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Confused Wife Facing Relationship Troubles: Should I Fight for My Marriage?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship

I had a very bad past where I was in physical relationship with like 10 guys that was due to the earlier relationship I had where I was being used financially and physically that hurt and me and I got really f***** up in my mind so I started dating guys just for physical relationship then the last guy I was in relationship with I got pregnant with a baby and I aborted it because I did not want to have a future with him and also I did not have confidence to grow that baby. then 4 months later I met my husband I fell in love with him at the first meet and we had physical thing at the very first meet. during the second meet he read the group chat between me and my friends where we spoke bad words ,my husband was not okay with that and he was really feeling bad about it and he started to talk about our break up.I was waiting for my final yr results when I met him soon I got my result then I have to start my internship my husband paid 5 lacs rupees for me but he was anxious that I will be with the friends who I was talking bad words with in college and he wanted to have a breakup and he fighted everyday with that reason .I promised him that I will not be that person anymore and I won't talk to my friends. one day I helped my friend with work for which my husband got angry and he wanted to have a break up and he started to talk about the last guy which I said that he was a friend before and I don't talk to him anymore then he raised question about him and then I told him that I was having a Friends with benefit relationship with him, then things got bitter and he seriously wants break up this time,.everyday he talks to me about that and fights with me I stop going to college .one day I made a suicide attempt and then 2 days after he started talking to me normally. soon again he started asking all those questions about the last guy I have been with, he asked very minute questions about the day and dates and he fighted with me everyday for that. there is a friend of mine who knows everything about my past ,in all these chaos,things got bitter between me and her and we stop talking. one day my husband talked to her and he asked everything about me and he got to know all about my past and he said that he took all the history of my chats ,apps and photos and asked me questions repeatedly and I told him everything completely without hiding anything. then things got messed up. I was really distressed, then my family got involved and things got very bitter, he told everything about my past to my mother. one day, they made me stop talking to him. he sent message to my sister in law and brother about my past, then my mother went to my husband's sister and told her that my husband is making a big mess not allowing me to go to internship and he has all our intimate pictures then things got Messed up more and he stopped talking to me. he was just asking me the 5 lakhs rupees he paid for me and then we stopped talking for about a week, I turned completely insane during that period and I sent him txt that I am not able to live without him .then we started talking, few days after he was okay with me going to the college then again he started fighting he was not ok with me to go to college. then we decided to get register married which a day later he denied.then I ran away from my house to him ,he received me and I was with him for 3 months we lived together for 3 months during which period he spoke really bad of me because of my past which I endured because I was really feeling guilty of my past and I thought I deserved it. he was asking even all those small personal things and he hurted me so much with his words which was mere verbal abuse ,meanwhile I got pregnant then he introduced me to his family and then we got married registered in front of our family. it was an inter religious marriage. all this time he controls me for every little thing like I should do this and I should do that which I did not take seriously then. now everything got secured my mom wanted me to complete my degree in my hometown because I was not able to complete it anywhere else but my husband was not ok with me going to my hometown to complete my degree because of my past things. I have financial things to take care of because of the money spent for my degree so I was thinking to make a deal either to finish my degree or I wanted my husband to give back the money that was spent for my degree because he said so but then later he started to humiliate my family for expecting money from me and he told that they we just see me as an investment to earn back the money they spent on me. But my family wanted me to complete the degree at the first place.this created a lot of arguments between me and him . Finally,one day my mom approach his family and she wanted me to come with her to complete my degree but my husband was not ok with it and I was still supporting him my mom told that she will die if I didn't complete my degree because that was all that she dreamed for me her entire life. then they sent me to my hometown with my mom to complete my degree. after coming here my husband did not talk to me for 2 days, then he texted me that he does not want to live with me. he told that I and my family were being fake and we were using him and we broke him into pieces and made him go through the pain which he did not deserve. I got really emotional and I told him that I wanted to go back to him. he told me that he will take me to him the next day that he will book a bus for me to reach back to him but he did not contact me the next day .then a day later he started making arguments again this time, he said that he wanted divorce from me because he cannot have a life with me .he told that he does not want to be in my life and our child's life, if I want he can give financial support for my child's growth. I denied the money and I told him that I am not willing for a divorce unless or otherwise he wants to marry another girl then he 3 hrs later, he sent a letter of intent to divorce and I did not reply for it .what should I do now?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As bad or hurtful as it may sound to you, you have simply thrown your life at the mercy of others. They have used you as a puppet only because you have given them permission to do so...past relationships and even now.
What you should do now is:
1. Ask an elder member (not your mother) of the family to intervene and talk to him and his side of the family to see if there is any scope for reconciliation. If there is, then your husband has got to stop playing these games of wanting you one day and then not wanting you the next. It's highly toxic to live with someone who trusts you for a moment and then asks you to prove your innocence the next moment. The two of you will need to get into Intensive Therapy as a couple to put things back together.
2. If there is no scope for reconciliation, please get a good lawyer who can secure the baby's future and yours.

