so I tried to get a private job but I didn't get any.
Then I decided to start preparing for a government job but I missed it. I started to doubt myself.
I even had suicidal thoughts this was started when I was very little something happened to me when I was 16 since then I tried to kill myself and also tried to get involved with one of my friends in college. He liked me so much so we started having relationship.
When intimacy started I became nervous and afraid. It is like itching.
I want to run and hide in a safe place. He was very firm and honest and humble but didn't work out.
After that so many proposals came. I declined. Now my family wants me to marry.
I don't know if the husband would understand and give me some time to get involved with him. I don’t know what life after marriage would be.

I am a girl with absolutely no achievement and am not proud of anything in my life.
My parents are disappointed in me but they never show. What should I do? Pls do not disclose this

Ans:

Dear JV,

It’s possibly the incident that happened to you (which I understand that you haven’t shared here) is preventing you from having a fulfilling life.

I can only say that the incident happened in the past, but you are living it even now.

You were a victim in that incident, but to continue to play the victim even now is to give your power away.

How can you be happy by giving your inner power away every day and every moment?

Reclaim your life.

What’s happened can be blurred by moving away from that incident and reminding yourself that you are far away from the past and in the NOW.

  • Be grateful to what you have in the present
  • Make a list of your strengths
  • Write down your goal clearly by stating by when you want to achieve it

Remember bringing your past into the current time robs you of any goodness; professionally or personally.

So, to see something change, change the way you feel about your past.

Step out of the victim mode and become a person who has the power to change things at will.

I am sure you want to see how this pans out for you.

So, what are you waiting for? Step up and bring that newness of thought into your life.
All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2021

Relationship
I am 27 years old and I have been married for 3 months now. Married life is already suffocating me may be because I never wanted to get married in the first place. I knew my parents were not gonna let me be and will definitely get me married so I wanted to marry a guy of my choice at least (even if it is arranged marriage). Anyways I tried all that I can to avoid this marriage because I didn't like the way this guy talked about certain things and we had no similarities. Except for the fact that my parents knew their family and he was educated there was nothing I liked about him. I thought it was the right thing if my parent said that I wasn't interested in this proposal so I tried to make my parents understand. I tried to discuss, argued, cried, stopped eating, did everything I could to stop but they wouldn't budge. Turns out he had already given his word. My dad threatened me that he would take his own life if this marriage doesn't happen. My entire life, every single decision was taken by my dad. From college, BTech, basically everything. Since there was at least one thing that I gained out of his decision I didn't bother much. I gained a friend for life in my 12th standard and in BTech, I was able to meet lots of people and that to a certain extent changed my thought process. Other than that since I was 15 I never got to do anything I ever wanted to do. Well my dad's threat worked. I got married thinking maybe ... just may be there might be something that I might gain. My parents are in Hyderabad and my husband works in Bangalore. In the 3 months I lived with him, the first month it was just us and now my in laws stays with us. Every second made me anxious. I keep thinking..what if they say something if I use my phone or if I sit down or spend some time at the balcony. Apart from me being stressed, anxious and hating the situation I was in and losing lots and lots of hair, everything was fine. My husband was always working. He works everyday till 10 pm and after my in laws came he spends all the time with his mom. Well that didn't bother me, i just thought that he just loved his mom so much. Nobody said anything until the day I mentioned wanting to come home as I had some work at my previous office. Out of nowhere my mother-in-law mentions how I was not their 1st choice for their son. They had lots of proposals lined up but chose me because I am from Hyderabad even though I was fat and our family wasn't rich. I didn't think it was right to say anything to her so I didn't say a word. On the day I was travelling to Hyderabad, my husband complains how I don't do the household work as much or help my mother in law. he says I sleep a lot. He wants me to quit my job and sit at home. They have problem if I order clothes to where at home. I work night shift so I tend to sleep during the day but I make sure to help my mom in law to a certain extent. When it was just us in the 1st month it was me who did all the chores and I had to do WFH too. I made it very clear to him that I will not leave my job which he didn't like and he asks me not to return and just stay at my parent's place. I explained all this to my parents and they are trying to send me back as soon as possible. Everybody who got involved in this like my parents, the uncle who brought the proposal says that it is my responsibility to change my husband. I don't see how I can change a person who thinks that everything he does is right and it is wife's responsibility to initiate a conversation even if husband doesn't and he has his entire family backing him on this. I cant seem to change my mind or my parent's mind. I can't seem to make myself like my husband. At this rate I don't know if there is any future with him at all. I mean people who wants a maid and not a wife and who thinks this way and insults others.... I am not sure if they are gonna change. My parents want to force me into this just for the fear that I might be left alone in life and more importantly for the reputation of the family but they don't think that in this marriage I will for ever be anxious and unhappy. Please help and extremely sorry for the long letter.
Ans: Dear A, Isn't it time that you took charge of your life?

