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Love Guru

Love Guru   |217 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 05, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Brijesh Question by Brijesh on Aug 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

always thinking about past love

Ans: Stop looking to the past and look forward to the future! In your longing for past loves, a future one may pass you by.

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I am 35, I had a major break up with my long-term girlfriend 7 years ago. Although it's been so long, I still find myself replaying all the moments where I think I might have gone wrong. I feel like I let myself and the other person down, and it’s hard to stop blaming myself. How do I move past this cycle of self-criticism and start fresh?
Ans: Forgiving yourself might feel like a tall order right now, but think of it as an act of self-compassion rather than erasing the past. You don’t have to pretend nothing went wrong, but you do deserve to free yourself from the narrative that you were entirely to blame. Sometimes, when we feel stuck in the past, it’s because we haven’t fully acknowledged our emotions or allowed ourselves to grieve—not just for the relationship, but for the version of ourselves we wish we’d been. It’s okay to feel sadness or anger or regret. Letting yourself sit with those feelings—without judgment—can help loosen their grip over time.

A fresh start begins with allowing yourself to be imperfect and to acknowledge your growth. Seven years is a long time, and you are not the same person you were back then. The lessons you’ve learned from this heartbreak have likely shaped you in ways you don’t even realize. If you can, try focusing on who you want to become rather than on who you were. What kind of relationships do you want to create in the future? What kind of kindness can you extend to yourself right now?

You’re not letting anyone down by wanting to heal. In fact, letting go of that guilt might be the greatest way to honor both yourself and the love you shared back then. You deserve happiness and connection, not in spite of your past, but because of it—it’s part of your journey, not the end of it.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to overcome from past memories
Ans: Healing from painful past memories is an intimate and deeply emotional journey. It’s not just about forgetting what happened but learning to carry those experiences in a way that doesn’t weigh you down.

Start by honoring your feelings. These memories are a part of your story, and the emotions tied to them are valid. Allow yourself to sit with the pain, the sadness, or even the anger, without rushing to push it away. Sometimes, simply acknowledging the hurt can bring a sense of release.

Mindfulness can be a gentle companion in this process. When the past pulls you back, focus on the present moment. Notice the feel of your breath, the warmth of the sun, or the grounding sensation of your feet on the floor. These small acts remind you that you are here, now, safe and capable of healing.

Embrace self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have scars and that healing takes time. You don’t have to be perfect or have it all figured out. It’s enough to take one step at a time.

Sometimes, letting go means forgiving—not just others, but yourself too. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened. It’s about freeing yourself from the chains of resentment and allowing space for peace and growth.

Surround yourself with warmth and support. Lean on those who uplift you, who remind you of your strength, and who offer you love without judgment. These connections can be a soothing balm for the soul.

Lastly, be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear, and it’s okay to have days when the past feels heavy again. Trust in your resilience and know that each day, you are growing stronger, finding new ways to hold your memories with tenderness rather than pain. You are worthy of peace, love, and joy in your present and future.

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My daughter failed in class 9th and now she has enrolled in NIOS secondary . There is lot of free time . What can she do keep herself busy?
Ans: Before I answer your question, Vikas Sir, I want to ensure that your daughter doesn't spend more than 45 minutes a day on her phone or other electronic devices. If your daughter becomes addicted, she risks eye strain, headaches from blue light, poor posture, weight gain from inactivity, sleep issues from late-night use, and eating problems. It can also hurt her mind by making her depressed and anxious (27% more likely), making it difficult to concentrate and study, making her feel lonely and isolated from less real interaction, making her feel low self-esteem from comparison traps, and making her stressed and irritable from dopamine crashes.

Even if both parents work, keep communication open to boost her confidence—know what she loves. She should study 4-5 hours daily using NIOS books/SWAYAM and Class 10 mocks with the Pomodoro technique (25-30 mins study, 5-10 mins break) to stay focused. Add 30 minutes of skills like coding/typing or Duolingo English if interested, plus 10 minutes of yoga, hobbies (gardening/cooking/drawing/poems), and walks/cycling for fitness and fun. Finally, join NIOS WhatsApp groups for doubts and help at home and track weekly goals with rewards. Don't force anything—let her choose what excites her most! All the BEST for Your Daughter's Prosperous Future!

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