Though you haven't asked me this, for your own good I suggest:
Please understand that no man is going to make you happy. So, depending on them despite the fact that can act toxic, is only draining you mentally and emotionally. Evaluate for yourself what you want from life besides being in relationships constantly. A break from it all will actually help you, you know. At least it will give you sense of how you can be by yourself and what you value the most in your life. Once you get past this stage, you will be stronger to draw boundaries and know how to enforce them. No one will be able to walk over you and you will be able to reclaim your identity.
You come first and your baby is going to need a strong mother raising them. So, step up NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Mar 20, 2025 | Answered on Apr 01, 2025
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At first he was hesitant to introduce me to his family because he was afraid what if his family members get to know my past, that would be awkward and disrespectful to me and him. But now after this argument and me coming back to my mom's home for studies, he revealed my past to his cousin brother and his wife. I feel embarrassed now. He has mentioned in the letter of intent to divorce that I was not being honest and transparent but there is no such thing in my life that he doesn't know about. My family, relationships, finance, childhood abuses, every single thing in my life. He has also mentioned that if I go back to him now, he will reconsider giving another chance to this relationship which is not possible because I have to finish my internship here to get my UG degree. He wants me to drop this degree and says he will take care of me and child but this degree is something I dreamed of my whole life which is like an eye to me. I did not reply to letter of intent to divorce then when he sent it to me via text it's been more than a week now, we haven't talked to each other till now. What should I do now!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How you want your life to be is in your hands. You seem to be focusing more on what he did in the hope that things will change. Now, whether he will change or not, is left for you to decide. But what you can change is the fact of how you seem to be allowing your life to played at the mercy of others. The day you stop this, that day you will end up respecting yourself and people will take you seriously. If you wish to study, should you not be able to do it? Does that have to be at the mercy of someone else? Does this not seem like a RED FLAG to you?
And oh, he talks of giving you another chance if you go back to him now? Seriously? He decides what to do with you and when...Does this all not feel like a huge weight on you? Take charge of your life; learn to LOVE yourself please...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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I am in a very difficult situation I am not getting what to do so I am writing you this mail for your suggestion. I was in love from 6years our love life was very good . We were very happy and promised to get married also but suddenly my boyfriend said we can’t marry because of his family issues so I accepted that with a big heart. He asked me to marry another guy I accepted that also. And after some days my marriage got fixed with another guy and I got married also. But soon after my marriage my boyfriend realised my love and started crying. He started calling me and soon after 2 days of my marriage he was continuously calling me and this created a very big problem. My husband saw his calls and msgs and started chatting with my boyfriend pretending to be me only. They both talked and my boyfriend told my husband everything about our past things. My husband got angry he started beating me getting angry on me started following me and due to all this he left me. After my husband left me I called my boyfriend and said: Now my husband left me so what to do. You are also not accepting me. My boyfriend said: I don't have anything to do with you I don't need you at all and plz go away from my life. Now I don’t know what to do. Can you plz help me or guide me.
Ans: Dear V, I can only imagine what you are going through.