If what you mentioned happened exactly that way, take charge of your life now.

It doesn't make any sense changing anyone; they will change only when they want to and wish to. But it's also worth it to figure out if you are blaming your marriage for your misery.

Do become aware if you are basing your unhappiness on things that should have happened and then blaming your marriage to aggravate that situation. This isn’t healthy.

Sometimes in life, we don't get what we have planned but with a better mind, it is possible to set things right.

Is it possible that your unhappy state of mind might also have caused a lot of unrest within the marriage?

Also, I will agree that it is quite hurtful when you hear from your in-laws that you weren't the first choice for their son.

So, you are in a place where you have to figure out: Which hurts you more... the fact that you didn't want to get married in the first place and was forced into it or the fact that your in-laws aren't happy with you.

Two different sides of the coin; which side is your situation in?

Think and reflect deeply because only you know how to get to a space that keeps you happy and sane.

If walking out of the marriage is what you feel, then do that keeping in mind how life is going to be financially and emotionally.

If you decide to work on the marriage, then have a clear communication involving your parents and in-laws and husband as well and work through the fact that your in laws maybe with you forever and this is a fact that needs to be accepted for your peace of mind.

Being anxious will not help. Do get help from a marriage counsellor to strengthen your relationship.

Whatever that decision maybe, stick by it and do it only because you want it and not because you think someone caused it.

We are all a product of our choices and every choice must only lead to a better state of mind and thereby a better life.

Be happy always!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 months he was uneducated but I’m a S.E. Initially everything was fine but later he started like u should not talk with other boys you should not go there you should not wear this kind of dress, I’m your husband so you should listen to me whatever I say u should do that like he started. Then he started mentally abused with so many bad words nd he slapped me twice. So I decided I don’t want to be in this relationship so I said him. Then he kept some fellows to follow me to check wat I’m doing where I’m going to get all these details. And then he said I will show both of our to your family, I will kill you like this he started. Now it is almost 2 year I’m leading my life but sometimes he will call me he will threaten me I don’t know what to do how to overcome this I can’t tell to my family I’m depressed can u please tell me what I have to do
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you married? Because he said that he is your husband...I am confused...

Anyway, NO, he has no business controlling you this way...Emotional and Physical Abuse is a strict NO NO...
Tell your family and do that NOW!!!!!!!
This man seems to be acting in a violent manner and your safety should be more of a concern...it was 2 slaps, then after that? When you did not protest for that, he simply has got the message that violence is okay with you...
No, it's not okay, right? And that's why you wrote on this platform...

Do the right thing for yourself...Protect yourself from this person first! Threats of killing you did not set off alarm bells? Why are you still letting him off so easy? This is NOT love...he is just a familiar person to you.
Familiarity does not mean Safety!!!!!! (Read this again)...

Involve your family and let him know that you are not alone; he will stop his threats knowing that you will respond to the rubbish he is subjecting you to! Speak with your family...

