Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |260 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I am in 6 years relationship with my girlfriend. Recently I don't feel the vibes with my girlfriend. She judges me a lot in each aspect, I can adjust upto certain limits, but she other 3-4 days finds a reason to get upset about me. We patch up only if I win her over , this has happened a couple of 100 times. Please suggest, I am getting this feeling that I must chase something better. I have talked with her , that if she doesn't like me then marry other guy. She says, it's my decision, you don't teach me anything. After few days she becomes normal. What should I do , I m confused.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are facing these problems. First of all, the spark fizzling out in a relationship is very normal, especially in a long-term relationship. You have two options-

One- tell her about your concerns. The fact that the constant quarrels bother you should be expressed in words. You can't assume that your partner will get it by herself. After having a clear discussion about the same, both of you can put equal effort into bringing back the initial spark. Try spending more quality time, pursue some shared hobbies, learn to problem-solve without getting into a heated fight, and more.

Two- you can reconsider this relationship. Once you have tried everything from your end to make things better and tried to reason with your partner but she is still keeping up the same temperament or you are still facing the same issues, you are allowed to rethink your choice to be with her. It's okay to put yourself first once in a while. It is a relationship today; tomorrow it will be a marriage and if things are still not going great, both of you might end up regretting it.

But before going to the second option, try the first.

Best Wishes.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, I have been going through your column on rediff for some time and I feel you will be able to help me out. I want your advice on my relationship with my girlfriend. We have been in the relationship for 3 years now. I love her a lot and see a future with her. But there are some issues. I think she has some mental health issues. I could never judge in what mood she is in. I look forward everyday to the time we talk or spend together but most often after the meet/ talk I feel low. She almost never misses to find mistakes in everything I do and she blames it on my immaturity since she is 3.5 years elder to me (I am 29). Very rarely I do find out eventually that her judgment was right but most often I feel in all sense she is irrational and I think I am correct. This has taken an emotional toll on me. Now I do not feel like sharing thoughts and things with her because of the fights and emotional toll that I would have to face. I love her a lot and it seems like she too does but might be, I am wrong. I tried breaking up with her thrice. But every time because of some or other urgency or work-related stuff when we reconnect we fall back deeply in love. We are in same field but different organization. I was earlier in the same organisation but she left as she got a better offer. It makes sense to me but sometimes I do feel she could have stayed in same organization). She has been asking me to marry her, but all these things stated above makes me nervous what might be in future if I do marry her. As I take time to think it out she puts it as if I never wanted to marry her. I seek your advice.
Ans:

Dear GP,

A healthy relationship is one where both individuals help each other grow and thrive.

Pointing out the other’s inadequacies can be detrimental to their emotional health.

You keep walking on egg shells around her and have started to keep things away from her for fear of her rebuke and complaints.

How is this healthy when you can’t share your thoughts with your partner? This will become a habit and not a very good one for sure.

Also, age does not define whether one can boss around or not.

She certainly maybe right in most cases, but there is a way to convey the same thing to you.

Love and calmness in communication can actually transform everything and everyone provided the intent is there.

Marriage under these circumstances can be stressful for you.

So I do suggest that the two of you have an honest talk and when she knows how you feel and how keeping things away from her has become your coping mechanism, I do feel she might be able to see the situation in a new light.

Also, things that you might have misinterpreted about her may also surface.

So, please have that necessary talk without wasting anymore time. It will give you good perspectives to work from.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu, my girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 4 years in a live-in relationship. Before that we were good friends and she's 3 years elder to me. There came a situation that she was depressed due to something and I was supporting her which she thought as my love. We started this relationship although there was no serious commitment from my side.We had a good relationship, good moments. She paid my bills all the time even when I insisted, but there were lots of fights.I feel she never understood me or anything I said or my thought process. I don't think I really love her, because there is no spark and tried ending it many times.In frustration I even started looking for other people so that maybe I can come out of it but she would find out and make me stay with her with some or other reason.She's a very polite and sweet person and I don't want to be hurting her. She's asking me to marry her which is making me nervous. What do I do ?
Ans:

Dear A,

Kindly as yourself: what was the Live-in relationship?

Was it a relationship for her and not for you?

I really don’t understand what you mean by: She thought of your support as Love and that you were not serious commitment from your side.

It’s possible when you both were in a Live-in arrangement, she would have considered this as a relationship and become serious about it.

Since now it has gotten into a marriage stage for her, please respect her mind space and have a serious talk about this.

Take consideration of her feelings when you convey yours.

This is going to take some effort as you ease her into a space where she understands where you are in this connection.

Getting into another relationship for a distraction might not be a great idea; so do spend some time very amicably closing this one where the two of you can be mature about this.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu, my girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 4 years in a live-in relationship. Before that we were good friends and she's 3 years elder to me. There came a situation that she was depressed due to something and I was supporting her which she thought as my love. We started this relationship although there was no serious commitment from my side.We had a good relationship, good moments. She paid my bills all the time even when I insisted, but there were lots of fights.I feel she never understood me or anything I said or my thought process. I don't think I really love her, because there is no spark and tried ending it many times.In frustration I even started looking for other people so that maybe I can come out of it but she would find out and make me stay with her with some or other reason.She's a very polite and sweet person and I don't want to be hurting her. She's asking me to marry her which is making me nervous. What do I do ?
Ans:

Dear A,

Kindly as yourself: what was the Live-in relationship?

Was it a relationship for her and not for you?

I really don’t understand what you mean by: She thought of your support as Love and that you were not serious commitment from your side.

It’s possible when you both were in a Live-in arrangement, she would have considered this as a relationship and become serious about it.

Since now it has gotten into a marriage stage for her, please respect her mind space and have a serious talk about this.

Take consideration of her feelings when you convey yours.

This is going to take some effort as you ease her into a space where she understands where you are in this connection.

Getting into another relationship for a distraction might not be a great idea; so do spend some time very amicably closing this one where the two of you can be mature about this.

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x