One man (husband) judges your situation and as hard as it is for any person, it would have been great if he didn’t play peeping Tom and instead confronted you to work things out with you. And the other man (boyfriend) dumps you in sheer fright and runs for his life.

Do you seriously want to beg either of them for a place in their lives?

They have both displayed total lack of maturity! But in their defense, they have felt cheated and not known how to deal with the situation. BUT nothing justifies physical abuse…

I do work with couples to bring them together where it seems possible. Reconciliation with your husband is possible both of you choose that path. Involve a senior member from both sides of the family and bring it to a neutral place; shedding egos along the way.

Work with a Marriage Therapy expert who can then help you re-evaluate your priorities and put things in perspective.

Work as a team (if both of you want that) and rebuild the marriage. It might seem like a lot of work, but it’s possible…So, move in that direction if you see that glimmer of hope as well.

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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love me more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed also. We dont have kids because i never loved my husband. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured me that he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022, i used to communicate with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately, in Sept 2023, i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him, told i am not married, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me cheating with him in whatsapp messages, told me to not do. But still i went ahead to continue my relationship with this young guy and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. My parents and family love and respect my husband like their own son. I am doing correct or not please suggest me.
Ans: No you certainly are not “doing correct”! Here’s a good man who loves you and treats you well and has forgiven your indiscretions and still you want someone else? You agreed to marry, right - no one put a gun to your head. Now honour that commitment and stop being so fickle-minded. At 23, your boyfriend is really young and immature. Right now you’re all hot and heavy, but give it a minute; realistically your relationship is unlikely to survive in the long run. And you want to hurt your husband and walk out on your marriage for nothing…he’s only ever treated you right. Don’t be a fool!

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Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 16, 2025
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Dear Anu, Am Shilpa,36 years old.Got married to a friend in 2015.It was a love come arranged.Initially married life was going smooth.I was working before marriage and due to marriage and relocation , discontinued the job. After marriage i started new job even though my husband was against it.Some misunderstanding started between us slowly and most of the adjustments were done by me to avoid fights.After 2 years we were blessed with a baby boy and i had to reluctantly and was also forced to quit job to take care of our kid.And i agreed and things went smoothly again for 3 more years.I got busy with my motherhood. I felt my husband was happy and was changing for the happy family. But i was wrong, he had a physical relationship with his ex college friend. They used to have sex in hotels. They even had sex chats and used to share nude pictures . This broke my heart completely and was disturbed mentally. I wanted to enquire my husband with all the proofs in my hand.without the proof he would prove me mentally retarded women. Initially he asaulted and abused me for blaming on him.But when he knew abt the proofs, he accepted and apologised for his mistake and begged me not to take divorce only for the sake of our son.Even i dropped the idea of divorce thinking the future of our son.Later few months he acted as if he changed himself completely but he always had disrespect on me and my parents. I even suffered domestic violence once which shattered me into pieces. Even then he apologised me and forced me to drop the idea of divorce. I again started to adjust and compromise with my life only because of my kid and his good future as all elders advice. This adjustments continued for few more months.But once i saw his ex girlfriend calls and daughter pics in his mobile, i was again mentally disturbed and after thinking many times, i made up my mind and left him without explanning him . I packed all my luggage and came to my parents with my kid. Now i got a job in which i opted work from home so that i can concentrate on my kid and support myself financially. Am trying to move on but my true love towards him is making it difficult. Please advice me on this Anu mam. The step which i took is right ? After seperation he is harassing me to visit son and kidnapped him 2 times. I really don't want to share my son with him.Please advice what should I do.
Ans: Dear Shilpa,
You have done what you needed to in order to protect your child and your sanity. Your husband could never get over his affair and he possibly won't. He maybe never even tried...