All the best!
Dear Anonymous,
No, Age is not so important in a marriage; but if it isn't, then why did you hide the fact of your real age? You have givem it that importance enough to hide it, yeah?
And any relationship based on lies or a hidden fact can cause damages...
The only way that I can see is work with the Counselor and appeal to your husband as well. Tell him that your child needs the love of both parents. Hear what he has to say...and yes, he is bound to bring up the age factor over and over again...it is something that he feels cheated with...so, respect it...Like I said, Apologize like you really mean it...

And oh, why are you so bothered about how he will treat other women in his life? Just focus on your life and your marriage...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

..Read more

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T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |333 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Money
My querry is income taxrelated . I am under zero tax liability. I am a housewife. Earlier about twenty year back , I applied for PAN card and for the first year filed IT return with income of about 1 lacs from petty jobs ( like stictching, tuition etc.). After that I never filed return. But I was investing in mutual fund. In A.Y. 2021-22, I had divided income of about 38000/- in which TDS was deducted. To get the refund, I filed IT return showing income of rs. 38,000/- FROM MF dividend and I got the refund. In A.Y. 2022-23, I did not filed return . for A.Y. 2023-24, I filed for 4.5 lacs and for A.Y. 2024-25, I filed IT return for 4.88 lacs and tax liability was zero. for both the year source of income was indicated as: income from other sources, (sticting, tuition etc). Now a few days ago, I received email for IT department: please file updated return for A.Y. 2022-23." I tried using utility form. Filing updated return will attract a fee of rs. 1000/-. Is it necessary to file updated return for A.Y. 2022-23. If I do not file the updated return, what are the complications.
Ans: 01. First of all, kindly confirm what was your Income during A/Y 2022-23.
02. If this income was less than Rs.2,50,000.00, you may not file your ITR.
03. If your income during this period was more than Rs.2,50,000.00, it is mandatory for you to file your ITR.
04. You may file Updated ITR, if para no.3 above is applicable in your case.
05. Otherwise write to IT Department that your income was below minimum taxable limit, as such you are not required to file ITR. In this case, you are not required to take any action on the mail of department.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7887 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Money
I am 47 years old and currently working in software, while my wife is employed with BSNL. Together, we have accumulated around ₹3 crore and are considering retirement. My wife is willing to continue working for another five years, but due to the pressure from my job, I am thinking of retiring now. We have a 14-year-old son, and I am happy to say that we have no outstanding loans. Additionally, we have health insurance coverage of ₹15 lakh, as well as personal and term insurance ₹1 crore. Below are the details of our savings: PPF: ₹32,65,920 FD: ₹20,60,820 Stocks, Mutual Funds & Company Stocks: ₹72,73,750 EPF: ₹69,98,400 Gold: ₹10,60,900 ICICI Pru: ₹15,14,240 Real Estate: ₹31,21,200 LIC: ₹21,63,200 HDFC ERGO: ₹3,30,750 Cash: ₹5,20,200 My Gratuity: ₹7,28,280 Wife Gratuity : ₹4,16,160 Given these savings, could you please advise if our corpus will be sufficient for retirement? Or would you recommend that I continue working for a few more years? I feel like I am ready to retire, but I need your guidance.
Ans: Your financial planning is already strong. You have a well-diversified portfolio, no liabilities, and a supportive spouse who is willing to work for five more years. This puts you in a comfortable position to consider early retirement. However, we need to assess whether your current corpus can sustain your retirement needs for the next several decades.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Your Age: 47 years
Wife’s Age: Not mentioned, but assuming similar age
Son’s Age: 14 years
Total Corpus: Around Rs. 3 crore
Health Insurance: Rs. 15 lakh coverage
Life Insurance: Rs. 1 crore term insurance
Wife’s Job Stability: Will continue for five more years
No Outstanding Loans: Financially stress-free situation
Your financial discipline is strong. However, early retirement requires careful planning to ensure long-term financial security.

