Hi Anu, 10+yrs of marriage with 9yr child. I am working and all financial burden is on me.
I shifted separately from in-laws' house due to financial constraints and expectations.
Though elder-in-law, my in-laws didn't try to stop our decision to move separately despite knowing that my hubby doesn't earn a single penny.
They expected and I had to share financial expenses with my marginal income 10 years ago.
After 5 years, we moved nearby and purchased our own house very little help from in-laws. I took loan and managed the rest with help from my family and friends.
In between a lot happened. My father-in-law expired and my mother-in-law is a cancer patient.
My mother-in-law started expecting from my hubby and me, probably because her younger son shifted with her family.
She didn't want to live with them due to differences with her wife.
She complained to my husband that we are not good enough to take care of her.
I already had a lot of burden from office so I told my husband to take care of our child as well for sometime.
He was quite depressed and frustrated with his inability to earn. Already lot of my hard-earned money has been put in his work n wasted.
Now, the real problem during these difficult times began when we started fighting. I had lot of office stress and after mother in law complained, she shifted with her other son. At times, I got frustrated with my child also due to the whole mess, financial burden.
I felt like all my hard earned money was wasted due to office stress and my hubby's irresponsible behaviour. He did not even take care of my child’s studies.
He started watching porn... I saw him twice and even warned him. My husband started cheating on me with our maid.
He did it when he was stressed because I was not able to give him time. I confronted him and since then it has been an emotional trauma. I am yet to accept it. 9 months have been passed.
We decided on certain things but I couldn’t accept it..
Due to our emotional bond, I gave him another chance... During that time he accepted and was ready to leave everything and wanted me to be happy.
He said he committed a big mistake but recently I found he called that b**ch later.
When I confronted him he said he’d advised not to come home in front of his family members.
I decided it would be best for him to move out and work from another place. My MIL was living with me but then I felt it too much at times.. now somewhat even my child has emotionally detached from him. It’s the same with him as we've been staying separately from 7 months. He visited 3 times during puja and other needs.
I feel emotionally detached and I can’t digest the family situation.
Sometimes I feel it's difficult to find the courage to avoid all and live alone.
What's the point in living in a marriage for sake of it without having any emotional, physical, financial dependency or security?
I am 39 and earn a decent salary at this moment. But I am not sure of my future as I work in a private firm.
I am worried about my child’s education, old age, financial insecurity and burden.
I haven’t been able to save much because of our financial liabilities and husband’s investments in businesses that never materialised.
Before this incident, my husband supported me in my career and also to bring up our child. But what happened is too much and unexpected.
Any suggestions?