I firmly suggest you go to the cops so that he does not try to take the child away...Also, have you thought about a legal separation? That will offer you and your child enough protection and it will stop his harassment. This is not an easy decision to make BUT what choice is he leaving you with? Kidnapping the child? If by kidnapping you mean that he takes away the child without informing you, please watch out and contact a lawyer. A BIG BIG RED FLAG...Act soon...

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Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8271 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2025

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Hello sir. I have invested Rs.1.00 lac in SBI Magnum Children's Benefit Fund- Investment Plan- Direct Plan - Growth. Actually I was planning to invest this amount in gold. However, after an intense inquiry and research from the Internet I decided to invest in SbI plan. Please let me know whether I did the best thing not opting for gold investment and investing in SBI Plan.
Ans: First of all, congratulations on taking the time to research and make an informed investment decision. That’s always the first step toward wealth creation. You’ve taken a thoughtful approach, and that is something to truly appreciate.

Let’s now evaluate your decision with a 360-degree view.

Why Choosing Mutual Funds Over Gold Can Be a Wise Decision

Gold is often used for preserving wealth, not creating it.

Over the long term, gold gives moderate returns.

Gold does not produce income or dividends.

It only grows based on price appreciation.

Mutual funds, especially equity-based ones, are better wealth creators.

They compound your money with professional fund management.

Equity funds outperform gold over long durations like 10–15 years.

Mutual funds are more aligned with long-term goals like child’s education or marriage.

Equity funds, though volatile in the short term, deliver better inflation-beating returns.

So yes, not choosing gold and opting for a fund is a better long-term move.

About SBI Magnum Children’s Benefit Fund – Investment Plan

This fund is not a typical diversified equity fund.

It is a hybrid fund meant for child-centric goals.

It has exposure to equity and debt.

Its goal is to provide long-term capital appreciation with some safety.

It’s structured with a lock-in for a few years.

This prevents premature withdrawal and keeps investments stable.

Suitable if your time horizon is long (8 to 10 years or more).

Also ideal if this money is for your child’s future education or marriage.

What This Fund Does Well

Offers equity upside with controlled risk.

Invests in equity (for growth) and debt (for safety).

Encourages long-term goal-based investing.

Limits withdrawal temptation with lock-in.

What You Should Be Aware Of

It may not perform as strongly as aggressive equity funds.

Returns may be moderate compared to pure equity funds.

Fund performance can vary depending on fund manager's strategy.

Lock-in means you can’t redeem early if needed.

Did You Make the Right Choice?

Yes, considering:

You had Rs 1 lakh and considered gold.

You switched to a goal-based mutual fund for children.

You moved from wealth preservation to wealth creation.

That’s a good decision for long-term financial planning.

You are now in a product with better potential and strategy.

Few Suggestions Going Forward

Don’t stop at just one-time investment.

Plan a monthly SIP if the goal is 5 years or more away.

Align it with a long-term goal like education or marriage.

Don’t redeem mid-way due to market dips.

Review this fund every year.

Check if it continues to match your goal and risk appetite.

Better Than Gold – Here’s Why

Gold gives no compounding; mutual funds do.

Gold is volatile during uncertain times.

It has storage issues and taxation headaches in physical form.

Mutual funds are digitally held and easy to manage.

Long-term gains in equity mutual funds are tax efficient.

For child goals, equity funds offer the best mix of returns and growth.

Final Insights

You’ve made a smart choice by avoiding gold and choosing a goal-based mutual fund.

Gold is emotional and traditional. Mutual funds are logical and long-term focused.

For children’s goals, equity-based hybrid funds are more aligned.

Just make sure you review it once every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

If you’re serious about this goal, continue investing more in small steps.

SIP is the best tool for building big wealth slowly and safely.

This one-time investment is a good start. But do plan further contributions.

Your money now has a higher chance of growing meaningfully.

And most importantly, it’s aligned with a real life goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8271 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2025

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Sir, I am 45 years old and want to invest in equity mutual funds. I have time horizon of 10 years . Can you suggest me some good funds in large cap category, IT sector theme fund, 1 or 2 small/midcap funds or any other fund you think would be good for long term. I want to start SIP of Rs 40000/- across 4 mutual funds.
Ans: Your intent to invest Rs 40,000 per month in equity mutual funds for 10 years is a strong move.