Breakdown of Your Assets and Their Role in Retirement
1. Liquid and Fixed Income Assets
PPF: Rs. 32.65 lakh
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 20.60 lakh
EPF: Rs. 69.98 lakh
Cash: Rs. 5.20 lakh
These funds provide stability but have limited growth potential. They can help with short-term needs but should not be over-relied upon for long-term wealth creation.

2. Market-Linked Investments
Stocks, Mutual Funds & Company Stocks: Rs. 72.73 lakh
These investments can generate high long-term returns. However, market volatility can impact short-term liquidity. A proper withdrawal strategy is essential.

3. Precious Metals and Insurance Policies
Gold: Rs. 10.60 lakh (Good for diversification but should not be considered for regular income)
ICICI Pru: Rs. 15.14 lakh (If it is a ULIP or endowment plan, consider exiting)
LIC Policy: Rs. 21.63 lakh (Check surrender value and shift to better options if it’s a traditional plan)
HDFC ERGO: Rs. 3.30 lakh (Assuming this is a general insurance policy, it is not an investment asset)
4. Real Estate Holdings
Real Estate: Rs. 31.21 lakh
Real estate is an illiquid asset. It should not be relied upon for regular retirement income unless it is rental property generating passive cash flow.

5. Retirement Benefits
Your Gratuity: Rs. 7.28 lakh
Wife’s Gratuity: Rs. 4.16 lakh
These funds will be received at retirement and can act as a financial cushion.

Retirement Feasibility Analysis
1. Expected Expenses in Retirement
Your current expenses need to be evaluated. Retirement expenses may include:

Household expenses
Medical costs
Child’s education
Lifestyle expenses
Travel and leisure
Inflation will erode purchasing power. A corpus that looks sufficient today may not last 30+ years without proper planning.

Major future expenses:

Son’s higher education: Can range from Rs. 30-80 lakh depending on domestic or international education.
Medical expenses: As you age, medical costs will rise.
2. Income Sources Post-Retirement
Your wife’s salary for five more years provides financial support.
Your investments need to generate passive income.
Health insurance is in place but may need enhancement.
Life insurance (term plan) is for dependents, not for investment.
Key Action Points for a Secure Retirement
1. Decide Whether to Retire Now or Work a Few More Years
If you retire now:

You must rely on investments to cover expenses.
You need a withdrawal strategy to sustain a 30+ year retirement.
You must ensure your portfolio can beat inflation.
If you work for a few more years:

You can build a bigger corpus.
You can cover your son’s higher education expenses comfortably.
You can retire with more financial security.
2. Restructure Investments for Growth and Stability
Exit underperforming insurance policies. LIC, ICICI Pru, and any endowment or ULIP plans should be surrendered, and funds should be reinvested in mutual funds.
Enhance your equity exposure. Keep a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds for steady growth.
Increase debt exposure selectively. Use short-duration debt funds or bonds to generate stable returns.
Create a systematic withdrawal plan. This ensures a steady cash flow during retirement.
3. Build an Emergency and Health Fund
Keep at least two years’ expenses in a liquid fund. This helps manage any immediate financial needs.
Increase health insurance beyond Rs. 15 lakh. Medical inflation is high. Consider adding a super top-up plan.
4. Plan for Child’s Education
Keep a dedicated fund for your son’s education. A mix of mutual funds and fixed-income assets is ideal.
Ensure adequate coverage. If something happens to you, your son’s future should be secure.
5. Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Planning
Mutual fund capital gains taxation:
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt fund taxation:
Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
PPF and EPF withdrawals are tax-free. These should be used strategically.
Finally
Retiring now is possible, but you must have a strong withdrawal plan.
If you work for a few more years, your retirement will be financially safer.
Reallocate low-return assets into high-growth investments.
Ensure medical and emergency funds are sufficient.
Plan your withdrawals tax-efficiently.
If you feel mentally ready to retire, you can do so with a clear financial strategy. However, working for a few more years will provide greater long-term stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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