Can't let go of my past mistakes. How can I move on after 7 years? (Desperate 35 year old)

Ans: Forgiving yourself might feel like a tall order right now, but think of it as an act of self-compassion rather than erasing the past. You don’t have to pretend nothing went wrong, but you do deserve to free yourself from the narrative that you were entirely to blame. Sometimes, when we feel stuck in the past, it’s because we haven’t fully acknowledged our emotions or allowed ourselves to grieve—not just for the relationship, but for the version of ourselves we wish we’d been. It’s okay to feel sadness or anger or regret. Letting yourself sit with those feelings—without judgment—can help loosen their grip over time.

A fresh start begins with allowing yourself to be imperfect and to acknowledge your growth. Seven years is a long time, and you are not the same person you were back then. The lessons you’ve learned from this heartbreak have likely shaped you in ways you don’t even realize. If you can, try focusing on who you want to become rather than on who you were. What kind of relationships do you want to create in the future? What kind of kindness can you extend to yourself right now?

You’re not letting anyone down by wanting to heal. In fact, letting go of that guilt might be the greatest way to honor both yourself and the love you shared back then. You deserve happiness and connection, not in spite of your past, but because of it—it’s part of your journey, not the end of it.