Your fund choices across large-cap, IT sector, and mid/small-cap categories are sensible.

Let’s look at how to structure this investment efficiently.

Investment Objective Assessment

You have a long-term vision.

Ten years is a healthy horizon for equity.

SIP is the right approach.

Rs 40,000 monthly is a good contribution.

Your Ideal Asset Allocation Strategy

Diversify across categories.

Blend large-cap, sectoral, and mid/small-cap funds.

Avoid putting too much in one theme.

This lowers risk and boosts consistency.

Large-Cap Mutual Fund (Rs 14,000/month)

These funds invest in stable, top companies.

Ideal for long-term wealth growth.

Less volatile than mid/small-cap funds.

Good for capital preservation with growth.

IT Sector Fund (Rs 6,000/month)

IT sector can give high returns.

But it’s highly cyclical and sector-dependent.

Limit allocation to protect from volatility.

Use as a return booster, not a core.

Mid and Small-Cap Funds (Rs 14,000/month)

These funds carry high growth potential.

But they are more volatile and risky.

Suitable for your long-term horizon.

Split the allocation between mid and small caps.

Keep an eye on market trends regularly.

Flexi Cap or Multi Cap Fund (Rs 6,000/month)

This gives you market-wide exposure.

Fund manager picks across market segments.

Offers balance and flexibility in returns.

Helps when market cycles shift.

Avoid Direct Mutual Funds for Long-Term SIPs

Direct funds miss advisor insights.

You might make emotional, untimely exits.

They lack personalisation and professional guidance.

Regular plans via a CFP-MFD give strategy support.

Expert monitoring helps long-term discipline.

Stay Away from Index Funds

Index funds don’t beat the market.

They lack fund manager expertise.

No downside protection in falling markets.

Actively managed funds aim to outperform indices.

They adapt during market changes.

Review Your Plan Regularly

Review performance every year.

Rebalance based on life changes.

Switch underperforming funds if needed.

A Certified Financial Planner will guide you.

Monitoring is as important as starting.

Taxation Aspects You Must Know

Equity mutual funds have two tax rules.

Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh: taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains: taxed at 20%.

Holding for 10 years is tax efficient.

Stay invested to maximise post-tax returns.

Emergency Fund Planning Before SIPs

Keep at least 6 months of expenses saved.

Don’t invest this in mutual funds.

Use liquid funds or bank deposits.

This protects your SIPs during emergencies.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan Later

After 10 years, use SWP for income.

It gives tax-efficient regular withdrawals.

Avoid lump sum exits.

Plan withdrawal strategy 1-2 years before maturity.

Should You Include Sectoral Funds Beyond IT?

Sectoral funds are risky.

Don’t add too many of them.

You already plan IT sector exposure.

Focus more on diversified equity.

This improves overall stability.

Insurance and Health Coverage Are Essential

Review your term plan now.

Make sure it covers all your liabilities.

Have health cover for your family.

Don’t rely only on employer policy.

Your SIP Distribution Suggestion (Rs 40,000)

Large Cap Fund: Rs 14,000

IT Sector Fund: Rs 6,000

Mid Cap Fund: Rs 7,000

Small Cap Fund: Rs 7,000

Flexi or Multi Cap Fund: Rs 6,000

Strategy to Add More SIPs Yearly

Increase SIP by 10% annually.

This boosts compounding significantly.

You’ll reach bigger goals faster.

Link SIP increase to your salary hike.

Final Insights

Your investment plan is smart and timely.

Your SIP amount and time horizon are ideal.

Diversify smartly across fund types.

Avoid direct plans; take regular funds via CFP.

Stay away from index funds and too many sector bets.

Review your plan yearly with your Certified Financial Planner.

Tax efficiency and goal focus are key to success.

Your long-term wealth is built step by step.

A clear path and steady discipline will help you achieve it.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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